1st story posted.

[JustBeyond]

Hello everyone. I haven't every written anything like this before. Actually it came from a real life experience that I told a friend about, and of course, he wanted a whole detailed account. I would love to know what everyone here thinks. Thanks so much.

Just Beyond

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=217353

 

[Rattlesnake1775]

Feedback

Lesbian sex is not really my thing, and I know that that sounds odd coming from a guy. It can be hard going against stereotype, just look at the tent in my shorts.

Anyways, the story was nicely constructed, but a bit more detail would have been nice. But a very good job for a first story. I'm almost depressed now, my first couple of stories stunk compared to the first stories I'm reading now. Been here five years, I guess it might be time for me to literotica-retire.

 

[JustBeyond]

Thanks dear. I only wrote it as a description for a friend who wanted to know the ins and outs of the whole thing. It turned out I kinda liked it too, so another friend told me to bring it here. That was the first thing I have written in 7 years! I was really not planning on writing again. Anyway, I felt compelled to write another story. This time it is pure fiction, but I added more details. I see some things I need to improve on, but of course, I love feedback. I get so wrapped up in a story that I sometimes don't see the obvious, and I am pretty rusty after 7 years. Thanks again for your feedback if you have time check out this and tell me what you think.
Thanks doll
http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=218539

 

[Rattlesnake1775]

Amy's Affair

Very nicely done description of her dancing for him. That is something I have never been able to get down, and I am currently working on a story where it plays kind of a key role early on, in addition to having a story where a strip club plays a key role. Now that I think about it, it appears lots in my stories, I just suck at describing it. Which is odd, as the wife sometimes complains that I have to much history in those places. Anyways...

You mention that she is married with two children, but you never fully explain her backstory, which is almost forgotten once the action kicks up, but details like that kind of stand out to me. They were friends in college, but after college she worked as a stripper, then got married, then had two kids? What is she doing in town? Where is her husband? What are the kids doing while she is out running around with Seth? Who is this family she has dinner with?

The action was very well written, and very enjoyable, but I have a very detail oriented mind. When my kitten proof reads for me, she tends to cut out a thousand frivolous details that I throw in. I would encourage you to keep writing, as you obviously have talent in this area. Feel free to look up my profile on lit and check out my stories to see what I mean.

Good job.

 

[Selbryth]

Nice going JustBeyond. I loved the thigh-riding part. That's fun, huh? And then you get that nice, warm smear on there and...

You seem to be a really natural writer. I noticed you changed your paragraphing from the first section, where the quotes are inline with everything else, to quotes starting a paragraph so that's cool. It shows that you've written before and I liked it.

Take care and have fun - especially with that thigh-riding

 

[The Neon Wolf]

Cheers!

I liked it, very descriptive.

 

[jpp87-5]

Good job

Great story and a great experience for you. You did a very good job relating your experience. At first I didn't think I would read it all, just skim over it, but you drew me in and turned me on thinking of your obvious pleasure. Keep up the good work and have fun.

 

[JustBeyond]

Thanks for the nice words everyone.
Rattlesnake1775: I am glad the dancing came off well. I was a stripper for awhile and really wanted to add a dance thing in there. I was going for more of a mysterous thing, but is definately didn't pan out as well as I wanted. I think I am going to revise a bit. But thank you so much for you help. I really appericate it!

I think I will definately be working on a few new things. I appriecate the warm welcome!