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Poetry 101 -I Spy A cliché

Unmasked Poet

Unmasked Poet

Really Really Experienced
Joined
Nov 15, 2001
Posts
429
Here we go.

Below is a poem filled with enough hackneyed words and phrases to cause a poetry fan's eyes to water. Otherwise know as the cliché. Here the challenge is to find the cliché and list them. Limit your finds to 3 clichés per post and no repeating of clichés Remember cliché phrases can be listed also. We start with the lamenting tortured soul poem enititled:

FIX
written by anonymous
there is no copyright who would want to


I fought toward sleep last night, cold and shivering in the June heat.
Taught desire pushes through my veins, holding me on a fine edge.
It is an odd mix of pleasure and despair.
Enough of your touch is left from the day to calm the need,
yet to the remains of the night there is only want for more.
Seconds stand unmoving toward minutes,
who turn only at the prodding of infinity.
Anticipation breaks through to entwine with tension,
and a smile of hope is added, to put a pleasant face on desperation.
I fought this night to hold a memory kind and beckoning.
Eyes closed to steady my resolve.
A breath taken too deeply betrays desire.
With no pride, and stripped of pretense I wait for you,
for your touch,
the warmth of your soul.
The rise and fall of your chest with each impassioned breath.
Ahh there now moving through my veins
An itch...
A tingle
And there is just enough of your touch left to remind of what I am without.
A fix
 
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steady my resolve
impassioned breath
rise and fall of your chest

There's my three. I see more, but I'll give someone else a shot. lol

It's still not a bad poem. You posted it before, and I thought it was good, but now that I've been reading and writing more poetry, I can see what you're saying, U.P.
 
calm the need
betrays desire
smile of hope

ugh
 
fought toward sleep
taut desire
seconds stand unmoving (also redundant)

Sounds like a product of a high school creative writing student.
 
the warmth of your soul
rise and fall of your chest
cold and shivering in the june heat

its sappy but I like it.:)
 
From reading your posts, UP, it seems as if you believe that a single word can be a cliche. If that is so, then I disagree.

It's been my understanding that a cliche is a phrase that has been so often used that it no longer has the impact it once did and probably even seems corny or flat. I don't think that a single word can be classified as a cliche. A word cannot seem hackneyed in and of itself, but only in the context in which it is used. But perhaps I am wrong. I'd like to hear other people's definition of a cliche.

And isn't there a difference between corny and cliche? I found this poem a little corny and repetitive, but not cliche.
 
Whispersecret, much of what you say is true. Although I believe a word can be cliché. For example if you are writing a poem about a women’s vagina. Using flower or fruit to represent it in the poem is cliché.
In a poem about love using the words:
passion, desire lust, etc are cliché. It is a monumental task to write a poem or poetic prose without cliché the inventive poets finds a way to minimize the cliché words or phases to allow the reader a fresh perspective. Otherwise we all sound the same. The cliché word is a word of convenience. So often used the single word is a phrase. Many poets (myself included) compound the problem by stringing cliché words together to create the phrases you allude to.
I write poems with cliche word and sometimes phrases but i always make sure I hide them around enough fresh words and image that they add to the body of the poem.
This is course is my opinion. Can corny be cliché? Sure it can. Can corny be non-cliché ridden? Of course. Can a cliché poem have merit? I believe it can. Very nice questions.

Isn’t poetry wonderful?

U.P.
 
Ah, UP, I see what you mean, but I would argue that perhaps you're talking more about ideas. The flower/vagina example was excellent. If a person compared a woman's genitals to a blossoming flower, it would definitely be a cliche.

I would also still disagree that the use of a single word cannot be cliche unless there is something else wrong with the poem/story. Would it not be possible to find many fine examples of love poetry which use the words "passion," "desire," and "lust?"

In my own writing, I find it difficult to find new and fresh ways to describe the human orgasm without reverting to references to explosions, crashing waves, falling off precipices. Still, I sometimes will attempt to do as you suggested--take that tried and true cliche and surround it with language that distracts the reader enough so that they don't realize I've had my character explode, yet again.
 
pushing through my veins

for your touch

the last one caught my eye because I believe it was one of the taboo words in daughter's thread for the poem about love. I'm still learning what makes certain phrases or words a cliche',and these types of threads are a great help.
 
Commmingggggg!!!!!!!!!!!

Whisper,

You are right! and wrong! Of course so am I. Perhaps I am looking at the word choice with too powerful a microscope. I shall back away.

You are correct that there are many examples of excellent romantic poetry in fact I would dare say the best.

I should say I love a cliché, as I love rhyme and meter. I simply advocate the use of them wisely, judiciously. The debate can go on, yet to what end? I hope you can agree with me that very little of value can come from:

"the passions of the lovers erupted, causing lust to cascade down their trembling entwined limbs and form into pools of satiated desires. A reservoir of afterglow still smoldering, still white hot with their love. Peaking, building, ….. "

Hey Whipsersecret and/or someone stop or join me. We could have the longest, most cliché laden orgasm in the history of the recorded word.

U.P.
 
Suddenly, I feel as if I must defend myself properly if I am to submit a poem. Damn.. there goes my creativity.
 
Halx

Halx,

You are correct, yet behind all succesful art is science. Painters paint with technique learned over hundreds of thousands of hours of study.

Writers, Singers, Dancers all learn the techniques to get better. We are born with the talent. The science cultivates the talent and allows it to grow.

Even artist who say "they do not study" still use the science. Those artist simply have a gift of expression that will naturally utilize technique that others have to learn.

Creativity is the art of expression and cannot be diminished by talk of form and structure.

Poetry is an art and science. It can exist as both seperately, yet when combined you typically are left with "High Art" and the science is invisible yet no less important.

U.P.
 
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Well.. if that is your theory, then at least allow a poet to have their own science behind their art.

This all is starting to sound religious.
 
Writing is religion reading is worship

I will agree with you Halx, the theory though is not mine.

I cannot allow nor deny anything, Only state my opinions. Yet the "things" that make good poetry good are universal.

Science is not open to interruption it is fact and based on empirical data that is why it has value. Art is subjective.

The Story and Poetry forum is the temple
 
There is a website.. www.capalert.com

If you read some of this guy's reviews, you get to realize he's a religious fanatic who thinks everyone should live by his views of a Christian life, and criticizes all who do not.

I just see a striking similarity in the mindset of this thread, others like it, and that website.

Poetry, for me, is a release - not a duty. I write when I feel and whatever comes of it is no less genuine, no less inspired, and no less meaningful if you don't like how it is written.

I make one draft of my poems. I do not revise and I do not edit. They are feelings - they have been said how I wanted to say them. Period.

Displaying other peoples' poems and then deconstructing them is not showing proper respect for their artistic abilities and feelings. Chances are, they did not write the poem for you.

Just giving my two cents. Disclaimer: Most points discussed are hypothetical and not necessarily attached to this one thread.
 
One opinion

Halx--

Unmasked Poet is one voice. You have one, too. UP shouldn't do anything but continue sharing his view. If you are happy with what you write, what is the argument? There is no restriction on your writing. Folks who enjoy your work aren't going to like it any less because of what UP says. Now, those who share his outlook, will not be impressed with poetry that is full of abstractions and cliches. As mskitty stated, she writes for herself and those who enjoy it.

If you are not interested in the technical aspects of writing, then you may find no value in UP's comments. We all decide what we value. Who invests energy in that which they do not value?

I am interested in the tools of writing as well. I concur with UP. In every other art form, the artist studies, practices, masters particular skills and yes, they stretch even abandon the rules. However, before breaking them, the artist is at least making an informed decision to do so. She knows what she is stretching or abandoning.


The readership is vast here. UP, KillerMuffin, TheDr4ke and I are in the minority. We're not interested in cramping your style. We're here to support and encourage those who are interested in hearing perspectives different than the own. We respect your right to toss or use.

Keep writing.

Peace,

daughter
 
Unmasked put's on collar

Brother and sisters....

Halx certainly your poetry is for you, yet when you post/publish it is for all of us. Like most writers you seek the opinions of those that read your work.

By not revisiting your works you fail to improve them for your reader. You have so clearly stated your artistic passions and disciplines.
I am pleased that you have them and share them with us. I do not attempt to judge the emotional value of a poet work. That is personal. I can only examine it's skin and a blemish is a blemish. I n my writings I rarely talk about the meaning of a poem each reader must find that truth.

I conclude my sermon with this

A lump of coal only becomes a diamond after a lot of work.
That is brothers and sisters is my opinion. You can argue that it was always diamond yet if you want someone to value it and not burn it. You must polish it. Otherwise light up the furnace and burn in the fires of ...

U.P.
 
Oops

Okay ignor the typos above, I was in a rush of creativity. I say the work stands on it own merit and intent, nothing else matters.

U.P.
 
..and in that speach can be found endless volumes of elitist opinions.

Sorry.. perfection is not always the goal, and perfection in your eyes is not perfection in mine.

When I post a poem for people to read.. it is there for them to read, of course. However, unless I am writing a stanza for my Nazi-esque English class (So-called creative writing) I do not want anyone fussing to me about the mechanics, flow, or content of MY poem. If you like it, great. If you dont like it, that's ok, I didn't write it for you. I dont need someone telling me how it should have been written. if you would like to see it written some other way, ask me permission to use my poem as reference and then post your own rendition or remix.

If I am not mistaken, a lot of people get busted every year for taking creative material that is not theirs, redressing it, and redisplaying it. It's called copyright infringement. I dont know how much more blunt I can get. (That, I hope you notice though, is not my only point.)
 
uh huh

Halx,

I am sorry but I cannot resist. No one want's to rewrite your poetry. I believe you are the only one who even wants to post it. I happen to enjoy reading poetry. Anyone who invests the time in talking about a poem and making suggestions is not a pirate on this board. True the artist may not have asked for help, yet they almost always asked for opinions. I believe you did so yourself. Should I have offered one and made suggestions that is not any kind of copyright infringement. I think it fair to say your poetry is safe from all manner of asaults. Should your poem make it to #1 have your lawyer call my lawyer.

K.M. You words echo ever clear yet I shall remain undaunted.
 
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Halx, puppy

Don't worry. Ain't nobody gonna infringe on your work. LOL

It's not that serious, Halx. Ignore or Delete are wonderful options. Report UP to the managers of this site (not sure what you're complaint will be). Please don't hold this thread and this group hostage with your disdain.

UP accepts private messages. Give him a good cussin' out there. :)

Peace,

daughter
 
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Like I said.. that wasn't my only point. Avoid it as you wish.

I am not worried about you 'reviewing' my work. Fully quoting it, with or without revisions, is what I was referring to.
 
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Someone please hit me in the head with a two by four is I ever write poetry.
 
rage stop faking modesty

You can write anything you want. Regardless of the genre, I don't know any writer who hits the mark everytime. :)


Like Halx said perfection isn't always the goal. If he were'nt so defensive, he might notice that we agree on some things. And so what when we don't. I don't think anyone should lose any sleep over it. LOL

Peace,

daughter
 
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