12 Mar 2001: Fighting Sisters

[Weird Harold]

The story chosen at random for discussion the week of 12 March 2001 is in the incest category:

Fighting Sisters
by Loser Freak

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=4819

Discussion will begin Monday 12 March 2001 at Noon GMT (0400 PST)

The author has been invited to post an introduction or objection on this thread before discussion starts.

 

[Loser Freak]

I'm not sure what to say. I feel like apologizing in advance for that strange little story - it's not for everyone. I have to admit I'm rather nervous, but I'm curious to see everybody's comments.

 

[In Blue]

Feedback!

In my opinion you have nothing to apologize for! "Fighting Sisters" is a lovely short piece that works very well, and I found it to be an enjoyable read.

However, since it has been select for discussion, I have a few points I would like to discuss. Firstly when the two girls begin fighting, grabbing and pulling each others hair. You describe how their bare breast were rubbing against each other, this confused me a little as I thought that only Amy was naked. Then later you described Amy ripping Rebecca's clothes of. It is only a minor point but it interupted the flow while I read it.

Another thought that occured to me while reading your story was I felt that, for Rebecca's character not having had sex with another woman before, she was quickly pursaded. "I pushed her back onto the bed, she opend her legs, and I put my mouth to her pussy", this seemed to demostrate experience with another woman. I am not saying I didn't enjoy reading this, but I felt it was too direct for a lesbian virgin.

Towards the end of the piece the Rebecca reasoned that they had been fighting with each other for all those years over "something else, something inside ourselves, something forbidden." This could indeed be plausable, but I thought you would have needed to support these surpressed desires, with more background information. Maybe you could have wrote something more about why Amy kept taking her sisters boyfriends, and how angery and aroused Rebecca felt about this.

To sum up my brief thoughts on your interesting piece, I would say from my humble opinion that it was first class. Its just that in some parts I felt the pace changed dramically and it might of benefited from being a little longer.

Many thanks for taking the time to read my input.

In Blue

 

[SteamyChik]

I enjoyed the story completely.

I have to disagree with In Blue a little bit because when I read that their breasts were rubbing together – I just assumed the “hers were naked and rubbing against mine” **through my shirt** was implied but not typed.

The other thing is that even though she might have been a virgin to lesbian love, she wasn’t a virgin. I can see her understanding that her sister could lick her just fine and her opening her legs to let it happen. After all, she had just been fucking and was probably still hot and ready.

One of the things I really liked was the “mind talk”. It was just what I would expect from a young girl doing it with her sister for the first time.

I would love to see more stories with these two naughty sister doing it in crazy, unexpected places.

Fun story Loser Freak!

Steamy

 

[nitengale]

I actually liked this story and found it to be very stimulating. I think it is realistic to have two characters so caught up in a heated moment of anger that it soon spills over into a passionate one.

I have to admit I got caught in the shirt thing too, and found myself looking back to see if I had missed something, but when I re-read it, it seemed to be ok. If you are looking for a quickie, this story does the job nicely.

I think these two need another romp or two, but adding a boyfriend would spice things up even further. Or the naughty uncle visiting. Or a repairman.

Good Job!!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Why does stories about women fighting turn us on so much? It was a very well written story, I liked it alot. Do men expect "catfights" to turn into such erotic adventures? Or do they just hope they do?

 

[christo]

Meeow

I think the stereotypical "cat fight" that turns men on is two women rolling around in mud or bopping each other with pillows while they jump around on a bed in their nighties. The fight described in this story is a FIGHT, a mean, nasty brawl. That's what I found interesting about the story, that the anger and violence wasn't fluffed over, Rebecca had good reason to be furious, and acted on it.

I thought the last line of the story was the most interesting one: "I, on the other hand, kind of worry about what we're doing - but the sex is so fantastic, I don't worry about it that often." She doesn't worry about it too often. I think she does worry about it, a lot. This is a situation that could be explored in much greater detail. Rebecca doesn't LIKE her sister. Loves, sure, desires, obviously. But you have a really uncomfortable situation here, one that could make for some intriguing sequels.

A question for folks to think about: would this have been a more erotic situation had the two women NOT been sisters? Not out of any reflexive incest taboo thing, but because these two women have so much going on between them-- anger, jealousy, betrayal, lust-- that the fact that they're sisters kind of gets in the way. Or am I full of it?

 

[KillerMuffin]

That's an interesting point, would it have moved us more if it had been about non-related women. I think the sisters aspect was fine, it brought in the love angle without having to explain the relationship at all. It's obvious they lived together and shortened the "set-up" time altogther. However, if they'd been roommates in college, a pair of pretty co-eds, would the story have been more erotically exciting? Good question!

 

[Laurel]

I liked the anger turns to lust idea. I thought the story flowed smoothly. I don't think it would've many any difference to me if they had been sisters, best friends, or roommates. Sibling incest doesn't really shock me very much unless there's a great age difference because the power differential isn't there.

 

[Weird Harold]

Does this need to be incestuous?

I think for this particular story to work right, it does.

Consider the following paragraph from the story:

Usually we just yelled and screamed at each other. Sometimes we threw things. I couldn't remember the last time we had a physical fight; we haven't hit each other since we were kids. I'd gone over the edge. That's how angry I was.

I have five siblings, one older and four younger, and this pretty much describes points in my relationship with all of them.

The plot (such as it is) could work with other pairings, but the connection with just about anyone who has a sibling of either sex the quoted paragraph makes just wouldn't be there.

Speaking of plots -- My random number genrator seems to have an aversion to stories long enough to have a real plot.

Would this story have been better with more of a plot? Or is a vignette as long as this scenario can be stretched without losing the reader's interest.

A couple of posters have commented that there is a potential for sequels from this. I think I disagree with that. This vignette might be a good introduction to a longer story -- sort of a prelude or introduction. However, it doesn't have enough characterization or plot for a continuation to be called a sequel.

 

[In Blue]

I agree with Weird Harold

I have to agree with W.Harold when he says that "the story doesn't have enough characterization or plot for a continuation to be called a sequel." For me the story could have done with being a little longer. It just seemed to end very quickly, but sometimes thats all we need
I wonder how it would have developed if the love making had went on longer and they had been discovered by their parents or someone else. Perhaps the boyfriend might have felt curious and return on the scene!

As for Killermuffins point about "Why does stories about women fighting turn us on so much?" From my perspective there is nothing more erotic than two women getting phsyical with each other, even if nothing sexual takes place. The reason I enjoyed the story so much was that it was about two good looking women getting passionate, regardless of them being sisters.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I think that one thing that worked well for this story was character continuity. The behaved the same all the way through it. Even at the end, when they were having sex all over the place, the sisters still didn't like each other, still got into fights even though their relationship had turned sexual. I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that because two people who love each other fall into a sexual relationship, it makes them turn loving toward each other. This isn't always the case. This sotry illustrated that very well.

 

[Laurel]

I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that because two people who love each other fall into a sexual relationship, it makes them turn loving toward each other. This isn't always the case. This sotry illustrated that very well.

Absolutely! Writers, even non-erotic, are prone to falling into the trap of making Sex the Magic Glue that makes friends of enemies, brings peace in wartime, etc. In Real Life, that's not often the case - in fact, if the participants didn't get along before the sex, then the sex often causes more friction.

If Loser Freak wanted to rewrite this as a longer work or add chapters on to develop it into something larger, he'd have to introduce some element of conflict into the plot. Perhaps both girls fall for the same guy. Or one is kidnapped. Or a friend/neighbor/parent discovers their relationship. As is, there isn't enough tension and suspense simply going off the sister-sister rivalry. IMHO.

 

[Gus]

Fighting Sisters

Essentially this is a lesbian scene with a fight as the motivation for getting to grips with each other.

Others have remarked upon the lack of continuity - naked or not.

The action is fast and furious. It carries one along as a good narrative should. If it were about a pair of experienced lesbian women, then all would be fine but these are beginners.

My major problem with all these 'first time' stories is that they are not like any first time that I have ever know about. Where is the 'fear' element. The scared of the unknown, shall I touch it or not? Well, maybe just a quick touch. The build up is missing. The lack of experience is missing.

The 'pop psychology' element? What the hell. There are those who go along with that sort of view, others who think that it is absolute nonsense. By the time we get to that point it is all over and unimportant. A nice lead out with the worry bit, as someone else has commented.

Some have commented upon the need for a sequal. This story, like last week's, is an episode, an element, something that would be useful to slot into a story, one with a plot. Useful for the author to build around it, should they so desire.

Gus

 

[vgrey]

I would have enjoyed it even more if the element of danger had been played up. Fear of discovery, or maybe blackmail by the boyfriend or even a parent. Just a little less clear sailing for the pair. Apart from that, good work!
VG

 

[christo]

Conflict

I agree with the previous post, that the tension, both sexual and otherwise, could have been much greater had the chance that they could be discovered been explored in more detail. It would have added some additional spice.

I forget what famous author said it, but I read somewhere that a writing a piece of fiction is easy-- just get your character out on the branch of a tree, and have someone come along and start sawing at it. I think that's what folks would be looking for in a continuation of this story-- more conflict, more obstacles to cause Rebecca grief. I like the situation, it's a disaster waiting to happen, and I'd like to see what happens when it really hits the fan.

 

[Gus]

Magic Glue

Whoa, slow down Muffin and Laurel! Lots of assertions there but where 's the data?

Whilst the intimacy may not be the Magic Glue it is likely to have a mediating effect and, in this instance, the author shows that it does. This part is particularly well handled, there is a wealth of understanding of the human condition contained in this last paragraph.

After the intimacy experienced by the sisters there are changes, important changes, in their relationship. You can read it in the last paragraph, one does not have to be a psychiatrist or a psychologist to perceive it.

<B>"We've kept our secret. We still date boys and yell at each other, just to keep up appearances. Actually, she still drives me crazy, and the fights are sometimes real; afterwards we have to sneak off and make love before our bodies explode. Amy has a talent for devising schemes so that we can meet secretly somewhere, and she is constantly bugging me for more sex; she loves the thrill, the craziness, the danger of it all, and she seems perfectly happy with our relationship. I, on the other hand, kind of worry about what we're doing - but the sex is so fantastic, I don't worry about it that often." </B>

The author leaves the characters largely as they were, aggravating traits etc., but now shows a greater closeness. There is an element that was not there before: a new togetherness; the conspiring; a sharing of a secret; the going off to make love.

I would agree that such an event is not guaranteed to have any particular effect, but the effect that it is likely to have, merely through the activation of reciprocity, would be to the good and positive.

I would also maintain that as much as you support the negative or the neutral outcome of this intimacy, the positive outcome, as often used in other stories, is equally likely, if not more so. Where is the data? I have none either but the strength of a human interaction such as reciprocity is imbued with a positive leaning.

Couple of later posts re: Fear of discovery.
One shouldn't use all the elements at one fell swoop. This time no fear, later they can have fear of discovery as the great element. After all, there are not that many things that can happen with sex!

Gus
===================================
Brief explanation of Reciprocity for those who would appreciate one.

Reciprocity is the enmeshing of others in obligation. We all do it all the time from simply smiling at someone and expecting a smile returned, to sending a greetings card at religious holidays.
The sisters are doing each other a kindness.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I still don't see where they got happy happy joy joy sleeping beauty and snow white traipse off into the sunset happily ever after, all conflict resolved because they had sex. I wouldn't even call what they had making love, they have sex. They love each other, as sisters, but that's about the extent of it. There was intimacy, can't help that, but there wasn't a "they fell in love" thing going on. Love does not equal intimacy. Those are two separate and distinct feelings, not the same at all.

 

[Gus]

Don't take on so!

Gor blimey Muffy, did I say that?

The writer uses the 'making love' expression. What I am saying is that there is a great change in their relationship as expressed in the last paragraph of the story. It is there for those who want to see it.

You are becoming cynical in your advancing years or have the artillery been misbehaving again?

Love and kisses,
Gus.

 

[Loser Freak]

Thank you all for your comments - you've given me a lot to think about. I don't know why I was so nervous, you were all very kind.

"...her bare breasts rubbing against mine." I missed that, I should have been clearer.

About the shortness of the story - frankly, I just wanted those two girls to have sex, I wasn't thinking much beyond that. Yet I was never really happy with that story, I didn't know if it made sense. If I had expanded it, given it more of a plot - well, it's something I'm working on in my writing, I tend to rush things.

Thanks again.

 

[christo]

Of course, the great thing is that you can revisit these characters and situation and rewrite or extend this story as you see fit. And I hope you will, if that's what you'd like to do. You would definitely find an interested audience out there!

 

[Jacques74]

How far it could be true

Hey girls, you have to answer my question.

Forgetting the story part, what will be the normal reaction from an adolescent girl in such a situation. Considering, they dont like each other, and she is not experienced in lesbian love, and she is mad that she is f***ing her boyfriend etc, will it really turn her on if she got kissed by her sister?

I am just curious and keeping an open mind. I would appreciate a thoughtful reply.

Jacques

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: How far it could be true

Originally posted by Jacques74
Forgetting the story part, what will be the normal reaction from an adolescent girl in such a situation.

What is normal? I would guess that no more than one pair of sisters in a thousand or so would react the way the sisters in the story did.

Considering, they dont like each other, and she is not experienced in lesbian love, and she is mad that she is f***ing her boyfriend etc, will it really turn her on if she got kissed by her sister?

I think this story illustrates that siblings seldom hate each other as much as they think they do. It's exagerated in the speed of the reversal, and it is a story for an erotic stories site, so of course these two are going to go from anger-to-lust instead of the more normal hatred-to-love switch.

In order to write a good story, an author must entice the reader into a suspension of disbelief. I think Loser Freak accomplished that. At least I had no trouble believing these two were one-in-a-thousand.