??

[kittymacabre]

My man and I have an open relationship, enjoying other's company on the side and relating our experiences to each other. This has made for some intense time in the bedroom. Recently, though, I find he has been seeing a dominatrix, and while I find the idea quite arousing, I was a bit thrown off. He had always been quite dominating with me, and while I knew he wanted to switch roles, I just don't have it in me to be as cruel as he apparently needs me to be. I guess I feel like I have failed him somehow in my inability to give him what he needs... I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here, just needed to share as none of our friends are as sexually open as we are...

 

[Likes2Tease]

My man and I have an open relationship, enjoying other's company on the side and relating our experiences to each other. This has made for some intense time in the bedroom. Recently, though, I find he has been seeing a dominatrix, and while I find the idea quite arousing, I was a bit thrown off. He had always been quite dominating with me, and while I knew he wanted to switch roles, I just don't have it in me to be as cruel as he apparently needs me to be. I guess I feel like I have failed him somehow in my inability to give him what he needs... I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here, just needed to share as none of our friends are as sexually open as we are...

The fact you say your relationship has led to "some intense times in the bedroom" clearly indicates that you haven't failed & you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

If you're not comfortable doing what he seems to want, your relationship is open, and the dominatrix is doing it for him, then surely this is a good thing? (The fact you're finding it arousing is an added bonus!).

Perhaps the make-up of your relationship with your man is such that switching from your current roles may take something away from the dom/sub roles you currently have? How about approaching the dominatrix direct (or via your man) & seeing if you can join her - either observing what she does with him, or perhaps even joining the humiliation? Perhaps this could enhance what already sounds like a great relationship - you two can keep your 'traditional' roles, but when the other lady is present, you could learn much more about each other. From what you've said, I think you'd be pleasantly surprised by the results, (and I'm as sure as I can be that he'd certainly get a lot from it - his sub being present when roles are switched on him & the other lady using your presence to no doubt increase her control over him).

That's my 2c & I don't know anything about you / your relationship other than what you wrote above, so I appreciate I could be 100% wrong!

I stand by the point that you shouldn't compromise yourself for the sake of others though. Sure, push your boundaries if you're comfortable (and completely trust) the people you're doing it with, but always trust your gut.

Hope this helps & I'd be interested to see what you decide / what happens next. (Feel free to PM if preferable).

 

[gluttonne]

I just don't have it in me to be as cruel as he apparently needs me to be.

then take charge by proxy. consent to this if and only if you get to meet the dominatrix, they communicate well with you, and you get a piece of the action (even if all you want to do is watch). That will make sense to the domme dame and give you the reigns to go as far as is comfortable, maybe farther. you are his sub and she is his dominatrix, but that does not make you her sub. quite the opposite in fact, you need to communicate and clarify what each of you wants out of this. if it's to get his rocks off, maybe you can learn techniqes from the dominatrix, or even tech the dominatrix how *you* like to make him cum. the dominatrix likely has a different approach, but your husband is the ultimate determiner of the cost of an orgasm as he probably isn't multiply orgasmic and even if he is, that is often under the touch of a dominatrix. you may not make hin cum repeatedly but you're doing your best so you are well within your rights to look out for yourself. you can still be a sub to him not to her or be a sub to both. feel skinda like horse trading but kink is kink, let your freak flag fly, and if your partner doesn't like how it smells than he shouldn't shit the bed.

 

[kittymacabre]

thank you

I appreciate the insights. I wasn't sure how to approach any of this.. I know whatever she's doing for him seems to help with his overall emotional well-being, so it can't be bad...
Thank you all for listening.
KM

 

[subwannabe]

I'll just ditto. If you were in a monogamous relationship you would have every right to feel how you are feeling but since you are in an open relationship how can either of you not expect the other to get something different out of a relationship than you have with each other? That's kind of why you do it in the first place. If you had another relationship that was nothing but a clone of your current relationship then what would be the point? Hopefully with an open relationship everyone somehow gets what they want.

 

[DraceDomino]

My man and I have an open relationship, enjoying other's company on the side and relating our experiences to each other. This has made for some intense time in the bedroom. Recently, though, I find he has been seeing a dominatrix, and while I find the idea quite arousing, I was a bit thrown off. He had always been quite dominating with me, and while I knew he wanted to switch roles, I just don't have it in me to be as cruel as he apparently needs me to be. I guess I feel like I have failed him somehow in my inability to give him what he needs... I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here, just needed to share as none of our friends are as sexually open as we are...

Being the dominant one in a relationship can make you burned out. There's sometimes pressure to always one-up yourself, and it can get a little stressful. The fact that he's seeing a dominatrix doesn't mean he's unsatisfied with what the two of you do; if anything, look at it from the perspective of "He's seeing someone to cover something I don't do. He's not seeing someone else that does what I do, because I cover him well in that department."

There's a lot of angles to look at this that you can investigate with him; if you have an open relationship open communication with him is important. There's a chance he just needs to get it out of his system, or maybe even learn a few new things to do to you!