2 + 1 = 4?....Some of the Concerns of Additional Partners.

[catalina_francisco]

We have played with others on a minimal scale (with and without sex involved) and will likely do so again in the future and with both genders, whereas up to now it has only been by adding another male. As usual, my mind looks at various scenarios and the things that can go wrong or happen unexpectedly, even those that have no chance of happening for us, and how that may be dealt with and affect the primary relationship.

One of the many issues I wonder about is if the third is a female and by some chance of fate she became pregnant from the relationship, where would that lead? Do other subs feel they could accept the child? Would it harm the relationship with their Dominant? Would the Dominant be financially responsible, play a significant part in the child's life? How would that work? Would the original sub feel bound to step aside and let the new sub and child form as a family with the Dominant?

What do Dominants see as their role in this scenario if it happened to them? Would they want things to change? Would they feel trapped? What if another male were involved and the female sub became pregnant? Would it matter to the sub or Dominant whose child it was? Would it harm the primary relationship? How would you deal with these events and more?Has anyone had to deal with these issuaes and care to share? Are there any other situations anyone cares to introduce to discuss here?

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

We have played with others on a minimal scale (with and without sex involved) and will likely do so again in the future and with both genders, whereas up to now it has only been by adding another male. As usual, my mind looks at various scenarios and the things that can go wrong or happen unexpectedly, even those that have no chance of happening for us, and how that may be dealt with and affect the primary relationship.

One of the many issues I wonder about is if the third is a female and by some chance of fate she became pregnant from the relationship, where would that lead? Do other subs feel they could accept the child? Would it harm the relationship with their Dominant? Would the Dominant be financially responsible, play a significant part in the child's life? How would that work? Would the original sub feel bound to step aside and let the new sub and child form as a family with the Dominant?

What do Dominants see as their role in this scenario if it happened to them? Would they want things to change? Would they feel trapped? What if another male were involved and the female sub became pregnant? Would it matter to the sub or Dominant whose child it was? Would it harm the primary relationship? How would you deal with these events and more?Has anyone had to deal with these issuaes and care to share? Are there any other situations anyone cares to introduce to discuss here?

Catalina

Catalina, I think you spend too much time thinking when Francisco isn't home. *big hug*

This, plus some religious reasons, is why K and I are in a monogomous(sp?) relationship. There are too many problems that you are letting in when you add other people to a relationship.

With us, and I'm comfortable talking for him here, I know that K would take responsibility for the child, but that he would stay with me and our children too. Regardless of the circumstances if the child were his, then it's his responsibility. You play you pay. If you're not prepared to pay consequences for your actions, then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Cause nothing in life certain, especially when it comes to babies.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: 2 + 1 = 4?....Some of the Concerns of Additional Partners.

Catalina, I think you spend too much time thinking when Francisco isn't home. *big hug*

This, plus some religious reasons, is why K and I are in a monogomouse relationship. There are too many problems that you are letting in when you add other people to a relationship.

With us, and I'm comfortable talking for him here, I know that K would take responsibility for the child, but that he would stay with me and our children too. Regardless of the circumstances if the child were his, then it's his responsibility. You play you pay. If you're not prepared to pay consequences for your actions, then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Cause nothing in life certain, especially when it comes to babies.

LOL, no this is normal for me....actually have been going to post it for some months but never seem to get the right time and frame of mind. Thanks for your ideas and I agree nothing is ever predictable no matter how careful you may be.

Catalina

 

[dolf]

wow! that is a BIG question

i suppose it's something that the individuals involved should consider before playing but, saying that, these things are often the last thing on our minds...

i guess it would be different for everyone
xx

 

[sunfox]

I wouldn't be okay with it in any way, shape, or form. C and I don't share, though, and we like our relationship dynamic the way it is.

The complications of a third, even temporarily, can have lasting effects on a relationship, and that's something neither of us is willing to risk. For health reasons as well as for concerns about incidents such as Catalina listed above.

But I am interested to see what others will say to the subject.

 

[catalina_francisco]

wow! that is a BIG question

i suppose it's something that the individuals involved should consider before playing but, saying that, these things are often the last thing on our minds...

i guess it would be different for everyone
xx

I always get told I think too much, but I like to be prepared or at least as prepared as you can be, rather than caught completely off guard.....and though some of these things will never be an issue for us, it is still good to think about, speculate, test the emotions. Yes, I'm strange!! I think you are right though, it is often the last thing on people's minds in the moment...part of why I thought it worth thinking about and discussing.

Catalina

 

[ownedsubgal]

wow Catalina, good topic.

i must admit, i never really think about such scenarios. my main concern when others will be involved, is that my service to that other person will please my Master. or if the other person were a female, i'd be concerned that he would find us both pleasing. sometimes i do worry about STDs, since i would never want to make my Master ill. as for pregnancy, if i am on birth control, as i usually am, that does not cross my mind.

i can say with certainty that if i were to become pregnant by another, my Master would arrange for me to have an abortion. if he were to get another girl pregnant, i do not know what would happen, but i am sure that abortion would be discussed as the most sensible option. but as we both use protection with other people, and i am usually on birth control, the chances of this happening are not that great. there was an incident where i became pregnant and we originally believed another man was the father, but after visiting the doctor and finding out just how far along i was to the day, we learned it was my Master who had gotten me pregnant. but for various reasons, abortion is the route we would have gone regardless.

 

[graceanne]

I always get told I think too much, but I like to be prepared or at least as prepared as you can be, rather than caught completely off guard.....and though some of these things will never be an issue for us, it is still good to think about, speculate, test the emotions. Yes, I'm strange!! I think you are right though, it is often the last thing on people's minds in the moment...part of why I thought it worth thinking about and discussing.

Catalina

Actually i would worry about things like this too if K and I weren't monogomous. That's also the kind of person I am. If I'm going to do something I think about all the possible repercussions, so that I'm prepared come what may. That quite frankly is part of the 'you play you pay' thing. Whenever you do something you should consider what could happen, so that you are prepared to pay the consequences if need be. It's right up there with 'look before you jump' and all that.

 

[FungiUg]

[...]One of the many issues I wonder about is if the third is a female and by some chance of fate she became pregnant from the relationship, where would that lead? [...] What do Dominants see as their role in this scenario if it happened to them?

Er, yeah. Uhuh, uhuh. Yup.

Safe sex. Safety from STDs and pregnancies. I learned that one the hard way (and have a five year old son to prove it.)

The only time I could envisage that as a real issue is if I were in a permanent threesome, and none of us were playing with other people. Then we could relax the safe sex rules. And there's this lovely little thing called "the snip" (vasectomy) which would sort that out.

And if those two women manage to make each other pregnant... well, I can always sell the story rights to CNN and that should more than pay for the children's upbringing.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: 2 + 1 = 4?....Some of the Concerns of Additional Partners.

Er, yeah. Uhuh, uhuh. Yup.

Safe sex. Safety from STDs and pregnancies. I learned that one the hard way (and have a five year old son to prove it.)

The only time I could envisage that as a real issue is if I were in a permanent threesome, and none of us were playing with other people. Then we could relax the safe sex rules. And there's this lovely little thing called "the snip" (vasectomy) which would sort that out.

And if those two women manage to make each other pregnant... well, I can always sell the story rights to CNN and that should more than pay for the children's upbringing.

LOL, hmmmm, well my theory is there is safer sex and there is birth control, but neither are proven to be 100% reliable which is why they say the only really safe method is no sex.....thus the opportunity still exists unless like you say someone has the snip ( my own safety valve as far as pregnancy goes), and remembering it has to happen before the said event and not after.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

No, safe sex isn't 100% reliable, true. You are such a worry wart!

I'd suggest if you are seriously concerned and you plan to take up threesomes as a regular event, or even just be open to the possibility, a vasectomy would be a good idea. Just makes things a lot easier.

And as you say, get it done ahead of time.

From my own experience with threesomes, it's never been an issue. The women are using some form of contraception, and I use condoms.

 

[catalina_francisco]

No, safe sex isn't 100% reliable, true. You are such a worry wart!

I'd suggest if you are seriously concerned and you plan to take up threesomes as a regular event, or even just be open to the possibility, a vasectomy would be a good idea. Just makes things a lot easier.

And as you say, get it done ahead of time.

From my own experience with threesomes, it's never been an issue. The women are using some form of contraception, and I use condoms.

LOL, I don't think wilkd horses would get him to do that and not sure I would want him to. Don't see us getting into it on a regular basis if at all, but these things are reality.

Catalina

 

[Shadowsdream]

My slave and I have considered a twist of this pregnancy scenerio many times over the years that he has been Mine. he being so much younger may at some time crave a child that is in his image as many do.
Now comes the big IF

If he and a fem sub I owned became enraptured and in love and wanted to have a child together yet both still remain Mine I would allow such a pregnancy and be 100% supportive of both them and their child.

Hypotheticals generally make good food for thought.

 

[dolf]

contraception...lol, i have two kids from that one!

condoms split, pills and morning after pills can fail...it's ALWAYS worth considering how you would cope with a pregnancy before you sleep with someone

 

[FungiUg]

LOL, I don't think wilkd horses would get him to do that and not sure I would want him to.

Well then, go for women using contraception and men using condoms. Any baby resulting from that combination DESERVES to be born!

 

[catalina_francisco]

My slave and I have considered a twist of this pregnancy scenerio many times over the years that he has been Mine. he being so much younger may at some time crave a child that is in his image as many do.
Now comes the big IF

If he and a fem sub I owned became enraptured and in love and wanted to have a child together yet both still remain Mine I would allow such a pregnancy and be 100% supportive of both them and their child.

Hypotheticals generally make good food for thought.

That is one instance where I could see it working well if all concerned had the same vision..and yes, I like hypotheticals to spark the mind and emotions.

Catalina

 

[ownedsubgal]

what about an incurable STD, like herpes, or even HIV? Catalina, do you ever think about what you or Francisco would do in that scenario? for me that has always been a far greater worry than pregnancy, as one can always have an abortion, but HIV...there is nothing you can do about that.

 

[FungiUg]

Herpes is actually really common. Apparently 10% of people have it in one form or another. Those forms are:

Shingles
Cold sores (HSV type-2)
Full blown genital herpes (HSV type-1)

It can be contracted from someone who shows NO visible signs. Honest. And it can be contracted from someone who doesn't even know they have it.

Scary, huh?

The most common variety is the HSV type-2, and you'll often hear that referred to as "the kissing disease". Kids inherit it from their parents and so on. Commonly it's a cold sore around the mouth, treatable with an anti-viral creme or pill.

Once you have it, you can't get rid of it. And one in ten people already have it.

Scares the willies out of me! However, it's a risk I take for not going insane from sexual boredom. And it's another reason I prefer long term partners over one night stands.

AIDS, thankfully, is way less transferrable. I've no temptation to do blood play, but if I did decide to go there, I'd want the person to be recently vetted for HIV and hepatitis. And I'd recommend latex gloves, masks, etc.

 

[catalina_francisco]

what about an incurable STD, like herpes, or even HIV? Catalina, do you ever think about what you or Francisco would do in that scenario? for me that has always been a far greater worry than pregnancy, as one can always have an abortion, but HIV...there is nothing you can do about that.

Definately, and it has been discussed often here. It concerns me many do not realise herpes can be transferred during oral sex from a partner with no visible signs. Like FU says, it is all a chance you have to decide whether to take or not and try to take precautions for as much as possible. I even go so far as to think of the possible future STD's which like HIV/AIDS before it was known, were not even considered a risk as yet. What if a disease developed that was contracted much more easily such as hand contact or breathing the same air? Is it really possible to guard ourselves against all possibilities....even monogoaous and/or married partners have been the unsuspecting recipient of such infections. I think perhaps if I were younger and had a full life ahead of me I would have to think a lot differently and worry a lot more.

Catalina

 

[BlueSugar]

One of the many issues I wonder about is if the third is a female and by some chance of fate she became pregnant from the relationship, where would that lead? Do other subs feel they could accept the child? Would it harm the relationship with their Dominant? Would the Dominant be financially responsible, play a significant part in the child's life? How would that work? Would the original sub feel bound to step aside and let the new sub and child form as a family with the Dominant?

What do Dominants see as their role in this scenario if it happened to them? Would they want things to change? Would they feel trapped? What if another male were involved and the female sub became pregnant? Would it matter to the sub or Dominant whose child it was? Would it harm the primary relationship? How would you deal with these events and more?Has anyone had to deal with these issuaes and care to share? Are there any other situations anyone cares to introduce to discuss here?

Catalina

I can't help but feel responsible for this one for some odd reason

Aside from all the precoutions, everything we do isn't 100% except abstinance - but lets be realistic... we're only human. Pregnancy happens.
There is only so much security gained from birth control chemically or mechanically. Those methods used depend on the person.

This is really delicate, and about as situational as it is personal. It depends on the people at hand. The outcomes will vary.

Personally. If we got a third pregnant, her wants will reflect her morals. And M's wants will reflect his.

If I was the third I would want some help with the hospital bills possibly, but understand that through my actions I became pregnant and people survive pregnancy it wasn't AIDs and such.

I would not demand anything of the seed provider until neccessary. A baby is a bonding contract in itself, and due to that I would ask if he could remain in my life for the child's sake. What he does for a mate his is decision. I would not demand marriage or even going through the steps of introducing him to the entire family. I hope we could remain friends actually, for the child's sake.
I don't want to impose on his relationships or ask him to babysit. If he wants to take the child out and do fatherly things bc he feels a bond then fine. But I'd like to hope that I would remain realistic with the child and his/her questions.


I personally, do not plan for children or marriage... so I suppose I'm a special case.
I take my precoutions but remain realistic of my consequences.

I'd like to say I don't worry about pregnancy ... but its a lie. I do worry about it less then I worry about getting some disease though, and I also take those steps of prevention.

 

[FungiUg]

I'm always sad that our societies lost the concept of extended families when it comes to raising kids. Of course, as an adult, I am extremely pleased that I don't have to put up with an extended family!

But if you have a third that you are happy to have around permanently, raising the child together is an option.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: 2 + 1 = 4?....Some of the Concerns of Additional Partners.

I can't help but feel responsible for this one for some odd reason

LOL, no need to feel responsible. As I said, it has been in my mind to raise the subject for months but each time I am about to there is a thread about poly or such and I defer to avoid people feeling it is aimed at them. Just decided this time there likely was never going to be a time when there wasn't some such discussion taking place on the board so to keep my brain semi occupied I may as well go with it finally.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Re: 2 + 1 = 4?....Some of the Concerns of Additional Partners.

Originally posted by Catalina
Just decided this time there likely was never going to be a time when there wasn't some such discussion taking place on the board so to keep my brain semi occupied I may as well go with it finally.

Poly does keep coming up again and again, doesn't it? I wonder why...

Each time, I say "poly relationships are hard work." This thread is kinda cool because you've uncovered one of the reasons why poly relationships can be stressful and worrying.

 

[Desdemona]

It's a non issue for me. I don't share. I seriously doubt that I will ever enter another relationship that allows for the possibility of other women having sex with my dominant. I've tried it and hated it. Having considered the issues that you bring up, I was very very uncomfortable with the concept of him having a baby with another woman. I could not have coped with the reality.