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Bdsm

Retrieval

Retrieval

Droog
Joined
Apr 23, 2006
Posts
5,942
Before anybody says anything, no, this does not belong in the BDSM section. The people over there are obviously into it.

I want to know about the people that are not into it so much that they can be described as bondage, dominants or sadomasochists.


Do you think it's weird?

Are you curious to try certain aspects of BDSM but haven't for whatever reason?

Have you tried it but found it too extreme?

Had a bad experience that you never want to repeat?

Fantasised about it but can't find an interested partner?

What are your views on it?
 
Get AIDS and die screaming you Nazi cunt. Fuck your friend Cade so he gets it as well.
 
Retrieval said:
Do you think it's weird?
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The general idea? No. Some of the involved stuff? Yeah, but to each their own as long as it is consenting adults.

Are you curious to try certain aspects of BDSM but haven't for whatever reason?
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I wouldn't mind trying mild bondage on a woman, but not on myself - I am too dominant to enjoy being tied up. By "mild", I mean the use of soft cuffs or restraints, or just holding someone down.

Have you tried it but found it too extreme?
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Haven't tried it. No sex partner.
 
I wouldn't call it a lifestyle for me- which is why I don't post in the BDSM section- but I've done my share of experimenting with certain aspects of BDSM and found it lots of fun. I haven't had any bad experiences yet.

I do find that many guy who don't view it as a lifestyle aren't into experimenting with it too much.
 
lilminx said:
I wouldn't call it a lifestyle for me- which is why I don't post in the BDSM section- but I've done my share of experimenting with certain aspects of BDSM and found it lots of fun. I haven't had any bad experiences yet.

I do find that many guy who don't view it as a lifestyle aren't into experimenting with it too much.
Click to expand...

What aspects have you experimented with?

Were you Sub, Domme or Switch?

Which experiment did you enjoy the most?
 
I don’t think you always Know you’re interested in it until it’s presented to you. I’ve always been pretty conservative but I met somebody once who was very dominant. Actually when he first told me he was a Dom I was like “you’re a what?” I didn’t really even know what BDSM was. It certainly wasn’t something * I * was into. It sounded scary and way to “out there” for me. I knew I’d always had certain fantasies, but I never acknowledged them because, well because I guess in my mind they were wrong. But the more I talked to this guy, the more I found out that everything about him turned me on. Everything. He was so darn dominant and confidant and at the same time nice (which was something I wouldn’t have associated with it before if that makes any sense) I started kind of looking into BDSM to see what it really was and I found out that some of what they talk about and call BDSM Did turn me on.

I still don’t know what I’m into, I definitely am not into all of it and I’m pretty sure that I’d never let somebody dominate me outside the bedroom, but I also know that the type of man I crave is one who’s very confidant, has no problem taking charge In the bedroom and will push my limits beyond where I think I will go. Maybe that’s not even BDSM, maybe it’s something else… I dunno.
 
It's definitely not a lifestyle thing for me. I like to make my own decisions out of the bedroom. But sexually I like a guy who knows what he wants and gets it.
Yes, I've experimented, but mostly just the tying up stuff which is a lot of fun. I'm not sure how into I'd be into tying a guy up, I've never tried. Overall I like it somewhat "rough" and I like being told what to do.
 
Flyin_Free said:
I still don’t know what I’m into, I definitely am not into all of it and I’m pretty sure that I’d never let somebody dominate me outside the bedroom, but I also know that the type of man I crave is one who’s very confidant, has no problem taking charge In the bedroom and will push my limits beyond where I think I will go. Maybe that’s not even BDSM, maybe it’s something else… I dunno.
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I wouldn't dominate outside the bedroom, but that is different from being dominant, at least for most people.

As for pushing limits - probably not - mild role playing sure, but I would expect a woman to more or less set limits and not need to be pushed to or beyond them. I am not into making someone do something they don't really want to do, or seem reluctant to do.

For me that is part of respecting a person's space and I won't go beyond that or even approach it if they have said they don't want it. If something is really important to me, they don't want to do it, then I'll probably leave that relationship and either find it somewhere else or just do without it altogether.
 
Flyin_Free said:
I don’t think you always Know you’re interested in it until it’s presented to you. I’ve always been pretty conservative but I met somebody once who was very dominant. Actually when he first told me he was a Dom I was like “you’re a what?” I didn’t really even know what BDSM was. It certainly wasn’t something * I * was into. It sounded scary and way to “out there” for me. I knew I’d always had certain fantasies, but I never acknowledged them because, well because I guess in my mind they were wrong. But the more I talked to this guy, the more I found out that everything about him turned me on. Everything. He was so darn dominant and confidant and at the same time nice (which was something I wouldn’t have associated with it before if that makes any sense) I started kind of looking into BDSM to see what it really was and I found out that some of what they talk about and call BDSM Did turn me on.

I still don’t know what I’m into, I definitely am not into all of it and I’m pretty sure that I’d never let somebody dominate me outside the bedroom, but I also know that the type of man I crave is one who’s very confidant, has no problem taking charge In the bedroom and will push my limits beyond where I think I will go. Maybe that’s not even BDSM, maybe it’s something else… I dunno.
Click to expand...

So what happened?
 
Retrieval said:
Before anybody says anything, no, this does not belong in the BDSM section. The people over there are obviously into it.

I want to know about the people that are not into it so much that they can be described as bondage, dominants or sadomasochists.


Do you think it's weird?

Are you curious to try certain aspects of BDSM but haven't for whatever reason?

Have you tried it but found it too extreme?

Had a bad experience that you never want to repeat?

Fantasised about it but can't find an interested partner?

What are your views on it?
Click to expand...

I don't think it is weird. People can like whatever they want to like. I am not to judge.

It is not a total lifestyle for myself. But, there are some aspects of it that I do require. I am very stubborn and opinionated. Too much so to involve myself into a full time D/s relationship. I enjoy choosing my life choices outside the bedroom as an equal. But, while in the bedroom... my partner needs to be Dom. I am not a switch or Domme is any way. I am completely submission with it. Without details... it is a must.

I have tried certain aspects. Not too extreme, but I have enjoyed them a lot. I am naturally a sub, sexually. I like having my limits pushed while feeling completely safe with the other person. I like being told what to do and to please naturally my partner. It is a very natural feeling to me.

Bad experience? Nothing with the physical actions of it. More on an emotional level of giving myself up completely and being crushed. So, yeah... I have learned from that.

I haven't found the right person to enjoy the "lifestyle" with as a whole yet. It really is not easy to have a relationship that is a good mixture of both sides. It is hard to separate the two, I suppose. But, I know friends that have found it. So, I am still willing to try regardless of the chance of being hurt again.

Yep.
 
BeBe81 said:
I don't think it is weird. People can like whatever they want to like. I am not to judge.

It is not a total lifestyle for myself. But, there are some aspects of it that I do require. I am very stubborn and opinionated. Too much so to involve myself into a full time D/s relationship. I enjoy choosing my life choices outside the bedroom as an equal. But, while in the bedroom... my partner needs to be Dom. I am not a switch or Domme is any way. I am completely submission with it. Without details... it is a must.

I have tried certain aspects. Not too extreme, but I have enjoyed them a lot. I am naturally a sub, sexually. I like having my limits pushed while feeling completely safe with the other person. I like being told what to do and to please naturally my partner. It is a very natural feeling to me.

Bad experience? Nothing with the physical actions of it. More on an emotional level of giving myself up completely and being crushed. So, yeah... I have learned from that.

I haven't found the right person to enjoy the "lifestyle" with as a whole yet. It really is not easy to have a relationship that is a good mixture of both sides. It is hard to separate the two, I suppose. But, I know friends that have found it. So, I am still willing to try regardless of the chance of being hurt again.

Yep.
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Good post.
Also, you're about to be bombarded with pm's.
 
My girlfriend at the time hits me with the i want to be tied up routine.
so i went down to the local adult toy store and get this little bondage kit called of all things bound to please.
Its got the anklets and wristlets with velcro and four straps to secure to the bed posts.
So i tied her up tight and got up to look at my work.
I just stood in silence and noticed with every breath she took juices were flowing out of her pussy like i have never seen before.
To this day its one of the sexiest things i have ever seen in person.
 
There are definite parts of aspects of it that I have learned about myself that are vital to a relationship. The emphasis on trust made so many other struggles within a relationshp for me become clear. Learning to give myself over completely after the trust is established releases so many inhibitions for me. Since then, I have enjoyed pleasures I didn't even know exsisted. I don't think I could ever go back to an all vanilla sex-life and feel complete.

The need for open communication with your lover if experimenting seems to enhance all aspects within a relationship too.

What is too extreme is a very individual thing. Without the added elements of power exchange I seem to hold back a piece of myself. I don't give myself over to the experience completely without that surrender that only happens when I let go of control and power. For me that is what it comes down to.

There is a rush within that cannot be replaced.

The actual acts that take place that represent the submission or dominance are somewhat interchangable within a couple's personal tastes and for me are as symbolic as they are pleasurable.

All that being said, it is not something I want or need each and every time. I just now know that I need it to be a possibility.
 
sortacurious said:
Learning to give myself over completely after the trust is established releases so many inhibitions for me. Since then, I have enjoyed pleasures I didn't even know exsisted. I don't think I could ever go back to an all vanilla sex-life and feel complete.

What is too extreme is a very individual thing. Without the added elements of power exchange I seem to hold back a piece of myself. I don't give myself over to the experience completely without that surrender that only happens when I let go of control and power. For me that is what it comes down to.
Click to expand...

Well said. I completely agree.

I want to trust someone and surrender completely to them. I have done that and it felt amazing, but it also caused me a lot of emotional turmoil when it ended. I have huge trust issues, so when I give them up. I am devoted to the other person. So, I am trying to figure out the healthiest way to pleased both sides of the spectrum now.

I could never go back to all vanilla sex, either.
 
I post in the BDSM forum sometimes, because they're nice to me and don't seem to mind terribly that I know very little.
 
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sortacurious said:
There are definite parts of aspects of it that I have learned about myself that are vital to a relationship. The emphasis on trust made so many other struggles within a relationshp for me become clear. Learning to give myself over completely after the trust is established releases so many inhibitions for me. Since then, I have enjoyed pleasures I didn't even know exsisted. I don't think I could ever go back to an all vanilla sex-life and feel complete.

The need for open communication with your lover if experimenting seems to enhance all aspects within a relationship too.

What is too extreme is a very individual thing. Without the added elements of power exchange I seem to hold back a piece of myself. I don't give myself over to the experience completely without that surrender that only happens when I let go of control and power. For me that is what it comes down to.

There is a rush within that cannot be replaced.

The actual acts that take place that represent the submission or dominance are somewhat interchangable within a couple's personal tastes and for me are as symbolic as they are pleasurable.

All that being said, it is not something I want or need each and every time. I just now know that I need it to be a possibility.
Click to expand...

Another good and honest post.
It's interesting to hear the views of people that are not regular BDSMers (if that's even a word).
 
Bebe and Sorta are you both saying in and out of the bedroom.
I can get into the dom&sub thing in the bedroom but out of it i just do not see how that's healthy for any relationship.
 
Zinfandel said:
I post in the BDSM forum sometimes, because they're nice to me and don't seem to mind terribly that I know very little and have virtually no experience.

No, not at all.

Yes. I haven't because I'm married and my husband has no interest in BDSM. The night he came home early in the midst of me trying out some Shibari on myself was interesting (and not in a good way).

Finding aspects of BDSM interesting is new to me. Prior to maybe a year ago or so, I'd not thought much about it, or thought that there might be something in it that I'd find particularly arousing. Now though, well, certain aspects of it make up a good portion of my fantasies.
Click to expand...


I love shibari!

That is something I really enjoy the idea of, but haven't found the right person to explore with as of yet.
 
Zinfandel said:
I post in the BDSM forum sometimes, because they're nice to me and don't seem to mind terribly that I know very little and have virtually no experience.

No, not at all.

Yes. I haven't because I'm married and my husband has no interest in BDSM. The night he came home early in the midst of me trying out some Shibari on myself was interesting (and not in a good way).

Finding aspects of BDSM interesting is new to me. Prior to maybe a year ago or so, I'd not thought much about it, or thought that there might be something in it that I'd find particularly arousing. Now though, well, certain aspects of it make up a good portion of my fantasies.
Click to expand...

I just Googled Shibari to find out what it is.

I've got visions of hubby walking in on you, seeing you all twisted and tied up and him thinking "what the fuck is she doing???"
lol.

How did you explain it to him?
 
clutch1 said:
Bebe and Sorta are you both saying in and out of the bedroom.
I can get into the dom&sub thing in the bedroom but out of it i just do not see how that's healthy for any relationship.
Click to expand...

I prefer it to stay on a sexual level.

But, I always find it hard to keep in there when you are a relationship with a naturally Dom person. When you give control up in the bedroom... it sometimes leaks a bit into other aspects outside it. Which I am okay with to a degree. But, I am not into a full time full power exchange. That is something I refuse to explore.

I think in EVERY relationship. BDSM related or not there is a level of someone being more Dom over the other person. It is natural. To me it is natural to explore that element as well and I am submissive, but I agree that it could be very unhealthy mentally to live it 24/7. But, I know people that do and are completely happy. I suppose it depends on the people involved. I don't think I am stable enough to try it on that level.
 
BeBe81 said:
I prefer it to stay on a sexual level.

But, I always find it hard to keep in there when you are a relationship with a naturally Dom person. When you give control up in the bedroom... it sometimes leaks a bit into other aspects outside it. Which I am okay with to a degree. But, I am not into a full time full power exchange. That is something I refuse to explore.

I think in EVERY relationship. BDSM related or not there is a level of someone being more Dom over the other person. It is natural. To me it is natural to explore that element as well and I am submissive, but I agree that it could be very unhealthy mentally to live it 24/7. But, I know people that do and are completely happy. I suppose it depends on the people involved. I don't think I am stable enough to try it on that level.
Click to expand...
I think that the fact that you won't give up full power says you are stable.
And yes i have seen it work for others,but i like cooking my own steak every once in a whlie.
 
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