bi and part of the community

Ok, here goes. Being for real bi, I feel part of both the straight and glbt community's. Sinse opening up here on the subject of my sexuality, I've had several pm's from people asking THE question...do I be open about my orientation or not?

To me that is an individual choice, based on how you will be treated once you come out. There's no going back once you do. If you are in a supportive enviroment at work, etc. and feel the need to be open and honest about your sexuality, than by all means come out.

If you do not relate to the "queer" community you are not truly bi, in my humble opinion. In most cases I relate to them more than they relate to me...

I've been welcomed with open arms by some, looked at with skeptisism and scorn by most. Don't know if it's a personal predjudice, skeptical of a potential gay basher lurking behind the cloak of being bi, or other issues.

All I really know is that I am who I am, take it or leave it. Those who have gotten to know me know. Period.

Everything is not as it seems here in cyberland...just some freindly advise for newbies. Welcome to Lit.

The gay community has not always been welcoming to bisexuals, although I think it is less common now than it once was.

The problem, from a gay perspective, is twofold, having both a personal and a political aspect.

The personal issue is that so many gays have had the unpleasant experience of becoming emotionally involved with bisexuals who then broke their hearts by deciding that they weren't really interested in a same sex relationship after all. There is also the problem that some bisexuals think the dual nature of their sexuality gives them license to be unfaithful in their relationships.

The political issue is that some gays view bisexuals as "fair weather friends", who will gladly partake of any gains gays make, use our facilities, take advantage of our institutions, and enjoy the benefits of our community in good times, but will disappear into heterosexual privilege if things go against us.

For me, it's one of those "Is the glass half full or half empty" things. The upside of a broader GLBT community, both personally and politically, far outweighs the negative aspects.

Originally posted by Queersetti
The gay community has not always been welcoming to bisexuals, although I think it is less common now than it once was.

The problem, from a gay perspective, is twofold, having both a personal and a political aspect.

The personal issue is that so many gays have had the unpleasant experience of becoming emotionally involved with bisexuals who then broke their hearts by deciding that they weren't really interested in a same sex relationship after all. There is also the problem that some bisexuals think the dual nature of their sexuality gives them license to be unfaithful in their relationships.

The political issue is that some gays view bisexuals as "fair weather friends", who will gladly partake of any gains gays make, use our facilities, take advantage of our institutions, and enjoy the benefits of our community in good times, but will disappear into heterosexual privilege if things go against us.

For me, it's one of those "Is the glass half full or half empty" things. The upside of a broader GLBT community, both personally and politically, far outweighs the negative aspects.

Click to expand...

The last line in this reply makes it the perfect answer (In my opinion) After all, tolerance should not be preached by anyone with "tunnel vision"

69forever said:

If you do not relate to the "queer" community you are not truly bi, in my humble opinion. In most cases I relate to them more than they relate to me...

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I'm going to have to disagree with you here. I am gay, not bi (despite several years in high school of trying to convince myself otherwise) and I often don't relate to the gay community. I go to gay news websites to keep up on politically relevant news, but I don't like the scene. I don't have very many "typically gay" traits. (Though I have a few I spose). If I can be gay without really wanting to be part of the scene, or go to pride parades, or go to out meetings and such, then I'm sorry it doesn't keep someone else from being bi. If they are attracted sexually to both the male and female form then they're bi. It really bothers me when someone tried to tell someone their sexual identity is defined by something other than their sexual desires and needs.

Queersetti said:

The personal issue is that so many gays have had the unpleasant experience of becoming emotionally involved with bisexuals who then broke their hearts by deciding that they weren't really interested in a same sex relationship after all.

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I think you've hit the nail on the head there. While we all are intellectual creatures our emotions tend to rule us. There are many, that call themselves "bi" who like to dally in same sex practices, but that's as far as it goes. It's simply a sexual thing to them. Unfortunately this has made it harder for someone that is willing to enter a committed relationship with one of the same sex to gain acceptance. I think this has been the biggest stumbling block that bisexuals have had to face. Too many have coined the term bisexual to cover their sexual practices only. It's a fun bandwagon to jump onto.

I've said before that there are clear lines to being homosexual and lesbian. Not only do homosexuals and lesbian enter into sexual relationships with one of the same gender, but they enter into long and committed relationships with one of the same gender too. Bisexuality is not so easily defined, and I think that true bisexuals have been hurt by those that claim to be bisexual but are unwilling to enter into anything other than a sexual relationship with one of the same gender.

I have my own problems accepting someone that says the are bisexual. Immediately I need to know first and foremost if they would be willing to committ a lifetime to me, or is this just about sex. I find it easier to stay within the lesbian community because I know what their answers will be. Am I saying I frown on bisexuals? No, I am just leery of all those that claim to bisexual. I think it is unfortunate that I am this way, but too many times I have met people that only want sex with one of the same gender. I work hard to get to know a person, to know what thier goals are, but sometimes I still find myself wanting to roll back into the doubt that I feel when one claims to be bisexual.

I think it also comes down to how we define sexuality. On the far right, you have the assumption that having sex with the same gender makes you gay, period. The very act of doing so is the defining factor. But for people actually living their sexuality, it's not that simple. Sexuality is tied in to emotion and desire, and it's more than what you do that defines who you are.

There is a safety net within bisexuality, sure. If the political heat gets bad, it's not like you can't just stick to your opposite-gender side of the equation and wait for things to blow over. However, some of us can't do that. Cutting off half a limb may not be as crippling as cutting off all of one, but it still isn't a good situation.

I'm bi. I'm married to a man. I've been asked several times how can that be? Obviously if I'm bi, then I have to have mad rampant sex with anything that moves, right? Well, gee. If you're a straight guy who marries a woman, does that mean you immediately fail to find other women at all attractive? Of course not. It means that, if you're monogamous, you don't act on that attraction just because it's there. Same situation -- I find other men and women attractive, but that doesn't mean I'm going to jump into bed with them.

But that's because I'm not defining bisexuality as the act of having sex with both men and women. It's about emotional attachment, desire, and the capacity for involvement. Personally, I find people who claim their bisexuality as an excuse for rampant promiscuity to be a little insulting and distasteful. Hey, if you're a horndog, power do you. Just don't drag my 'label' down in the mud while you're off having your fun and breaking hearts, huh?

As far as involvement in the community goes, my partner understands and supports that I'm not going to hide behind the veil of heterosexuality just because I've got the perfect beard. We're both active in the community. That's because community isn't about who you're fucking. It's about your people, your culture, and what you're willing to stand up for.

Yeah, I run into a few people in the community who aren't comfortable with bisexuals. Maybe they've heard stories. Maybe they've been screwed over by someone in their past. I'm not going to make excuses for someone else's bad behavior. When you come down to it, this is about individuals, and as an individual, the only thing I can do is set the example I would like to see for my orientation. I'd like to think that it's done far more good than harm.

I don't think you have to be active in the community to identify with your bisexuality. Hell, I don't think you have to be active in the community to identify with being gay. Sexuality identity is a very personal thing, and everyone's mileage will vary. Personally, I would feel cut off from an important part of my life if I wasn't active in the community, and I'm glad my husband understands and supports that. He didn't just marry a woman, he married a bisexual woman, and everything that comes along with that.

Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Cigan said:

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. I am gay, not bi (despite several years in high school of trying to convince myself otherwise) and I often don't relate to the gay community. I go to gay news websites to keep up on politically relevant news, but I don't like the scene. I don't have very many "typically gay" traits. (Though I have a few I spose). If I can be gay without really wanting to be part of the scene, or go to pride parades, or go to out meetings and such, then I'm sorry it doesn't keep someone else from being bi. If they are attracted sexually to both the male and female form then they're bi. It really bothers me when someone tried to tell someone their sexual identity is defined by something other than their sexual desires and needs.

Click to expand...

I disagree as well and I'm Bi. I think that statement was total crap. I'm just as bisexual when I'm feeling like I need to be all up in every part of queer culture as when I don't want to be around "it" at all.

A person's sexuality is defined by their sexuality - not by who they do or do not relate to.

____________________________________________________
QUOTE]Originally posted by Queersetti
The gay community has not always been welcoming to bisexuals, although I think it is less common now than it once was
____________________________________________________

I agree, and with bi people living in more enlightened communities, it is definitely true.


____________________________________________________
The problem, from a gay perspective, is twofold, having both a personal and a political aspect.
____________________________________________________

Again I totally agree. There is good reason for that. Nobody else has to defend their right to express their love as gays and lesbians do. Whether it be the right to not be attacked for their sexual orientation, or legal issues of property, insurance, etc.

Politically speaking, while there have been advances in legal protection of personal rights, in this country, it is still in reality a free fire zone on g/l relationships by the "moral" majority.

____________________________________________________
The personal issue is that so many gays have had the unpleasant experience of becoming emotionally involved with bisexuals who then broke their hearts by deciding that they weren't really interested in a same sex relationship after all.
____________________________________________________

I have no reference point to make a judgement on this, as my experiences have been limited to hit and run affairs that were strictly for the sex. Nothing promised by either parties.

____________________________________________________

There is also the problem that some bisexuals think the dual nature of their sexuality gives them license to be unfaithful in their relationships.
____________________________________________________

Therin lies the crux of the dilemma faced by bi's. Honesty can be the only answer for me now. But the very nature of our dual orientation, (for me anyway, not just sexual, but on a personal intimate relationship level) requires the sharing of our lives with another man and woman. If you are not honest and above board about it, you are lieing to one or the other and to yourself.

____________________________________________________

The political issue is that some gays view bisexuals as "fair weather friends", who will gladly partake of any gains gays make, use our facilities, take advantage of our institutions, and enjoy the benefits of our community in good times, but will disappear into heterosexual privilege if things go against us.
____________________________________________________

Being in the closet in a small, bigoted town is such a fucked up place to be. Gay bashing and racist comments by people I otherwise would call freind cut at my soul like a hot knife thru butter. I need to get back to a more culturally freindly place.

____________________________________________________

For me, it's one of those "Is the glass half full or half empty" things. The upside of a broader GLBT community, both personally and politically, far outweighs the negative aspects. [/QUOTE]
____________________________________________________

I agree and will be making plans to get back there. Thank you my freind...for so many things.

To those who wrote asking direction...I hope this helps define who you are or are not...food for thought. Have a good one.

69forever said:

If you do not relate to the "queer" community you are not truly bi, in my humble opinion.

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I completely disagree. It's the same as saying you're not truly gay if you don't relate to the "queer" community ... which of course is absurd. My sexuality is not defined by the groups/people I choose to associate with.

I guess I've always just related to people as individuals, not as a part of a "community", per se.

Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Pookie said:

I completely disagree. It's the same as saying you're not truly gay if you don't relate to the "queer" community ... which of course is absurd. My sexuality is not defined by the groups/people I choose to associate with.

Click to expand...

I'm not trying to say that at all. Let's leave associating with the gay/les community out of the mix for a moment...my question and point is this. And I'll take it from the post, ok?

Setti said...
____________________________________________________
There is also the problem that some bisexuals think the dual nature of their sexuality gives them license to be unfaithful in their relationships. ___________________________________________________


And my reply and to me anyway the most important thing in the whole question of bi's relating personaly and sexually to others was this...

____________________________________________________
Therin lies the crux of the dilemma faced by bi's. Honesty can be the only answer for me now. But the very nature of our dual orientation, (for me anyway, not just sexual, but on a personal intimate relationship level) requires the sharing of our lives with another man and woman. If you are not honest and above board about it, you are lieing to one or the other and to yourself.
____________________________________________________


I don't know if human nature, even with complete honesty, would allow for a fullfilling relationship with both a male and a female.
My experience has shown that the green eyed monster of jealousy would rear it's head and someone get's hurt. So what?
You have to choose to deny one side or the other of your sexuality to be honest and in a loving relationship. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

69forever said:

I'm not trying to say that at all. Let's leave associating with the gay/les community out of the mix for a moment...my question and point is this. And I'll take it from the post, ok?

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I really don't mean to pick apart your post, but it's difficult to get any different meaning from what you originally said. It seemed to fit in with the entire context of your orginal post. As a bisexual, I still completely disagree with what you said ...

If you do not relate to the "queer" community you are not truly bi, in my humble opinion.

Click to expand...

It wasn't the best choice of words if you meant something different. Just sayin'.

Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

69forever said:

Therin lies the crux of the dilemma faced by bi's. Honesty can be the only answer for me now. But the very nature of our dual orientation, (for me anyway, not just sexual, but on a personal intimate relationship level) requires the sharing of our lives with another man and woman. If you are not honest and above board about it, you are lieing to one or the other and to yourself.

Click to expand...

I don't see my being bisexual/biamorous as requiring me to share my life with a man and a woman. It just means that I could easily have an intimate longterm relationship with a man OR a woman. It in no way means I must have both at the same time. I would never expect my lover to be willing to share me with another, having the same type of relationship that we share. I don't think I could handle two such relationships at one time anyways. Just my thoughts.

69, dude you rock!!!! What a great thread to start, specially from a PGer I really could not have put it better myself.

My Doo-RAG off to you honey.

When we first started chatting you told me that you were not really welcomed here at GLBT because you were bi and only a few select bis were really acknowledged here. Glad to help you see it differently. I have not searched through any of your earlier replys to see where this thought could have stemmed from. After all GLBT does stand for gay, lesbian, BI and trangender. No one should be ousted just because they are bi, male or female.


As for me and and how I and others view my sexual orientaion.

When I came out and addmitted to myself and a friend I liked woman she explained to me what I was to consider myself then. This was 10 years ago of course so things change.

She told me I was Bi and could never be a lesbian because I have been with men. She told me it does not matter if you never are with a man again you are still bi so do not ever call yourself exclusivly a lesbian.

Originally posted by Finesilk
I've said before that there are clear lines to being homosexual and lesbian. Not only do homosexuals and lesbian enter into sexual relationships with one of the same gender, but they enter into long and committed relationships with one of the same gender too. Bisexuality is not so easily defined, and I think that true bisexuals have been hurt by those that claim to be bisexual but are unwilling to enter into anything other than a sexual relationship with one of the same gender.

Click to expand...

I like your definition sweetie thanks. By your explanation I can say I am lesbian and stop saying I am bi. I have hated saying that I am bi when I care nothing for or about men for many years now. I am in a very committed and loving relationship with the most wonderful woman in the world.

If you do not relate to the "queer" community you are not truly bi, in my humble opinion. In most cases I relate to them more than they relate to me...

Click to expand...

I will have to disagree with your opinion on this though, your opinion and your right to stat what you like though.

This is the first time in my life I have started to become part of the GLBT (per say community), yet I have always stood behind my openess about the way I feel for woman and the dislike I have for men. It actually intimidated a lot of men and they kept their distance from me. I liked it and the fact that just being open about who I am it scared them. They did not back off because I was bi but because I was so open and confident about myself (I asked one day). Honestly I was not even awair of the fact there is a community (makes us sound like a cult if you act me, lets sacrifice the virgins). When PJ informed me of PFLAG I thought she was joking. Then I realized how little I know about my sexuallity. Learning one day and a time and living it up.


Thanx for the thread 69. You are welcome around here anytime. As for the newbies so are you. It does not matter if your gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, or even straight, you are welcome here on GLBT as long as you do not bash on us or troll us.

If we were to turn anyone here away with a problem just because of their sexual preference then we are selves would be worse than the hypocrites of the world!!!

Lots of straight people have GLBT friends and might like some advice or help with their friends situation. It bothers me a little we are singled out from the rest, but that is life. I would like to see more people from GB wander over and give helpful or constructive advice here on GLBT.

Re: Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Pookie said:

I really don't mean to pick apart your post, but it's difficult to get any different meaning from what you originally said. It seemed to fit in with the entire context of your orginal post. As a bisexual, I still completely disagree with what you said ...



It wasn't the best choice of words if you meant something different. Just sayin'.

Click to expand...

You're right, it was a poor way to say what I meant.

I see some of these posts and it seems to me as some are guys, married or not, looking for a quick blowjob or peice of ass.

That's not bi, in my book. Horny and wanting something different, yes. Being bi is more than in your crotch, if I may be blunt. It is in your heart and soul as well. I relate to men and to women on an emotional level deeper than fucking. The relating to the "community" thing comes from an appreciation of the discrimination against gays by society. Learned by interaction with people of that sexual pursasion, and my own experiences with gay bashing.

Straight bigots don't differenciate between gay and bi. A cocksucker is a cocksucker to them. I hope that clarifies a little where I'm coming from.

ExistentialLuv said:

69, dude you rock!!!! What a great thread to start, specially from a PGer I really could not have put it better myself.

My Doo-RAG off to you honey.

When we first started chatting you told me that you were not really welcomed here at GLBT because you were bi and only a few select bis were really acknowledged here. Glad to help you see it differently. I have not searched through any of your earlier replys to see where this thought could have stemmed from. After all GLBT does stand for gay, lesbian, BI and trangender. No one should be ousted just because they are bi, male or female.


As for me and and how I and others view my sexual orientaion.

When I came out and addmitted to myself and a friend I liked woman she explained to me what I was to consider myself then. This was 10 years ago of course so things change.

She told me I was Bi and could never be a lesbian because I have been with men. She told me it does not matter if you never are with a man again you are still bi so do not ever call yourself exclusivly a lesbian.



I like your definition sweetie thanks. By your explanation I can say I am lesbian and stop saying I am bi. I have hated saying that I am bi when I care nothing for or about men for many years now. I am in a very committed and loving relationship with the most wonderful woman in the world.





I will have to disagree with your opinion on this though, your opinion and your right to stat what you like though.

This is the first time in my life I have started to become part of the GLBT (per say community), yet I have always stood behind my openess about the way I feel for woman and the dislike I have for men. It actually intimidated a lot of men and they kept their distance from me. I liked it and the fact that just being open about who I am it scared them. They did not back off because I was bi but because I was so open and confident about myself (I asked one day). Honestly I was not even awair of the fact there is a community (makes us sound like a cult if you act me, lets sacrifice the virgins). When PJ informed me of PFLAG I thought she was joking. Then I realized how little I know about my sexuallity. Learning one day and a time and living it up.


Thanx for the thread 69. You are welcome around here anytime. As for the newbies so are you. It does not matter if your gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, or even straight, you are welcome here on GLBT as long as you do not bash on us or troll us.

If we were to turn anyone here away with a problem just because of their sexual preference then we are selves would be worse than the hypocrites of the world!!!

Lots of straight people have GLBT friends and might like some advice or help with their friends situation. It bothers me a little we are singled out from the rest, but that is life. I would like to see more people from GB wander over and give helpful or constructive advice here on GLBT.

Click to expand...

Thanks EL, you've been sweet and upfront all along.

I don't know where the false perception of PG'ers being delicate little preppies came from, but it's not true for the most part. We just choose to play nice. Last night I got a call and came to the bad ass GB to help defend a freind. I play nice until someone screws with one of my freinds, then the gloves come off.

I am a newbie by Lit. standards, but I am one of us.

Several people have said they don't define themselves by their sexual orientation...I couldn't agree more, now if others would just live their lives and not mess with ours/mine, it would be a moot point. That's not reality though. I am not a fair weather freind to anyone or anything I beleive in, and routinely get into hot water because of it. Rambling...time to move on.

Re: Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Pookie said:

I don't see my being bisexual/biamorous as requiring me to share my life with a man and a woman. It just means that I could easily have an intimate longterm relationship with a man OR a woman. It in no way means I must have both at the same time. I would never expect my lover to be willing to share me with another, having the same type of relationship that we share. I don't think I could handle two such relationships at one time anyways. Just my thoughts.

Click to expand...

So you're saying it's either/or...that IS the question I was raising from my personal perspective all along...I find myself attracted sexually and emotionally to both a man and a woman right now.

I know I raised other issues as well, but that is the central point and dillema I face.

I feel like I missed something in this thread. I'm not bisexual, so maybe there is an aspect to the discussion I don't understand.

But I don't really understand the negative reaction to what 69 said. He didn't say that anyone who considered themselves bi had to associate with gays, support a gay political agenda, march in a Pride parade, or watch Queer Eye every week. We said that he thought that to consider ones self bi, one had to be able to "relate" to the queer community.

Relate.

I read that as having some basic emotional sympathy, some elemental recognition of a commonality. Is that so objectionable?

There are plenty of people, male and female, crossdressing, trans and gender-non-specified who I just wanna fuck.

And this somehow does not qualify me for the honorific "bisexual?"

Could I be in a LTR with a woman? I have no clue. I've not met the woman I want to be in an LTR with, not yet. I met one who probably did qualify, but I can't know that for sure. These guessing games make no sense to me, you are in love when you are, you are in an LTR when you decide to leave a toothbrush, till then who the hell knows.

I know I'm queer. I could hang out there playing with penis-having people for the rest of my life and that stays the same, not all of them are boys.

Straight people, straight culture, straight paradigms, they make no sense to me. Straight means I like to be on the bottom, and the boy should be on the top, and that should work for me. It doesn't. It's a far more nuanced and complex world out there.

Queersetti said:

I read that as having some basic emotional sympathy, some elemental recognition of a commonality. Is that so objectionable?

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Not to me, it isn't.

Man, I have a novel's worth of stuff to say on biphobia, but I think it's something for another thread after eight hours of sleep.

Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Cigan said:

If they are attracted sexually to both the male and female form then they're bi. It really bothers me when someone tried to tell someone their sexual identity is defined by something other than their sexual desires and needs.

Click to expand...

Thank You. I appreciate reading this, and it said what I wanted to say in a much more concise way. I think the gay community as a whole sometimes discriminates against its own far worse then the outside world. I've run into it here and it confuses me. I identify myself as being bi. But, I am not into the "scene" and I have never been that politically involved on any level. My own definition of "queer" and how I define myself closely matches what you have already said, Cigan. But, I sometimes feel like I am not "gay" enough to post on this forum. Does that make sense?

There are those of us who chose NOT to broadcast every detail of their sexual lives on the board. How much is real and how much is ambiguous fiction is only for me to say. But, I am offended by those posters that discount what I say because I am not "gay enough"

Well, I wasn't straight enough either for the straight crowd. I am sorry that bi carries such a negative connotation. I am sorry that there are gay men out there that got fucked over by some bi guy who was only looking for a quick fuck not a relationship. I am sorry that there are those out there that think because I think this way, that must make me gay not bi. I am tired of trying to sort it out. I have explained it to myself and I accepted it. Now, I suggest that the lot of you accept it too.

Never have I had someone call into question what I write before. I am floored that someone would have the audacity to demand that I "come out" to add verisimilitude to my work. I write science fiction. I am waiting for someone to demand proof that I know how to drive a spaceship as well.

The mere fact that I choose to post and contribute to this board should indicate that some part of me identifies with the issues and comments made here...and that alone should be enough. I should not have to defend how "gay" I am...or even the opposite.

I started my thread Rhys and Oh21 on the general board and interestingly enough...I have never been flamed on my own thread. I have never been trolled, I have never been openly attacked for the homosexual nature of the thread. To me, the GB has been a much friendlier place than this board has been...and far more accepting. I am far more comfortable haveing a thread like that on the GB. Maybe the GB posters regard it as some sort of joke...I don't know and don't really care. As far as I know, its the only thread of its kind. (I notice that some of the Lit lesbian crowd does something similar on this board, but here they have NO fear of being trolled as this is board is moderated)

I just find it ironic that I have a feeling of more acceptance there than here, which is why I don't post here that often. I once thought that bi men were fence sitters that could not decide if they were really gay or not. I have since revised that opinion because my own experience has shown me that all things are possible given the right circumstances. I would like to think that its possible to be accepted over here...eventually.

Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

Rhys said:

I am waiting for someone to demand proof that I know how to drive a spaceship as well.

Click to expand...

Well? Can you?

On a more serious note, I really don't get that. I write gay fiction, and I don't even have a dick. Maybe people have complained, but if so I wasn't paying attention, because I don't recall anyone ever saying word one about it. Why do you need street cred for the fiction you write? Taking sci-fi as an example, if you went outside the realm of science plausibility, someone would call you on it, and that's feedback you can use. How is writing about sexual themes any different?

Definitely got some thoughts on biphobia, but they're going to have to wait until after naptime.

Re: Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

naudiz said:

Well? Can you?

On a more serious note, I really don't get that. I write gay fiction, and I don't even have a dick. Maybe people have complained, but if so I wasn't paying attention, because I don't recall anyone ever saying word one about it. Why do you need street cred for the fiction you write? Taking sci-fi as an example, if you went outside the realm of science plausibility, someone would call you on it, and that's feedback you can use. How is writing about sexual themes any different?

Definitely got some thoughts on biphobia, but they're going to have to wait until after naptime.

Click to expand...

Its that word. Fiction. Throws people off, I guess.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: bi and part of the community

69forever said:

So you're saying it's either/or...that IS the question I was raising from my personal perspective all along...I find myself attracted sexually and emotionally to both a man and a woman right now.

I know I raised other issues as well, but that is the central point and dillema I face.

Click to expand...

If a bisexual is emotionally attracted to a man and a woman at the same time, monogamy is not for that person right now. I've been attracted to two guys at the same time. I've also been attracted to several chicks at the same time. I really don't see that much difference for bisexuals.

I'm married to a wonderful guy right now. I hope our relationship lasts forever. But if it doesn't, my next relationship could very easily be with a woman ... or a man. It just depends on who I meet and fall in love with. I've already had a wonderful exclusive intimate relationship with a chick. Things just didn't work out between us for various reasons.

Again, just my thoughts. I appreciate and sympathize with your dilemma.

Queersetti said:

I feel like I missed something in this thread. I'm not bisexual, so maybe there is an aspect to the discussion I don't understand.

But I don't really understand the negative reaction to what 69 said. He didn't say that anyone who considered themselves bi had to associate with gays, support a gay political agenda, march in a Pride parade, or watch Queer Eye every week. We said that he thought that to consider ones self bi, one had to be able to "relate" to the queer community.

Relate.

I read that as having some basic emotional sympathy, some elemental recognition of a commonality. Is that so objectionable?

Click to expand...

But the statement was that a person is not truly bi if he/she doesn't relate to the queer community. Whether I'm bisexual or not has absolutely nothing to do with anyone I may choose to connect with, in my opinion. I read "relate" as meaning to have a relationship/connection to the queer community. If he meant it in the sense you're saying, then I don't find it objectionable in the same way.

Maybe we're just splitting hairs with this. I'll just shutup now.