Yard Sale

This is the season for yard sailing; the best buys at a pittance. I have this to offer for the sale today.

I got all psyched to try a Sestina again, and sat down and typed furiously. My daughter came home and read what I had written while I waited with trepidation...

and said... "Mom? Isn't this just like the Elizabeth Bishop one you showed me?"

Crash!! went my enthusiasm as I slowly realized she was right. And when I went back to look I had lost all desire for this.

So! If anyone wants this help yourself! Maybe someone will bring something to this sale that I can use. And so on and so on...

Sale! Scarcely used. Still in box.

sestina

a sitting regal in her patchwork quilt
b clutched in her tiny hand a sceptered spoon
c outside the evening air foretold the season
d inside a crackling fire chased the chill
e her mama laid the squares and made a stitch
f she said "I'll tell a tale but don't you cry!"

f "One night like this the wind began to cry
a snow covered all the fields as if a quilt
e had fallen right in place without a stitch.
b The Goddess laid the stars out with a spoon
d chill
c season

c season
f cry
d chill
a quilt
b spoon
e stitch

e stitch
c season
b spoon
f cry
a quilt
d chill

d chill
e stitch
a quilt
c season
f cry
b spoon

b spoon
d chill
f cry
e stitch
c season
a quilt


Maybe it's better to put them here than to throw them away. Maybe someone can use it...

inspiration and similarity

BooMerengue said:

and said... "Mom? Isn't this just like the Elizabeth Bishop one you showed me?"

Click to expand...

Don't let that stop you... Many of my poems are colored by another poet's words, the similarity grows from the inspiration. Continue the poem if only for the practice, but don't give up simply because it has a similar feel as one of the Masters.


jim : )

BooMerengue said:

This is the season for yard sailing; the best buys at a pittance. I have this to offer for the sale today.

I got all psyched to try a Sestina again, and sat down and typed furiously. My daughter came home and read what I had written while I waited with trepidation...

and said... "Mom? Isn't this just like the Elizabeth Bishop one you showed me?"

Crash!! went my enthusiasm as I slowly realized she was right. And when I went back to look I had lost all desire for this.

So! If anyone wants this help yourself! Maybe someone will bring something to this sale that I can use. And so on and so on...

Sale! Scarcely used. Still in box.

sestina

a sitting regal in her patchwork quilt
b clutched in her tiny hand a sceptered spoon
c outside the evening air foretold the season
d inside a crackling fire chased the chill
e her mama laid the squares and made a stitch
f she said "I'll tell a tale but don't you cry!"

f "One night like this the wind began to cry
a snow covered all the fields as if a quilt
e had fallen right in place without a stitch.
b The Goddess laid the stars out with a spoon
d chill
c season

c season
f cry
d chill
a quilt
b spoon
e stitch

e stitch
c season
b spoon
f cry
a quilt
d chill

d chill
e stitch
a quilt
c season
f cry
b spoon

b spoon
d chill
f cry
e stitch
c season
a quilt


Maybe it's better to put them here than to throw them away. Maybe someone can use it...

Click to expand...

Good lord I can see it and do it, but fun tonight and I want to give my best. I can get to this by Friday or Saturday? I hope. Is that good Boo,if you want, or do you need it sooner?

Fun I know, but I do not want to be a late date.

CharleyH said:

Good lord I can see it and do it, but fun tonight and I want to give my best. I can get to this by Friday or Saturday? I hope. Is that good Boo,if you want, or do you need it sooner?

Fun I know, but I do not want to be a late date.

Click to expand...

You misunderstand, Charley! This is a yard sale- you bought it! It's yours! But what have you paid me for it?

a snippet...

an idea...

a cheer...

You know how yard sales work... we barter, baby! Maybe you can inspire me! But if you can make the Sestina work, more power to you!!

Now bring your leftovers and put them on a table here- lets see what happens.

Thanks Jim, but I'm done with that one. Maybe I'll get inspired to try another and have better luck, but that one's Charley's now- she just bought it!

BooMerengue said:

You misunderstand, Charley! This is a yard sale- you bought it! It's yours! But what have you paid me for it?

a snippet...

an idea...

a cheer...

You know how yard sales work... we barter, baby! Maybe you can inspire me! But if you can make the Sestina work, more power to you!!

Now bring your leftovers and put them on a table here- lets see what happens.

Thanks Jim, but I'm done with that one. Maybe I'll get inspired to try another and have better luck, but that one's Charley's now- she just bought it!

Click to expand...

I always thought my words were worth enough. I posted, no?

(I see I missed the point) lol

hey Boo!!
ya know, nice lamp over there in the edge of the yard
I statred a sestina once, it was titled, for p. Somniferum. I got it outlined, took a short break, and lost my train of thought

I woudl barter it off with yours, but I forgot where I put it ...

Maria2394 said:

hey Boo!!
ya know, nice lamp over there in the edge of the yard
I statred a sestina once, it was titled, for p. Somniferum. I got it outlined, took a short break, and lost my train of thought

I woudl barter it off with yours, but I forgot where I put it ...

Click to expand...

Good God! I just got rid of a Sestina in The Yard Sale! Don't bring me another one. Give me something I have never had! I meant for this to be a place where everyone could drop off pieces of unfinished work and maybe someone else would pick it up and use it. You know- like a community yard sale!!!

BooMerengue said:

Good God! I just got rid of a Sestina in The Yard Sale! Don't bring me another one. Give me something I have never had! I meant for this to be a place where everyone could drop off pieces of unfinished work and maybe someone else would pick it up and use it. You know- like a community yard sale!!!

Click to expand...

What are the rules of a yard sale?

CharleyH said:

What are the rules of a yard sale?

Click to expand...

Maybe y'all call 'em Garage Sales? Like One Persons Trash Is Another's Treasure stuff? The stuff that piles up so bad around your place that one day you haul it all out and sell it to passersby really cheap and still make $783.49 from it all.

In this case its a piece of a poem that I know now I will never touch again and so I'm offering it really cheap... All I ask is that others also contribute anything they no longer want to work on, and it may inspire some one else.

Whew!! Is that better??

hey Boo-
I wasnt trying to pass off a sorry assed sestina to you!! I thought someone else might be a bit masochistic, more than myself.People who enjoy this stuff are well...weird...sorry to make you mad

Maria2394 said:

hey Boo-
I wasnt trying to pass off a sorry assed sestina to you!! I thought someone else might be a bit masochistic, more than myself.People who enjoy this stuff are well...weird...sorry to make you mad

Click to expand...

Oh, Maria!! You didn't make me a bit mad, darlin'! Really! Actually I was just laughin at how mouthy you've gotten poppin off on the Plath thread!! LOL

You know I'll always love you! You're the only one who reads my poems!! Well, and likes 'em!

Well, here's one that I was trying to make work for halloween...

Twas late in the city night
when I heard the heel-snap pop
of a footfall on concrete.

All of my instincts screamed that I stop
somehow, the steps that a stranger
kept taking, on a sidewalk leading to me.

My heart pounded alarms of imminent danger
that trod on the frosted ground.
I moved on toward the lone streetlight.

My steps hied from the rap-a-tap sound
as the unknown stalked from behind

champagne1982 said:

Well, here's one that I was trying to make work for halloween...

Twas late in the city night
when I heard the heel-snap pop
of a footfall on concrete.

All of my instincts screamed that I stop
somehow, the steps that a stranger
kept taking, on a sidewalk leading to me.

My heart pounded alarms of imminent danger
that trod on the frosted ground.
I moved on toward the lone streetlight.

My steps hied from the rap-a-tap sound
as the unknown stalked from behind

Click to expand...

hmmm... I might be able to do something with this... I'm taking a closer look. Thanks, Champ. Anyone else interested or have something to contribute?

Boo Dance II

Here is the start of one Boo decided not to do:


The chandelier reflected in her gaze
the champagne bubbles rising in her laugh
as he touched her hand and pulled her to him
the music and the night too hot by half


If anybody wants it, help yourself.

Ack!...........................

Reltne said:

Here is the start of one Boo decided not to do:


The chandelier reflected in her gaze
the champagne bubbles rising in her laugh
as he touched her hand and pulled her to him
the music and the night too hot by half


If anybody wants it, help yourself.

Click to expand...

Well, for Chrissakes, Reltne! That's like leaving the panties I left under your pillow out here on the table! We should have finished that. We dance well together. My bad, I know. That, I think, was the beginning of the slide into the pit I'm in now.

should we try another?

BooMerengue said:

Well, for Chrissakes, Reltne! That's like leaving the panties I left under your pillow out here on the table! We should have finished that. We dance well together. My bad, I know. That, I think, was the beginning of the slide into the pit I'm in now.

should we try another?

Click to expand...

I did not bail, my dear!
If you want to try another, PM me with the subject and the rules, if any.

Tristesse said:

Ack!...........................

Click to expand...

Ack??

Reltne said:

I did not bail, my dear!
If you want to try another, PM me with the subject and the rules, if any.

Click to expand...

did y'all see all those grins and kisses? I think he likes me!!

BooMerengue said:

Oh, Maria!! You didn't make me a bit mad, darlin'! Really! Actually I was just laughin at how mouthy you've gotten poppin off on the Plath thread!! LOL

You know I'll always love you! You're the only one who reads my poems!! Well, and likes 'em!

Click to expand...

Darling Lady Boo!!
I am NOT the only one that likes your poetry, you know better than that.

Oh heck, I dont mean to be mouthy, it's just us southerners, especially us poor ones dont get half a chance. YOu know? I had a sucky life, my daddy was an asshole, most of the time, and I work with 300 men, lol, I have to be able to speak up, sorry if it wasnt just right. I just detest that anyone, no matter their artistic ability in any field, to be assumed as great just because some old nearly dead bunch of folks gave him/her an award.

IT is meaningless as the awards on Lit. we each get something different from poetry, and as Angeline did mention, a reputation is good for bringing new readers in. Myself included. It doesnt mean that they are the best and only ones that will ever be worth reading.

Im sorry if I offended anyone. I better go gargle or something

Maria!!! You work with 300 men. You better go gargle. ????

laughing ar your chagrin!

Honey- I didn't say you said something bad! I like when you get mouthy. It's spunk, darlin'... always a good thing!

I'm still working on this damned Sestina- I could easily kill Ange for ever suggesting it!

Here it is...

sitting regal in her patchwork quilt
clutched in her tiny hand a sceptered spoon
outside the evening air foretold the season
inside a crackling fire chased the chill
her mama laid the squares and made a stitch
she said "I'll tell a tale but don't you cry!"

"One night like this the wind began to cry
snow covered all the fields as if a quilt
had fallen right in place without a stitch.
The Goddess laid the stars out with a spoon
and on that night there fell a silent chill
I knew it was too early in the season."

"he had to go', he said; it is the season.
You've known it all along, so please don't cry."
With that he turned away, I felt a chill.
I sat down by the fire with my quilting
and gave the soup a turn with that same spoon.
I held my work but could not sew a stitch.

They said he grabbed his heart as if a stitch
had wrenched his chest, too early, out of season
When I heard the news I took that spoon
and swore that then nor ever would I cry.
I just began to work on this big quilt
and tried my best to chase away the chill

d chill
e stitch
a quilt
c season
f cry
b spoon

b spoon
d chill
f cry
e stitch
c season
a quilt


It's way too clunky. I picked weird words and they're hard to fit. But to change them means changing the whole thing. I bet Pat is laughing at me now!!

maybe a little more punctuation will help?

also, making a conscious effort to avoid ending each line with the end of a sentence. that might help to make the flow smoother.

i've been practising a sestina (well, hmm half a dozen) and it's helping by using less words per line...

anyway... you've only got two stanzas to go! you're almost there honey.

BooMerengue said:

Maria!!! You work with 300 men. You better go gargle. ????

laughing ar your chagrin!

Honey- I didn't say you said something bad! I like when you get mouthy. It's spunk, darlin'... always a good thing!

Click to expand...

dangit Boo, you gotta dirty mind!! okay, I do too and my nasty stories prove it. hey, I meant I needed to gargle cause you said I was mouthy, not because I work with 300 men, lol. IM sleepy, see ya later sweet friend

m

BooMerengue said:

did y'all see all those grins and kisses? I think he likes me!!

Click to expand...

What's not to like? <shrug><wink><blown kiss>