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Challenge: Can the Lit conzos do better? This is a literary site after all, it has "Lit" in the name.
20 Things Conservatives Have Compared Homosexuality To
http://hypervocal.com/news/2012/20-conservative-comparisons-homosexuality-lgbt/
Social conservatives like to say that the fight against marriage equality is more about protecting the sanctity of marriage than discriminating against gay people. But their words belie their true motivations.
Over the past few years, these crusaders have unfavorably compared homosexuality to things like bestiality, termites, alcoholism, the iceberg that sunk the Titanic, killer snails, even ice cream. It’s like the most bizarre SAT test ever taken. After this latest odd analogy — Troy, Michigan’s darling mayor comparing homosexuality to smoking cigarettes — we thought we’d round up some of the more bizarre associations in one place.
• Cigarette smoking: Troy Mayor Janice Daniels told a Detroit radio host this week, “I said that I would bring a doctor into a meeting that would say that the homosexual lifestyle is dangerous … Had I been with a group of smokers I might have said I would like to bring a doctor into this meeting to say that smoking is dangerous.”
• Ice cream: The Sun-Sentinel quoted Rep. Allen West as saying that sexuality is a behavior and ‘people can change their sexual behavior.’ When asked if gays should change theirs, he replied, “No. I like chocolate chip ice cream and I will continue to like chocolate chip ice cream. So there’s no worry about me changing to vanilla.”
• Alcoholism: “Even if an alcoholic is powerless over alcohol once it enters his body, he still makes a choice to drink,” said Rick Perry in his first book On My Honor. “And, even if someone is attracted to a person of the same sex, he or she still makes a choice to engage in sexual activity with someone of the same gender.” That’s one way to run away from the rumors.
• Slavery: If same-sex marriage were to be legalized, it would be on the same level as legalizing slavery in the eyes of Britain’s most senior Catholic, Cardinal Keith O’Brien.
• The iceberg that sunk the Titanic: Truth in Action Ministries produced a whole film around this central theme: “The moral iceberg is ripping a hole through structure of America and we’re taking on water.”
• Terrorism: Republican State Rep. Sally Kern said homosexuality is actually *more* dangerous than terrorism: “Studies show that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than, you know, a few decades. So it’s the death knell of this country. I honestly think it’s the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam, which I think is a big threat.” For further proof, ask Bill O’Reilly:
• Killer snails: Danish politician Birthe Rønn Hornbech explained, “Apart from the killer snail and a few other species, the world consists of males and females, and that is why the world still exists.” Interestingly, Denmark was the first country in the world to legalize same-sex unions in 1989.
• Sexual abuse: Bryan Fischer, subject of a New Yorker profile this week, said allowing gay couples to adopt would be a form of sexual abuse.
• The Ku Klux Klan: Everybody loves a parade? Not Chicago’s Cardinal Francis George. He compared the gay pride parade to the KKK, saying “One such organization is the Ku Klux Klan which, well into the 1940s, paraded through American cities not only to interfere with Catholic worship but also to demonstrate that Catholics stand outside of the American consensus.”
• Hitler: As in defeating the gays is like defeating the craziest sociopath sonofabitch ever, argued Brad Dacus, an official Prop 8 spokesperson at a rally in support of the California ban in 2008.
• Cancer: A high school teacher in New Jersey, who also leads the student prayer group, The Seekers Fellowship, ranted on her Facebook wall about how homosexuality is a contagious condition that ‘breeds like cancer.’
• Drug dealers: Georgia State Rep. Bobby Franklin, a man who calls himself ‘the conscience of the Republican Caucus,’ wasn’t such a big fan of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal: “But do you want an unrepentant drug dealer in the military? Same thing,” he said.
• Being chased by an elephant: At least that’s what the publishers of Chased by an Elephant, the Gospel Truth about Today’s Stampeding Sexuality believe. Nice trunk.
• Barbarians that need to be educated: That’s according to Rep. Michele Bachmann’s husband, Marcus: “We have to understand: barbarians need to be educated. They need to be disciplined. Just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to go down that road.” Surely he wants to be in charge of that discipline.
• Termites: And not just termites, but termites burrowing into the Democratic Party. Technically this belongs on a list of its own, because this isn’t a social conservative speaking, this is a Democratic Party county chairman. In Texas. Say hello, Dan Ramos:
• Tea Party and Nazi Party: Okay, same guy! Dan Ramos again: “I liken them to the Tea Party — the Tea Party and the fucking Nazi Party — because they’re 90 percent white, blue-eyed, and Anglo, and I don’t give a fuck who knows that. Just like the blacks … they’re American, but you can’t get your way just because you’re black.” By the way, he refused to apologize.
• Adultery and drunkenness: At least during Gay Pride Month, says Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, who somehow manages to land on cable news almost nightly despite being an open bigot in a religious man’s clothing. “Now, I have not yet seen where they have declared Adultery Pride Month, I have not seen where they have declared the Drunkenness Pride Month,” he said. Those would make for fun parades.
• Rape and prostitution: Well, that’s according to a Polish teaching guide for nursing and midwifery students. Worst. Multiple choice test. Ever.
• A whole slew of crimes: “Being gay is like murder, stealing, lying or cheating and they will go to hell,” wrote middle-school social studies teacher Jack Conkling, who you may have guessed is also an evangelical Christian.
• A whole slew of bad people: According to whoever transcribed a little-read book called The Bible, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10: “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”
Who’s next? What else is even possible? Let’s hear it.
Slade Sohmer is co-founder and editor-in-chief of the HyperVocal network. Tweet him with the ones he missed @SladeHV.