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TMan_Dallas

Virgin
Joined
May 20, 2005
Posts
28
I'm not sure where to begin, so I think I'll start with a little background. As an everyday Joe, I am a loving husband who would never cheat on my wife. I believe in manogomy. On the flip side, I am always tempted to be a voyeur, so that's why my favorite sites are literotica.com, consumptionjunction.com, and webcamnow.com. I DO NOT want to display this other side of me to my wife for fear that my wife will treat the desire as a rejection of her, and that her perception of me will change to the worse (that all I am is just a 32 year old pervert). Don't get me wrong...she enjoys watching porn like I do, but she doesn't desire it like I do. I understand honesty and that it's always the best policy, but my thought is that, if I am wrong, the subject will start a chain of events that is not favorable to a loving marriage. I love my wife and would die if our relationship changed because I felt the need to tell my wife the extend of my actions.

So I seek for some advice for people who are like me (I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way). Do any of you have similar experiences? What were their outcomes?

Thanks in advance...
 
No I don't, and I think it's harmless fun on my part. But I don't want to jeopardize a perception I've built up over the course of 13 years. Do you think I should blow that over something that I think isn't detremental to our marriage? Maybe it won't, but maybe it would. It would kill me if it did!
 
In my experience, the longer you go holding a secret, the worse it will get. Trust me on this.

Really.
 
TMan_Dallas said:
I'm not sure where to begin, so I think I'll start with a little background. As an everyday Joe, I am a loving husband who would never cheat on my wife. I believe in manogomy. On the flip side, I am always tempted to be a voyeur, so that's why my favorite sites are literotica.com, consumptionjunction.com, and webcamnow.com. I DO NOT want to display this other side of me to my wife for fear that my wife will treat the desire as a rejection of her, and that her perception of me will change to the worse (that all I am is just a 32 year old pervert). Don't get me wrong...she enjoys watching porn like I do, but she doesn't desire it like I do. I understand honesty and that it's always the best policy, but my thought is that, if I am wrong, the subject will start a chain of events that is not favorable to a loving marriage. I love my wife and would die if our relationship changed because I felt the need to tell my wife the extend of my actions.

So I seek for some advice for people who are like me (I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way). Do any of you have similar experiences? What were their outcomes?

Thanks in advance...
Click to expand...
Been like that for a while. Turns out when I finally confessed to my wife how much I love looking at sites like this, she confessed she did too and she opened up alot. She doesn't check this site just because she's not into forums. But she did open up a ton.
Try to be more open with her and let her know that eerything you look like is just fantasy and that sex with her is real and honest and what you love!!Good luck!
 
Azuldrgon said:
Been like that for a while. Turns out when I finally confessed to my wife how much I love looking at sites like this, she confessed she did too and she opened up alot. She doesn't check this site just because she's not into forums. But she did open up a ton.
Try to be more open with her and let her know that eerything you look like is just fantasy and that sex with her is real and honest and what you love!!Good luck!
Click to expand...

Yeah, when I did finally talk to my wife about things, she was not mad because of what I said, but because I did not share it.
 
TMan_Dallas said:
So I seek for some advice for people who are like me (I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way). Do any of you have similar experiences? What were their outcomes?

Thanks in advance...
Click to expand...
Sorry, I can't help you. I found my husband here at lit so he pretty much already knew about this site before we got married.
 
Some Moron said:
In my experience, the longer you go holding a secret, the worse it will get. Trust me on this.

Really.
Click to expand...


What he said.

I'm lucky enough that I've never had anything serious I wanted to hide from Mrs Rug. She knows me better than anybody, and is perfectly willing to take me as I am. If you've got something to hide, there's a problem.
 
Some Moron said:
In my experience, the longer you go holding a secret, the worse it will get. Trust me on this.

Really.
Click to expand...
That's probably the best advice you're gonna get. (And it's good too)
 
TMan_Dallas said:
I'm not sure where to begin, so I think I'll start with a little background. As an everyday Joe, I am a loving husband who would never cheat on my wife. I believe in manogomy. On the flip side, I am always tempted to be a voyeur, so that's why my favorite sites are literotica.com, consumptionjunction.com, and webcamnow.com. I DO NOT want to display this other side of me to my wife for fear that my wife will treat the desire as a rejection of her, and that her perception of me will change to the worse (that all I am is just a 32 year old pervert). Don't get me wrong...she enjoys watching porn like I do, but she doesn't desire it like I do. I understand honesty and that it's always the best policy, but my thought is that, if I am wrong, the subject will start a chain of events that is not favorable to a loving marriage. I love my wife and would die if our relationship changed because I felt the need to tell my wife the extend of my actions.

So I seek for some advice for people who are like me (I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way). Do any of you have similar experiences? What were their outcomes?

Thanks in advance...
Click to expand...


Has it ever ocurred to you that she probably already knows?

You're living in the same house, you've been married quite a long while already, and probably got to know each other pretty well before marrying anyway, so what makes you think that she wouldn't really know you well enough to know that you're spending lots of time on the internet.

She probably assumes that you look at porn sites anyway.

Just stop pretending and tell her. It'll be a relief, and honesty is way better than telling lies to somebody you love. Otherwise what kind of person are you if you can't be honest to the person that you are obviously planning to spend the rest of your life with - or at least a damn big chunk of it.
 
TMan_Dallas said:
...But I don't want to jeopardize a perception I've built up over the course of 13 years.
Click to expand...
How is your marriage satisfying for you if you've intentionally created and nurtured a persona, or part thereof, for your wife to "love" for the past decade?

If you cannot be yourself with your spouse -- your life partner -- to the extent you shield yourself with smoke and mirrors, I think there's probably significant intimacy problems you should really be addressing.

Your penchant for porn is the least of your worries.
 
Last edited:
odalisk said:
How is your marriage satisfying for you if you've intentionally created and nurtured a persona, or part thereof, for your wife to "love" for the past decade?

If you cannot be yourself with your spouse -- your life partner -- to the extent you shield yourself with smoke and mirrors, I think there's probably significant intimacy problems you should really be addressing.

Your penchant for porn is the least of your worries.
Click to expand...

Yeah, and the biggest part is, it will rear its ugly head sooner or later, when you least expect it, if she does not know already and is waiting for you to say it yourself.

Oh the horror.
 
Some Moron said:
Yeah, and the biggest part is, it will rear its ugly head sooner or later, when you least expect it, if she does not know already and is waiting for you to say it yourself.

Oh the horror.
Click to expand...
Oh, I dunno.

It all depends what you seek in a relationship. Some couples manage to live for years and years in a state of numb and relative anonymity. Others crave a soul mate and authenticity.

After all, anonymity is safe. Although you have a life partner, if you never expose your true self to them, you can never really be rejected.

But loving someone to the extent that you're willing to lay bare your throat before them -- that's the bit that takes strength and courage.
 
Time for an honest discussion.

Tell her everything. Her reaction will tell you what you need to know. If she's angry, apologize sincerely and stop going to those sites.

You never know. She might not care. The important thing is honesty.
 
Be honest with her - tell her what you love about her but tell her you need to show her something that is important to you and then direct her to this thread.

Honesty is almost always the best policy.



I have no problem with bigrednz looking at porn sites etc.
And I used to be a bit of a prude.

It's all about honesty and trust.
 
I have always felt that it was better to be open and honest with the person I am with....I have told my girlfriend, I would rather know the truth, whether good or bad, than find out later she had been hiding it from me and lying about it. Knowing the truth only hurts once, but when it is hidden or lied about, it compounds the hurt many times. She may not like what you have to say, but if she loves you, she will accept that part of you for who you are.
 
I have been married for 18 years and can honestly say that over the past 18 years the only really rough point was when I hid something from my husband; we fortunately got thru that rough point 2 and a half years ago and things are better than ever. What I learned from this experience is that it is better to be open and honest about things than to try to hide them b/c you are afraid of what your spouses reaction is going to be. If it is really bothering you and you feel the need to tell her than be honest and let her know. You are certainly not doing anything wrong by being here....you should not feel so guilty. good luck...but I am sure everything will be fine. her reaction will probably surprise you; she is probably going to be ok with it.
 
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