ֱiţ'ş Ţңε Wαүֱ

[Brown_Eyez]

ֱIţ'ş Ţңε Wαүֱ

It's the way you look into my eyes
the way you search my soul
Knowing if we're not careful
this could spin out of control.

It's the way you make me smile
the way you make me feel...
It is like I have a life again
and that I am, in fact, for REAL!

It's the way you know my thoughts
the way you make me weak
you finish my sentences for me
before I can even speak.

It's the way that you love me
the way you allow it to show
leaving me all warm inside
and setting my heart aglow.

 

[WickedEve]

Thanks for posting your poem. Over the years, many of the erotic poems begin to sound alike. That's why I wanted to read something non-erotic. I was hoping to see how you would write about some experience in your life, an observation, the details you'd offer, etc.

I hate to say "show, don't tell" since that phrase is repeated so often on this forum. But most of your poem is telling me. It's telling me "the way you look" and "the way you search" and "the way you make me weak" and "the way that you love me" and so on. I'd love to see a revision of this poem where you show the reader how this person looks at you, how this person loves you. Give details. It would greatly improve the poem and make it far more interesting.

 

[Brown_Eyez]

Thanks for your feedback. I can see what you're saying, and it would make more sense to do it that way. I am not sure how I would go about doing it, I wrote that some time ago. However, I will see what I can come up with.

 

[WickedEve]

Read some of the poems in the 30 poems in 30 days thread.
You're bound to get some good ideas from them and learn more about poetry.