paganangel
born wrong
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2001
- Posts
- 18,277
well, it looks like my dad is making a gift of his old car to me. my god, i don't deserve it. if i were him i would never do it. i think he thinks it proves he loves me. what a fool. him working two jobs and going to school full time. him shownig up on home school night. him visiting me in the hospital. him getting sick whenever i did. there's the proof. the things he did because it was his job to do them. that's love. anyone can make grand gestures. but consistincy, that's love. god am i lucky.
of course if it weren't for parents like mine i wouldn't have the same high standards, which of course leads to misery...but so what. i'm mentally ill...i'd be miserable anyway. ah well, i don't deserve it. but i'll take it. it sort of makes me feel like a total loser though.
other than that, nothing is new. i'm just rolling along. finally got to waytch dr. zhivago...really made me wish i was smarter. oh well, i couldn't be expexcted to get it all. what a tragic tale.
i subbmitted a slew of new poems. i won't bother posting the link until they are approved though. if people wanted to see them they would.
shit! i should call lulu and find out how her first week of work went. right after this i will.
just finished reading darkness at noon. what a coincidence...it really went well with watching zhivago today. just starting pete hamill's "A Drinking Life." can't wait to get into the meat and potatoes. i love ny stories almost as much as i love ny. hmmm...i wonder if pete hamill ever slept in a churchyard?
oh actually, one interesting thing happened...i got kicked out of a bar when i wasn't even there. my boss went back to the bar we started out at on tuesday and when he returned to work he said the barmaid had a message for me..."don't come back"
she said i was really cute and handsome until i opened my mouth. how's that foir a backhanded compliment!!!
that's always the way. people judge for all the wrong reasons. i wish people had a clue about me...especially the ones who don't hear beyond what they see. they weren't there in the days when every time i passed a mirror i wanted to cut my face into a plaid pattern with a razor and peel off the squares of skin. after years of being the ugly duckling the swan hated himself. b careful what you wish for. besides...i'm fast falling from swanness! i'm now ugly, old, balding, gray, and in the way. night kids!
of course if it weren't for parents like mine i wouldn't have the same high standards, which of course leads to misery...but so what. i'm mentally ill...i'd be miserable anyway. ah well, i don't deserve it. but i'll take it. it sort of makes me feel like a total loser though.
other than that, nothing is new. i'm just rolling along. finally got to waytch dr. zhivago...really made me wish i was smarter. oh well, i couldn't be expexcted to get it all. what a tragic tale.
i subbmitted a slew of new poems. i won't bother posting the link until they are approved though. if people wanted to see them they would.
shit! i should call lulu and find out how her first week of work went. right after this i will.
just finished reading darkness at noon. what a coincidence...it really went well with watching zhivago today. just starting pete hamill's "A Drinking Life." can't wait to get into the meat and potatoes. i love ny stories almost as much as i love ny. hmmm...i wonder if pete hamill ever slept in a churchyard?
oh actually, one interesting thing happened...i got kicked out of a bar when i wasn't even there. my boss went back to the bar we started out at on tuesday and when he returned to work he said the barmaid had a message for me..."don't come back"
she said i was really cute and handsome until i opened my mouth. how's that foir a backhanded compliment!!!
that's always the way. people judge for all the wrong reasons. i wish people had a clue about me...especially the ones who don't hear beyond what they see. they weren't there in the days when every time i passed a mirror i wanted to cut my face into a plaid pattern with a razor and peel off the squares of skin. after years of being the ugly duckling the swan hated himself. b careful what you wish for. besides...i'm fast falling from swanness! i'm now ugly, old, balding, gray, and in the way. night kids!
