“My Person Ch. 01”

[Burn_To_Ash]

So I’ve been a reader on literotica for many years now. Well I’ve finally taken the plunge to sink my teeth into my very own imagination and put pen to paper for the very first time, ever.

My story is titled “My Person”. It is the first chapter in what I hope to be a continuing series. It’s incest/taboo category and revolves around the love confession between brother and sister.

I would absolutely love some brutally honest feedback in order to improve my writing. I really enjoyed this process and any help from you experienced writers to help me hone my skills would be amazing.

https://www.literotica.com/s/my-person-ch-01

 

[AngstIgnored]

I thought it was a really good start, after reading it just a bit ago. Definitely would like to see where it goes. There were a few minor typo things, “jack” instead of “Jack” once or twice, “waining” instead of “waning” and “wait” instead of “weight” sort of nits, but not enough to distract from the overall story.

I’m not entirely convinced that the police interaction out at the pool house would have gone quite that smoothly or letting him just leave and take her away that quickly, but call it writing for brevity and move on, right?

Hope you keep writing, want to see more of what you have to offer.

 

[Burn_To_Ash]

I thought it was a really good start, after reading it just a bit ago. Definitely would like to see where it goes. There were a few minor typo things, “jack” instead of “Jack” once or twice, “waining” instead of “waning” and “wait” instead of “weight” sort of nits, but not enough to distract from the overall story.

I’m not entirely convinced that the police interaction out at the pool house would have gone quite that smoothly or letting him just leave and take her away that quickly, but call it writing for brevity and move on, right?

Hope you keep writing, want to see more of what you have to offer.

Well thank you very much! And duly noted! I admit I was in such a rush to submit my first story, that I ended up rushing/forcing the story into a limited 3 page essay. Then I proceeded to only proofread it myself instead of having others check it. I was just super excited with it being my first submission. Haha

But thank you for the kind words and I’ll definitely keep writing!

 

[yukonnights]

I read your story — incest isn't normally something I read, but sister/brother is much more believable. For a first story, I think you did good. You asked for comments in your story introduction, but it seems that you don't have the comment function enabled.

Some thoughts;
1. For me, there is a bit too much description of his body. Too much becomes repetitive and stalls the story for no good purpose.

2. The story, told in third person, felt somewhat distant and removed from the intensity portrayed. There was a lot of repeated details — her freckles, his muscles, his lifelong adoration of her, etc.

3. For a first effort, there were just a few typos — having someone else give it a once-over before publication is something most all us of need. Super hard to try to catch your own typos/errant word. Maybe get in touch with a fellow author here to share the proof-reading chore with.

4. The focus on the sister's "gushing fluids" seemed a bit overdone. His 8" cock seemed cliche.

5. This next is just a heads-up suggestion. You wrote this in the third person point of view. There has been a lot of discussion here among author's about point-of-view. I think there is a discussion topic on the Author's Hangout about first person POV. In general; there seems to be a consensus that First Person POV is by nature a more intimate and immersive point of view. I think this story would have been much more intimate if it had been done in that. NOTE: I'm not suggesting you change anything at this point, just something to learn about and consider as you go forward in your writing of other stories.

All said, I think you have the imagination required to become a really good story teller! Congratulations on your first "baby".

 

[Djmac1031]

First up: congrats on your first story!

I'm still a relatively new writer here myself, and still learning, so I'm certainly not going to critique minor spelling or grammar errors lol.

You're story, overall, was really good. If not at all realistic lol.

Pure fantasy is fine. It's obvious that's what you were going for and you wrote it well. And you're very descriptive, which is always a plus.

If you are truly planning it as a SERIES, then you kinda rushed into the sex. You may have been able to stretch that out a bit, have them start slower.

But that's just the way I would have written it, and it's not MY story.

Great effort. Looking forward to more.

Last tip I'll give is the one I always got: editing is your friend.

Read, reread, edit, re-edit. I'm impatient as well, sometimes you just wanna get the story up so much you rush and miss things.

But again, none of the minor mistakes distracted from the story as a whole.

 

[Djmac1031]

Oh, last nitpick lol: I would have liked to see a little more clarification on what did or didn't happen to Katelyn at the party.

Not that I WANTED her raped, of course. More that I wanted clarification that her assailants hadn't gotten that far yet, thankfully.

Again, minor complaint.

 

[Burn_To_Ash]

I read your story — incest isn't normally something I read, but sister/brother is much more believable. For a first story, I think you did good. You asked for comments in your story introduction, but it seems that you don't have the comment function enabled.

Some thoughts;
1. For me, there is a bit too much description of his body. Too much becomes repetitive and stalls the story for no good purpose.

2. The story, told in third person, felt somewhat distant and removed from the intensity portrayed. There was a lot of repeated details — her freckles, his muscles, his lifelong adoration of her, etc.

3. For a first effort, there were just a few typos — having someone else give it a once-over before publication is something most all us of need. Super hard to try to catch your own typos/errant word. Maybe get in touch with a fellow author here to share the proof-reading chore with.

4. The focus on the sister's "gushing fluids" seemed a bit overdone. His 8" cock seemed cliche.

5. This next is just a heads-up suggestion. You wrote this in the third person point of view. There has been a lot of discussion here among author's about point-of-view. I think there is a discussion topic on the Author's Hangout about first person POV. In general; there seems to be a consensus that First Person POV is by nature a more intimate and immersive point of view. I think this story would have been much more intimate if it had been done in that. NOTE: I'm not suggesting you change anything at this point, just something to learn about and consider as you go forward in your writing of other stories.

All said, I think you have the imagination required to become a really good story teller! Congratulations on your first "baby".

Well shoot! Thank you! I’m learning so much through everyone here, I’m gonna make my next story so much better.

 

[Burn_To_Ash]

First up: congrats on your first story!

I'm still a relatively new writer here myself, and still learning, so I'm certainly not going to critique minor spelling or grammar errors lol.

You're story, overall, was really good. If not at all realistic lol.

Pure fantasy is fine. It's obvious that's what you were going for and you wrote it well. And you're very descriptive, which is always a plus.

If you are truly planning it as a SERIES, then you kinda rushed into the sex. You may have been able to stretch that out a bit, have them start slower.

But that's just the way I would have written it, and it's not MY story.

Great effort. Looking forward to more.

Last tip I'll give is the one I always got: editing is your friend.

Read, reread, edit, re-edit. I'm impatient as well, sometimes you just wanna get the story up so much you rush and miss things.

But again, none of the minor mistakes distracted from the story as a whole.

Thank you for the advice, kind reader! I shall apply it