03 Sep 2001: Desert Encounter by Cookiemonster

[Weird Harold]

From the author nominations thread a story in the nonconsent category:

Desert Encounter
by Cookiemonster
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=12762

 

[PAUL C]

It is not a story I would normally read.

That said it is well constructed with two POV merging into one, literally. I feel the tension could have been built up more before the two men attack the woman and I felt the ending was a little weak as if having described the rape in detail he just wanted to end the story as quickly as possible.

The characters were okay and the setting sound.

I didn't particularly enjoy it but that was just the subject matter.

 

[Sonia_de_Beaumanoir]

reality check

We have a thousand words or so about why this woman needs to take a pee, none of which is very relevant to what happens later. Then she decides to park her Jeep so she can hobble twenty yards to some rocks in high heels. I dont think so.

Then at the end our heroine has an orgasm as a result of being raped, when at the beginning she is described as not liking sex very much.

What happens in the middle of these two "episodes" isn't much more interesting.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I didn't care for the story. The subject matter didn't turn me off, I didn't get that far.

The setup for the sex wasn't the least bit interesting. He put too much effort into describing her background and what she was thinking or doing. It would have been better stream of conciousness so she would have at least had a personality. A very wise woman once told me that if it doesn't move the plot forward, then it shouldn't be there. The first half of the story didn't move the plot forward much at all. The heroine didn't seem real to me and neither did the two men. Their English was too clear and the spanish words they did use didn't help any. Once again, I think stream of consciousness would have given us a flavor of the character. Get in their heads, don't sit on their shoulders.

The dashes drove me to distraction as well. We have commas for a reason. There was only two instances where the dashes were appropriate.

It's better than the run of the mill porn story out there, but I still couldn't get through it.

 

[abashed-dreamer]

The story is well written in several respects. There is an
effort to develop the character of the woman.

On the other hand, the plot, 'repressed woman is raped and
sexually transported' is a hard one to spice up. The author
does not give us a reason for her ecstasy, except a mechanical
theory that fingers in her will start the process.

The writer 'over writes', puts adjectives all over the place;
for instance, at the climax, it's a "lust filled cock" and a "sex-starved cunt." Given that porn attempts to arouse, he needs to be more disciplined and fresh, in my opinion.

There is writerly skill that can be developed.