Discreet Bi Women...

If you are a woman who is happily married/committed but bi or bi-curious, here is a thread where you can talk freely with other women in the same position.

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I'd suggest turning this thread into a place for discussion on being a closeted bi woman, instead. I'll be happy to edit this post if you do so, as this is a very interesting topic I'd like to understand better.

SweetErika, you rock!

And the word the OP was looking for is discreet, actually. "Discrete" means "Consisting of unconnected distinct parts" and "discreet" means "Marked by, exercising, or showing prudence and wise self-restraint in speech and behavior."

me too

SweetErika said:

I'd suggest turning this thread into a place for discussion on being a closeted bi woman, instead. I'll be happy to edit this post if you do so, as this is a very interesting topic I'd like to understand better.

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I would find this interesting TOO!

discreet & bi curious

Ok....I'm jumping into deep water without a life preserver. But here it goes.

And I guess I could have started a new thread...but since this one is already here maybe we can just see where it goes. Maybe one of you lit moderators might decide to change the topic of this thread...

I'm a married woman who is curious. I've heard/read so much about the wonderful sex women are having together-I fantasize about it. But to actually do it....well here are what I see as some of the issues....

1) How to go from just curious to actually having an experience. I've seen several threads on how to make it happen but only a few real suggestions.

For my self I think I am basically just chicken. I don't like rejection and I wouldn't want to ruin a friendship. Would it be easier if it was someone I was friends with? I think I would have to at least get to know a person, I've never been one for one night stands or causal sex.

2) Next, there is the subject of being discreet... this implys that maybe husband or bf would not approve, or perhaps one just simply likes to keep her personal life personal.

I don't know if my husband would approve. I sort of suggested it once as a joke and all I got was a look - what does that mean? I don't know.
But absolutely I would want to be discreet NO MATTER WHAT because I think what happens in the bedroom is between the two consenting adults and no one else's business.

So ladies (and gents if any are reading this) what does it really take to go from being bi-curious to having a discreet affair?

Macy02 said:

And I guess I could have started a new thread...but since this one is already here maybe we can just see where it goes. Maybe one of you lit moderators might decide to change the topic of this thread...

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I doubt the OP will be back to ask for it, so I'm going to go ahead. Thanks for taking this one over!

For the OP: If you had started a discussion and included the link as part of it, that would have been one thing. But you just dumped the link, and that's awfully like spammer behavior. Now you know for next time.

Hey Macy,

It's too bad that you SO just gave you a blank stare when you mentioned your interest in FF sex. Ideally he'd be interested in at least discussing it with you to see what you want. If you were my SO I'd be sooooo into it. I'd encourage you to go and have some experiences. Tell me about them if you're up for it, invite me to watch or join in, whatever floats your boat. I'm in a similar situation in that when I mentioned that I'm bi-curious to my wife she freaked out. There was no discussion. No interest or support. So, I basically agreed with your statement that anything that happens between two consenting adults is no one else's business and went and had a few, safe, experiences. I would much, much prefer to have everything on the table and not have to be discreet, but seeing as she is not interested in approving, participating, or discussing, I have to get some MM sex occasionally on the side. I would love it if she were there watching and/or participating! That would be sweet!

For me, being discreet is simply trying to just keep between those involved whether it be the two women or the women and any husbands who may just like to be informed. I come from a family that would dis-own me if they knew I was bisexual so the fear of them finding out definately makes me want to be discreet. My 2 sisters and one brother are prudes! My other brother does know I'm bi and thinks it great that I have "options" as he puts it! Lol! But he is the only one who understands besides my husband. The first time I told my husband I was bi I was terrified. My ex-boyfriend used it against me when we argued and told me I was basically a filthy whore for enjoying other women and my ex-husband basically said if I loved him I'd find a woman for us to share and it became all he'd talk about during sex. So I was afraid once my current husband found out he 'd either be disgusted or start hasseling me for a threesome. It was a long time before I told my husband and when I did, he thought it was cool, but now he's always on guard worrying about who I'm friends with. He says it's hard enough being worried about another man taking your woman but he has to worry about men and women! I told him he has nothing to worry about;however, I'd love to find a new female friend (with benefits) to be my friend to do the usual friend things with as well as someone to have fun behind closed doors with. Someone who understands it's JUST a special friendship and that I've no intention of leaving my husband. Preferably someone who is also very in love with her husband but would like the little something more on the side. I told my husband this and he's for that as long as he gets details later! The problem is finding a woman that also just wants a friendship with benefits. Plus, I'm not completely sure hubby would be as okay with it as he says he would be. He also says he doesn't mind if I flirt with men and women online too but once in a while he'll make a jealous comment about it, so who knows

new here to the discussion boards

I am new to the discussion boards. I have been reading the stories on here for a while now but never really wanted to join the discussions. on the subject of being a discreet bisexual mother, i am one. I have family that would flip out, not only on my side, but my husbands side as well. He is my soulmate, and he was the one who told me that it was ok to be bisexual. before i met him, i never told a soul about my sexual preferences. he and i have experimented once with another woman that is a friend that we both trusted. we set rules in place before anything ever happened and those rules were strictly obeyed. after the experience with the other woman, it is one of those things where we could either do it again, or not. it is not something that we do all the time or even want to do all the time. we have 5 children, the oldest being 6 yrs old. we just feel that it is better at this time to keep the fact that i am bi a secret. its not that i am ashamed of it, just that i do not want to get the family stirred up. i respect my family and his too much to get things messy between us all. they are all very religious and honestly i think it would tear them up. does anyone else here have that same problem? i would love to be able to talk to some other mothers that can understand where i am coming from.

discretion...the better part of valor

urperfectenemy...welcome-I'm fairly new to this too.

At this point I am - "curious", never having actually been with another woman. But the fact is when it comes to sex - in any setting, I don't want my family to know what I do. Hell my children deny that my husband and I ever had/have sex. I do not talk about it with my parents/siblings/inlaws. It is none of their business. And I certainly don't want to be judged by them (and trust me they would.) My small circle of friends have no clue-they would not understand either. And I don't think my husband really understands either.

For me it is not about hiding my sexual orientation...I am heterosexual (who just happens to be very curious and open minded enough to think I might like to at least experience it at some point.)

I come here because I can talk openly and yet remain annonymous(spelling?)-in other words be discreet. It seems there are alot more people like us.

Hey there Macy,

Basically, I feel that life is really short and to contain/curtail/hold back one's sexual longings because one's partner is afraid/embarassed/put off by it is really sad. Ideally our partners (and us, being their partners) would be open and loving enough to say 'heck, if you think that would make you happy or at least be fun then i think you should give it a try. just be honest, keep me posted, and if you want me to watch or participate that'd be fine, too. I have been sooooooo into women for all my life. I love everything about being with a woman (well, there are some issues... hee hee). I love their bodies and completely lose myself giving pleasure even moreso that receiving it. My favorite sexual passtime is giving a women oral pleasure as long as she wants it and this almost always includes multiple orgasms. Love it, love it, love it.

Now, I have also been having some really strong bi-curious feelings and fantasies and would like to explore that part of my sexuality in a safe way while being upfront and honest with my wife. Ideally I'd say 'hey honey, I'm going to spend the night with a guy friend tonight and I'll see you before the kids wake up. Is that cool with you?' And she'd say 'have a good time, dear. Don't forget to be safe... and tell me all about it!'. THAT would heaven to me. And, it would only get better if she was interested in watching me play with another male. Heck, I'd be into her joining or me watching her with another woman or man or whatever floats her boat. Life is short and after about 70 or 80 years we're dust. I'd rather live my life knowing that I lived. That I tried it all (or at least most of it). I'd rather die with a smile on my face knowing that my partner was just that, my partner, and that she supported and encouraged me to have as much (safe) fun as I could possibly have just as I'd wish the same for her. I would love it if I came home and she said 'hey, watch the kids, okay? I'm going into the bedroom with my gal pal and we're gonna play. See you at breakfast.' THAT would be so fucking hot to know that she's getting laid and laughing and smiling. She could even bring in a male friend that she had a crush on and wanted to fool around with him. I don't care as long as she's having fun and I get to do the same.

Whew! Sorry for the long winded post.

In the same boat!

Macy... I could have written that..... lets chat!

/sigh..

~q

Macy02 said:

Ok....I'm jumping into deep water without a life preserver. But here it goes.

And I guess I could have started a new thread...but since this one is already here maybe we can just see where it goes. Maybe one of you lit moderators might decide to change the topic of this thread...

I'm a married woman who is curious. I've heard/read so much about the wonderful sex women are having together-I fantasize about it. But to actually do it....well here are what I see as some of the issues....

1) How to go from just curious to actually having an experience. I've seen several threads on how to make it happen but only a few real suggestions.

For my self I think I am basically just chicken. I don't like rejection and I wouldn't want to ruin a friendship. Would it be easier if it was someone I was friends with? I think I would have to at least get to know a person, I've never been one for one night stands or causal sex.

2) Next, there is the subject of being discreet... this implys that maybe husband or bf would not approve, or perhaps one just simply likes to keep her personal life personal.

I don't know if my husband would approve. I sort of suggested it once as a joke and all I got was a look - what does that mean? I don't know.
But absolutely I would want to be discreet NO MATTER WHAT because I think what happens in the bedroom is between the two consenting adults and no one else's business.

So ladies (and gents if any are reading this) what does it really take to go from being bi-curious to having a discreet affair?

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There are a lot of us

Wow, after reading everyone's posts, I'm relieved that there are so many married moms with children who are bi-curious. I remember when I was 12 thinking about women and was confused because I also like men. Having a strong religious background and being in my chosen profession prevents me from any exploring. It's good to know that these feelings are somewhat normal. Thank you all for your posts and I hope this discussion continues.
I'm not able to sign on very often, so please don't feel like I'm ignoring you.
Dorothy

DorothyleftOz said:

Wow, after reading everyone's posts, I'm relieved that there are so many married moms with children who are bi-curious. I remember when I was 12 thinking about women and was confused because I also like men. Having a strong religious background and being in my chosen profession prevents me from any exploring. It's good to know that these feelings are somewhat normal. Thank you all for your posts and I hope this discussion continues.
I'm not able to sign on very often, so please don't feel like I'm ignoring you.
Dorothy

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It's a process, admitting one's desires and dealing with them. Take ur time.

replies...

wow, so many things to respond to.

First, I guess one of the issues with spouses not understanding is that we want them to and they aren't ready. Now I'd bet we all know our spouses fairly well (one would hope) and that said we probably expect or think we could judge a possible reaction. Then when we don't get the reaction we want we are of course disappointed. But in defense of our spouses....if we ourselves are nervous about trying something *new*, imagine how they feel-I'm trying to see if from their point of view too. Of course my preference would be to be honest as deluxe3000 has suggested...but cautious.

That said, I too want to live life to the fullest and experience everything - ok well almost everything and have few regrets.....when I was a teenager I was sleeping over at a friend's house, she tried to kiss me but I was afraid and backed off....always regretted that and wondered what it would have been like......

Welcome Dorothy - I think there are alot more curious people (male and female) who for whatever reasons are afraid. I know I have many fears, I'm trying to work through....

Queenie wrote:
"Macy... I could have written that..... lets chat!"

Yes let's! It continues to amaze me that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

safe ff sex???

I have a question...it might belong somewhere else on lit...but I like hope you guys will help me...you've given me alot to think about so far....

Here it is- What are the risk of ff sex? I mean, they say wear a condom for m/f or anal, etc. but what about ff sex? Am I making since here??????

M............

Macy02 said:

I have a question...it might belong somewhere else on lit...but I like hope you guys will help me...you've given me alot to think about so far....

Here it is- What are the risk of ff sex? I mean, they say wear a condom for m/f or anal, etc. but what about ff sex? Am I making since here??????

M............

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yes you are making sense, i have heard that you should protect yourself with ff sex. they say you could use saran wrap on the vagina (sounds strange huh?) because the risks of ff sex are just as much as m/f sex or m/m sex. the female that you are with could have herpes, and you end up getting them because you didnt use a female condom, saran wrap, dental dam, anything like that. and A.I.D.S and HIV can be transferred just as easily to you with ff sex. that is what i have heard anyways... sooo if anyone has heard the same, then i guess i am not crazy... HAHA

PredatorSmile said:

It's a process, admitting one's desires and dealing with them. Take ur time.

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PredatorSmile, i just looked at your profile and you and i share the same birthday, only i was born in 1981... sorry i was bored and looking at the profiles... i have only met 1 other person that has been born on that day.

Macy02 said:

Here it is- What are the risk of ff sex? I mean, they say wear a condom for m/f or anal, etc. but what about ff sex? Am I making since here??????

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Safe sex is important especially for bisexual women, because if one partner is sleeping with a man then she has an increased risk of having something in the first place.

It's always a good idea to use a condom on anything that's going in any of your holes, especially anal. If you want to move something from the ass to the pussy, take off the condom first. (You might want to "double bag" for extra safety - take off the top condom and the next one is ready!)

Silicone toys are best because they don't have holes (non-porous) and can be boiled to sterilize them. If you're using anything but silicone, like jelly or vinyl, definitely use a condom on it, because those materials are porous and can hold bacteria/germs/etc.

Using your hands is generally pretty safe as long as you don't have any open cuts. Note that having raggedy cuticles counts as having an open cut, so make sure your hands are in good shape! If you do have a paper cut or raggedy cuticles or whatever, then just use a latex glove. (If your partner is allergic to latex, you can get non-latex medical-type gloves.) If you have long nails, put half a cotton ball in the fingertip of each finger on the glove and this will make it less scratchy for your partner and less likely to split the glove.

A dental dam is a good idea for oral, because it's easy to have tiny cuts in your mouth that you don't know about. If you don't have a "real" dental dam you can cut open a condom and use that - make sure you get the kind without nonoxynol-9! The good thing about using a dental dam is that you can go between her butt and her pussy without stopping.

urperfectenemy said:

yes you are making sense, i have heard that you should protect yourself with ff sex. they say you could use saran wrap on the vagina (sounds strange huh?) because the risks of ff sex are just as much as m/f sex or m/m sex. the female that you are with could have herpes, and you end up getting them because you didnt use a female condom, saran wrap, dental dam, anything like that. and A.I.D.S and HIV can be transferred just as easily to you with ff sex. that is what i have heard anyways... sooo if anyone has heard the same, then i guess i am not crazy... HAHA

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Actually, you're not quite on the mark there. FF sex is a lot less risky than MF or MM sex. There are very few women who have contracted HIV from FF sex. As I mentioned above, if one partner is bisexual, then she may already have an STD and you should be extra careful. Lesbian sex transmission of HIV and other diseases is less common than in het sex or gay male sex...the numbers show it.

By the way, the female condom is pretty damn weird. I've only used one once, and that was because I was (ahem) inserting something that a regular condom wouldn't fit over. I would say a regular condom is best on toys or as a dental dam; saran wrap works in a pinch but it's not preferred.

Etoile said:

Actually, you're not quite on the mark there. FF sex is a lot less risky than MF or MM sex. There are very few women who have contracted HIV from FF sex. As I mentioned above, if one partner is bisexual, then she may already have an STD and you should be extra careful. Lesbian sex transmission of HIV and other diseases is less common than in het sex or gay male sex...the numbers show it.

By the way, the female condom is pretty damn weird. I've only used one once, and that was because I was (ahem) inserting something that a regular condom wouldn't fit over. I would say a regular condom is best on toys or as a dental dam; saran wrap works in a pinch but it's not preferred.

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thank you for clearing that up for me. most of what i have heard is through friends and i didnt know what was true. haha... yes i agree with you on the female condom thing as well. i have only used one once but that was because i was out of regular condoms and i didnt want to get pregnant again by my ex husband, plus i had taken him back after he screwed around on me, so i was being as safe as i could. thank god i am not with that bastard anymore... (sorry had to bash him a bit.) thanks for the information. cant be too safe in this day and age.

another question

What is a dental damn? And where would you get one, also where would you get a female condom? I've never seen either.....

Macy

Macy02 said:

What is a dental damn? And where would you get one, also where would you get a female condom? I've never seen either.....

Macy

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as for the dental dams, i am not sure where you can get them. but for the female comdoms, you can by them anywhere. drug stores have them.

really...

urperfectenemy said:

as for the dental dams, i am not sure where you can get them. but for the female comdoms, you can by them anywhere. drug stores have them.

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I must need to get out more....guess it's been too long since I shopped for any kind of condom...hehe