LDR and D/s

myinnerslut

His chains. His lash.
Joined
Jul 19, 2006
Posts
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Long Distance Relationships. Whose in one? How does it affect your D/s? What sort of things do you do to maintain your D/s relationship despite the distance?

As some of you know, im a full time college student. Becuase im back at school, I'm approximatly nine hours away from my Sir, and will only get to see him for a few days about once a month. i would really like to hear some ideas or suggestions in making long distance BDSM work. These are some of the things we are doing. Any other ideas or suggestions would be amazing.

~ I ALWAYS wear the necklace he made me that inside says "property of ***his name***"
~i keep a small journal (64 pages) filled with any sexual ideas, fanasies, desires, or anything else i want to write down for him to read and mail it to him when i fill it up. then i start on a new one and when that one is filed, mail it to him. etc etc.
~ every day i kneel for at least five minutes while wearing a collar we use during scenes and think about how im submissive to him, why im submissive to him, and anything else along those lines.
~write him an e-mail at the end of the day telling him about any masturbation i did during the day
~every Sunday i send him at least 3 pictures that i took during the week.
~and of course, i follow any orders he should give me, and fullfill any punishment if needed, that dont conflict with my hard limits.

we're always looking for new ways to make our D/s relataionship work while we are away from each other so any feedback would be appreciated.
 
Actually a lot of litsters are in LDR's. Shy, MWisdom . . . etc I'm not sure how they make em work, but they do.
 
not so much a suggestion as a confession:

my relationships always had the most heat and intensity when I saw my loved one once a week. Less is not enough, more and it gets mundane.

Once a week and the romance never goes out.
 
graceanne said:
Actually a lot of litsters are in LDR's. Shy, MWisdom . . . etc I'm not sure how they make em work, but they do.

ive noticed this during my lurking and was hoping that mabye they would take pity on me and share thier secrets. this is the second year that my Sir and i have been apart, but we have gotten much more serious about D/s since the begining of last year, so a lot of the LDR challenges seem new and diffrent.
 
Once we had met and married, the LDR thing became too much for both of us to endure too long. That meant instead of our hopes to plan my move carefully, he just sent me a ticket to join him and we sorted all the rest out from there. That being said, for us most of our contact (emails, journalling, phone calls etc.) were more about our thoughts, feelings, what had happened for each in the day/week, our hopes than sexually concentrated. When he is away on b business these days, it is still how we communicate. It may just be how you have written it but it sounds like most of your communication while apart is around sexual fantasies, thoughts, and desires. I would want more than that as it usually does not make for a strong foundation if this is something you are hoping to continue into the future, perhaps permmanent. Hope others can offer you something more to help.

Catalina :rose:
 
my mistake for not clarifying better. our relationship was founded as a vanilla relationship and we never stopped talking together or laughing together or just being together when we began to experiment in BDSM. we talk on the phone every day, sometimes normal relationship stuff, sometimes we talk about our days, sometimes we talk about our friends, sometimes we talk about movies or television shows. our relationship is not at all limited to the sexual. as i mentioned earlier, we have already been in a LDR for the duration of my previous year in school. i mentioned the sexual and more kink related items becuase they are the ones that are newer to me in terms of long distance, and the ones i would like more help fiiguring out how to make work.
 
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I have had several that have lasted more than a year and some even longer than that. They are a lot of work. I don't have one now, but it seems that because of my slave's workload, I saw my LTR more than my close relationship. Relationships are just challenging. LTR s just have a different set of challenges.

And I am not talking about sex either.

Eb
 
That´s good to hear as so many think all it is about is sex and fun and games and then wonder what happened when the relationship fades away. As to what you can do D/s wise while apart, it sounds like you already have a few good ideas happening. We used to do journalling by email each day, then if we were chatting online he would discuss anything he felt needed clarifying. He also ordered how many orgasms I was expected to have in a day and if I didn´t there would be punishment of some sort. Sometimes he would choose to up the number or decrease it but never leave it the same week in and out. I also was sometimes asked to write a story and send it as he liked my writing and felt it was a way to get to know what was in my head in a pleasant way for him. If he knew I had to go out, he would sometimes direct me as to what to wear, how to do my hair etc.

Catalina :rose:
 
Andante and I are in an LDR.

We see each other for a few days every month (depending on work commitments).

We talk every day by IM and telephone.
Our conversations are not specifically D/s in nature, that sort of flows through all our communications.

I don't do any of the things you mention in your first post.
He has in the past set tasks and he may well again in the future, but currently it is not a big part of what we do for each other.

We support each other, and I look to him for guidance but its usually on mundane issues.
I do write to him now and then, but that helps me sort out my thoughts and it gives him time to think through his response. This has only happened about 6 times, so its not journaling, nor has he asked me to do that.

I don't put a specific part of my day thinking about my submission to him. In truth if I tried my mind would wander. But a part of my mind is always thinking of him, if that makes sense.

There are many challenges in LDR, but equally there are challenges when living together.
Our challenges relate to being apart at difficult times and having to plan ahead to see each (We have booked flights from now until March 2007 to see each other).

As difficult as being apart is I want to enjoy the experience. The talking on the phone, the anticipation of seeing each other, the re-newing of physical nearness, are not something that can be done in the same way once we live together.
I don't want to rush through such bittersweet moments such as seeing him walk away to the plane and anticipating the next time together all in the same thought process.

Kneeling on the floor in my room alone cannot replace those things or enhance those memories.

The beauty of D/s is every relationship is unique, I am sorry I can't add to your list of how to cope with specific 'Do this....tasks' but we don't rely on tasks to reflect on our relationship, we rely on daily communication.
 
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I would say that the quality of your encounters are what will carry you through the separations. I am the dominant in my relationship, and so I ensure the time I spend with slave is all quality. It helps when his workload keeps us apart. The same was true when I had a LTR. Quality made things easier to bear.

Eb
 
Master and I started out in a LDR but we didn't do much D/s that way a) because I was a total newbie to the whole thing and
b) because Master is into "hands on" rather than online domination.

The only things I can remember were a couple of phone calls where He directed me to do certain things, and when we chatted or emailed I called Him Master (not Sir He hates that He says it comes out of the mouth too easy ;) ) and He called me His slut :)

The LDR part lasted less than a year before I moved to live with Him. I don't call Him Master now unless we are scening. Most people who meet us would just think we are a very loving couple and I am just a very attentive partner :) However little private touches and looks between us keep the dynamic at the forefront :)

We have been apart a couple of times since then but only for 2 weeks each time - we kept in touch by email and PM. Again He referred to me as His slut and I would call Him Master.....it helped to re affirm the dynamic especially as I was having to cope with my father's illness and then his funeral without Master's physical presence :( The welcome home both times was extremely cathartic and I think helped me get out some of the emotion and grief.

Long distance is very hard and I think I could only do it if there was a finite date set for it to end in a r/l relationship.
 
For the most part we im almost every day, but we have a 5 hour time difference to deal with so it doesn't always happen. I am a complete attention whore, so when it's been a couple days I tend to type his ear off *giggles*. Mostly we just chat about anything and everything, but I can tell when he has other things on his mind as he interupts me rather than letting me babble on. One of my requirements is that I must give him a cam invite right away (that one is a hard one for me to remember some times, but if he asks then I must be disceplined), and when I do invite him, I have to me on all fours with clothes pegs on my nipples. I then have to ask for permission to sit, but the pegs usually stay on the length of our conversation. (not that that's a terrible amount of time as he usually sees me just before he heads off to bed). I email him any request I have for play or what ever. Because he controls my orgasms he tends to get a lot of texts from me pleading for one *giggles*, and if he grants me one, when I'm not on cam or if he's given me passes to use, I have to send him an email giving details of how the pass was used. At least once a week we have a play session, which usually intails me beating my ass, and/or tits sometimes until they are purple (I've still given myself worse bruses at his command than any one has done to me). If I have any play sessions with one of my friends, he wants pics and at the very least a detailed recall of all events. He usually checks out my bruses from those events as well. What's become some what of a rutine, I call him every saturday at noon his time but he doesn't answer his bloody mobile, and so I pout and tease him when I chat with him that night, and he tells me he'll answer next week and we do it all over again. *giggles* I don't know what I'll do if he ever actually answers, anymore I do it out of habbit not expecting him to answer. Punishments are carried out as he sees fit when he sees fit to do so (this some times means I'm heading off to work with a speckled bottem from sitting on the tacks an hour before it's time to clock in). No bra unless I'm working a day shift and no panties ever, and every now and again I take a pic in the bathroom with my phone to prove I've been good.

That's about all I can think of that's relevant right now. We've made plans for when I visit, but that's a bit away,and they don't really aply to our every day other than the fact that we talk about when I can get over there all the things we want to do (which is usually mostly kissing and snuggling and other mushy stuff).It'll be a year this month that we've carried on like this and I've yet to get a chance to visit him.

Hope this helps, as I think I'm just on a rambling spree tonight. :eek:
 
thank you everyone for all your input and ideas. my Sir reads all of the posts i make, im sure he'll find your input as helpful as i have. if anybody else has experiences in a LDR, please share.
 
IM and webcam. We talk over webcam every day that we can.
We save the BDSM play for when we can meet, it's just so much more fun to do it in person then over the net. :)
 
Adding my two cents...

I don't know how much I can add to this discussion, but stressing the RELATIONSHIP works much better than focusing on D/s. And focusing on certain goals then becomes a lot easier. Playtime is nice, but there always needs to be more than just playtime in any relationship.
 
I have been in a D/s LDR for more than six years. If my wife and I were not together I would have been living with my Daddy long ago. But just because I have a partner who is physically close to me, doesn't lessen the need to maintain a connection in the LDR.

Since the beginning of the relationship we have communicated primarily through chat rooms (earlier on) and email (recently). No webcams or IM really. My favorite way of keeping in touch has been through tasks that are assigned to me, which I report back on. For example, currently I am working on stretching my ass for 20 minutes every night, by using dildos. The next day I email and say how successful I was, how it felt physically, how it made me feel, etc.

We used to have cybersex on rare occasions - mostly just a bit of dirty talk, what we'd be doing if we were together, etc. They weren't really masturbation sessions, but they were pretty hot.
 
OMG i need glasses, and bad.

I originally thought this thread was titled "LDS and D/S" and thought it was about Mitt Romney.
 
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