Rumple Foreskin
The AH Patriarch
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2002
- Posts
- 11,109
Of the Literotica stories you've read/written, which had the best hooks, the opening lines most likely to intrigue readers and keep them scrolling down the page? Deviant minds want to know. At least mine does
My How-To contest entry, HOW TO BE A HAPPY HOOKER, didn’t win, of course, but it did get a surprisingly large number of, “Thanks, I needed that,” type public comments. This got me to thinking (a rare feat) about compiling a list of favorite opening lines from Literotica stories.
So suggest some, already. Feel free to include one or two of your own, but only if you come with with an equal number by other Lit writer(s). If enough come in, I’ll try to organize ‘em, maybe even have a contest of some sort.
Those a tad fuzzy about openings and hooks, could do a lot better than reading my non-winning article, but at least it'd be a start. For those not up to that grisly chore, here's a one sentence summation:
The mission of those first few words at the beginning of your story is to intrigue--not inform--your readers and keep them reading.
I'll begin the list with two of my all-time Lit favorites:
Happy hooking.
Rumple Foreskin
ps: This is an excerpt from Imp's post later in the thread; take heed.
One of the best sessions (and, really, they were all kick ass in some way) I attended at last year's La Jolla Writers Conference was about opening hooks. It was drummed into our heads: An agent reads the first sentence & decides whether to read the first paragraph ... and if the first paragraph is read, then the first page.
You have other tools to hook a reader (cover art, title, back cover blurb, reviews) that aren't always available to an agent reading your manuscript.
==
Jazzy Girl, by Dixon Carter Lee (RF)
She stood at the microphone, waiting for her cue, worrying a cigarette and gripping the mike stand like a spear.
Will, by BlackShanglan (RF, AngelicMinx)
I was not made as others.
Scould's Bridle, by BlackShanglan (AngelicMinx)
"Go ahead. Touch it."
Lassoing the Moon, by SelenaKittyn (AngelicMinx)
She was going to hell. There was no getting around it—do not pass go, do not collect $200, she was going straight to hell without any little orange "Get out of hell free" card.
The Run, by Colleen Thomas (Alex de Kok)
"Wednesday 1900 hours
She moved across the crowded bar with a feline fluidity that would have been called graceful or elegant on a pretty woman."
The Furies, by Colleen Thomas (Cloudy, BlackShanglan)
"In the quiet, backwater system of Halderon IV, the old war horse had been put to pasture."
I Alone, by Cloudy (Cloudy)
"The letter arrived three days before Christmas, blown in on a bleak Oklahoma day by unkind fate."
Hot Buttered, by OhMissScarlett (Dar)
"Torture is what it was. The hillbilly equivalent of hard labor, I thought, with a pitchfork in my hands."
The Lighthouse, by Dr_Mabeuse (SelenaKittyn, Stella Omega)
She was amused when semen started showing up in her art — semen as an image in her poems to describe the stars that spread over the ocean at night, or in her paintings in the thick paint she used to show the foam of the breakers that surged around the rocks at the base of the lighthouse.
A Private Party: Rhythm intro in four-four time, by Stella Omega (SO)
"Okay, boys and girls," The producer said over the studio intercom; "We got that one down cold. It could be your next hit, Tracy. It's a big rocker!"
Memoir of a Lame Girl, by msgimply (Blackshanglan)
This narrative came to us as a hand written manuscript on yellowed and tattered sheets of paper. Its owner claimed it was submitted to London Life in 1937 but never published because it was a bit more explicit than even their standards allowed. We seriously doubt its authenticity but will let our readers judge for themselves.
1762, or 'A Monk's Progress, by MllledelaPlumeBleu (Blackshanglan)
(Recorded by the pen of Brother Andre Boulin des Barres, Lyon, 1762)
"A Monk's Progress"
They called him Julian the Saint.
Not that he was chaste.
Mayfair Lady, by SubJoe (Blackshanglan)
Hello. I want to tell you a story. I swear to you it's all perfectly true, which of course is a promise that means absolutely nothing coming from a fictional character like me.
Yes, that's right, I'm fictional. My name is Henry. Henry Higgins. I was created by my Author, Sub Joe. Joe himself is, of course a nom de plume, so he in a way, is fictional too. Nom de plume. That's French. It means "Name that Pen", which was a popular Radio Show in Canada in the 1950's.
Lustful Leeves, by AngelicMinx (AM)
Russell had a fetish. I blame his parents. I mean, really... what were they smokin' the day he was born? They named him Russell Leeves? In my opinion, that was just asking for trouble.
Intimate Waters, by AngelicMinx (AM)
Imagine slick skin sliding together as two people stand under the hot, pulsing spray of a thousand aquatic fingers massaging away the tension of the day...heaven.
Not Quite Strangers, by Dar~ (Dar)
"Don't trash the place." That was all the manager had to say when I paid for three hours in his little roach trap motel."
Not Quite Strangers, Ch 2, by Dar~ (Dar)
"Management! Your time is up!"
Horror, by Jomar (Jomar)
How do you define horror, dear reader? I mean true horror, the kind that rips a mind and soul apart. (Horror)
Mancation, by Jomar (Jomar)
It came to me at 2:17am while I was watching the 1974 British Open highlights on ESPN23. (Mancation)
The Bet, Ch. 1, by Jomar (Jomar)
"Oh, don't be such a baby. You lost the bet, so you have to pay up. Simple as that." (The Bet Ch 1)
White Trash, by Jomar (Jomar)
Yeah, I fucked her. (White Trash Ch1)
White Trash, Ch. 2, by Jomar (Jomar)
I found the skeezy slut sitting on my deck steps rubbing her cunt and hitting the bottle of Jack. (White Trash Ch2)
Living Dolls, by Marsh Alien (AngelicMinx)
I can still remember finding the box in the attic of my parent's house.
Unnatural Progression, by Starrkers (Starrkers)
It was time to go. It wasn't fun anymore, and if it wasn't fun, what else was there? Jeni pondered this a moment, pausing as she stuffed her meagre belongings into the worn and stained duffle.
The Blow Job, by Neonlyte
"Truth is, I don't really do blow jobs."
Immortal Ecstacy, by Neonlyte
"My tutors told me I would need an infinite amount of patience; I was to bide my time considering the endless permutations and means by which suffering can be inflicted."
I won the Lottery, by TxRad
"Two weeks ago, I won the lottery. Now what the fuck do I do?"
The Commodore's Wife, by TxRad
"Seaman third class Angle Bentley was fucking the Commodore's wife in the fantail on the fantail."
The End of the Ice Age, by Icingsugar (Dampy)
"Lori opened her eyes.
----------
She had called it the Ice Age. It was a name that she had chosen to reassure herself. Yes, it was cold. And yes, it was lonely. And yes yes yes it went on and on and on. But an ice age, however cold, barren, sterile and seemingly eternal, would one day be over. Ages ended, right?
----------
She opened her eyes. The ceiling was white, not grey.
What? Wait, woah, shit! Hold on, back up, rewind. What the hell just happened?
She had opened her eyes. Her EYES! No, nonono! This couldn't be for real, this could NOT be true!
Lori's mind spun as the impact of what had happened to her slowly became clear. For any normal person, opening your eyes after a night's sleep was not something that sent you into a state of confusion bordering on cataclysmic chock. But Lori was not a normal person. Not by a long shot.
Lori hadn't opened her eyes in a very long time. Last time it happened was so incredibly long ago that she could not remember what the movement of eyelids felt like. It had been over fifty years. Yes, fifty insanely long years. Not that she had counted. How could she?"
My How-To contest entry, HOW TO BE A HAPPY HOOKER, didn’t win, of course, but it did get a surprisingly large number of, “Thanks, I needed that,” type public comments. This got me to thinking (a rare feat) about compiling a list of favorite opening lines from Literotica stories.
So suggest some, already. Feel free to include one or two of your own, but only if you come with with an equal number by other Lit writer(s). If enough come in, I’ll try to organize ‘em, maybe even have a contest of some sort.
Those a tad fuzzy about openings and hooks, could do a lot better than reading my non-winning article, but at least it'd be a start. For those not up to that grisly chore, here's a one sentence summation:
The mission of those first few words at the beginning of your story is to intrigue--not inform--your readers and keep them reading.
I'll begin the list with two of my all-time Lit favorites:
Happy hooking.
Rumple Foreskin
ps: This is an excerpt from Imp's post later in the thread; take heed.
One of the best sessions (and, really, they were all kick ass in some way) I attended at last year's La Jolla Writers Conference was about opening hooks. It was drummed into our heads: An agent reads the first sentence & decides whether to read the first paragraph ... and if the first paragraph is read, then the first page.
You have other tools to hook a reader (cover art, title, back cover blurb, reviews) that aren't always available to an agent reading your manuscript.
==
Jazzy Girl, by Dixon Carter Lee (RF)
She stood at the microphone, waiting for her cue, worrying a cigarette and gripping the mike stand like a spear.
Will, by BlackShanglan (RF, AngelicMinx)
I was not made as others.
Scould's Bridle, by BlackShanglan (AngelicMinx)
"Go ahead. Touch it."
Lassoing the Moon, by SelenaKittyn (AngelicMinx)
She was going to hell. There was no getting around it—do not pass go, do not collect $200, she was going straight to hell without any little orange "Get out of hell free" card.
The Run, by Colleen Thomas (Alex de Kok)
"Wednesday 1900 hours
She moved across the crowded bar with a feline fluidity that would have been called graceful or elegant on a pretty woman."
The Furies, by Colleen Thomas (Cloudy, BlackShanglan)
"In the quiet, backwater system of Halderon IV, the old war horse had been put to pasture."
I Alone, by Cloudy (Cloudy)
"The letter arrived three days before Christmas, blown in on a bleak Oklahoma day by unkind fate."
Hot Buttered, by OhMissScarlett (Dar)
"Torture is what it was. The hillbilly equivalent of hard labor, I thought, with a pitchfork in my hands."
The Lighthouse, by Dr_Mabeuse (SelenaKittyn, Stella Omega)
She was amused when semen started showing up in her art — semen as an image in her poems to describe the stars that spread over the ocean at night, or in her paintings in the thick paint she used to show the foam of the breakers that surged around the rocks at the base of the lighthouse.
A Private Party: Rhythm intro in four-four time, by Stella Omega (SO)
"Okay, boys and girls," The producer said over the studio intercom; "We got that one down cold. It could be your next hit, Tracy. It's a big rocker!"
Memoir of a Lame Girl, by msgimply (Blackshanglan)
This narrative came to us as a hand written manuscript on yellowed and tattered sheets of paper. Its owner claimed it was submitted to London Life in 1937 but never published because it was a bit more explicit than even their standards allowed. We seriously doubt its authenticity but will let our readers judge for themselves.
1762, or 'A Monk's Progress, by MllledelaPlumeBleu (Blackshanglan)
(Recorded by the pen of Brother Andre Boulin des Barres, Lyon, 1762)
"A Monk's Progress"
They called him Julian the Saint.
Not that he was chaste.
Mayfair Lady, by SubJoe (Blackshanglan)
Hello. I want to tell you a story. I swear to you it's all perfectly true, which of course is a promise that means absolutely nothing coming from a fictional character like me.
Yes, that's right, I'm fictional. My name is Henry. Henry Higgins. I was created by my Author, Sub Joe. Joe himself is, of course a nom de plume, so he in a way, is fictional too. Nom de plume. That's French. It means "Name that Pen", which was a popular Radio Show in Canada in the 1950's.
Lustful Leeves, by AngelicMinx (AM)
Russell had a fetish. I blame his parents. I mean, really... what were they smokin' the day he was born? They named him Russell Leeves? In my opinion, that was just asking for trouble.
Intimate Waters, by AngelicMinx (AM)
Imagine slick skin sliding together as two people stand under the hot, pulsing spray of a thousand aquatic fingers massaging away the tension of the day...heaven.
Not Quite Strangers, by Dar~ (Dar)
"Don't trash the place." That was all the manager had to say when I paid for three hours in his little roach trap motel."
Not Quite Strangers, Ch 2, by Dar~ (Dar)
"Management! Your time is up!"
Horror, by Jomar (Jomar)
How do you define horror, dear reader? I mean true horror, the kind that rips a mind and soul apart. (Horror)
Mancation, by Jomar (Jomar)
It came to me at 2:17am while I was watching the 1974 British Open highlights on ESPN23. (Mancation)
The Bet, Ch. 1, by Jomar (Jomar)
"Oh, don't be such a baby. You lost the bet, so you have to pay up. Simple as that." (The Bet Ch 1)
White Trash, by Jomar (Jomar)
Yeah, I fucked her. (White Trash Ch1)
White Trash, Ch. 2, by Jomar (Jomar)
I found the skeezy slut sitting on my deck steps rubbing her cunt and hitting the bottle of Jack. (White Trash Ch2)
Living Dolls, by Marsh Alien (AngelicMinx)
I can still remember finding the box in the attic of my parent's house.
Unnatural Progression, by Starrkers (Starrkers)
It was time to go. It wasn't fun anymore, and if it wasn't fun, what else was there? Jeni pondered this a moment, pausing as she stuffed her meagre belongings into the worn and stained duffle.
The Blow Job, by Neonlyte
"Truth is, I don't really do blow jobs."
Immortal Ecstacy, by Neonlyte
"My tutors told me I would need an infinite amount of patience; I was to bide my time considering the endless permutations and means by which suffering can be inflicted."
I won the Lottery, by TxRad
"Two weeks ago, I won the lottery. Now what the fuck do I do?"
The Commodore's Wife, by TxRad
"Seaman third class Angle Bentley was fucking the Commodore's wife in the fantail on the fantail."
The End of the Ice Age, by Icingsugar (Dampy)
"Lori opened her eyes.
----------
She had called it the Ice Age. It was a name that she had chosen to reassure herself. Yes, it was cold. And yes, it was lonely. And yes yes yes it went on and on and on. But an ice age, however cold, barren, sterile and seemingly eternal, would one day be over. Ages ended, right?
----------
She opened her eyes. The ceiling was white, not grey.
What? Wait, woah, shit! Hold on, back up, rewind. What the hell just happened?
She had opened her eyes. Her EYES! No, nonono! This couldn't be for real, this could NOT be true!
Lori's mind spun as the impact of what had happened to her slowly became clear. For any normal person, opening your eyes after a night's sleep was not something that sent you into a state of confusion bordering on cataclysmic chock. But Lori was not a normal person. Not by a long shot.
Lori hadn't opened her eyes in a very long time. Last time it happened was so incredibly long ago that she could not remember what the movement of eyelids felt like. It had been over fifty years. Yes, fifty insanely long years. Not that she had counted. How could she?"
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