Get him to go down on me

My new boyfriend and I have been having sex since July, but have been messing around since March. At first he would pay attention to me whenever we messed around. I would never cum because there was never enough time (we fooled around during breaks at work). The thing is, I always made him cum either by handjob or blowjob. We have always fooled around at work because he still lives with his parents as do I.

Anyway, I recently moved into my college dorm and invited him to spend the night last Friday. I imagined a night of amazing sex, but what I got was very dissappointing. I did my usual thing and went down on him for about 30 minutes teasing him the entire time. He then pushed me down on the bed and we started making out. I asked him if he would be the first guy to go down on me, and he said ok. Well, he went down there for 10 seconds. I was so dissappointed and before I could say anything, he put himself inside me and then he came a short time later.

I asked him if we could do it again and he said that he needed some time to recover. I waited an hour and started to massage him but he just ignored me and watched tv. Everytime I tried to touch him, he would kind of nudge me away. It really made me feel bad about myself.

So, I was wondering:

A)How do I get him to go down on me until I cum?
B) How long does it take men (on average, I know each man is different) to recover and get hard a second time?
C) Why wouldn't he have sex with me again? I really wanted it, and he knew it, but he wouldn't give it to me.
D) How do I bring this up to him?

Thanks in advance!

The first thing I will say is that you two have a communication problem. I know its hard to talk openly about sex when the relationship is new, but you need to do it pronto. Instead of asking us these questions, ask your BF.

When I was 19, it took me about 15 minutes to recover after sex, but maybe 30 if it was a really good blowjob that sucked all the cum out of me. (Yummy...) I certainly wouldn't resist the approach of my GF while recovering and I never watched TV when she was in the mood. I think what he did was very inconsiderate.

You need to talk to him ASAP. Very directly. Don't start the relationship with poor sex habits. Set the rules straight early. Communicate. And if he doesn't listen or he is greedy, dump him. Life is too short to have a selfish partner. And no, it is not worth putting up with a selfish partner. Just search my posts if you need to know more on that subject.

Young men need to learn how to please a woman in bed and that means a lot more than humping them. It means cuddling, talking, caressing, licking, sucking, etc. YOU need to teach him these things because it might take him 25 years to learn them on his own.

PM me if you want more advice.

A)How do I get him to go down on me until I cum?

You ask him to do it. You probably give him great blowjobs, ask him to return the favor. If he doesn't get the hint, straddle his face. No, that is not being rude. I had a GF that did it to me and I loved licking her to orgasm.

B) How long does it take men (on average, I know each man is different) to recover and get hard a second time?

At that age, sober, not long.

C) Why wouldn't he have sex with me again? I really wanted it, and he knew it, but he wouldn't give it to me.

You better ask him that. You sound like a loving woman. I would have had sex with you in a heartbeat and I would have made love to you however you wanted until you screamed with pleasure. Sometimes young men don't know how to GIVE in bed.

D) How do I bring this up to him?

Gently, but directly. "<name>, can we have a talk about what happened last Friday night ? Ummm... remember when I asked you to go down on me ? Well, I was kind of expecting you to lick and arouse me to orgasm like I do to you. How do you feel about going down on me ? (his answer here) I noticed that you quickly came up and inserted. Why was that ? (his answer here)

Prepare yourself to hear all sorts of replies. Some of them might hurt you, although he probably doesn't mean to hurt you. It might have to do with him not wanting to ejaculate prematurely while licking you. It might be your hygiene. He might have an aversion to licking pussy. But this needs to be discussed.

And as for him resisting your advances and watching TV, that REALLY needs to be discussed.

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel bad about what happened. Sharing your body with someone is a beautiful thing.

center_stage said:

A)How do I get him to go down on me until I cum?

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Was it his first time giving oral to any woman? If so, maybe he just didn't know any better. Or, maybe his other gf(s) faked it or didn't like oral.

Have you talked about it, heard his opinion(s) on it previously?

Why did you let him enter you when you weren't ready? Why didn't you tell him you needed more stimulation at the time? I'm not trying to place blame, but good sex requires a ton of communication, so if you want it, you'll need to tell him EXACTLY what you want/need every time.

I'd say you first need to find out if it's an activity he enjoys. If not, you'll have to deal with it or find someone who enjoys it. You can't get him to do something he doesn't want to, anymore than he could convince you to, say, participate in an anal gangbang.

How I'd approach asking/talking would depend on his prior experience with it.

B) How long does it take men (on average, I know each man is different) to recover and get hard a second time?

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I think the average is 20 minutes or so, though some men can/want to only come once.

Sometimes my hubby's not in the mood for a second round. That's okay, because sometimes I'm not either. We usually go for one good one, or wait many hours between them, which works fine for both of us (and if it doesn't, on occasion, there's always masturbation or next time).

C) Why wouldn't he have sex with me again? I really wanted it, and he knew it, but he wouldn't give it to me.

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If you don't know, there's no way strangers on the internetS will be able to read his mind. There are a million possibilities here: he was tired, felt you were clingy, didn't want to give in, his cock hurt, the sex sucked, he's a one-off guy, realized he's gay...

Yes, a lot of those are probably ridiculous, but my point is that we can only take wild guesses. If you want to know, you'll have to say something like, "I noticed you didn't want to have sex again the other night. What was going on?"

D) How do I bring this up to him?

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Ask in a non-confrontational manner (don't assume, use I statements) in a non-sexual setting. It gets easier with practice, I promise.

He's gay......

You're dating a selfish brat, center_stage. Hope the advice footlongish gave you will work out, but I would also stop giving him hand or blowjobs for a while. Once he stops thinking he can get the pleasure whenever he asks, he'll perhaps start thinking about you.

He has gotten away with being a selfish ass for a long time. Now that you want some real attention he pulls away.
Have a serious talk with him. Tell him that you have needs too. And if he doesn't get it........ dump him.

I wouldn't be too worried that he wouldn't fuck you again even though you wanted it...

I mean...he'd just had sex...he may well just not have been horny. If you're not horny, you can't just make yourself be horny...if you want sex again soon afterwards you'll probably have to work for it.

As for getting him to go down on you for longer, just tell him that's what you want. Tell him you want him to lick you to orgasm. Then he knows and has no excuse.

He might not have done it because he's a selfish prick, but more likely he's just inexperienced and doesn't feel comfortable doing it. He might have thought he wasn't doing the right thing and felt stupid, or he might have thought that all you wanted was a little stimulation to get more turned on before the sex and that's what he provided...you need to ask him.

You are (very) young, so I'm going to assume that he is not much older. There is probably a lot he still needs to learn, and certainly also in the sex department. There are not a lot of men who figure out for themselves at that age (and many more not even when they grow up ) that sex is a different thing for women.

I can imagine, at your age particularly, that it's hard to talk about this but that is really the only thing you can do. You need to explain to him how it works for you. You need to tell him what you want and how you want it. I know, maybe it's hard to accept. For the longest time I have been wondering how it could be that I just knew things about sex that were important to/for men, and they did not seem to have one clue about how it works for women. But that's how it is, unfortunately, with some men. So if you care about him and about maintaining a relationship with him you need to talk to him and with him.

If he still decides to not care and act appropriately after that, I would seriously wonder if he was the right guy for me. Tell him it's OK that he does not know and that you are more than willing to teach him. Can be a lot of fun too if you are really into it together. What can be better than exploring together how to make things fantastic in the bedroom? If he cares for you he should be delighted (but hesitant at first maybe because of shyness and shame) you want to share that with him.

Phoenix555 said:

You're dating a selfish brat, center_stage. Hope the advice footlongish gave you will work out, but I would also stop giving him hand or blowjobs for a while. Once he stops thinking he can get the pleasure whenever he asks, he'll perhaps start thinking about you.

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Yup.

I've seen quite a lot of these threads and they never cease to amaze and sadden me.

........

point him to this thread.

or if you're feeling snarky, tell him the guy 2 hours ago was much better. :>

ed

silverwhisper said:

point him to this thread.

or if you're feeling snarky, tell him the guy 2 hours ago was much better. :>

ed

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I'm chosing to write guffaw rather than laugh out loud!

I think there appears to be some jumping to conclusions.
I don't by the refractory period. When I was your age, I got wood when the wind blew, post orgasm or not. Now I'm not saying that my case is the usual case, but have you asked him what was wrong that he only did that for ten seconds?
Can you talk with him about sex?
Sounds like he might be just a bit uneducated, which is not necessarily surprising.
If he won't talk about sex, some might suggest a more subtler approach....perhaps a slight, soft action on your part like smashing him in the head with a ball peen hammer might be of assistance....or perhaps pushing him out of the window of a tall building while taunting him as he falls to his deaht....or something more direct and show his ass the sidewalk. College is for having fun and exploring....dump his ass and go have fun!

With regards to his tongueing, I will try to me a practical male:
1) Does he know what he is doing? Maybe he wasn't confident he was doing it right and feels silly (even if he SAYS he's done it a million times before or knows what he's doing). When I was 18 I didn't have a fucking clue (yeah yeah, I know.....still don't!).
2) Sometimes smells and taste can be off putting. A good friend of mine thinks its disgusting. Just like some girls don't swallow. Shower beforehand. Have you tried the chocolate sauce you can get from the supermarket, designed for ice cream?
3) Get him to concentrate on your clit. If he's trying to fuck you with his tongue, point 2 may be an issue, plus his tongue muscles may begin to strain quite soon.
4) Tell him how much you like it. Encourage him. Though he would need to last longer than that.
5) If he's a selfish lover, he might be bored of getting attention. Try touching his todger with your hand/foot, 69 position. Stop pleasuring him when he stops pleasuring you.
5) If it was me, this would work big time, but he will either love it or hate it I guess: get a dogs lead, put it on him, pull him between your legs, tell him he has no choice! May be a bit too much if you are inexperienced, but then it wasn't for me and my wife at that time of our lives.

With regards to recovery times:
I wouldn't be able to say for anyone else, but for me it takes between 20 minutes and 5 hours on either extreme. I think food (good hearty food) helps inbetween.

wehstar said:

Have you tried the chocolate sauce you can get from the supermarket, designed for ice cream?

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I would advise picking up yeast infection medication as well, if anyone goes this route.

Any kind of sugar (even milk products/lactose) + Vagina = BAD NEWS

There are, however, flavored lubes and products that are designed for this, and shouldn't cause problems for most people.

Wow, thank you so much everybody for all the replies. I truly appreciate all the help that I receive from you guys.

I have invited him over again tomorrow night because I feel that we need to discuss this and I don't want to do it over the phone or while at work (because that would be a bit inappropriate).

Today, I heard a rumor at work that he was married, so I'm thinking that tomorrow night's conversation may be our last one. I don't believe that he is married, but hey, anything is possible.

But, now I would like to address every one of you who took the time to personally give me advice:

Footlongish: You are right. Life is to short to have a greedy partner. The only thing is, I didn't really know that he was being greedy until I came onto this site because he was my first, and I thought that sex was just naturally all about the guy.
I knew about eating pussy and all that, but I (foolishly) believed that it only happened in porn movies.
As for hygiene, I myself personally shave and recently received an ob/gyn check up and everything seemed normal, but you never know.
I actually plan to use your dialogue in our conversation tomorrow night, so thank you very much.
I do want to ask him why he wouldn't eat my pussy to orgasm because when we first started messing around I asked him if he would do that for me one day and he said yes. So I will probably bring up that memory tomorrow night as well.

SweetErika: First of all, I must say that I really like all the advice that you give people who come to Literotica asking for your help
I do happen to know that I was not the first woman that he would have performed oral sex on. He told me that before me he had 6 sexual partners. He would recant things that they did together and almost all of them involved oral.
I will keep in mind about being non-confrontational.

Koalabear: That was the first thing I thought

Phoenix555: I think that I am starting to realize that I am dating a selfish lover. I wouldn't admit it at first because he was my first sexual partner and I felt a connection to him. But I realize that this isnt healthy for me.

Cinnamonstick: See above.

Tryptamine: I think you're right about him not knowing that I wanted him to lick me to orgasm.

M'sGirl: I know that sex should be fun, and that we need to work together. I'm just too darn shy about saying anything. Plus, I didn't want to emasculate him.

Human_Male: I know, there are a lot of us. And everyone of us looks at the other and says how stupid she is, and then we go out and do the same.

Fantasylover: Since we have more time now, I will definitely teach him.

Kravmaga: Sounds like a good idea

Wehstar: I think you're number one is right on target.

Again, thanks so much for the replies!

OK I'm really not trying to be a smart ass here, I'm asking a serious question. Have you been hygeine conscious? I remember a situation when I was young where I ran into a less than fresh female partner. Rather than bring it up, I just stopped going down on her and moved on, because I was too embarassed to say anything to her. I'm not trying to make you self conscious, but its a question that has to be asked.

That said the reason most likely is that he was just being selfish, based on the law of average. Good luck in your communication adventure. It is oh so important.

TBKahuna123 said:

OK I'm really not trying to be a smart ass here, I'm asking a serious question.

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Well, as long as you are, I will, too.

Have you ever been to his/his parents house? I'm trying to figure out how one could work and sleep with someone for months and not know if they're married or not. How well do you know this guy, and does the relationship go beyond fucking, given that you believe there's a possibility the rumor he's married is true? Is he older (I don't think a lot of 19/20 year olds get married)?

Sheer curiosity; I've never heard something like that.

just to clear something up

...........

i have been thinking about going to a doctor about...well...I call it a problem

when I masturbate I have no problem ejaculating...it takes maybe 5 minutes if i'm really trying.
However, durring sex its has taken me over an hour of straight fucking without any breaks before i could cum. Now before anyone thinks this is a blessing from God, just dont...lol. I had sex with my ex, it takes her about 30-40 minutes to have an orgasm, and we can keep going, however when it takes about an hour to possibly 2 hours, she got really annoyed and we had to stop.
This is also the case with me getting a blowjob, I've only came once via a blowjob and it took them about 20 minutes.

nameless0 said:

i have been thinking about going to a doctor about...well...I call it a problem

when I masturbate I have no problem ejaculating...it takes maybe 5 minutes if i'm really trying.
However, durring sex its has taken me over an hour of straight fucking without any breaks before i could cum. Now before anyone thinks this is a blessing from God, just dont...lol. I had sex with my ex, it takes her about 30-40 minutes to have an orgasm, and we can keep going, however when it takes about an hour to possibly 2 hours, she got really annoyed and we had to stop.
This is also the case with me getting a blowjob, I've only came once via a blowjob and it took them about 20 minutes.

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Stop masturbating, don't worry about it, make sure they have plenty of orgasms via oral and manual, and you should see an improvement.

If you don't have trouble when masturbating, it's psychological mostly, and the doctor will likely refer you to a therapist. That's an option, too, of course.

There are a gazillion threads on this (including a couple on the first page of HT currently, I think, and at least one in The Blank Manual sticky at the top of HT), if you want more detailed advice/suggestions.

It seems Mr.G's thread hasn't been linked yet. It is without a doubt the best thread on Lit.


Try this and report back

TBKahuna123 said:

OK I'm really not trying to be a smart ass here, I'm asking a serious question. Have you been hygeine conscious? I remember a situation when I was young where I ran into a less than fresh female partner. Rather than bring it up, I just stopped going down on her and moved on, because I was too embarassed to say anything to her. I'm not trying to make you self conscious, but its a question that has to be asked.

That said the reason most likely is that he was just being selfish, based on the law of average. Good luck in your communication adventure. It is oh so important.

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I don't think you're being a smart ass. When I was 15 I was concerned about my vaginal odor so I went to an ob/gyn and he taught me about proper vaginal care. I just had a check up with him 2 weeks ago and he said that everything was a-ok.

SweetErika said:

Well, as long as you are, I will, too.

Have you ever been to his/his parents house? I'm trying to figure out how one could work and sleep with someone for months and not know if they're married or not. How well do you know this guy, and does the relationship go beyond fucking, given that you believe there's a possibility the rumor he's married is true? Is he older (I don't think a lot of 19/20 year olds get married)?

Sheer curiosity; I've never heard something like that.

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I actually don't want to go to his house because he lives in a very bad neighborhood that is very....I'm not quite sure how to say this...but it's very racially divided and if you aren't one of the ethnicities that live in the neighborhood it's not a good place for you to be. I did go to his parents house once because it started raining when we were out and I didn't see any pictures of a wife or anything. He does have two kids from an ex (he's 23).

I am really good friends with his brother and his brother says that he is not married. I know that this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, but it's hard to leave it. I always think about leaving him and then he does that one thing that makes me want him even more.

This relationship does go beyond fucking. We work at the same mall together and we always take breaks together and we spend many nights on the phone as well as go out on dates. I don't know what to do about this. I'm so confused.