All Texans please report! Your Assistance is Required inside...
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Bob_Bytchin
Lit Class of '02
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Just drink lots of Dr Pepper.
Mischka
Ms Snooby Pants
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If you don't like the weather, wait half an hour. It'll change.
Take Flash Thunderstorm warnings seriously.
People are really friendly here. It's completely normal for a stranger to strike up a conversation in the produce section of the grocery store.
Take Flash Thunderstorm warnings seriously.
People are really friendly here. It's completely normal for a stranger to strike up a conversation in the produce section of the grocery store.
Bob_Bytchin
Lit Class of '02
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Learn what Drive Friendly means.
I'm Wild Cherry
hello
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Can you identify which is the correct way to address a group?
a) You guys
b) Yousguys
c) Ya'll
d) Y'all
e) Everybody
a) You guys
b) Yousguys
c) Ya'll
d) Y'all
e) Everybody
I'm Wild Cherry
hello
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When you order "tea," expect it to be served with ice. If my grandmother were making it for you, there would be about 2 inches of sugar at the bottom of the glass that didn't disolve because she would make it so sweet!
Texan Missy Jean
Texan Gal
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OOOh OOOh OOOh Pick me
D is the answer.
Make sure not to touch the seat belt buckle in your car during the summer until the car has cooled off inside unless you want to be branded.
I'm Wild Cherry said:
D is the answer.
Make sure not to touch the seat belt buckle in your car during the summer until the car has cooled off inside unless you want to be branded.
someplace
Literotica Guru
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When you're from Texas, people that you meet ask you questions like, Do you have any cows?; Do you have horses?; Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh? They all want to know if you've been to Southfork. They watched Dallas.
Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at Texas with me just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be. As soon as anyone any where in the world looks at it they know what it is. It's Texas. Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt and he'll know what it is. What happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You'll get it maybe after a second, but who else would? And even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?
In every man, woman and child on this little rock the Good Lord put us on, there is a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride in a pickup. There is some bit of Texas in everyone. Did you ever hear anyone in a bar go, Wow...so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell me about it? Do you know why? Because there's no place like Texas.
Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing
thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and die for the cause of freedom.
We send our kids to schools named William B. Travis and James Bowie and Crockett and do you know why? Because those men saw a line in the sand and they decided to cross it and be heroes. John Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is the Spirit of Texas.
Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto. Texas is Juneteenth and Texas Independence Day. Texas is huge forests of Piney Woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest. Texas is breathtaking mountains in Big Bend. Texas is shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas.
Texas is world record bass from places like Lake Fork. Texas is Mexican food like nowhere in the world, even Mexico. Texas is the Fort Worth Stockyards, Bass Hall, and the Astrodome. Texas is larger-than-life legends like Willie Nelson, Buddy Holly, Waylon Jennings, Janis Joplin, ZZ Top, Eric Dickerson, Earl Campbell, Nolan Ryan, Denton Cooley and Michael DeBakey, Sam Rayburn, George Bush, Lyndon B. Johnson, and George W. Bush.
Texas is great companies like Dell Computer, Texas Instruments and Compaq.
Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops. Texas is skies
blackened with doves, and fields full of deer. Texas is a place where cities shut down for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football, and NIOSA River Parade in San Antonio. Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies, and modern cities. If it isn't in Texas, you don't need it.
No one does anything bigger or better than it's done in Texas.
By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can fly its
flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, or California, or Maine, and your state flag, whatever it is, goes at 17. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at the same height - 20 feet. Do you know why? Because we rate being a Texan as high as being an American down here.
Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the
capitol building in Washington, D.C. and we can divide our state into five states if we want to! We included these things in as part of the deal when we came on. That's the best part right there.
It ain't bragging if you can do it.
Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at Texas with me just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be. As soon as anyone any where in the world looks at it they know what it is. It's Texas. Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt and he'll know what it is. What happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You'll get it maybe after a second, but who else would? And even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?
In every man, woman and child on this little rock the Good Lord put us on, there is a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride in a pickup. There is some bit of Texas in everyone. Did you ever hear anyone in a bar go, Wow...so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell me about it? Do you know why? Because there's no place like Texas.
Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing
thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and die for the cause of freedom.
We send our kids to schools named William B. Travis and James Bowie and Crockett and do you know why? Because those men saw a line in the sand and they decided to cross it and be heroes. John Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is the Spirit of Texas.
Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto. Texas is Juneteenth and Texas Independence Day. Texas is huge forests of Piney Woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest. Texas is breathtaking mountains in Big Bend. Texas is shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas.
Texas is world record bass from places like Lake Fork. Texas is Mexican food like nowhere in the world, even Mexico. Texas is the Fort Worth Stockyards, Bass Hall, and the Astrodome. Texas is larger-than-life legends like Willie Nelson, Buddy Holly, Waylon Jennings, Janis Joplin, ZZ Top, Eric Dickerson, Earl Campbell, Nolan Ryan, Denton Cooley and Michael DeBakey, Sam Rayburn, George Bush, Lyndon B. Johnson, and George W. Bush.
Texas is great companies like Dell Computer, Texas Instruments and Compaq.
Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops. Texas is skies
blackened with doves, and fields full of deer. Texas is a place where cities shut down for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football, and NIOSA River Parade in San Antonio. Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies, and modern cities. If it isn't in Texas, you don't need it.
No one does anything bigger or better than it's done in Texas.
By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can fly its
flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, or California, or Maine, and your state flag, whatever it is, goes at 17. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at the same height - 20 feet. Do you know why? Because we rate being a Texan as high as being an American down here.
Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the
capitol building in Washington, D.C. and we can divide our state into five states if we want to! We included these things in as part of the deal when we came on. That's the best part right there.
It ain't bragging if you can do it.
Texan Missy Jean
Texan Gal
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- Jun 4, 2003
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someplace said:
So very well said Someplace. I knew there were more reasons than I could list for being proud to be a Texan. Goodness, just look at my sig line.
Texas is also fields completly purple in color from the profusion of blue bonnets that bloom in the spring.
someplace
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 6, 2002
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- 21,219
This has been posted a couple of times here. It's a little harsh, but parts are fun too...
MEMO: TO MEMBERS OF THE PRESS CORPS AND ASSORTED
MEDIA TYPES
SUBJECT: GUIDELINES FOR GETTING ALONG WHILE ACCOMPANYING THE PRESIDENT TO THE TEXAS WHITE HOUSE IN CRAWFORD. (THAT'S TEXAS!)
1) Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local restaurant. It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley, Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.).
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In Texas it's called a coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it's still a coke. Accept it.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read someJ.Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer than you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot, Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Ron Kirk). However, we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state just so they can run for the US Senate.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen. Hood you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble.
7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so shut up about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.
8) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. DO NOT, under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or contains no kidney beans. This will get your ass kicked into next week.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know they are not. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are.
10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying and that's all that matters.
11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state smell of oil or cow pies. If your livelihood depended on those wells and cows you'd soon learn to love the aroma. Besides, none of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Pittsburgh, PA.
12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass -- just like they did ours.
13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small towns. We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime infested cesspools like Cleveland.
14) DON'T YOU DARE tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go home in a pine box.
15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the first place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio Grande and put them on the Red River (where they really belong).
16) Enjoy your visit.
MEMO: TO MEMBERS OF THE PRESS CORPS AND ASSORTED
MEDIA TYPES
SUBJECT: GUIDELINES FOR GETTING ALONG WHILE ACCOMPANYING THE PRESIDENT TO THE TEXAS WHITE HOUSE IN CRAWFORD. (THAT'S TEXAS!)
1) Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local restaurant. It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley, Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.).
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In Texas it's called a coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it's still a coke. Accept it.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read someJ.Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer than you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot, Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Ron Kirk). However, we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state just so they can run for the US Senate.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen. Hood you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble.
7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so shut up about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.
8) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. DO NOT, under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or contains no kidney beans. This will get your ass kicked into next week.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know they are not. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are.
10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying and that's all that matters.
11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state smell of oil or cow pies. If your livelihood depended on those wells and cows you'd soon learn to love the aroma. Besides, none of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Pittsburgh, PA.
12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass -- just like they did ours.
13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small towns. We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime infested cesspools like Cleveland.
14) DON'T YOU DARE tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go home in a pine box.
15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the first place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio Grande and put them on the Red River (where they really belong).
16) Enjoy your visit.
fgarvb1
We are in for it now.
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- Dec 10, 2000
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Yes, ma'am. I'm here!
Dead tired but, I'm here. My better half and I, along with her sisters and hubbies have built a deck onto the front of the house this weekend.
Well lets see here LadyStetson I would guess the first thing to remember is that when someone says over yonder, down yonder or up yonder they may be talking a couple of hundred miles or more!
Dead tired but, I'm here. My better half and I, along with her sisters and hubbies have built a deck onto the front of the house this weekend.
Well lets see here LadyStetson I would guess the first thing to remember is that when someone says over yonder, down yonder or up yonder they may be talking a couple of hundred miles or more!
Last edited:
someplace
Literotica Guru
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Here's what got us started. Do we need to correct any of her assumptions?
LadyStetson said:I am newly Texan... I was told there were some rules when I came here. I could stay if I obeyed the following:
1. Wear BIG hair - I can handle that, I grew up in the 70's and 80's...
2. Use Y'ALL & FIXINTO properly - still workin on that
3. To go fast, drive in the slow lane - ack
4. To go slow, drive in the fast lane - double ack
5. Stop using my turn signal - I'm working on this one...
*big sigh*
*s*
fgarvb1
We are in for it now.
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Now that your a Texan, if you have visitors from out of state and even if a flying saucer lands in your front yard you are only allowed to raise one eyebrow.
You can go into a rant about them messing up your yard again and you are allowed to fire off a few rounds from your shotgun while cussing them up one side and down the other.
You can go into a rant about them messing up your yard again and you are allowed to fire off a few rounds from your shotgun while cussing them up one side and down the other.
DevilishTexan
Literotica Guru
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When in Houston, don't drive on the Katy fwy I-10 between the hours of 9am-1am mon-fri and 10am-3am fri-sun LOL!!!
fgarvb1
We are in for it now.
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someplace said:
Well, I do think thats " AH FIXINTO" or I'MAFIXINGTO".
Where is TEXAN when we need him?
Oh,yes when you go to Houston, Dallas or any other big city, throw the drivers hand book out the window and drive to stay alive.
Be careful teasing people that live in the northern part of the panhandle about being damn near Yankees. they are sensitive about and some of them carry guns!
Last edited:
LadyStetson
Experienced
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someplace said:
Thank you sweets... You're so kind!~
*s*
LadyStetson
Experienced
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lavender said:
Now THAT makes sense *grin*... ty, ty...
*s*
LadyStetson
Experienced
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Bob_Bytchin said:
Drive what? LOL... Y'all are just a wee aggressive. And here I thought everything was slower in TX. *grin*
*s*
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