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Latest kinky poem now out. feedback please

Sissy Adele Howells said:
Hi
My latest kinky poem is now. Again not everyones taste.To the very kinky it can be amusing. Had great feedback on my last poem.Would like feedback on this as well please. http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=242372 "Jean Drummond Lloyd"

This is the first part of a trilogy. The next one will be submitted very soon.
LOVE
SISSY ADELE
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I'm curious about why you regard this a poem. What poetic devices do feel this piece of text employs? What distinguishes this from prose with lots of line breaks?
 
Sissy Adele Howells said:
Hi
My latest kinky poem is now. Again not everyones taste.To the very kinky it can be amusing. Had great feedback on my last poem.Would like feedback on this as well please. http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=242372 "Jean Drummond Lloyd"

This is the first part of a trilogy. The next one will be submitted very soon.
LOVE
SISSY ADELE
Click to expand...

Hi and welcome to the poetry forum. :)

Sorry but your poem isn't to my taste so i'll leave commenting for others more able to comment than me.

:)
 
flyguy69 said:
I'm curious about why you regard this a poem. What poetic devices do feel this piece of text employs? What distinguishes this from prose with lots of line breaks?
Click to expand...
It is set into stanzas.
"Karen is sex on a stick" - Metaphor
"Strips me naked, squeezes my balls" -Assonance(the s sound)
"Squelch" - Onomatopeia
"Both thick as shit"- Simile

Could probably find other things. Anyway thanks for your comments.
 
I didn't read past "snot." I don't like the content, but from what I read, it read more like a poem than prose. Though, it's not fair for me to make any comments about a poem/prose that I haven't completely read. :)
 
To be honest, I didn't find it to be poetry. It seemed more of a story, but with line breaks and occasional rhymes. I also didn't have any emotions while reading it, and I expect that in poetry. I want to be there, see, feel or taste a story or poem -if you know what I mean. You mentioned it was a kinky poem but it was a little distasteful for me. Please take no offense in what I'm saying. I'm just giving my honest opinion. There are a lot of words you're using that we see and hear every day. They're too common and get old after a while. (similes) I also believe you should use punctuation correctly or don't use it at all. The commas were a distraction. Additionally, putting words into stanzas doesn't make it poetry. Good luck to you. :rose:

Copyright Sissy Adele Howells

There she stood behind the bar,
Jean Drummmond Lloyd,the red, haired Scot,
Eighteen stone of obesity,
A kinky, Nanny Fucker,
In her prime at fifty.

Wearing a shapeless dress of orange,
Swathes of petticoats underneath,
Grey tights, cover her tree trunk legs,
No makeup on her plain, fat face,
You overweight, disgusting cow,
Nanny Jean Drummond Lloyd.

Jean's two daughters, Kim and Karen,
Both pregnant at eighteen,
Kimberley, a dirty, valley slag,
Karen, a dumb blonde,
Both thick as shit,
Karen Lloyd is sex on a stick,
Kimberley Holmes,has a degree in shagging.

Nanny Jean Drummond Lloyd,
Slurps her blackberry tart,
The horrible noise that she makes,
Sucking cream, from her puffy fingers.

Jean, Kim and Karen all have large noses,
It must run in the family,
When Nanny Jean sneezes,
Everyone is showered with her snot,
Making sure that I take the full blast.

Fondling her saggy breasts,
Exploring her filthy, paper hanky,
Sticking my fingers up her nose,
picking the bogies, stuck inside her nostrils.

Jean Drummond Lloyd, wants revenge,
She pins me to the floor,
Strips me naked, squeezes my balls
My cock is hard, Nanny Jean laughs,
Her eighteen stone body, on top of me,
Nanny Jean wets her large panties.

Her thin lips, pressed hard against mine,
My hand up Nanny Jean's dress,
Fondling her green, soaking panties,
Nanny Jean snots in my face,
Snot from her nose, drips into my mouth,
Nanny Jean Drummond Lloyd you are mine.

"Hier! babes, my kinky chicken,
Want you to eat my grandaughters pampas,
Look! babes, Carly's dirty pampas,
Soiled only five minutes ago,
Stinking of her shit and wee wee,
Very smelly and shitty,
Eat them up for me my kinky babes."

The disgusting pampas were wiped in my face,
Nanny Jean forced them into my mouth,
Carly's shit was so tasty,
Nanny Jean was delighted,
Removed her wet panties,
They followed the pampas into my mouth,
I love this kinky perversion.

Jean Drummond Lloyd opened her legs,
My throbbing cock, slipped inside her,
Nanny Jean produced a wet wipe,
Covered with Carly's snot,
She forced the snotty, wet wipe, into my mouth
Mixed in lovely, with pampas and panties.

Fucking Nanny Jean slowly,
Her fat, ugly nose in my mouth,
She snotted again as hard as she could,
My teeth stuck together for a few seconds,
Jean Drummond Lloyd your a dirty cunt.

Smelling her soaking wet panties,
An experience I'll never forget,
Then she decides to sit on my face,
Explodes a disgusting, rasping fart,
The smell is stinking me out,
Tugging her wet panties down,
Nanny Jean shits in my face,
She had an Indian curry last night,
Her shit is runny and fresh,
Another squelch and more shit,
Pours out of her fat ass.
She doesn't need toilet paper,
Because I'm licking her ass nice and clean.

Her daughter's won't escape my wit,
After eating Jean and Carly's shit,
Kimberley and Karen, you are next,
A competition to see whose the best,
You will have to perform well,
To beat your kinky Mummy,
My Nanny Jean Drummond Lloyd.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Sabina_Tolchovsky said:
The misuse of punctuation was to say the least uneducated and distracting. The
content was dirty and lacked any real form...I am pretty sure you just wrote it for shock value which just makes you a lazy dirty little ten for a penny poet.

You, are dismissed.
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i wondered how long it would take...

i have to say this, the poet asked for feedback on the poem he wrote, NOT on his self.

this relates directly to my thread where i asked about people assuming things because of what a poet has written in a poem.

much as any of us might be correct or incorrect, it would be more appropriate if your comments were via private PM and not on the forum, in my opinion.
 
Sabina_Tolchovsky said:
The misuse of punctuation was to say the least uneducated and distracting. The
content was dirty and lacked any real form...I am pretty sure you just wrote it for shock value which just makes you a lazy dirty little ten for a penny poet.

You, are dismissed.
Click to expand...

Jesus Christ! Could you have been any nicer? <nods head>
 
Tristesse said:
If it's any comfort you said what I wanted to about the poetry and (sorry WSO) the poet.
Click to expand...

I wrote a post to the poet, trying to explain why I thought his poems would not be taken seriously here. And then I erased it cause I realized a) I don't think the point of the request is necessarily about poetry, b) I'm a wuss, and c) I have to go write my damn poem in Neobolical's thread or I'm back to square one.
 
Angeline said:
I wrote a post to the poet, trying to explain why I thought his poems would not be taken seriously here. And then I erased it cause I realized a) I don't think the point of the request is necessarily about poetry, b) I'm a wuss, and c) I have to go write my damn poem in Neobolical's thread or I'm back to square one.
Click to expand...


I'm drawing a blank today and cursing myself for getting locked in. The mood today - generally dark, it seems.

*does a soft shoe to lighten things*
 
Tristesse said:
I'm drawing a blank today and cursing myself for getting locked in. The mood today - generally dark, it seems.

*does a soft shoe to lighten things*
Click to expand...

well I just posted a really dopey one there. you'll feel much better about drawing a blank after you see my pitiful effort lol.

:kiss:
 
God, I needed a laugh.

You guys make my heart go pitter-pat, 'n whatnot.

~R
I thought the poem was funny, but I'm gross.
 
I am not usually shocked, I am okay with perversion, I just was not crazy about the style, too knee slappin' drunkin bar waitress ass slappin kind of humor. Just a matter of taste. I have read some excellent poems that are very twisted -- some by birthday boy denishale -- others by another favorite of mine -- I am trying to figure out why I enjoyed them but not this.

Thanks for sharing, though. It takes variation to make the gene pool strong. Inbreeding is not a good thing.
 
Angeline said:
I wrote a post to the poet, trying to explain why I thought his poems would not be taken seriously here. And then I erased it cause I realized a) I don't think the point of the request is necessarily about poetry, b) I'm a wuss, and c) I have to go write my damn poem in Neobolical's thread or I'm back to square one.
Click to expand...
Looks like you pulled one out for the thread. No worries starting over YET. There are 24 poems/days still left :kiss:
 
You are entitled to your views

Hi,
Hope I did not offend anyone. Thanks for your views. Will write something different next time. Still had the best response to a poem for a time. This is an excellent site and must say I enjoy reading other peoples work as well.
 
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