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vampiredust

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Thought I'd create a place where you can post and discuss form poems by yourself and favorite poets

Enjoy!
 
Here's a villanelle I wrote a while ago:

The Scarecrow (Villanelle)


His skull is stuffed with stones
thrown by all the local boys.
It has no water, earth or loam.

His skin is thicker than foam,
shrinking with the slightest noise.
His skull is stuffed with stones

and could break a million bones
(doing so with elegant poise)
It has no water, earth or loam

and uses the wind as a comb
to brush away thrown toys.
His skull is stuffed with stones

harder than Bakelite telephones,
tougher than anything which annoys.
It has no water, earth or loam,

or anything made of metal or chrome
to disrupt the method he employs.
His skull is stuffed with stones,
It has no water, earth or loam.
 
This is a revision of my cinquain from 30/30 yesterday:
Sunset

Wine-light
pours over trees
its deep, rich burgundy.
Day slips into unconsciousness,
drunken.​
 
This is a truly awful ghazal. At least, I think I followed the form correctly. These are really hard.
Ghazal on Love and Nature

Nature is not Nurture, nor is it ever love.
Darwin observed Nature, where sex is never love.

It is not love's nature when passion flares, begets
those unruly feelings that overpower love.

There is no passion greater than one rooted, calm.
Frantic swells of passion just kill and smother love.

Emotion can be trying, breed unpleasantness;
too much may make a lover seek another love.

A sturdy table's always steady, careful, set—
the platform to support your willful, clever love.​
 
Here is a vastly better example of a ghazal, by champagne1982: Love's Stain Upon Me.

I find it an intriguing form, one that is, as I said above, very difficult. (Though that may be only difficult for me, I suppose.)
 
I'll contribute an acrostic to the distiguished collection (there has to be one dud) -

Copasetic Persuasion


Composing the perfect duet he
Opens softly with
Pizzicato fingers.
A whispering sigh
Caresses his flesh
Even as he finds
The centre of her
Imagination.
”Come." He urges. "Come."

Perfectly placed,
Each finger plays
Rapid scales on her fretted
Strings.
Unfettered, she is flying
Aware only of the heights
She has scaled.
In silence he watches,
Orchestrating her climax and
Nurturing their passion.
 
Tess,
do you still have your double reverse acrostic? I dont remember the title but I was very impressed :)

I actually have one somewhere, I will dig it up and post it here
 
Jaded

Just as I expected, you chose to
abandon me again
don't think I will never forgive you
eternity is stronger than forever
deeper than the abyss of my soul

( it had a little greenie when I posted it on here, but I never could see why it got one, lol)
 
Maria2394 said:
Tess,
do you still have your double reverse acrostic? I dont remember the title but I was very impressed :)

I actually have one somewhere, I will dig it up and post it here
Click to expand...

This one?

SolsticeecitsloS

Skulking on the vergE,
Oblique, the sun seems amblyopiC.
Last light for BerniniI.
Self-luminescent towers dark at lasT,
Taking with them their shadowS
Immured in gloom, ethereaL.
Chasing Sol, Luna, a pallid "O",
Exacts a path for the planetS.

Seasons start afresh once morE,
Old blood surges in happy paniC.
Life's wheel, with all its brilliant rasdiI
Spins again - blindingly brighT
Taking with it Winter's detrituS.
I rejoice to see the sun return, eternaL.
Caches of dormant life welcome the imagO,
Efflorescence waiting with folded wingS.

:) I'm not surprised your "Jaded" got an E.
 
yes, that is it!!

it's so cool, I am going to work on one like that, it might take forever, but I think I can do it, lol. I have always liked the idea of a hidden message on a poem, and this form sort of does that.

:rose:

m
 
an acrostic for Tess

Somehow the light seems to linger, an
understanding of sorts, between the
night and day. By now, most blooms have
fallen, but not hers. She holds onto her petals
longer than she should, she wants to protect them
own them, reminding herself that
winter is approaching and flowers will die
even the mother plant must pass, she sighs and
relinquishes her seeds to the cooling ground
 
Here is an, admittedly weak, sonnet that I worked on during my commute. I could probably spend some time fleshing it out and making it much stronger.

~
On vacant sheets these aching fingers spread
to contemplate the wholeness that you bring,
and cold arms splay across the empty bed
longing for heat that's taught this heart to sing.
How hollow silence seems without you here
I ponder how we'd fondly chat all night,
if only I could hold you tightly dear,
and never fear you falling far from sight.
I pine to lay my head upon your chest
and tangle until hearts in tandem beat,
I only wish to bring my eyes to rest
upon your own as trembling lips do meet.
Until that day this pen will leak this line:
It's in your arms I wish to spend my time.
~
 
I like acrostics since they force you to think about the starting words on each line. We normally concentrate so hard on our end words, that to get a good acrostic inside a good poem is an exercise non-pareil.
 
Rime Royal or Chaucerian stanza

Here's an example of rime royal: seven lines of iambic pentameter rhyming ABABBCC. Chaucer used it as well. I think, technically, I should have a full stop at the end of line 3, but I don't here.

Earthquake

The earth shook wildly where the people went
To be where nature's beauty seemed so bright,
Where love inspired poets who felt sent
To see if there they'd find a fresher light,
And see how angels guided dreams at night.
There handsome Tom and pleasant Jill both fell,
Where God's hands closed, and hid them far too well.
 
ShyErraticTable said:
This is a truly awful ghazal. At least, I think I followed the form correctly. These are really hard.
Ghazal on Love and Nature

Nature is not Nurture, nor is it ever love.
Darwin observed Nature, where sex is never love.

It is not love's nature when passion flares, begets
those unruly feelings that overpower love.

There is no passion greater than one rooted, calm.
Frantic swells of passion just kill and smother love.

Emotion can be trying, breed unpleasantness;
too much may make a lover seek another love.

A sturdy table's always steady, careful, set—
the platform to support your willful, clever love.​
Click to expand...

.
.
.
Really, it's not that bad. The ghazal (pronounced ghuzzle) sounds like a fascinating form. The problem here is that in this form you're using you're stuck with using SET, which makes that couplet a bit strained.

Here's a link to a piece on the ghazal form that really surprised me. The samples they show are not at all as I'd have expected. Chew on this for a bit ~ Ghazal from AHA!Poetry.

.
.
.
 
ShyErraticTable said:
This is a truly awful ghazal. At least, I think I followed the form correctly. These are really hard.
Ghazal on Love and Nature

Nature is not Nurture, nor is it ever love.
Darwin observed Nature, where sex is never love.

It is not love's nature when passion flares, begets
those unruly feelings that overpower love.

There is no passion greater than one rooted, calm.
Frantic swells of passion just kill and smother love.

Emotion can be trying, breed unpleasantness;
too much may make a lover seek another love.

A sturdy table's always steady, careful, set—
the platform to support your willful, clever love.​
Click to expand...
I didn't find the form or the rhyme difficult, it was the meterical length and/or syllable count that I found hardest to adhere to.

In my ghazal, I chose a 20 syllable count for each verse which I found easier to do than to try double iambic pentameter while sticking with the rhyme scheme.

I think we modern era westerners have a tough time hearing the song inside the verses of the ghazal because of all of the rap and slam poetry hitting us broadside all the time.

(p.s. I love the "careful, set--" line in yours as your vanity refrain. Congrats, it fits in seamlessly.)

Here's mine from August 2005 ...

Love's Stain Upon Me (a ghazal)

Wetness sparkles in shining dew upon my skin where your mouth has lain upon me.
Loves kisses falling on my face anoint my heart as they drip like rain upon me.

If a story of our love were told there would be a golden light around your soul.
Brilliant as it flashes through the night, burning away the tortured pain upon me.

Brace above me in the haze of your passion with your face nestled against my throat.
Your hair flows through my fingers, over my touch, against my breast, a mane upon me.

There are hot moments that we could lose ourselves within as our hips slap together.
In our lustful sex, as we mate, you push the burden of being sane upon me.

I don't want to realize the world is nearby when you're loving me so damned well.
Sing songs of love and let them surge up, bursting in bubbles like Champagne upon me.
 
I made a serious attempt...

at writing a sonnet, so if it sucks, please tell me WHY and show me what to do to fix it. I really get freaked out by form, so, wel, here it is...



A Sonnet for the Homeless Man

He rests his cheek upon unfinished stone
There is no pillow for his weary head
One meal a day to nourish aching bones
The break of day brings nothing more than dread.
Six years have passed since he last saw his mother
His father passed away when he was five
He learned survival from his younger brother
Without whose skills he would not be alive.
He forages in prized and secret places
where restaurants empty scraps at closing time,
Those bits of food feed souls of many races
And gives them strength to wake come morning light.

Each day could be the start of something new
If he only had a home… like me or you
 
Last edited:
LeBroz said:
.
.
.
Really, it's not that bad. The ghazal (pronounced ghuzzle) sounds like a fascinating form. The problem here is that in this form you're using you're stuck with using SET, which makes that couplet a bit strained.

Here's a link to a piece on the ghazal form that really surprised me. The samples they show are not at all as I'd have expected. Chew on this for a bit ~ Ghazal from AHA!Poetry.

.
.
.
Click to expand...
Thank you, Leon. You are always the gentleman. Mine was bad. It was. Go read Champ's instead. :)

I am not as yet sure how one is supposed to pronounce ghazal. I have seen sources which say it should be ghuzzle and others say ga ZHAL. Not relevant to how one instantiates the form as a poem, of course.

There are a lot of problems with my attempt, but the biggest is that the couplets are not in themselves poetic. They would not stand as independent poems. The real beauty of the ghazal, based on my limited reading, is that it is formed of multiple independent poems (the couplets), all of which relate to a common theme.

So forget this rhyminess and meter and syllable count and no enjambment and on and on and on. The really hard part is composing, at a minimum, five independent poems on the same general subject, and then add the rhyme and meter restrictions.

Ouch.

Very interesting form, though. I like it.
 
Last edited:
FifthFlower said:
Here's an example of rime royal: seven lines of iambic pentameter rhyming ABABBCC. Chaucer used it as well. I think, technically, I should have a full stop at the end of line 3, but I don't here.

Earthquake

The earth shook wildly where the people went
To be where nature's beauty seemed so bright,
Where love inspired poets who felt sent
To see if there they'd find a fresher light,
And see how angels guided dreams at night.
There handsome Tom and pleasant Jill both fell,
Where God's hands closed, and hid them far too well.
Click to expand...
Thank you, FF, for posting this. I had never heard of this form (dunce, I am) and your post lead me to read a bit about it.

Very interesting, though I'm not a Chaucer fan. May try this myself.

Merci!
 
Another attempt at the villanelle...

Your heart beats next to mine,
lips rest 'gainst dampened skin
as bodies move in time.
And eagerly we dine,
as tongues dart out and in
your heart beats next to mine;
a feeling so divine
such pleasures surely sin.
As bodies move in time
and hips thus forward grind,
hands grasp and clutch at whim
your heart beats next to mine.
Your taste is warm, sweet wine,
passion pulls deep within,
as bodies move in time
and sweetly lovers bind
to quench this thirst, this yen.
Your heart beats next to mine
as bodies move in time.
 
Maria2394 said:
This is my first attempt at writing a sonnet, so if it sucks, please tell me WHY and show me what to do to fix it. I really get freaked out by form, so, wel, here it is...



A Sonnet for the Homeless Man

He rests his cheek upon unfinished stone
There is no pillow for his weary head
One meal a day to nourish aching bones
The break of day brings nothing more than dread.
Six years have passed since he last saw his mother
His father passed away when he was five
He learned survival from his younger brother
Without whose skills he would not be alive.
He forages in prized and secret places
where restaurants empty scraps at closing time,
Those bits of food feed souls of many races
And gives them strength to wake come morning light.

Each day could be the start of something new
If he only had a home… like me or you
Click to expand...
Hello darling 'ria.

I have a suggestion as to how you can smooth out your rhyme and keep the verses flowing without forcing. What I do as I write the first line of the poem is to run through all of the rhymes of the last word and set them into a notepad file. The second line follows the same exercise but as well, the second line carries the responsibility of pointing to where my story is headed.

Because of the rhyme work I did for the end words of the first 2 lines, I can now find a simile for almost any word that will complete my thoughts and still rhyme in pattern. Keep doing the rhyme work for each end word and you'll be able to drop the rhyming dictionary and find satisfaction that you've done all the work to make your sonnet flow.

As to rhythm. I know we're supposed to keep it iambic but sometimes I can't find the beat, especially when I'm writing a serious subject. Keep this one for a while and maybe, try a lighter mood. Write us a sonnet about your garden or frogs :p. And as you begin your edit, go and read some Dr. Seuss, then come back and try to set your words into a similar pattern.

Single and two syllable words are far easier to fit iambically together. Maybe see what you can do to find simpler words to replace a few of the longer terms in your poem and hopefully the meter will settle into a smoother song.

I hope that helps. It's just a couple of the techniques I use that seem to keep me writing rhymy, rhythmic poems.
 
Last edited:
Thank you Carrie!!

THats wonderful advice and just the kind I was hoping for :heart:

hugs

maria
 
This is kind of a fun form, the rubliw, invented by Richard Wilbur, named by Lewis Turco:
Rubliw for a Younger, Better Poet

................My sweet:
............I can't compete
........with your great poems, their neat
....spare elegance, the way you mete
out words like diamonds among the sleet
....and slush of mine and others weak-
........er offerings—elite
............ and such a treat.
................I'm beat.​
 
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