13 Aug 2001: Trying New Thing Ch 1 by saharrah

Weird Harold

Opinionated Old Fart
Joined
Mar 1, 2000
Posts
23,768
This week's story is an author nomination.

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Hi, i would also like my story to be viewed and discussed as well.it is under voyuerism and exhibition.This is the first one out of 3 posted ,and also my 1st ever written.
thankyou ,i look forward to the feedback


Saharrah
http://www.literotica.com/stories/s...ry.php?id=12482
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The name of the story is Trying New Things Ch 1

As always, the discussion begins at 0800 GMT on Monday
 
Discussion continued for a week

If people want their stories discussed, then they need to discuss the stories scheduled for discussion.

Since there hasn't been any discussion yet on this story, I'm extending it to be the story for Aug 20 as well.
 
Not overly impressed with this one I'm afraid. The use of quotation marks was erratic. Spelling was on a par with my own. The plot, such as it was, has been handled before by others much better.

Was it erotic? My yardstick didn't twitch I'm afraid. It didn't make me want to rush to read the other parts to this series.

It needed an editor and a little more time spent on it before submission. I know what it is like when you finish a story and you re-read it yourself you read what you intended the story to say. I think having a second pair of eyes look at this first it could have been a lot better.

The characters were all right; a little background history is good and the build up fine. There were just too many unnecessary elementary errors in punctuation for it to flow for me.
 
Obviously, the author could have used a course in grammar. That aside, the story is supposed to be one of those cute, this is what everything is about and here's a blurb on the sex and NOW I've got something on a sex web site! (I can hear the giggles)

The first basic rule is to learn the difference between their, there, and they're. Second, read other stuff! Learn how to write an effective sentence. Third, try illustrating the background instead of telling it. He was like this and she was like that is boring and has me cutting out of a story faster than light. It's called exposition and is a lazy writer's cop out.

I'll admit, I only skimmed this one, and decided to comment because it was short enough to skim and get the general idea. There are plenty of reference articles in the 'how to' section on the index page. Read them thoroughly, then try again.

Mickie
 
pretty poor

The reason I posted earlier was that I questioned the value of even discussing this story given that the author appears to have abandoned Lit. Unfortunately my failure to pan the story last week seems to have propagated it into this week :(

I was actually hoping WH would just move on and pick another story whose author was interested. Oh well.
 
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