⚖️ Law Office of Chaos & Spite💄

[lilmissdarling]

A prestigious* (*debatable), possibly imaginary, definitely unlicensed firm that exists solely to support brats, troublemakers, and the gloriously unhinged with all their emotional, social, and petty legal needs.

We specialize in weaponized charm, chaotic-good declarations, and customized documents that give your sass structure and your shade some legal weight.

Specializing In:

》Brat Advocacy & Protection Services
》Customized Friendship Contracts
》Compensation Requests for Emotional Damages
》Cease & Desist Letters for Wankers, Exes & Emotional Leeches
》“Blocked. Bye.” Notices

How to Request Services:
Start by sending a PM with a screenshot or summary of your situation.

Or just comment:
“I need representation.”
And tag @LilMiss—she’ll follow up with a private consultation, no paperwork required.
Compensation will be discussed at the time of consultation.

Office Rules (Non-Negotiable)

#1 This space is designed for petty fun, chaos summoning, and expert-level button pushing.
If you bring real drama into this thread, you will be named, shamed, and possibly included in the next sample case.

#2 No anonymous cases. This firm doesn’t represent shadows. Everyone gets named. Everyone gets tagged. That’s the policy.

#3 Unsolicited pics of your bits will result in immediate public mockery and eternal banishment. This is a law office, not an anatomy museum.

 

[lilmissdarling]

Grand Opening Soon(ish)

Please excuse the mess while we finish setting up the office. The floor is still covered in red flags, the emotional damage printer is jammed again, and the intern just rage-quit after misfiling a Cease & Desist under “friendship clauses.”

We’re in the final stages of preparing services, formatting your letters of vengeance, and installing a sarcasm filtration system for all incoming submissions.

Coming Soon:

Pre-written Cease & Desist Letters
Customized Friendship Contracts
Emotionally satisfying Compensation Requests
Personalized Blocked. Bye.™ Notices
And yes… the official launch of the Division of Civil Closure & Emotional Eviction

Until we’re fully operational, feel free to:
Lurk, Chat, Laugh,
Prepare your case files
Mentally draft your list of enemies

~LilMiss
Head of Litigation & Passive Aggression

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Do you handle maritime law? I need help evicting some seamen.

(I'll see myself out).

 

[lilmissdarling]

Do you handle maritime law? I need help evicting some seamen.

(I'll see myself out).

If your seamen are unruly, messy, or refusing to dock respectfully, I suggest calling the Coast Guard… or a priest.

This firm specializes in protection, not cleanup. Best of luck, Captain.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Hello @lilmissdarling

I would like to retain your services for a cease and desist order on pic comments referencing what one wishes to do to the pic poster or what one is doing to themselves in response to the pic posted until certain criteria, which are open to negation, are met. My thoughts are.

1. Minimum post count of at least 100
2. A positive reaction score of at least 1:1
3. And/or at least 5 positive, non-sexual interactions with poster in advance.

I feel such a resources would be of great value to this community. Thank you for your service.

 

[Mrtenant]

When is happy hour?

 

[LordofDargaardkeep]

I think we share office space with the other firm called Drunken and Fucken so its always happy hour!

 

[ScarletDaisy]

I think we share office space with the other firm called Drunken and Fucken so its always happy hour!

I suggest we avoid the offices of Goode & Moody. They are no fun!

 

[lilmissdarling]

When is happy hour?

Is that a trick question???
Always... but it is byob

 

[lilmissdarling]

Hello @lilmissdarling

I would like to retain your services for a cease and desist order on pic comments referencing what one wishes to do to the pic poster or what one is doing to themselves in response to the pic posted until certain criteria, which are open to negation, are met. My thoughts are.

1. Minimum post count of at least 100
2. A positive reaction score of at least 1:1
3. And/or at least 5 positive, non-sexual interactions with poster in advance.

I feel such a resources would be of great value to this community. Thank you for your service.

Names... I need names. Please refer to rule 2.

 

[Mrtenant]

Is that a trick question???
Always... but it is byob

That always makes me suspicious. Like, is this a trap?

How would anyone know if I brought some else's booze?

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Names... I need names. Please refer to rule 2.

I can’t read! It’s very unkind of you to point this out.

Can’t it just be a boilerplate so I can post it to Hardstroker69 AND Cumboy420 and all their ilk with minimal fuss?

 

[lilmissdarling]

I can’t read! It’s very unkind of you to point this out.

Can’t it just be a boilerplate so I can post it to Hardstroker69 AND Cumboy420 and all their ilk with minimal fuss?

I will start working on this claim right away. Please see the compensation request in your PM.

 

[lilmissdarling]

@LordofDargaardkeep
v
@LaisDeMarieDeFrance

LIT-2025-00001 - Cheese Theft and Ass Assault


This is a formal notice that you @LaisDeMarieDeFrance , the accused, have been reported for the following outrageous acts against my client:
1. Theft of Cheese – A beloved dairy product, identity confidential but deeply cherished.

2. Assault with an Egg-Cracking Instrument – Resulting in a stab wound to the left asscheek.

3. Gross Culinary Recklessness – "Allegedly" exposing the plaintiff to salmonella and sheer embarrassment.

We hereby "DEMAND" the following relief:

Requested Relief:
Return of Half the Cheese
– Yes, half. A full return would be excessive. We’re reasonable, but firm.

Rehabilitation Compensation
– One (1) full pack of premium crackers. Name-brand. Not store-brand betrayal.

Pain & Suffering Damages
– Including but not limited to a genuine, audible compliment paid to the @LordofDargaardkeep . Must be specific, flattering, and not at all sarcastic.

Preventative Agreement
– A pinky promise, solemn and witnessed, that you will refrain from future asscheek shankings in any and all social or cheese-related contexts.

We await your prompt, humbled response.
LilMiss

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I will start working on this claim right away. Please see the compensation request in your PM.

It’s a steal at twice the price!

 

[cheekygirl75]

@LordofDargaardkeep
v
@LaisDeMarieDeFrance

LIT-2025-00001 - Cheese Theft and Ass Assault


This is a formal notice that you @LaisDeMarieDeFrance , the accused, have been reported for the following outrageous acts against my client:
1. Theft of Cheese – A beloved dairy product, identity confidential but deeply cherished.

2. Assault with an Egg-Cracking Instrument – Resulting in a stab wound to the left asscheek.

3. Gross Culinary Recklessness – "Allegedly" exposing the plaintiff to salmonella and sheer embarrassment.

We hereby "DEMAND" the following relief:

Requested Relief:
Return of Half the Cheese
– Yes, half. A full return would be excessive. We’re reasonable, but firm.

Rehabilitation Compensation
– One (1) full pack of premium crackers. Name-brand. Not store-brand betrayal.

Pain & Suffering Damages
– Including but not limited to a genuine, audible compliment paid to the @LordofDargaardkeep . Must be specific, flattering, and not at all sarcastic.

Preventative Agreement
– A pinky promise, solemn and witnessed, that you will refrain from future asscheek shankings in any and all social or cheese-related contexts.

We await your prompt, humbled response.
LilMiss

No more asscheek shankings? What is @LaisDeMarieDeFrance supposed to do, just do stomach ones? At least asscheek ones won’t hit vital organs!

 

[BDA73]

Awesome thread!

 

[lilmissdarling]

That always makes me suspicious. Like, is this a trap?

I would never try to trick you into confessing about theft.

How would anyone know if I brought some else's booze?

I wouldnt. I just won't pay for it.. unless you're an employee. That comes with free beer. But you also have to wear a pencil skirt.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

@LordofDargaardkeep
v
@LaisDeMarieDeFrance

LIT-2025-00001 - Cheese Theft and Ass Assault


This is a formal notice that you @LaisDeMarieDeFrance , the accused, have been reported for the following outrageous acts against my client:
1. Theft of Cheese – A beloved dairy product, identity confidential but deeply cherished.

2. Assault with an Egg-Cracking Instrument – Resulting in a stab wound to the left asscheek.

3. Gross Culinary Recklessness – "Allegedly" exposing the plaintiff to salmonella and sheer embarrassment.

We hereby "DEMAND" the following relief:

Requested Relief:
Return of Half the Cheese
– Yes, half. A full return would be excessive. We’re reasonable, but firm.

Rehabilitation Compensation
– One (1) full pack of premium crackers. Name-brand. Not store-brand betrayal.

Pain & Suffering Damages
– Including but not limited to a genuine, audible compliment paid to the @LordofDargaardkeep . Must be specific, flattering, and not at all sarcastic.

Preventative Agreement
– A pinky promise, solemn and witnessed, that you will refrain from future asscheek shankings in any and all social or cheese-related contexts.

We await your prompt, humbled response.
LilMiss

LilMiss,
1. All cheese belongs to me.
2. Your client is confused. I own no egg cracking instruments, just shanks. Nobody uses a shank to crack an egg. He got that ass wound on holiday, trying out the iron throne.
3. He was the one cooking!

I am counter suing because of these gross accusations, the slander makes me feel stabby.

I will accept no less than:
1. He never touches cheese again.
2. I get to shank him in the other ass cheek.
3. He forevermore can only eat crackers sans any liquid refreshment.

LilMiss, Idk what he paid you, but it's not enough. I also request he pay you double your fee.
Regards, Shanky McShankerson

 

[LordofDargaardkeep]

LilMiss,
1. All cheese belongs to me.
2. Your client is confused. I own no egg cracking instruments, just shanks. Nobody uses a shank to crack an egg. He got that ass wound on holiday, trying out the iron throne.
3. He was the one cooking!

I am counter suing because of these gross accusations, the slander makes me feel stabby.

I will accept no less than:
1. He never touches cheese again.
2. I get to shank him in the other ass cheek.
3. He forevermore can only eat crackers sans any liquid refreshment.

LilMiss, Idk what he paid you, but it's not enough. I also request he pay you double your fee.
Regards, Shanky McShankerson

We will see you in court!!
I will pay her double if she convinces the judge to punish you by making you say "sorry daddy" while I spank you in the courtroom!

I am also leaving her a five star review because its the same amount of tries it took her to kinda-ish pass the bar exam.

 

[lilmissdarling]

@SalaciousMonkey22
And fellow Litsers. Please use the form below as needed.

NOTICE OF BOUNDARY ENFORCEMENT
RE: Prematurely Thirsty Commentary Violation

To Whom It Clearly Concerns,

This correspondence is issued on behalf of [INSERT NAME], who would very much like to enjoy their online presence without being catapulted into unsolicited thirst traps every time they post a photo.

While we understand that beauty can be... disorienting, effective immediately, you are asked to pause all sexually suggestive or self-love-related commentary unless you meet the following minimum eligibility standards:

1. Post Count: At least 100 posts under your belt. If you're new here, get cozy and contribute first.

2. Reputation Ratio: A 1:1 positive reaction-to-post score. If you can’t win the crowd, you don’t get backstage access.

3. Social Foreplay: A minimum of five (5) friendly, non-horny interactions with [INSERT NAME]. Yes, that means talk to them like a person first—wild, I know.


Failure to meet these criteria will result in your comments being mentally filed under “bold but irrelevant.”

This isn’t a rejection—it’s a redirection. You’re not being shut down, just asked to show up with more than a pulse and a keyboard.

Thank you for your anticipated compliance, charm, and discretion.

Warmest (but not that warm) regards,

LilMiss
Head of Litigation & Passive Aggression
Law Office of Chaos & Spite
1-800- PETTY-4U

 

[Mrtenant]

I would never try to trick you into confessing about theft.

I wouldnt. I just won't pay for it.. unless you're an employee. That comes with free beer. But you also have to wear a pencil skirt.

Well, I've worked for beer before.

Can we call the pencil skirt a kilt? I can wear it shirtless and of course commando.

 

[lilmissdarling]

We will see you in court!!
I will pay her double if she convinces the judge to punish you by making you say "sorry daddy" while I spank you in the courtroom!

I am also leaving her a five star review because its the same amount of tries it took her to kinda-ish pass the bar exam.

I highly recommend. Settling outside of court. You cannot afford me if this goes to trial!

LilMiss,
1. All cheese belongs to me.
2. Your client is confused. I own no egg cracking instruments, just shanks. Nobody uses a shank to crack an egg. He got that ass wound on holiday, trying out the iron throne.
3. He was the one cooking!

I am counter suing because of these gross accusations, the slander makes me feel stabby.

I will accept no less than:
1. He never touches cheese again.
2. I get to shank him in the other ass cheek.
3. He forevermore can only eat crackers sans any liquid refreshment.

LilMiss, Idk what he paid you, but it's not enough. I also request he pay you double your fee.
Regards, Shanky McShankersons

Dear Shanks,

I’ve reviewed your colorful counterclaim and while I commend your creative liberties with the truth, the court cannot rule based on delusion, dramatics, or dairy dominion declarations. Therefore, my response is as follows:

1. Cheese Ownership Is Not Hereditary
Your claim that "all cheese belongs to me" lacks any legal precedent, moral standing. At best, you’re operating a rogue fondue cartel and we both know it.

2. Egg Crack Denial & Shanking Admission
Thank you for confirming you are, in fact, armed and stabby. While the plaintiff may have confused your shanking with culinary prep, the wound remains—left cheek, deep puncture, high trauma. The Iron Throne defense holds no weight unless you can provide travel receipts, throne permission slips, and a clean tetanus record.

3. "He Was the One Cooking" Defense
The kitchen role is irrelevant when the defense literally admits to being the stabber. We’re prosecuting a butt puncture, not a botched soufflé.

Updated Stipulations (Revised & Ratified):

1. Cheese Custody:
You may retain the full wheel, rind to core. No further legal claim will be pursued regarding the confiscated cheese, cheddar, brie, or otherwise pungent dairy.

2. Shanking Schedule (Limited):
Due to a deeply misguided attachment to chaos, and after rigorous negotiation, we concede to limited shanking privileges—Wednesdays and Fridays only, under the following restrictions:

No ass cheek repetition.

No dual-wielding.

3. Cracker Addendum (With Compliment Clause):
The Plaintiff will gracefully accept the dry cracker diet—no beverage, no spread—on the condition that the Defendant offers one (1) sincere compliment, in writing.

Compliments may include the words "technically," "for you," or "fine, whatever."

4. Binding Pinky Promise:
The Defendant shall submit a signed pinky promise stating they will not stab the previously injured cheek again under any circumstances.

 

[LordofDargaardkeep]

the only pinky she is getting is the one I slip in her but during the spanking for the shanking!!

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

the only pinky she is getting is the one I slip in her but during the spanking for the shanking!!

That pinky is going to be cut off!!!