Get to know you're fallow litsteroticanites

Hey y’all I never did one o' these before, an I figgerd this would be neat-o?!

1) Why did your parents give you your stupid name?

2) How did you decide whether you were straight, gay, bisexual, or just confused?

3) What is your real stupid name, and what is your social security number, address, mother’s maiden name, bank account number and PIN?!

4) On the maleness to femaleness scale rank yourself from “1”
( = “worst”) to “10” (= “best”)?

5) Do you love me?

6) How old are you (females only, please)?

7) Are you willing to meet me tonight at the truckstop off of I-10 at around 9:30?

8) You’re curious, though, aren’t you? You've heard about the ol'
Ham-bone™, haven't you? And you know you're curious.

9) Do you have any communicable diseases?

10) When you lost your virginity, was it: (a.) romantic, (b.) pathetic, (c.) embarrassing, (d.) you were stoned/drunk and you missed it?

11) How did it happen?

12) No, really, go on and tell me? Use lots of graphic language? I can keep a secret?

13) Which of the following would you most like to give you the high, hard one with a Steely Dan #9? (a.) Ayn Rand, (b.) Eleanor Roosevelt, (c.) Hillary Clinton, (d.) Margaret Thatcher?

14) Do you call this ‘living’?

15) Favorite crustacean?

16) Favorite fungal infection?

17) Favorite cigarette?

18) Favorite table at Acme Oyster Bar?

19) Top 5 celebrities you'd like to have sex with? If you answered this question, when do you plan to get a life?

20) Worst canned tuna experience ever?

21) Best sexual experience ever with just yourself?

22) Weirdest thing someone has done to you with a spatula?

23) Favorite way to unstop your toilet?

24) Favorite place to shout ‘suck my clit you fucking flake’?

25) Favorite person to call a whore on lit?

26) Any pets? if so, do you think we care?

27) Are you left- or right-handed? Is that the hand you wipe your ass with?

28) Dream car? Why do you dream of cars? Do you wish you didn’t dream of cars? I would, if I were you.

29) How much do you pay for car insurance now? How much will it be when you get off probation for that last DWI conviction?

30) Any tattoos? Are they as tasteless as we suspect they are?

31) Do you have pussy/cock jewelry? If so, how long did the infection last?

32) Got any freebies lately?

33) Regrets? I’ve had a few, etc., etc. MY WAY!

34) IF you're a guy, go away; if you're a woman, send me a pic of your boobs?

35) Now, send me a pic of you spanking your pussy with a spatula?

36) ?

I'll answer one question.

Yes.

Talk to the ass.

d00d. Yer getting way to "chatty".

sunstruck said:

I'll answer one question.

Yes.

Click to expand...

I hope it wasn't Question #9.

fallow litsteroticanites

*snort*

Hamletmaschine said:

I hope it wasn't Question #9.

Click to expand...

LOL No.

After reading that list, I'm hoping that he doesn't work in a restaurant and he's using his own spatula.

Hamletmaschine said:

8) You’re curious, though, aren’t you? You've heard about the ol'
Ham-bone™, haven't you? And you know you're curious.

34) IF you're a guy, go away; if you're a woman, send me a pic of your boobs?

Click to expand...

We need shots of the hambone.

And my boobs are all over Lit.

sunstruck said:

LOL No.

Click to expand...

Hmm, well, since I already have the pics of your boobs, I'm guessing it's spatula time!

humping hammy... hey alliteration. YUM!

1) Why did your parents give you your stupid name?

too much reefer in the 60's


2) How did you decide whether you were straight, gay, bisexual, or just confused?

i played eenie meenie miney moe


3) What is your real stupid name, and what is your social security number, address, mother’s maiden name, bank account number and PIN?!

i already faxed that stuff over to you.


4) On the maleness to femaleness scale rank yourself from “1”
( = “worst”) to “10” (= “best”)?

i've never thought i had any maleness


5) Do you love me?

in the immortal words of dan fogelberg...
Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in love with you


6) How old are you (females only, please)?

old enough to know better


7) Are you willing to meet me tonight at the truckstop off of I-10 at around 9:30?

which one? there are several


8) You’re curious, though, aren’t you? You've heard about the ol'
Ham-bone™, haven't you? And you know you're curious.

like a cat.


9) Do you have any communicable diseases?

are you trying to seduce me?


10) When you lost your virginity, was it: (a.) romantic, (b.) pathetic, (c.) embarrassing, (d.) you were stoned/drunk and you missed it?

(e) typical.


11) How did it happen?

i keep asking myself the same damn thing


12) No, really, go on and tell me? Use lots of graphic language? I can keep a secret?

graphic? ok...

http://www.engenderhealth.org/wh/fp/images/cond5.gif


13) Which of the following would you most like to give you the high, hard one with a Steely Dan #9? (a.) Ayn Rand, (b.) Eleanor Roosevelt, (c.) Hillary Clinton, (d.) Margaret Thatcher?

none of the above.


14) Do you call this ‘living’?

it sure isn't dying.


15) Favorite crustacean?

i don't like anything crusty.


16) Favorite fungal infection?

anything on a person that is 500 miles away.


17) Favorite cigarette?

i only smoke dope.


18) Favorite table at Acme Oyster Bar?

next to the coyote and roadrunner


19) Top 5 celebrities you'd like to have sex with? If you answered this question, when do you plan to get a life?

hmmm... i'm having visions of a new reality show: celebrity gang-bang.


20) Worst canned tuna experience ever?

you masturbate with the silliest things.


21) Best sexual experience ever with just yourself?

it gets better -every- time


22) Weirdest thing someone has done to you with a spatula?

i don't think spanking is weird


23) Favorite way to unstop your toilet?

call a plumber


24) Favorite place to shout ‘suck my clit you fucking flake’?

grand canyon


25) Favorite person to call a whore on lit?

i got a list.


26) Any pets? if so, do you think we care?

one.


27) Are you left- or right-handed? Is that the hand you wipe your ass with?

right. no, i use a bidet.


28) Dream car? Why do you dream of cars? Do you wish you didn’t dream of cars? I would, if I were you.

one that comes with a chauffeur.


29) How much do you pay for car insurance now? How much will it be when you get off probation for that last DWI conviction?

too much. cheers!


30) Any tattoos? Are they as tasteless as we suspect they are?

a few. of course not... my tattooist - a grizzly, tattooed middle-aged man is the epitome of class.


31) Do you have pussy/cock jewelry? If so, how long did the infection last?

yes. never... my cunt sparkles!


32) Got any freebies lately?

some new kind of maxi pad.


33) Regrets? I’ve had a few, etc., etc. MY WAY!

ditto.


34) IF you're a guy, go away; if you're a woman, send me a pic of your boobs?

you'll have to prepay... $4.95, please.


35) Now, send me a pic of you spanking your pussy with a spatula?

what kind of person do you think i am? pervert!


36)

-smirk-

gypsywitch said:

fallow litsteroticanites

*snort*

Click to expand...

Yeah, that's funny, but what's with the "you're"?

It dun make no sense!

Gaucho said:

Talk to the ass.

Click to expand...

sure.
yo ass, get a razor.

I'm too seedy for this questions.

Re: Re: Get to know you're fallow litsteroticanites

honeylick said:

in the immortal words of dan fogelberg...
Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in love with you

Click to expand...

You know, I sang that at a wedding once. Brought a tear to my eye, it did.

What the hell. These are better than the usual questions.

1) Why did your parents give you your stupid name? because you can't shorten it. Most Marks' parents had the same idea. ALso St. Mark's is the closest Saint's day to my birth.

2) How did you decide whether you were straight, gay, bisexual, or just confused? I just am. I never wondered.

3) What is your real stupid name, and what is your social security number, address, mother’s maiden name, bank account number and PIN?! Mark Thomas James Gwyn Arthur (shut up) like I'm going to tell you.

4) On the maleness to femaleness scale rank yourself from “1”
( = “worst”) to “10” (= “best”)? 7 Male

5) Do you love me? I'll make sure you get home, but I'd prefer to sleep with the waitress.

6) How old are you (females only, please)? Need not answer then.

) 7 Are you willing to meet me tonight at the truckstop off of I-10 at around 9:30? No. It would probably involve a 300 mile flight. You come here.

8) You’re curious, though, aren’t you? You've heard about the ol'
Ham-bone™, haven't you? And you know you're curious. This is the diner at this truck stop, isn't it?

Do you have any communicable diseases? You might eventually pick up some style.

When you lost your virginity, was it: (a.) romantic, (b.) pathetic, (c.) embarrassing, (d.) you were stoned/drunk and you missed it? Ahem. A gentleman does not make big obvious lies, nor does he make himself look stupid if he can help it. I never have, because I'm a Gentleman dammit.

How did it happen? I was brought up that way. Then young women screwed me over on the basis of it. Next subject.

No, really, go on and tell me? Use lots of graphic language? I can keep a secret?

Which of the following would you most like to give you the high, hard one with a Steely Dan #9? (a.) Ayn Rand, (b.) Eleanor Roosevelt, (c.) Hillary Clinton, (d.) Margaret Thatcher? Hillary Clinton. Because (a) who? (b) never have seen a picture (c)I'm sure she's a lovely person and (d) I know she's a bitch who screwed up my childhood, stole my milk and ruined the economy so my Dad lost his job twice.

4) Do you call this ‘living’? what's 'this'? Well yes. I suppose I'd have to . With the breathing and the respiration and so on.

15) Favorite crustacean? These kind of brine shrimp thngs that live in the sahara desert and breed profusely for a week a year when there's water and then die leaving just eggs. I saw them on TV once and fell in love with their wonderful society

16) Favorite fungal infection? Yakult Bio Yoghurt drink. The common sense or lack thereof of society in a little tub.

17) Favorite cigarette? I don't. What's your favourite type of valve oil?

18) Favorite table at Acme Oyster Bar? One next to Wile E. Coyote. Always entertaining.

19) Top 5 celebrities you'd like to have sex with? If you answered this question, when do you plan to get a life? I have one, for what it's worth. For some reason beyond even my comprehension I'd like to fuck Jane Horrocks. Gail Porter has an arse to die for. Who? you say? well exactly.

20) Worst canned tuna experience ever? Tuna salad, work canteen, vile.

21) Best sexual experience ever with just yourself? Well that would have been one time at band camp.

22) Weirdest thing someone has done to you with a spatula? used one I made for them in school as a cement mixer (thanks Mum)

23) Favorite way to unstop your toilet? Professional cleaner. You can be miles away.

24) Favorite place to shout ‘suck my clit you fucking flake’? I shall have to give that some consideration but off teh top of my head, on a gondola in Venice.

25) Favorite person to call a whore on lit? I wouldn't. It's the Gentleman complex kicking in again.

26) Any pets? if so, do you think we care? Yes, no.

27) Are you left- or right-handed? Is that the hand you wipe your ass with? right and neither. This is what toilet tissue and bidets are for.

28) Dream car? Why do you dream of cars? Do you wish you didn’t dream of cars? I would, if I were you. I don't dream of them but MGs are nice.

29) How much do you pay for car insurance now? How much will it be when you get off probation for that last DWI conviction?Bugger all. I sold it to help pay off my debts and haven't bought a new one for 3 1/2 years. I actually like bicycles, trains and hire cars.

30) Any tattoos? Are they as tasteless as we suspect they are? No, because I really don't think it would suit me.

31) Do you have pussy/cock jewelry? If so, how long did the infection last? Am in mint condition.

32) Got any freebies lately? Nope. In my job I could actually get in trouble if I did.

33) Regrets? I’ve had a few, etc., etc. MY WAY! bla blah bla blaah ... and took my chances

34) IF you're a guy, go away; if you're a woman, send me a pic of your boobs? Whilst the intention is appreciated I am not aroused by isolated body parts. I recommend a better photographer.

35) Now, send me a pic of you spanking your pussy with a spatula? My cat died of old age several years after the spatula got thrown out. covered in concrete. The two incident s are not connected and you can't prove it.

36) ? [/QUOTE] Yes thankyou.

1) Why did your parents give you your stupid name?

***Its a generational Catholic thing.


2) How did you decide whether you were straight, gay, bisexual, or just confused?

***I decided it was ok to admit being a bi-sexual virgin after getting over the hang-up of potentially being called a lesbian.


3) What is your real stupid name, and what is your social security number, address, mother’s maiden name, bank account number and PIN?!

***What are you selling?


4) On the maleness to femaleness scale rank yourself from “1”
( = “worst”) to “10” (= “best”)?


***Nine on a good day.


5) Do you love me?

***Why yes I do, but I'm not sure if I like you yet.


6) How old are you (females only, please)?

***Forty-one.


7) Are you willing to meet me tonight at the truckstop off of I-10 at around 9:30?

***Nope, my honey-bunch is taking me out to dinner to celebrate his latest big contract.


8) You’re curious, though, aren’t you? You've heard about the ol'
Ham-bone™, haven't you? And you know you're curious.

***Nope.


9) Do you have any communicable diseases?

***I had a fever blister on my lip a few weeks ago.


10) When you lost your virginity, was it: (a.) romantic, (b.) pathetic, (c.) embarrassing, (d.) you were stoned/drunk and you missed it?

***Kinda pathetic and embarassing, but interesting since he didn't know I was a virgin.


11) How did it happen?

***He took me into his friend's house while the parents were away and did me in his friend's bed.


12) No, really, go on and tell me? Use lots of graphic language? I can keep a secret?

***He said he wouldn't cum until he knew I'd gotten off, but I wasn't excited. We kissed some and then he was trying to go in. I'd never had a real orgasm before and I think some of the sounds I was making made him think I was turned on. He didn't last very long. The hymen wasn't terribly painful but being penetrated by a big, black guy when I was so young took some getting used to. He thought the stain in the bed was from my period and went and washed off his condom right away. I have no idea what that family thought after we used their house. It was along time ago, but I have no recollection of the condom being flushed or the bed being changed. I had to go home fast. We did it a few more times in his car in the woods before I moved on to a big, Swiss guy instead.


13) Which of the following would you most like to give you the high, hard one with a Steely Dan #9? (a.) Ayn Rand, (b.) Eleanor Roosevelt, (c.) Hillary Clinton, (d.) Margaret Thatcher?

***Ewww!


14) Do you call this ‘living’?

***Uh huh.


15) Favorite crustacean?

***Hmmm... nautilus.


16) Favorite fungal infection?

***Anything that doesn't involve soft tissues.


17) Favorite cigarette?

***American Spirit light green


18) Favorite table at Acme Oyster Bar?

***The one where you're sitting.


19) Top 5 celebrities you'd like to have sex with? If you answered this question, when do you plan to get a life?

***You should have asked which celebrities I have had sex with.


20) Worst canned tuna experience ever?

***When I first got pregnant the smell of it in the fridge made me barf right on the floor.


21) Best sexual experience ever with just yourself?

***Oh God. That would be out in my hot tub a few weeks ago.


22) Weirdest thing someone has done to you with a spatula?

***Is spanking wierd?


23) Favorite way to unstop your toilet?

***Plumber's crack.


24) Favorite place to shout ‘suck my clit you fucking flake’?

***Here at LIT, cause I wouldn't say that any place else.


25) Favorite person to call a whore on lit?

***TraKel.


26) Any pets? if so, do you think we care?

***I care.


27) Are you left- or right-handed? Is that the hand you wipe your ass with?

***Left mainly, but ambi.


28) Dream car? Why do you dream of cars? Do you wish you didn’t dream of cars? I would, if I were you.


Time's up! Gotta boogie.

This is worse than my finals!

Fallow?

Do you mean 'callow' or 'fellow'?

*snort*

Gee wiz Hammylet I cant' answer all them questuns at wonce thats real hard to do?

ubertroll said:

Fallow?

Do you mean 'callow' or 'fellow'?

Click to expand...

I think he actually meant fallow:

undeveloped

I'm just wondering what a "litsteroticanite" is.

5) Do you love me? 8

6) How old are you (females only, please)? unconditionally

7) Are you willing to meet me tonight at the truckstop off of I-10 at around 9:30? 29

9) Do you have any communicable diseases? Well, I was. Bad timing.

14) Do you call this ‘living’? No.

15) Favorite crustacean? I'm not Martha Stewart.

17) Favorite cigarette? Lobster.

21) Best sexual experience ever with just yourself? None.

25) Favorite person to call a whore on lit? Everytime.

26) Any pets? if so, do you think we care? Nora.

30) Any tattoos? Are they as tasteless as we suspect they are? Yes and yes.

32) Got any freebies lately? No.

36) ? Frisbee.