10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive

[Netzach]

I'm not a fan of trashing the mentally non-normative, other than that it's just basic decent advice.

What bugs me is that almost all of these things are just good-ideas-for-relationships-period

but we like to surround them with magical bdsm woo

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Originally found here and thought I'd share. Apologies if it's been posted before.

https://fetlife.com/users/118131/posts/1053481

I like this list, woo or no woo.

But why isn't this:

7. Sanity.

superseded by this:

10. Communication Skills.

?

I say, no matter the issues, if it's on the table, then 10 has veto power.

 

[FurryFury]

Yes! This! >

I'm not a fan of trashing the mentally non-normative, other than that it's just basic decent advice.

What bugs me is that almost all of these things are just good-ideas-for-relationships-period

but we like to surround them with magical bdsm woo

 

[EroticKitty43]

In any relationship, I don't ask for anything that I'm not willing to reciprocate. If I think communication is important, and it most certainly is, then I am going to try my hardest to bring things up that bother me so I expect the same amount of effort.

I think that's what this article is truly about. It's about wanting to do the work but not ALL of the work. Relationships require both parties (or 3 or 4, whatever floats your boat) to know the dynamic of give and take.

 

[midwestyankee]

What the fuck happened to the rule that the sub always, ALWAYS, brings her man (his woman) the morning coffee before anything else happens in the day? What. Is. Wrong. With. This. Planet. Now?

 

[butterfly_flip]

I am fucking screwed!

Aye, you're not on your own there

 

[Netzach]

What the fuck happened to the rule that the sub always, ALWAYS, brings her man (his woman) the morning coffee before anything else happens in the day? What. Is. Wrong. With. This. Planet. Now?

Without this, there IS no healthy communication.

Although sometimes it's just the person who needs it more who gets it.

 

[Licia]

Without this, there IS no healthy communication.

Although sometimes it's just the person who needs it more who gets it.

Mine wasn't even brewed yet, but some well meaning virtual stranger attempted interaction before the morning ritual had begun.

Sorry, stranger. My brain does not consciously function for at least a half-an-hour after waking.

I get a do-over?

 

[livin1971]

I liked some of the points that were made a some I disagreed with. I have tried to get into a few D/S relationships I personally move very slow and ask a lot of questions as I want to be the best DOM possible. Communication and trust are to very important keys. If you can't tell me in detail what you want before we start, I'm not a fucking mind reader. I failed that in high school and college. Sorry. As for the mentally ill part some people need help. They should get it before entering any type of relationship. I have watched my sister who is bipolar fuck over a lot of men because she won't stay on her meds and when on them she drinks. Which in turns makes them not work. As for the abuse part any woman who is abused should get away as fast as possible. A D/S relationship is voluntary on both parts. If the Dom is abusing the sub in a way they don't like then they need to get out and the dom needs at a minimum there teeth kicked in. Yes I enjoy spanking an ass till its red as a fire engine, but it cause I know the sub loves to have it done. That is not abuse that is fun.

 

[kimuk]

Sometimes the Lit elite drive me crazy. I didnt see his first post before he edited it but he obviously upset lots of you.

Personally ( note - this means in my opinion) I find this an endorsement that says it all. A Dom PYL , whatever , are just people. There not some mustical being who can solve all . They have the same needs as any man/ woman in a vanilla relationship.

Its very easy for the first time sub to be attracted to BDSM D/s by the "romance" of it. The hero who will take care of them , solve all their problems and give them amazing kinky sex!

I am far from an expert. But I am in a long distance relationship. Every one of these "what the Dom needs from his submissive" rings true for me. God knows I have come across each and everyone in the last 18 months with my Sir.

I personally had to divide the fantasy from the reality and I'll tell you one thing . The real thing is a 1000 times more satisfying than any fantasy , and the work, communication, effort etc. is worth every single second of it.

 

[cfuhrer]

I thought it was a pretty solid list. And like many have pointed out, most of them carry over to more mainstream relationships as well.

I know I have a few of them I need to work on.

And, hi Kim, haven't seen you around for a bit. Good to see you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Its very easy for the first time sub to be attracted to BDSM D/s by the "romance" of it. The hero who will take care of them , solve all their problems and give them amazing kinky sex!

Oh so very much.

Of course, minus the "kinky" this used to be what women were taught to expect from husbands. Now, many of us have learned that husbands are-- just men, with their own frailties. But we cant stop ourselves from still wanting that thing we were taught to want, so we've come up with another name for it.

 

[kimuk]

I thought it was a pretty solid list. And like many have pointed out, most of them carry over to more mainstream relationships as well.

I know I have a few of them I need to work on.

And, hi Kim, haven't seen you around for a bit. Good to see you.

Hi to you too. Hows you?

It sort of touched a nerve today. I think I was guilty Of Miss chanagable sub lol. But it was a very real reaction to a situation. I'm aware that I do it. I asked him what he thought and he said hes seen explosives more stable than me! Cheeky bugger.

I have emotive reactions to certain situations he introduces me to. For me its my learnign process. But it must drive Him crazy! Fortunatly he handels me expertly ..........

 

[sweet_lusciousdesire]

FUCK whoever wrote that pile of horseshit.

I'll second that. What a bunch of crap.

 

[ScaredWarrior]

I personally think it's mighty hilarious. How everyone is nitpicking instead of consider taking on the overall effect of what it was trying to say. If you want to be in a relationship with anyone you need to figure of the core of yourself. If you cannot love yourself they cannot love you. I personally think it's a great outlining guide for people to read to help them and help there negotiations within their relationship.

Every relationship is about respect and trust, a bdsm relationship is even deeper into the level of respect and trust. Each relationship is and have its own individual boundaries and rules those are the things Negotiations are for.

It's not saying if you have a mental disorder that you shouldn't be and that type of relationship . It's just saying saying that you should get looked at and start working on your own issues so that your partner can help you to more stable less chaotic you.A dominant or a submissive that is going off the walls because of illogical thinking and are acting completely irrational based upon their own perceptions of reality that are skewed because of mental blocks and situations that happened to them in the past is not helping in any type of relationship. If you know that you are in that situation and you need help you take your medications,you need to seek your therapy. You need to make yourself the most stable strong person that you can be sure that you can truly be respected and loved by the those around you while you're able to do the

Is not about completely controlling your submissive or the dominant and being run over by the submissive it.The relationship is based upon the rules they have defined for their certain trye of relationship.The idea of the thread was to give you time to think and look at things a different way with a bit more of respect for yourself and for the other person in the relationship with you not to criticize them for every nitpicking things. They'll are for you to take the things they agree with you think and chew on them and things that you don't to throw away and go off own dang way.

No I do not believe that is the Gospel should follow it as if it was written by some gods. But I guideline is a guideline. It is something that you take the important parts that work well for you from and the parts that don't you tossed them away. It is a tool to design to help people learn more about themselves and the relationship that they are in not to be use as a reference in a fight or any other situation.

 

[missgiter]

I like this list, woo or no woo.

But why isn't this:



superseded by this:



?

I say, no matter the issues, if it's on the table, then 10 has veto power.

I'm not quite sure why number 10 wasn't number 1. Communication is the basis for all types relationships, least of all D/s.