LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Who speaks for whom?

hiddenself

hiddenself

Really Really Experienced
Joined
Dec 17, 2002
Posts
452
One of Philly's independent weeklies just published a piece on Club Kama Sutra (CKS), a local sex club.
http://citypaper.net/articles/current/cover.shtml

Now, what I am interested in is opinions on this little bit:

While threesomes with women are encouraged, club rules prohibit male bisexual or gay activity of any kind. "This is a private club, and the members wanted it that way," Fred said. "So there is no male-on-male activity. Our members were OK with bisexual female activity, so that's allowed and sometimes it's encouraged."
Click to expand...

If you have experience in the lifestyle, could you please weigh in with your perception of the general feeling out there?
 
In the US, straght men are not threatened by bi-women. They find it erotic and acceptable, although pure lesbians are not as attractive (the chance for sex with them is not realistic).

They are threatened by bi-men. The old "What if he comes on to me" fear is present, even if just in the subconscious.
 
catalina_francisco said:
Sounds a bit sexist and homophobic to me.

Catalina :rose:
Click to expand...

Only a bit Catalina? :rolleyes:

I have never understood why guys were so turned on by the thought/sight/whatever of two women who didn't want or need them, but appalled, threatened, and nearly terrified of the thought of a guy thinking that he was attractive. I understand that guys are afraid of it, but I have never understood why they are - if you tell someone, no matter what their gender, "no" then that should be the end of it, and life goes on ... having someone that you are not attracted to hit on you isn't a life or death thing, and contrary to the stereotypes, most bi or gay males that I know are not insatiable sex-fiends that will come on to anything male and not give in until they get what they want. I think that people just need to relax and be secure with who and what they are ... but unfortunately, that will probably never happen.
 
hiddenself:

After reading the news article, this was not about a bdsm club, event, or dungeon. The "lifestyle" was described as couples who were open to sex with others outside their relationship, etc. There was never a mention of dominance, submission, or any kind of s/m activity.

Nevertheless, in my personal exeriences at public dungeons (where s&m play is the norm), and private parties as well, there are generally plenty of bi- and gay men involved. I haven't seen any prejudice in the places I have been.

However, the article did say that this was a prviate club, where members pay annual dues as well as a fee to attend the party, so I suppose they can make whatever rules they want. From reading the article, I get the idea that if Sir and I were there and he pulled out the cuffs, flogger, nipple clamps, and blindfold, we might be asked to leave.

- justina
 
SweetDommes said:
Only a bit Catalina? :rolleyes:

I have never understood why guys were so turned on by the thought/sight/whatever of two women who didn't want or need them, but appalled, threatened, and nearly terrified of the thought of a guy thinking that he was attractive. I understand that guys are afraid of it, but I have never understood why they are - if you tell someone, no matter what their gender, "no" then that should be the end of it, and life goes on ... having someone that you are not attracted to hit on you isn't a life or death thing, and contrary to the stereotypes, most bi or gay males that I know are not insatiable sex-fiends that will come on to anything male and not give in until they get what they want. I think that people just need to relax and be secure with who and what they are ... but unfortunately, that will probably never happen.
Click to expand...

Exactly, which is why I see it as sexist and homophobic. Is OK to perve on a couple of girls getting off together, but they just are not wanting to see the men do the same. I actually think from conversations I hear for heterosexual males it is the whole idea of men getting it on which disgusts them, more so than the few who think they will become the next male object of desire...they do seem to have an irrational fear at times, but I think much of that is fueled by male ego which leads them to see themselves as irresistable to all, male or female. Some of them will never get past their misconceptions and pjobias I fear. Seems a shame the club uses Kama Sutra for a name given that it is taken from a culture where there is acknowledged attraction and desire across the sexualities.

Catalina :rose:
 
catalina_francisco said:
Exactly, which is why I see it as sexist and homophobic. Is OK to perve on a couple of girls getting off together, but they just are not wanting to see the men do the same. I actually think from conversations I hear for heterosexual males it is the whole idea of men getting it on which disgusts them, more so than the few who think they will become the next male object of desire...they do seem to have an irrational fear at times, but I think much of that is fueled by male ego which leads them to see themselves as irresistable to all, male or female. Some of them will never get past their misconceptions and pjobias I fear. Seems a shame the club uses Kama Sutra for a name given that it is taken from a culture where there is acknowledged attraction and desire across the sexualities.

Catalina :rose:
Click to expand...
I know ... and I did get the sarcasm in your first post on it ... I just absolutely hate that there is so much of a double standard. So many boys that we have talked to are excited at the thought of the two of us together, but any mention of contact with, or even the presence of, another boy and they fly off the handle "oh, no, I'd never do that, that's one of my hard limits" - or something else equally silly.
 
SweetDommes said:
I know ... and I did get the sarcasm in your first post on it ... I just absolutely hate that there is so much of a double standard. So many boys that we have talked to are excited at the thought of the two of us together, but any mention of contact with, or even the presence of, another boy and they fly off the handle "oh, no, I'd never do that, that's one of my hard limits" - or something else equally silly.
Click to expand...

LOL, one day they will catch up with the women and learn to hang loose. LOL.

Catalina :rose:
 
in a nutshell this is why my boy and I don't particpate in the swinging subculture, although the way we handle the relationship is conceptually compatible with it. I won't have any part in such a homophobic deal.
 
Yes, indeedo, that was my perception too: hypocritical, chauvinistic, homophobic, offensive. But the question is whether this reflects the wider lifestyle (swingers', if you prefer) community out there. I think it does not, but my own first-hand experience in the scene is very limited.
 
Sexuality to me in any form is beautiful and erotic. Man-Woman, Woman-Woman, Man-Man, Group. All of it is a turn on me for but that does NOT mean that I necessarily have to participate in it. For me I am not bi... alittle kissing, alittle touching but anything heavier and we run straight up against an iron wall 10 feet thick. Its me, those are my issues, love me or hate me. However, there are some that can and have done the same sex thing and had it work (I wasn't so lucky). Any type of discrimination especially from people in this lifestyle towards others in this lifestyle smacks of stupidity to me... don't we have enough problems with people from the nilla world hating us.

Always,
Elizabetht
 
I agree with Etoile I'm affraid; some swingers might kink, and some kinksters might swing, they're not mutually exclusive, but by and large the swinging scene is for the vanilla folk who think that it's the height of kink, not the flavoured folk for whom it is neither here nor there.

That to the asside, yes it seems a tad homophobic, but it's their club and they can presumably do what they like. If one doesn't agree, one need not join.

The reasons presented for the male attitude are all sound, but I suspect another reason may also come into play; that the red necked male in question may also be affraid that they'd find it titillating to some small degree, and would not be able to hide the obvious evidence of this. Thus they risk ridicule before their peers.
 
Have to say swinging does not float my boat either. Is often confused by some with things such as sharing though, and forced participation in swinging can be used as a form of humiliation, punishment, etc.

Catalina :rose:
 
Last edited:
Etoile said:
Can I ask a question? Why was this posted in BDSM Talk? I don't usually associate swinging with kink, myself. I guess there might be a connection but I'm not clear on it.
Click to expand...
I posted it here because there is a certain overlap between the two. And there being no "swingers' board" at Lit, this one is the closest I could get to reaching a group of "Lit"ers who might have something relevant to say. Was that a problem for you?
 
hiddenself said:
I posted it here because there is a certain overlap between the two. And there being no "swingers' board" at Lit, this one is the closest I could get to reaching a group of "Lit"ers who might have something relevant to say. Was that a problem for you?
Click to expand...

I personally have no problem with it on BDSM Talk. I think the conversation is relevant for sections of this community and also highlights issues which come into play for some. There is a predominance for acceptance of bisexual females within the culture, but not so many accepting of bisexual males who wish to actively participate from both sides of their sexuality, or gay males. Lit BDSM freflects this in part by the noticeable almost non existence of male gay D/s relationship posters on the board.

Catalina :rose:
 
Last edited:
Well...
I do believe that swinging is part of the BDSM scene but I believe it is called or thought of as something else (please excuse the brain deadedness, I haven't had any coffee yet today).

Now here is the kicker:

I will not swing with anyone UNLESS they are in a D/s, M/s, or Married Lifestyle couple... the reason begin is that in this lifestyle there needs to be more communication, more understanding, and just more of everything where sexual activities are involved.

I have learned some very interesting lessons about allowing anyone nilla into my life like that....

However back to the post:
I think it belongs here. I think it is valid for lifestylers to see that we are still (maybe always) discriminated against. It in my mind was more of an FYI.

Always,
Elizabetht:rose:
 
hiddenself said:
I posted it here because there is a certain overlap between the two. And there being no "swingers' board" at Lit, this one is the closest I could get to reaching a group of "Lit"ers who might have something relevant to say. Was that a problem for you?
Click to expand...
No, not a problem, it just confused me. I see this more as a queer issue than a kink issue, but maybe I'm oversensitive to queer issues.
 
Etoile said:
No, not a problem, it just confused me. I see this more as a queer issue than a kink issue, but maybe I'm oversensitive to queer issues.
Click to expand...

I have an idea Etoile. I personally see no problem with it being on the BDSM board and it has generated discussion from the perspectives and perceptions of posters here, but that does not mean you cannot make a seperate thread of your own from the article on GLBT Chatter to get their response from that board's perspective. That way we get more angles on it from a wider audience instead of limiting it to one. :) Sound cool?

Catalina :rose:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

rae121452
today in lgbt+ history...
Replies
5
Views
1K
CandiCame
CandiCame
rae121452
today in lgbt+ history...
Replies
0
Views
514
rae121452
rae121452
T
Looking for Criticism: My Literotica Author's Bio
2
Replies
28
Views
2K
TriXteRPhillips
T
U
Who We Are
Replies
3
Views
837
Username_of_Sean
U
R. Richard
Obama Gay?
2 3 4
Replies
92
Views
2K
R. Richard
R. Richard
Back
Top