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I need help with sex and my girl friend

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Bobez

Virgin
Joined
Jun 4, 2007
Posts
16
I need to know how to be rougher

Please help me...

Me and my girlfriend have had sex, and we've talked more about it, so she told me that she likes it really really rough...

I love the idea, but I don't know how to be as rough as she wants it...

Like I said we talked about it, and I asked her what about if I talk really dirty, she said yes. Then I started to go through rougher ideas, I asked about spanking her until her ass is bright red, and she said she loved the idea. The best I got up to is choking her when we where in the act, and she said she still wanted it rougher, she said she wants it to feel like I'm trying to rape her...

I don't know any rougher ideas than the chokeing...

I want to please her like she's never been pleased before and that means that I need to be rougher than anyones ever been with her...

The worst thing is that she won't tell me what she wants me to do, she wants me to figure it out on my own, so she's keeping it from me...

The only reason she's not telling me is because she knows it teases me to hide stuff from me like that...

Please don't judge me for what turns me on...

Also...

Please help me!!!
 
Last edited:
First off, do you guys have a safe word? That is, have you discussed what means "NO/STOP THIS INSTANT!"? If not, you need to figure something out (a lot of people use "red" or even "safeword" or drop something that'll make a sound if the mouth is covered) so a forced seduction fantasy doesn't turn into rape.

Secondly, there are TONS of other things you can do, like:
- "Take" her when she least expects it, like grab her as soon as she walks in from school/work/an evening out

- Have her dress in something that can be destroyed, then rip or cut her clothes off. For cutting, you can bind and blindfold her, then say something like, "Hold really still now. I'm going to slice this dress into shreds before I use my little slut for my pleasure," and proceed to cut her clothes off with EMT/safety shears, which have a rounded blade so they won't stab her (but for all she knows, you're using a knife or normal scissors that could hurt her).

-Incorporate anal play/sex into it, but educate yourself on anal first because she can be seriously injured if you're too rough or there's not enough lube.

- Restrain and pleasure her mercilessly, not letting her come until X happens

- Apply pain to her nipples/tits, spank her pussy, go through your house and find things you can (safely) use on her (spatulas, wooden spoons, straps, silk, ice - stuff that produces a lot of sensation).

- Wear a ski mask, different cologne and soap, grow some stubble if you're clean-shaven (or vice versa), etc., to add more surprise and make her think you might be a different person. (You'd be wise to discuss how she might feel if you let someone else fuck her in advance, as you don't want her to think she's actually being raped during).

- Read Nonconsent/Reluctance stories here, and see what else you can come up with. The BDSM Library in BDSM Talk may be another source of ideas.

I'm guessing she associates "rough" with exciting and scary. Let's face it though, there's only so rough we can get before greatly increasing the risk our partners will be harmed. So, an alternative to getting rougher physically is to use the mind to create that fear and excitement. That's what things like cutting her clothes off with EMT shears when she thinks she could be seriously hurt do - they're mindfucks that make it seem very scary and exciting with a lot less risk of injury.

Are those the kind of ideas you were looking for?

Welcome, and don't worry about being ridiculed for your preferences; we're usually pretty good as long as activities are consensual and don't harm anyone. Plus, many of us are into stuff that's far less mainstream. Personally, I'm not a fan of associating anything fun or fantasy with the word "rape" --which is why I call it a "forced seduction/nonconsent/reluctance" fantasy, or similar--but I understand people usually use "rape" because they don't know what else to call it. :)
 
Thanks for those tips, I need to talk it over with her, because she wants it rough, but not violent I know she likes the idea of the clothes being cut off, or ripped off of her...

I'm always safe when it comes to being rough with my partner, because i care for her too much to ever actualy hurt her...

I want to be rough with her, and force her when we have sex, but like I said I ran out of ideas on how to be rougher, and thank you for the advice...

I have to talk it all over with her because I always want to make sure she's comfortable with the stuff we do...

If you can think of any other ways that I could force her please tell me because I want to plese her like she's never been pleased and give her the best sex she's ever had...

I don't care if I get no plesure out of it because I get pleasure in knowing that I can give her all the pleasure...
 
on topic: dont really have anything substuntial to add..

...but...


off topic: i think, somebody in here isnt all that sweet after all :D
but the stolen apples always taste sweeter than the given.


got to run,
night dude, u get there ^^

100x :devil: SweetErika :p
 
I've actually heard of someone using the safe word "broccoli"- it's the furthest thing she could think of from sex.

But go with it as hard as you want until you hear her utter that safe word. As long as you continue to communicate youe likes & dislikes, I think you'll be okay.
 
I planned on using a safe word with her, but I have to talk to her about it...

I just want to please her as much as she wants to be pleased the next time we have sex...

I want to make it the most memorable night between use, and make her scream so loud she looses her voice...
 
aw, she wont tell you?

while you have her tied down, and giving her the best oral sex she has ever had...EVER... you shouldn't let her cum until she has told you a few things... other dirty things... try calling her fuck toy or dirty slut a few times..oh, and maybe a little hair pulling (but make sure you get her head from the scalp).



this brings a tear to my eye, oh how i miss these days of discovery ... tehehe
 
Bobez said:
I planned on using a safe word with her, but I have to talk to her about it...
Click to expand...

Make SURE you have a safe word. Sometimes, the fantasy doesn't translate well to reality.
 
I like the sound of BlueSugar's plan. Also, a safeword sounds like a good idea for the rough stuff.
 
Just like blue sugar said...

That's what I want to hear...

I want ideas to talk over with her, so I can give her the most pleausre ever...

We now have a safe word, so that's in action...

Thank you again blue sugar...

Anyone please tell meany more ideas you may have and help me out...

Please...

Thank you.
 
I have had a similar situation as you. I knew my girlfriend loved it rough early on but she would never say exactly what she wanted or how rough, considering she's got a low pain tolerance it makes things a bit difficult; sometimes you don't know if the actual act of being rough is going to work in reality. Like someone said, fantasy doesn't always translate well to reality.

We do use a safeword but even that get's confusing sometimes, at least with me because we don't always play rough and i'm not sure when the safeword is in play or not, so if we start playing and I do something rough she will sometimes act offended, as if it turned her off then I'm under the impression that I've ruined the mood. She tells me the safeword is always in play...

My girlfriend and I didn't talk about what we really wanted in bed and after about a year it started getting boring. Now we've decided to talk about it and plan it out. As my girlfriend said recently "I want a lover with esp that can read my mind and know exactly what I want...but there isn't a psychic lover..."

So if you can, get her to talk more about what she wants, make a point to talk about it outside the bedroom in a serious discussion.

Neither of you should be shy or embarassed about sex, if you're having it then you should be able to talk about it or otherwise you may be just shooting in the dark at an attempt to find what each other wants.

Hope I've given you some helpful tips.
 
I always talk to her, and I think one of the reasons she won't tell me is because she doesn't really know what she wants to the roughest thing...

We've picked an off the wall safe word, so I know exactly when to stop...

And it helps me to know that more than just me have had the challenge...
 
SweetErika said:
First off, do you guys have a safe word? That is, have you discussed what means "NO/STOP THIS INSTANT!"? If not, you need to figure something out (a lot of people use "red" or even "safeword" or drop something that'll make a sound if the mouth is covered) so a forced seduction fantasy doesn't turn into rape.

Secondly, there are TONS of other things you can do, like:
- "Take" her when she least expects it, like grab her as soon as she walks in from school/work/an evening out

- Have her dress in something that can be destroyed, then rip or cut her clothes off. For cutting, you can bind and blindfold her, then say something like, "Hold really still now. I'm going to slice this dress into shreds before I use my little slut for my pleasure," and proceed to cut her clothes off with EMT/safety shears, which have a rounded blade so they won't stab her (but for all she knows, you're using a knife or normal scissors that could hurt her).

-Incorporate anal play/sex into it, but educate yourself on anal first because she can be seriously injured if you're too rough or there's not enough lube.

- Restrain and pleasure her mercilessly, not letting her come until X happens

- Apply pain to her nipples/tits, spank her pussy, go through your house and find things you can (safely) use on her (spatulas, wooden spoons, straps, silk, ice - stuff that produces a lot of sensation).

- Wear a ski mask, different cologne and soap, grow some stubble if you're clean-shaven (or vice versa), etc., to add more surprise and make her think you might be a different person. (You'd be wise to discuss how she might feel if you let someone else fuck her in advance, as you don't want her to think she's actually being raped during).

- Read Nonconsent/Reluctance stories here, and see what else you can come up with. The BDSM Library in BDSM Talk may be another source of ideas.

I'm guessing she associates "rough" with exciting and scary. Let's face it though, there's only so rough we can get before greatly increasing the risk our partners will be harmed. So, an alternative to getting rougher physically is to use the mind to create that fear and excitement. That's what things like cutting her clothes off with EMT shears when she thinks she could be seriously hurt do - they're mindfucks that make it seem very scary and exciting with a lot less risk of injury.

Are those the kind of ideas you were looking for?

Welcome, and don't worry about being ridiculed for your preferences; we're usually pretty good as long as activities are consensual and don't harm anyone. Plus, many of us are into stuff that's far less mainstream. Personally, I'm not a fan of associating anything fun or fantasy with the word "rape" --which is why I call it a "forced seduction/nonconsent/reluctance" fantasy, or similar--but I understand people usually use "rape" because they don't know what else to call it. :)
Click to expand...
Damn, just damn. :D
 
CadillacJack85 said:
I

We do use a safeword but even that get's confusing sometimes, at least with me because we don't always play rough and i'm not sure when the safeword is in play or not, so if we start playing and I do something rough she will sometimes act offended, as if it turned her off then I'm under the impression that I've ruined the mood. She tells me the safeword is always in play...
Click to expand...
Well, if she's said the safeword is always in play, then there's your answer. You could clarify whether she believes it's in play at all times, whether you're being rough or not, or even being not being sexual. Ours are always applicable to both of us, mainly because we're D/s 24/7. Then I always ask him to tell me his words before anything new or more intense than usual, so they're fresh in his mind and he's reminded I want him to use them when he feels like it.

We also use "yellow" to indicate "I need to stop temporarily, and you need to check in with me." This gives us another opportunity to communicate and solve any problems (whether it's an itch or approaching a limit) without stopping the play and ruining the mood.

I also incorporate questions like, "Do you want more (pain, brutality, or whatever), slut?" and "How's my fucktoy doing?" into the play because it gives him the opportunity to tell me how he's doing and what he wants while maintaining the mood.

Bobez, I'd caution you against elaborating on how much you want to please her a lot to HER. If she sees it as you doing it mostly for her, or being all about her pleasure, she may not view you as in control/dominant, which could be a turn off for her. A lot of women want to imagine they're powerless and it's all about their partner's pleasure when they're in a more submissive role. It's great that you want to please her, but she should know that by your actions in and out of the bedroom. Keep feeling it, but be careful about saying it a lot so you don't risk tarnishing the fantasy for her. :)
 
i think for me the biggest part of the non-con fantasy is being pinned down or bent over something. the actual sensation of not being in control.
 
hmmm

yes you will need that safe word...
but otherwise sneak up on her with the whole thing using ideas that erika was suggesting...Take her when she leasts expects it. She thinks being "raped" is hot and I love that idea too. The thought of being taken advantage of and having no control makes my pussy so wet. fuck her hard and do it unexpectedly... Rip her clothes off...Providing they aren't expensive, lol. Try tying her up, bring handcuffs, blindfold her.
Bend her over and fuck her...but make sure you use a safe word!
 
SexyLilChick said:
yes you will need that safe word...
but otherwise sneak up on her with the whole thing using ideas that erika was suggesting...Take her when she leasts expects it. She thinks being "raped" is hot and I love that idea too. The thought of being taken advantage of and having no control makes my pussy so wet. fuck her hard and do it unexpectedly... Rip her clothes off...Providing they aren't expensive, lol. Try tying her up, bring handcuffs, blindfold her.
Bend her over and fuck her...but make sure you use a safe word!
Click to expand...

um, where are you from again. 28.m can travel :cool: ;)
 
SweetErika said:
Well, if she's said the safeword is always in play, then there's your answer. You could clarify whether she believes it's in play at all times, whether you're being rough or not, or even being not being sexual. Ours are always applicable to both of us, mainly because we're D/s 24/7. Then I always ask him to tell me his words before anything new or more intense than usual, so they're fresh in his mind and he's reminded I want him to use them when he feels like it.

We also use "yellow" to indicate "I need to stop temporarily, and you need to check in with me." This gives us another opportunity to communicate and solve any problems (whether it's an itch or approaching a limit) without stopping the play and ruining the mood.

I also incorporate questions like, "Do you want more (pain, brutality, or whatever), slut?" and "How's my fucktoy doing?" into the play because it gives him the opportunity to tell me how he's doing and what he wants while maintaining the mood.

Bobez, I'd caution you against elaborating on how much you want to please her a lot to HER. If she sees it as you doing it mostly for her, or being all about her pleasure, she may not view you as in control/dominant, which could be a turn off for her. A lot of women want to imagine they're powerless and it's all about their partner's pleasure when they're in a more submissive role. It's great that you want to please her, but she should know that by your actions in and out of the bedroom. Keep feeling it, but be careful about saying it a lot so you don't risk tarnishing the fantasy for her. :)
Click to expand...

She knows I want to please her, but not as much as you guys know, she doesn't know how much it means to me to please her...

So I can still keep the idea of being in control and being "masculin"...

She knows I can be in control, she knows I can force her...

I'm a pretty strong guy, so I she knows how much I can control her...

Also we live in different states ow, and we have phone sex a lot, so when we do that, she knows what I want to o to her when we actualy have sex, and she knows how controling and rough I can sound...
 
From experience ... "taking her" when she just gets home ... or you two just getting home from somewhere, is extremely hot. My boyfriend practically jumped me once we got home from a long car trip not too long ago and it was great. ;D

Also, playing with ice is the ultimate torture tease. Boy does the whole trailing it over various places, leaving it on others which is COLD as CRAP ... then he manages to stick it inside and then suck it back out and ... it's just great. I never thought I'd like ice in the bedroom, but hey ... things happen. ;)

Just go with the flow ... learning is about 85% of the fun.
 
Not personally into the rough stuff altho a little rough things are nice.

Have you though about Handcuffs ankle cuffs, ass paddle, whips, Candle play (WAX) Adult shops have special candles for that. Chesty belts, blindfold, Tickle feathers, Gag ball? Doesnt always have to hurt to feel good.
 
I like the ice idea, I'll talk to her about that...

and as for the gag ball and whip, she already said no, plus I don't really like the idea either...

Thanks for the sugestions though...

Please if anyone can think of any thing else let me know...

Seriously thanks for the ice idea...

Plus the candle idea sounds fun...

I hope she likes it.
 
Bobez said:
Plus the candle idea sounds fun...

I hope she likes it.
Click to expand...
If she does, be sure to read up on wax play. It can be sensual or painful, depending on which candles are used, the amount of wax dripped, where it's placed, and how high above the body the candle is held. Some types of candles can cause serious burns, whereas others have such a low melting point that they just feel warm.

There's lots of good info on this online and in the BDSM Talk forum (you can use the search function or Google to search).
 
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