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First Rule for Dom/mes

A

A Desert Rose

Simply Charming Elsewhere
Joined
Aug 16, 2002
Posts
13,997
1.Be patient! Give your bottom time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.

Disclaimer: This was taken from a D/s website that Rose found recently. These are NOT Rose's opinions, and Rose did not write or edit these "Rules." Rose has posted this thread in the interest of creating a possible lively debate on this topic.


Rose takes credit for the following opinion: ~~~~I find men who posess finesse and subtlety to be very attractive. I think it is a form of gentle persuasion and it's very effective (for me, at least). These are the kinds of men who I want to go down on... uhm... my knees for.

Finesse is a difficult word to explain. Its a character trait that can be developed and cultivated, with the greatest of rewards. It is a way to train and steer, nurture and educate your submissive.

What does finesse mean to you?

How do you as a Dom/me finesse your sub? How did you initiate the relationship? How do you sustain it?

Subs, how are you finessed by your Dom? What worked and continues to work for you in your relationship?

Rose:heart:
 
Last edited:
A Desert Rose said:
1.Be patient! Give your bottom time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.

~~~~I find men who posess finesse and subtlety to be very attractive. I think it is a form of gentle persuasion and it's very effective (for me, at least). These are the kinds of men who I want to go down on... uhm... my knees for.

Finesse is a difficult word to explain. Its a character trait that can be developed and cultivated, with the greatest of rewards. It is a way to train and steer, nurture and educate your submissive.

How do you as a Dom/me finesse your sub? How did you initiate the relationship? How do you sustain it?

Subs, how are you finessed by your Dom? What worked and continues to work for you in your relationship?

If you would like to address the flipside; what does not work?

Rose:heart:
Click to expand...

Patience is essential...it works when there is progress

Patience is not productive when there is no growth

Patience can become weakeness when it is used against the Domme

Patience can be strength when it is sincere

Patience can be destructive when it becomes a burden

Patience shows class..or idiocy...depending on the circumstances and those involved.

My question is HOW much TIME is valid....a week..to get the answer..two weeks...a month...2...3..a year..where does it end when, the questioning of who and what the Dom/me is or stands for?
 
thanks for the thread Rose...

I have no idea what my Master's response is gonna be here , but since you asked for mine also ,here it is Sis.
How does my Master "finesse' me? How Does He keep it going?
Artful is a VERY PATIENT Man (thank-God),cause when dealing with me,one has to have alot of it , believe me ,just bein Honest!!
Anyways,I feel that at times I really struggle to see the "error" of my ways and instead of "demeaning me or humilihating me" as some stupid idiots in the past have done,Master allows me time to "THINK",He allows me time to process the wrong without "hammering me to the ground with it!!"
He lets me 'learn",thats how most of my breakthroughs come about and as frustrating as it is for me, cause I have little , very little patience(except w/ my kids) it's harder on me if I choose to NOT listen to Master,He ALWAYS knows what's best and the moment I cross that line,(trying to get back even an iota of Control) is when the real trouble for me(not Him) begins..
Because of His "sincerity' and the fact I feel it from His words and hear it in His voice,that helps me to accept the fact that back in Master's hands is where the Control MUST stay , you dont have to be a stern ,domineering,bossy person to get your sub to "listen", just exercising "patience works for "US" and Master has enough for us "both".. JMHO :rose:
 
Finesse...gossamer strands of slow soft patience...

His offer of friendship to one unknown to Him but through the reference of a friend to read my stories.

His steady patience.

His openness with Himself even as He asked me to be open with myself.

His words were unassuming, gentle, precious balms to a broken soul.

His concerns for what has been and what is best for me.

His genuine wish for me to blossom.

His quiet self-assurance in His Dominance and His fervent faith in my submissiveness.

His encouragement and continual guidance even in His absense.

His feeding of my needs, keeping my focus on Him and how best to serve and surrender.


i hope this answers the question of how Soron finessed me and continues to do so as the days go by...~smile~

belle
:rose:
 
Re: Re: First Rule for Dom/mes

Shadowsdream said:


Patience is essential...it works when there is progress

Patience is not productive when there is no growth

Patience can become weakeness when it is used against the Domme

Patience can be strength when it is sincere

Patience can be destructive when it becomes a burden

Patience shows class..or idiocy...depending on the circumstances and those involved.

My question is HOW much TIME is valid....a week..to get the answer..two weeks...a month...2...3..a year..where does it end when, the questioning of who and what the Dom/me is or stands for?
Click to expand...

What she said.

Eb
 
Re: Re: First Rule for Dom/mes

Shadowsdream said:
My question is HOW much TIME is valid....a week..to get the answer..two weeks...a month...2...3..a year..where does it end when, the questioning of who and what the Dom/me is or stands for?
Click to expand...

Exactly.

I can only speak from my own experiences. I am adamant on my subs knowing who and what I stand for before I lay one finger on them.

And I and just as adamant on finding out who they are and what they stand for before I accept their submission.

The time limit may vary, but the result does not. It ensure that we have the "magic" to travel the road of D/s together, and it save countless hours of "testing" and questioning.

Work still has to be done, but it is the work of developing a viable partnership between Domme and sub, not a tug of war.

Eb
 
spankableBelle said:
Finesse...gossamer strands of slow soft patience...

His offer of friendship to one unknown to Him but through the reference of a friend to read my stories.

His steady patience.

His openness with Himself even as He asked me to be open with myself.

His words were unassuming, gentle, precious balms to a broken soul.

His concerns for what has been and what is best for me.

His genuine wish for me to blossom.

His quiet self-assurance in His Dominance and His fervent faith in my submissiveness.

His encouragement and continual guidance even in His absense.

His feeding of my needs, keeping my focus on Him and how best to serve and surrender.


i hope this answers the question of how Soron finessed me and continues to do so as the days go by...~smile~

belle
:rose:
Click to expand...

a beautiful post belle....
 
Belle,

spankableBelle said:
Finesse...gossamer strands of slow soft patience...

His offer of friendship to one unknown to Him but through the reference of a friend to read my stories.

His steady patience.

His openness with Himself even as He asked me to be open with myself.

His words were unassuming, gentle, precious balms to a broken soul.

His concerns for what has been and what is best for me.

His genuine wish for me to blossom.

His quiet self-assurance in His Dominance and His fervent faith in my submissiveness.

His encouragement and continual guidance even in His absense.

His feeding of my needs, keeping my focus on Him and how best to serve and surrender.


i hope this answers the question of how Soron finessed me and continues to do so as the days go by...~smile~

belle
:rose:
Click to expand...
__________________________________
that was a very beautiful post Belle and it made me cry ,, I know how you feel,isnt it precious to have such a loving ,kind man for a Master?

I think also that the "Faith" that Artful has in me gives me the courage,strength and will to go on my path..and as you so awesomelly put it,they keep right on "finessing" us as the days go by.. thank you soo much for your post sweety.~:rose: ~
 
Re: Belle,

Artful's dream said:

__________________________________
that was a very beautiful post Belle and it made me cry ,, I know how you feel,isnt it precious to have such a loving ,kind man for a Master?

I think also that the "Faith" that Artful has in me gives me the courage,strength and will to go on my path..and as you so awesomelly put it,they keep right on "finessing" us as the days go by.. thank you soo much for your post sweety.~:rose: ~
Click to expand...

Thank you, dream :rose:
 
Belle, Perfect response! As I read your post, I was thinking yea, that's what I feel as well. Thanx!:)


-kym- blossoming for MY-Sir :rose:
 
Nice responses. Shadows and Eb's- very thought provoking. Belle's- simply poetic.

Thank you for your responses. There are 10 rules for Dom/mes and subs alike, that I read last night. Thought it would be interesting to add them here as threads.

We will see if they draw any dialoge.

Thank you again,
Rose:heart:
 
Lance on Finesse....

For me, finesse might best be described as that quality which would enable me to read everything in this thread so far and not want to poke my eye out with a fork.

I find the concepts palatible, but the florid language frankly makes me really quite mental. :)

Do you folks talk like that IRL?

Curiously;

Lance
 
Re: Lance on Finesse....

Lancecastor said:
For me, finesse might best be described as that quality which would enable me to read everything in this thread so far and not want to poke my eye out with a fork.

I find the concepts palatible, but the florid language frankly makes me really quite mental. :)

Do you folks talk like that IRL?

Curiously;

Lance
Click to expand...

Oh fuck me. LMAO. I am slapping my knees again at you........
Stop doing this to me.....

Rose
:heart:
 
Re: Re: Lance on Finesse....

Well, it's just that I like having my needs fed as much as the next guy, and I'd like to see my grrl's blossom so that she knows how important she is to me, yada, yada, yada....you know so I can rub some balm on her broken soul and what have you.....

A Desert Rose said:


Oh fuck me. LMAO. I am slapping my knees again at you........
Stop doing this to me.....

Rose
:heart:
Click to expand...
 
Re: Re: Re: Lance on Finesse....

Lancecastor said:
Well, it's just that I like having my needs fed as much as the next guy, and I'd like to see my grrl's blossom so that she knows how important she is to me, yada, yada, yada....you know so I can rub some balm on her broken soul and what have you.....
Click to expand...

So you are saying that you dont speak like that in real life?

I thought everyone did.
 
MY-Sir's-k- said:
Belle, Perfect response! As I read your post, I was thinking yea, that's what I feel as well. Thanx!:)


-kym- blossoming for MY-Sir :rose:
Click to expand...

~smile~

Thank you, kym...:rose:
 
A Desert Rose said:
Nice responses. Shadows and Eb's- very thought provoking. Belle's- simply poetic.

Thank you for your responses. There are 10 rules for Dom/mes and subs alike, that I read last night. Thought it would be interesting to add them here as threads.

We will see if they draw any dialoge.

Thank you again,
Rose:heart:
Click to expand...

Thank you, rose :rose:

~smile~

i would like to know the rest of them...thank you for the thread
 
A Desert Rose said:

Finesse is a difficult word to explain. Its a character trait that can be developed and cultivated, with the greatest of rewards. It is a way to train and steer, nurture and educate your submissive.

What does finesse mean to you?

How do you as a Dom/me finesse your sub? How did you initiate the relationship? How do you sustain it?
Click to expand...

Very thought provoking topic Rose, (I see you have read Shadows and MsWorthy's threads).

Finessing a sub by a Dom/me, is done in a lot of ways. Each partnership is individual, and requires DIFFERENT tactics. The bottlenecks are always in different locations.

The struggle that subs have, in passing through each phase, is dependent upon many factors. To ME,...what is IMPORTANT, is not how FAST I can get them safely through a "choked" place, but how EASY I can guide them through it.

One can "cram" them through it, and risk leaving residual fears in place, or one can use the least amount of force and instruct them how to navigate the passage.

Of course,...there are as many ways from the most, to the least force, (the middle), as there are Dom/mes. Hence,...there is no RIGHT way that fits all.

I take a lot of pride in my patience, communication, knowledge of my sub, and using the LEAST amount of force possible, in guiding them where I want them to go.

Admittedly,...I don't have the numbers experience to validate my methods, but I am happy with HOW I do it.

(JMHO),...but it's mine,...and I own it. :rose:
 
Re: Re: First Rule for Dom/mes

artful said:

Very thought provoking topic Rose, (I see you have read Shadows and MsWorthy's threads).
I take a lot of pride in my patience, communication, knowledge of my sub, and using the LEAST amount of force possible, in guiding them where I want them to go.
JMHO),...but it's mine,...and I own it. :rose:
Click to expand...
I read them religiously

Very nice. Hope I find a Dom like this someday, Art.

Rose:heart:
 
JMHO.. But..

Master's training methods work great for me too!!:D
 
Finesse

Call it finesse or patience or subtle dominance or whatever. I relate it to playing a guitar. If you stroke the strings gently, you'll get a hell of a lot more out of the instrument. If you continue to bang away at the strings, sooner or later they're going to start to break.
 
Re: Finesse

Soron said:
Call it finesse or patience or subtle dominance or whatever. I relate it to playing a guitar. If you stroke the strings gently, you'll get a hell of a lot more out of the instrument. If you continue to bang away at the strings, sooner or later they're going to start to break.
Click to expand...

Quite a lovely post, Soron. Thank you.

Rose
 
Re: Finesse

Soron said:
Call it finesse or patience or subtle dominance or whatever. I relate it to playing a guitar. If you stroke the strings gently, you'll get a hell of a lot more out of the instrument. If you continue to bang away at the strings, sooner or later they're going to start to break.
Click to expand...

The gentle yet firm touch of the hand, never soft as in hesitation but often light as a reassurance. A warm eye of appreciation that does not falter and show doubt but glistens with caring and pride for a job well done. The caress of the voice that knows its passion is in its modulation not its volume. Sure fingers in the hair showing delight in beauty.

Finesse is not loud or abrasive neither is it meek and apologetic in my opinion.
 
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