Blood song, blood ties, blood guilt (Closed)

Valdis and Rutledge

The year was 1904. Valdis Inger, as she was known back then, was on a steam ship, in Africa. Not many were aboard and she was hard pressed to hide her true nature during the damn voyage. At the time, she was in service to a powerful elder, who had sent her to this place. She didn’t mind going. In fact she loved the idea really, of seeing the animals and the plants there. She knew it would be an incredible adventure. Her job was to gather information about a local Prince and his people, then bring it back to her current master.

At the Captain’s table the first night of this small voyage she set eyes on Sir Rutledge Sexsmith for the very first time. There was something about him that sang to her something that hummed in her blood when she was around him. It may have been something in his voice. Maybe it was the musky scent of him that appealed to her. It could have just been his fine boned English face that drew her to him but there was so much more to him than that. He had impeccable manners and he was so smart. She was fascinated by him. He was also very passionate and outspoken about something very dear to her heart but rarely considered in 1904, animal rights.

Sir Sexsmith seemed to be interested in Valdis also. They talked long into the night. Conversing together about so many things, it was like they had known each other or been looking for each other, forever. Before the trip was done, Valdis and Rutledge were lovers and the love they made back in 1904 was well, shocking, really. It’s seems that the noble line of Sexsmith’s had not taken their name lightly. They had handed down many fine and unusual techniques in their long lineage. Rutledge had studied a great deal on this subject on his own as well. Valdis, of course, had been around for a while, experiencing much sexually, through all those long years. Yes, they were very compatible in bed. The sex was incredible but it was even more than that.

They really liked each other. They felt almost complete together. For the first time in a long time Valdis didn’t feel alone. Something in Valdis made Rutledge feel warm. At dusk when she came around him, he felt more hopeful about life than he ever had before. He knew she’d never fit in to his life or society but he didn’t want to think about that. He just wanted to enjoy this while he could.

So while they had the time they talked, laughed and enjoyed each other most all night before sneaking back to their cabins so a little decorum would be maintained. They had two weeks of glorious nights. Those were wonderful times in which they sometimes felt like they were the only two people in the world.

When the ship docked, Rutledge went out into the bush while Valdis stayed in town. He had his mission, she had hers. It pained them both, but they were dedicated and stubborn. It was clear they had to be separated to accomplish their goals.

Valdis began by presenting herself to the Prince. She got a very frosty welcome to say the least. Rutledge began making waves with poachers and their rich clients. Valdis continued to work at ingratiating herself and slowly gained acceptance, confidences, and status within local kindred society. She was not xenophobic like many of her ilk and so she also managed to become acquainted with a few shifters and with some mortals too. She began to hear about some plans to take out an animal rights activist. Her heart seemed to both stutter to life then die in dread when she heard of this.

During this time she received some letters from Rutledge. They were wonderful scent drenched letters that came from the bush. Well, perhaps they were only scent drenched to Valdis’s senses, for they smelled of Rutledge all manly, and so real, as if he had worked hard before writing her but not taken a shower or bathed before penning each note. She loved the scent alone but the words, oh they were so fine. They were words of love and devotion. Each missive was so thrilling; they were almost more than she could bear, because the two of them were apart and she ached for him..

She treasured those letters. Valdis kept them for years. She held onto them wherever she went until the ink had faded and the onionskin fallen apart. Even then she kept the pieces in a sachet tied inside her clothes but eventually it all fell away to nothing. Like everything Valdis had ever loved, they were suddenly just gone, forever. Despite her long efforts to keep them close forever.

That was later though. At the time she was still getting these precious letters, she became aware of danger to her love. She made up her mind to go to Rutledge when she heard about the plot to kill him. She had the information she needed for her liege. Valdis believed she could wait before returning and giving it to her Prince.

So Valdis hired some men to take her into the bush. She found Rutledge. She began a campaign immediately, begging him to leave and come back with her on the next ship. Valdis told him she knew of plots in place against him. She kissed him, pleaded, and touched him. She demanded tried everything in her considerable arsenal to convince him. It did no good. She thought she would stay with him then. Her plan was to try to protect him in spite of his refusals. Valdis only hoped the attack would come at night. Cowards usually attack at night. She thought she had a good chance of saving her love.

So began her siege. She’d sleep in the dirt during the day, then steal into his camp at night. Valdis would love him then in ways that most men would never even think of but if given the chance would enjoy. She would cajole him. Always she would try to protect him, from himself even, if need be.

Rutledge began to get short tempered with Valdis. He saw her efforts as a lack of faith in his ability. He knew he was strong and strong willed but he felt these were good things needed for a man in his position.. He was in fact, willful and spoiled in many ways though He and Valdis never recognized it. Rutledge felt his strength, security; money, fame, title and just plain intelligence would keep him safe absolutely.

On their last night together he was a bit cruel to her in bed. She didn’t blame him and didn’t mind at all really for she liked that sort of thing at times. She knew and understood that a man needs to feel strong. She got a bit of a thrill from his mistreatment, as she also needed to feel like a softer thing than she normally was in her job. She wanted to feel like a woman. Valdis was loyal to those she cared about. She planned to make sure she got him to safety no matter what.

Then she was summoned. There was nothing she could to do resist it. Though she tried. She had tried so hard to fight the summons but that eventually was something she could no longer do.

She told Rutledge she had to go. He seemed not to care at the time. Indeed he seemed glad to be rid of her at that moment, not liking her constant state of anxiousness for him or what he had resorted to with her the night before in anger. Rutledge didn't believe that she could be happy with what he had done to her. It made him sick to even think about. So she went alone, pleading once more with him to come too. Promising to return as soon as she could. She was, of course, not able to explain to him fully why she had to go. To tell a mortal about Kindred business meant certain death if found out to the mortal and possibly to you, no matter how valuable you were thought to be.

She could not risk his death by her own complicity. Her plan was to hurry home, then find a way to be given leave so she could come back and stay with him until he returned to England. After that she knew he would return to his life. There she would have no place. She was not a fine lady. Indeed she was not even human. Still, she would try to make sure he was safe. He was such a wonderful man, fighting for animal rights at a time that was considered nothing short of ridiculous. How she loved him for that alone. Then again there were so many things she loved him for.

She never made it back to rescue him. He was tortured and killed two weeks later. For some reason his spirit didn’t go where it was supposed to. Instead he appeared to Valdis at the moment of his demise exactly as he had appeared in death. It was a horrible and violent aspect of her beloved that appeared to her as she rose from her day slumber.

His horrible visage was terrifying to her. He was quite angry with her as well. It was, he felt, as though she had caused his death by all her worry and talk of plots against him. Her lack of faith in him was his undoing or so he felt at that time.

She cried blood tears and he was fascinated, this seemed proof to him that she was in fact evil and dangerous. His sweet Valdis who had appeared so good before in his eyes, he now found was secretly a demon of unknowable evil. He felt he had been taken in, lied too, and manipulated. So he determined he would stay there, watching, and learning her secrets. Appearing before her each night as she awoke he was now exhorting her about her sins and his death. Valdis thought she was losing her mind. She never was sure if this was real or not. She felt such guilt. She wanted him to be safe. She wanted to make him happy. He wanted her dead like him. He was full of fury.

The news broke in Europe of Sir Rutledge Sexsmith’s death. Valdis had so hoped that she was just being overly excitable, though she never had been given to such hallucinations or visions before. Now she knew he really was dead and her heart broke. Her plans to return to Africa fell apart. She continued in service for her Prince until she was no longer needed. The spark of fun, and of hope had gone out of her. She was nothing now, just a drudge.

Eventually she was freed from service and she roamed, always thinking that she needed to keep moving. Always wishing for him, as he had been, not angry like now. Never knowing for sure if it was her own mind or his shade so angry with her. She began to believe in earnest that she had caused his downfall.

After all if she had only heard one more piece of information, been more loving or persuasive, been a little stronger in pushing the summons aside, then perhaps she could have saved him. She didn’t. She let him die. Everyone she had loved as far back as she could remember was dead. She had not been able to save them either. Rutledge pointed this out and much more.

She began to make a nightly token of her repentance to him cutting herself, bleeding just enough of her guilty pain out that she could stand to just be, that night, That seemed to make him happy. It was her token to him too. He liked the gesture, his nightly blood token, very much. He liked it even more when he realized it weakened her a little to bleed herself so.

He enjoyed watching her intricate cold silver knife slice sharply into her creamy white thighs. They would heal all too quickly but he knew from her swift intake of breath that she felt the pain of her sins for just a moment.

She took his name as she moved around. Valdis had a problem with her memory. She knew that. So she thought if she adopted his last name it would help her sometimes-unreliable memory. She wanted so very much to remember those wonderful nights together. Nothing else before or after had touched her so much or made her feel so nearly alive.

Never would she have expected to keep seeing him each night. His bloody, tortured countenance was there almost always with her. He was mostly angry with her for over two hundred years.

There were times she slept. It shouldn’t have happened. She could never remember or understand why it did. Valdis would nonetheless sleep for a decade or more then awaken starving and mad. Rutledge would watch her then a true demon from hell, sucking and killing till satisfied. Where he went at the times of her extended sleep, he would not tell her.

He was there most of the time. He was furious with her most of the time but when he wasn’t around it scared her. She missed him.

Rutledge also helped her occasionally, pointing out spirits and those attuned to them. He was able to see things she couldn’t. He would let her know of poachers sometimes. They both shared a hate of those kind, for he had been killed and tortured by them.

He spoke to her too, sometimes, almost seeming to stroke her hair. Though she could feel no touch from him, this soothed her in those rare moments it happened. She wanted to feel that touch so much. There were times when animals were killed and Rutledge would tell Valdis about helping the animal spirits move on. Yet he still remained with her almost always. Each time she met someone she could like or care for he’d warn her, that she would ruin them, hurt them and let them die. Often his warnings seemed to be borne out.

The society she lived in was very violent. They were supposed to be immortal. In reality that was only the case if your fellows were not plotting to put knives in your back and stakes in your heart. In their highly political world of Byzantine games every one was a pawn and absolutely everyone was expendable. When one is old and bored the games become more deadly than mere chess. If the werewolves, mages and other non mortals were to find out about you, your existence could become forfeit. Even mortals could be your final death if they became wise to your proclivities.

He was angry about many things but Valdis’s obsession with sex and love, perhaps, most of all made him furious. In this one area he could not stop her, no matter what he did. He wanted to, for he felt she belonged to him alone. That is what he thought and felt in his ghostly heart. She had been the death of him. He would be the death of her. It was only fitting.

Yet at times he loved her too. He even saved her life a few times. She could be so childlike, so happy and almost human. That was a true magic that he loved about her. He would laugh then and shake his head at her antics.

She learned all the latest jargon, learned to cook, and so much more. She seemed to love little moments of illusion in which she could almost believe she was alive and normal again. Rutledge loved her then too, in those rare, but precious moments.

She began to seek punishment when things went wrong. She always took all blame upon herself. Rutledge loved that. He hated anyone else touching her, but loved that she sought that out and felt the guilt she should. He loved watching it, never focusing on those she got to help her, only on her and the punishments themselves.

Valdis thought she saw things very clearly now. Rutledge was her one great love, her soul mate. She would do just about anything to go back, change things or remake them. There was of course nothing she could do. Nothing she had found so far. Even with all of her years of looking but she continued to search. For now, he was lost to her physically. He was still dead. The guilt was still hers. She continued on unsure if his shade were real or just her imagination.

Until one night she made a deal with a creepy vampire. She would give up the secrets to her clan's powers to this woman and her kinsman if they would make Rutledge flesh once more. The questions now were would they, being Giovanni kin, be able to do that? Could they make Rutledge healthy and flesh once more. Would he be able to lead a normal life again? Or did they lie about what they could and could not do? What would the cost be? Not just to Valdis but very possibly to others the Giovanni used ruthlessly and Rutledge himself?

What would Rutledge say when she told him about the deal? He seemed to never be around when the Giovanni were, why was that? There must be a reason.

He had in fact been gone several nights. She was missing him, aching painfully for his dire company. Where was he and why? Anxiously she waited hoping for his return to her, fearing he was finally gone forever.

Rutledge to Valdis

You will feel me in your dreams
In the shower as the spray hits your body
On the air when the breeze flows across your lips
You will feel me.

You may want to or you may not
It doesn’t matter in the end, I will always be there
I will haunt you every night make you feel shame
You will feel me.

I will drive you to your destruction
Make you see where you have erred
Watch you cut yourself and bleed for me
You will feel me.

What you are, the lies you tell?
That can’t save you now
I will cling to you and ride your skin
You will feel me digging in.

I will laugh when you hurt.
Tease you into dark despair
Tell you again all your sins whisper them against your hair
You will feel me.

Yet still you want more of me
How foolish and strong your “love” can be
You plot to make me flesh thinking I don’t know?
Oh you will feel me.

You think we share a great love?
Those spare moments when you made me smile
Or when I helped you track and kill?
Yes, you feel me.

Go ahead with your necromantic plans dear
Bring me back to life, suck on me
Make me scream hand me a torch and a knife.
Then you will feel me

Valdis lugged her laundry into the small washeteria on Park grounds. She couldn’t put it off anymore, the damn uniforms and laundry had to be done. She fished two quarters out of her pocket and placed them in the machine. She went to a machine on the wall and fed it to get some soap powder. Returning to the machine she put the cycle on the settings of large, heavy duty and cold wash. Valdis crammed the machine as full as she could with her clothes. She then shoved the slider in pushing the money all the way in and started the machine. She went to an opposite wall taking her new laptop with her and jumped up on the counter there. Sitting cross-legged she thought about what all had happened since she got to this new area.

Most of her life she has been a loner and her soul has been wishing for a companion but seldom has she had one. Those times when she did it lasted so briefly that those times served only to make the hunger grow more. In each place that she went she always tried to fit in, meet others in the nearby cities but she was usually shunned and would retreat back to whatever parks she worked at or enjoyed. The companionship of animals was usually sweeter and less complicated, but really that didn’t help with the ache in her soul.

Here though, she was not making so many of her usual mistakes. A few she’d made yes, but nothing too bad. She had meet many and seemed to get along with most of the people here. It was like this was a magical place. Maybe there was something in the water? She even had companions for the first time in a long, long time. Some kindred, some human and of course some animals.

She smiled to herself at the wondrous turn of events. Maybe this time she finally fit in. Valdis hoped things would continue this way for a very long time.

She turned to business then, shaking the unfamiliar, shiny, happy, thoughts away. She intended to do a web search on that so called church. First though, She picked up her laptop and began looking for sites about escort services and busts that had gone down involving them.

Valdis had a feeling the charming gentleman who had offered her a job as "arm candy" under the miss-impression that she was a girl without a job perhaps was about to find himself a whole lot more than a girl to work for him. He was about to find out that he had hired a law enforcement officer who would take him down hard. In the meantime she was going to find out who to bring into this, it was outside her Park Policing. Valdis was also going to research the laws regarding escort services.

Now if it were just an escort service she would leave it alone. If people were just having dates, even dates with sex that was fine with her. She was no prude, far from it. However if she found there were other things going on, coercion of the girls or blackmail of the clients, then her charming "boss" would be finding out how to service "Big Mo" in the prison system very soon. She chuckled at little at that though. Hey, you never knew. He might even like that. Might thank her later. Yeah, right, she would wait for his sincere contrition and thanks, if that happened, not!

Valdis finishes her shift. She radios in her status but she didn't want to go into HQ yet. She didn't wish to start on the fucking paper work. No. She has to steal a few minutes to herself. She looks up at the night sky.

It is luminous with millions of stars hanging there. Here in the park, away from the harsh lights of the city, the tall buildings, you can really see them. "It's sad how many never really see the stars, or nature." Valdis thinks.

The sky was strange looking. The color a deep, almost purple color, the moon was slivered and glowed yellow with an aura around the sliver that promised rain in the next twenty four hours.

Valdis smiles. She loves it here. She loves the stars too. Even though many of them are now dead. They were light, reflected still, but many of them were dead, failed, and cold. "Like me." She thinks. Her eyes look worn now, so old, and ancient really, but no one else is there to see them.

She sits down on the ground. "I try so hard." She thinks. "Just to blend in. Keep up with the current trends and speech. To pretend to be mortal, not just for the mask, but also to touch what life is like. It is so elusive. To pretend if only for just a moment, to be normal is like a dream long forgotten, but still, with such power over me. It's an effort but well worth it, to feel almost alive, for just a few stolen seconds. To find someone to love, that would be my fondest wish. Someone who will love me back, soul to soul, heart to heart, flesh to flesh."

"This place, this time is full of promise. For the first time, in a century, really, I have built relationships that could become something, real, something lasting. Do I dare hope?

The pain, when they discover I'm not what they had imagined I would be and turn me away is
so unbearable. But how can I extinguish hope? I so wish for that to happen, to have a soul mate again, at last."

She thinks about her lovers. As long as she had walked the earth, such a bounty had never before been given to her. She hardly knew what to think.

One was human, hot to the touch; she had tasted such a tang in the soul of that one, just from his skin. How interesting an "ordinary" mortal could be. To be clasped to all that warmth was exquisite, to be so filled with it, a dream.

She considered that one, all of them really, as a possible companion. The temptation, the tease of the possibility of a soul mate, made not drinking from that one, which was so hard to resist, barely possible. Valdis is strong willed but she has nearly slipped her canines in more than once.

She thinks of another, who is the very essence of sweetness so deep, kindness so vast, beauty so incredible, it makes Valdis's weep to think of it, the possibilities are so incredible,
so delicious. One such as that had never been interested in Valdis before. Never. Valdis knew it couldn't last with one so elegant and so perfect but she has to try, already she is too far-gone, too compelled. She has to see where it will lead, even if it takes her into hell, again.

Another has reached into her and grabbed her heart out. There was one that knows just how to make her feel like a female after a hard shift being macho at the park. One who helps her, who punishes her when she asks. One that lets the pain course through her and out. Such a sweet vital bit of release of both incredible pain and pleasure she nearly swoons thinking about it. This is a magical rare thing. It is such a wonderful thing. So rare in her existence but now, it is over. The thought of this tears at her very soul, seeming to shred it into pieces.

She laughs aloud at her own foolishness. Such a ridiculous thing, hope, wasn't she ever going to learn? How damn old, how much fucking pain would it take until she learned? Hasn't she already found and lost her soul mate? Wasn't he always there, to remind her? Doesn't he make certain she made her penitence each day and yet, not one ounce of guilt has ever left her. For surely there would never be a way to redeem or repair her inabilities, her neglect, or patch her tattered soul. The daily chore only helps release a tiny fraction of the pain that's all. Just enough, barely enough, pain is siphoned off to make going on a possibility.

The shade of Sir Rutledge Sexsmith is so precious to her in a way, almost always walking with her, prodding her, railing at her, angry, but still, at least he is there, after all this time.
He has been one of the few constants this last two hundred years; she has him, pain and loneliness.

"I have been accepted, truly, it seems here in Kindred society. Even though my meager abilities are such that I am fairly useless. This society so far, does not shun me or make me an outcast. Why? I wonder? Here, what is different? Have I finally learned how to get along or blend? Is there magic in the very air here which seeps into us, through the vitae?" She wonders.

"It worries me that so many attacks have occurred on the Prince and Elysium, by so many enemies, with such frequency. I really need to do more to help but what?"

* Her mind wanders for a bit, and then she chuckles. *

"I need some big guns. I need to learn how to use them because what I am, is so often nothing, but a speck of dust really, to the power of these attackers and their modern weapons."

Valdis lays down on her back on the ground. She mentally traces lines between the constellations. She puts her finger up, so that a trick of perspective makes it look as though she can touch the stars, be burned by them, die.

She is absorbed in doing so for a while. She laughs suddenly thinking. "People think the stars don't change. I could tell them differently, I remember this at least, but they wouldn't believe me."


She continues like this for some time, until she can actually feel the pull of the moon, slender as it is. Valdis can even feel the earth actually moving as it slowly rotates the sun.

"I have remembered much this month, more than in decades. I now remember my natal name. How odd to forget such a thing. Other memories are flooding me too. Some of them are good, most are not, most of it best forgotten, I think.

Some of my ancestry from so long ago now is breaking through the barriers in my mind. Why now? Why not 50 years ago or more? These memories, they are changing the way I see things. Some of them explain my tendencies and urges here. I am glad of this. Already I am taking steps to reconnect, dangerous that, but it must be done. Again I am being accepted here, even in this."

Other memories, like the feel of the sun on her skin burning her horribly in agony, of her being forced to make others to feel the same, weigh heavily on her heart.

Valdis remembers tendrils of moments, the brush of lips, the music of a harpsichord, the sting of a whip, the wet paint brushed on canvas by a sweet fool turned demonic. She remembers all these now and more, blood bonds foolishly made, then, horribly broken, also tear at her soul. She remembers pain so intense, but you don't want to let go of it, ever. Pleasures she can taste in her mind, even now. She can't separate all of the memory bits, or sort them out, its too confusing.

Part of her believes the memory loss is protective to her. She might have more knowledge, more abilities with her memory but the pain of them, of all that she has done, lost, and not done, that might drive her to destruction. "There must be some reason I am alone so much, in torpor so long and often." She thinks. She wonders could it be the result of a curse perhaps? Or is she so weak it was a choice she had made, over and over?

Little girls' dead, yet still needing to be released, join hands in her mind, making a circle around her, dancing. Their mouths open, singing something she can't hear, blood dripping down their faces. Then, one by one they all fall down, horror in their eyes, looking broken and torn. Valdis tries to look away, to find something to use, to stab with, but how can you look away from your own thoughts? You can't.


"There are too many little dead girls here. Girls I failed to save." She thinks. Her mind flicks to Dora. "Oh how I would love to tear her apart. I'm probably not strong enough to be allowed to but, to help her, feel the pain? To help her bleed her sins out, spill her body parts on the floor? That would be good, so good. Really, though, it should last longer, than a simple quartering will." Valdis thinks.

Opening her eyes Valdis looks again into the sky. Wondering if she were wiser could she read her future there tonight? Will she be able to become worthy? Or will she soon die as she has lived, lost, a fool, un-cherished and alone. She lies there, lost in memories, thoughts, and wishes for a while.

Then Rutledge jars her out of it pointing off to the north. He seems to put his finger on her mouth but she can't feel his touch. How she wishes she could.

She is disoriented at first wondering where and when she is. A rustle in the undergrowth some distance away, soon grabs her attention she looks that way. She sits up, her head turning toward the noise and puts on the large ranger hat.

Quietly she gets to her feet pulling her pack with her. She hears a shot explode the night, then the whooping of men. Ah, yes, it is poachers, it seems. She sneaks up toward them. There are four of them. Great. And I already radioed in off duty. "Did they somehow know that?" She wonders. On the ground yards away, she sees the carcass of the beautiful animal they have destroyed.

Rutledge is already taking care of it already. He is with its spirit, helping to ease its transition. This she is sure of. He has talked to her of such things many times. She knows him so well. She wishes she could see him do this though just once.

The huge gorgeous eyes of the creature stare, dead, wide and open at nothing. "Fucking poachers! Such mindless brutal bastards like these butchered Rutledge." She thinks.

*Savage laughter fills her head as a well-honed anger rises to the surface. *

"Wrong move, assholes." She thinks, moving in order to flank them. She hunts them. This will be the last and worse night of their miserable lives. "In this one thing, at least, I am competent." She thinks.

* Her eyes become cold and ruthless her lips curl into a terrible smile.*

*Valdis blinks at the body beside her. He is dark skinned the way she tends to like them but she doesn’t remember him. She checks him for a pulse. Her hands are shaking that makes it harder, her eyes look frightened while she glances over at Rutledge who is laughing at her. She notices the man’s watch. That gives her a big clue to when she is. The saltwater wave hits her then. What the…?

Oh good he has a pulse! Valdis feels relieved, at least she hasn’t killed him. The way Rutledge is laughing, that mean, you are showing me you are a demon again, laugh, she is afraid she might has killed this stranger. She looks around, recognition comes to her suddenly. She is at her special alcove of boulders at the beach, the one she has discovered where you can just be and yet no one can observe what you were doing. Well that is another bit of good news.

She is surprised that she feels pretty good really. Better than she has most of the month. Yes, this month has been so hard.

This month she has tried not to hunt. She has tried to just get by on bought vitae. Valdis has felt pretty weak most of the month. The one night she has hunted it had been a big mistake, which helped to strengthen her resolve. Her prey had been on something.

She had almost gotten in trouble that night. Valdis had been flying high for a while that evening until cold water, a Great White shark and a screaming victim had sobered her quick. That had been here on the beach too. Not this exact place but close. Valdis is rapidly becoming better oriented.

This month between the nightly blood expenditure and the punishments, she has gotten pretty pale too. Rutledge likes it when she doesn’t hunt. English men loved pale skin, from his era especially. He thinks hunting is evil. The previous month she had discovered that she could just buy the red stuff at The Fortress. Justin had told her this. The stuff doesn’t taste the same or satisfy as well though. It leaves a lot to be desired.

Her mind tries to veer away from thoughts of Justin she barely knows him. She couldn’t figure out why thoughts of him disturbs her so much. He is the Gangrel liaison with the Primogen and Prince but really he is a damn Sabbat. The very thought of it makes her mind reel, but that doesn’t seem to be what upset her so, when she thinks of him.

No, what upsets her is too elusive; she can't quite put her finger on it. She shakes her head. So many bad things have happened to the Camarilla in this city since she has come to it.

Valdis puts the strangers wrist down and checks his neck next. Her skin against his mesmerizes her for a while. The contrast is beautiful, almost art. It takes her a while to remember what she is supposed to be doing. His skin is so deeply dark, it is almost purple while hers is luminous like the silvery feeder fish that nip at swimmers toes close to shore it is such a delicious contrast. Valdis loves the play of light against dark, but life she knew, is not about such contrasts it is mostly a mélange of various shades of gray and other muted colors with occasional bursts of brightness.

She wondered how much she has taken from him. There are no marks visible. At least she has been able to remember to take care of that. She looks at him. Who is he?

The water hits her a few more times. She begins to think back, oh yes, she had come here to wait. Her hope was to see the Mariner again. She had thought to swim but she was so weak that the first wave knocked her down. She had not been able to get up fully after that. She had crawled up the shore. If she had had to breathe air, she would have drowned, that much she was sure of. If she had had one less ounce of strength she would not have been able to claw her way back out of the water either. Likely she would have fallen into a watery torpor, for who knew how long. She had barely made it to shore and then just lay there for a while. How had she let herself get in such a condition? That was so dangerous and not just for her.

It occurred to her then that to let the ocean carry her away might be a nice end. She had lived, so to speak, a very long time. To be pulled out, churned under the black waves, that wouldn’t be such a bad way to end it, would it? It probably wouldn't end her though. She'd been nibbled at, decayed but would she cease? So she lay there contemplating all this, not bothering to breathe at all. Her eyes were open but not moving, not seeing anything, she must have looked lifeless to this man who she now vaguely remembered.

She had been in one of her disconnected states most likely. Yes, and then she had felt him so warm on her. His lips on her mouth, breathing his hot breath into her lungs.

What a fantastic sensation! Then his hands, such big warm hands, on her chest doing a series of compressions. He had tried to do CPR on her! Valdis chuckled. He was a Good Samaritan who had tried to help her and became her first real meal in almost a month.

She looks at his clothes. The running shoes, shorts, shirt, they all look as expensive as his modern watch and he has his wallet. She looks in it at his identification and address. It isn’t far, that is a good thing. He is, it seemed, just a man out jogging for his health along the beach. How ironic.

She thinks about all those she had turned down this month. All those invitations spoken by body language, by mouth and eyes, and even one in writing on fine paper so many lovely opportunities.

Why the hell has she been limiting herself? Her entanglements while wonderful also made her feel she should hold back, worrying too much perhaps, about hurting those she cared for. She shook her head again looked at the man. She could have killed him and not even remembered it, precisely because she has been so careful not to hunt this month. That is wrong. That has to change.

The experiment had failed. Her best intentions again had gone awry. Valdis saw the man stir a bit. She slipped off her blue swimsuit. Loosened his pants and hugged up against him. She kissed him and ran her hands over him. When his eyes opened he looked confused and Valdis began to tell him how fantastic he was and how glad she was that he had “talked” to her this night.

As she spoke, convincing him of something he couldn’t remember instead of what had actually happened, She thought about Rutledge. Did he really want her to be this weak? Why would he want that? He was angry, so angry with her all the time these nights, but he still loved her, he had to, why else would he still be with her? She wondered what his face would look like when she told him of her plans for him? She imagined him smiling a genuine smile at her for the first time in so long.

No he couldn’t want to hurt her. He just wanted to not have to see her hunt. That was understandable, yeah, that had to be it. Next month everything with him would be changed. Valdis smiled at that thought. She just needed to find a good time to talk with him about it, a time when he was happy or at least not mad.

Valdis waited until the man got up, then slipped her suit up her body and made certain that he was well enough to make it back to his place safe. She waited until she saw him drink something, some sports drink thing. Valdis gave him a fake name, took his number, promised to call him, and kissed him goodbye.

As she walked down the pier she pulled the cell phone out of her pack and called her favorite taxi driver to come pick her up and take her to the Jazz club. Valdis looked at the phone, stroking it, then changed in the cab thinking about the club. At least, she thought, there were still people who cared about her this night. Nearly three months since she had come to this city and still her luck was not all gone. She smiled. Hopefully for a very long time to come, they would care for her the way she cared for them. *

Strength A Fireside tale: (This story can be found in Len Cabral's Storytelling Book and also in Ready to Tell Tales page 58. by Margaret Read MacDonald. This is from the Limba People of West Africa. Naturally Valdis and I have made our own changes to it as all story tellers must.)

Background: Valdis is invited to a fireside where her clan tells stories. It's been a long time since she experienced that sort of fellow ship with clan mates. She wants to tell a powerful tale the best way she can and impress the others who are all new to her.

There is a long tradition of storytelling in her clan. Her clan is one of strength and at times animal like powers. Valdis loves the tradition because for one her age it resonates strongly. Oral tradition is in her bones, it flows in her blood. It is more real to her, more right, than any book or computer. This is essence and root of passing knowledge from one to another. This is the story she tells. This is how she tells it when it is her turn in the circle which stretches around the beach and bon fire.

The story journey begins:

Valdis raises her arms and begins speaking. She sounds like something is speaking through her almost like she is possessed with the spirit of a tribal leader of old. She speaks with a deep, primal, serious voice a strange accent can be faintly heard.

Her very pale blue eyes stare at each of those Gathered. Those eyes go around the circle, looking at each person in turn over the flames of the fire.

“Come together!

Come together!

We must decide on strength.

What is it?

Who has it?

How wise will we be as we watch the animals in a contest of strength?

Let us travel to Kenya in East Africa it is a beautiful country.

Let us create a primal forest terrible in it’s beauty.

Repeat after me and do what I do

I am a tall mango tree”

*Valdis raises her hands up high. *

“Wave your leaves.

Shake your fruits say

Shay, shay, shay shay!

I am the river, flowing!

Floowing!”

*She waves her arms and hands like water running. *

“I am the sun laughing

Ha ha ha »

*She shows a bright smile *

“I am the mountain high!”

*Makes her hands for a peak together. *

“I am the cool breeze

Bloowing!

Bloowing!”

*She waves hands around *

“I am the stars

Twinking,

Twinking”

*She opens and closes hands repeatedly *

“I am the storyteller ready to begin.” *Valdis begins talking now in a more normal voice but it is still deep and serious. *

“The animals decided to have a contest.

To see who was the strongest.

This contest was Elephant’s idea.

*Valdis makes a gesture with her hands and arms to suggest an elephant’s trunk.

She kind of sways suggesting a slow ponderous girth. She speaks slow as

elephant too.*

“Everybody meet me on Wednesday.

Well see who has STRENGTH.”

“First to arrive was Chimpanzee.

*Valdis bounces energetically while still sitting by the fire, her eyes are serious still, even though her gestures are comical. Her arms seem to be extra long, her hands heavier and larger as she imitates the Chimpanzee. *

“Chimpanzee came in jumping around.

“Strength!

I’ve got strength

See these ARMS!

Just wait until they see my strength!”

Chimpanzee sat down.

Deer arrived.”

*Valdis flexes her blue jean covered legs, extending them. *

“Strength!

Look at these LEGS!

I have SUCH strength.”

“Deer sat down.

Next came Leopard.

Leopard was showing his claws and growling.”

*Valdis mimes her fingers into claw-like things. *

“Strength!

Look at these CLAWS!

I … have STRENGTH!”

“Leopard sat down.

In came Bushbuck.

Bushbuck lowered his strong horns.”

*V lowers her head and tilts her eyes up at the others around the fire.
Her hands she holds on her head like a rack of horns. *

“Strength!

See these horns!

THIS is strength.”

“Bushbuck sat down.

Elephant came in.

Elephant moved so slow-ly.”

“El … e … phant …

MEANS

Strength.”

Elephant sat down.

They waited.

They waited.

One more animal to come.

They waited.

At last Man came running in.

“STRENGTH! STRENGTH!”

Man was showing off his muscles.

*V mimics the classic muscle man, bicep pose. *

“Here I am

We can START now!”

“Man had brought his gun to the forest.

Man had been hiding his gun in the bush.

That is why he was late."

"Elephant took charge.”

*Valdis speaks for Elephant in a slow voice. *

“Now that Man is finally here, we can begin.

Chimpanzee.

Show us strength.”

“Chimpanzee jumped up.

He ran to a small tree and climbed it.

He bent it over and tied it in a knot.

He climbed back down."

*In a fast higher voice Valdis says. *

“Strength! Was that strength?!!"

"What Strength! The animals cheered. “Strength! Strength! Strength! Strength! THAT’s Strength!" The animals calmed down.

“Well …Chimpanzee, SIT DOWN. Who is next? Said Elephant.

Deer leaped up.

Deer ran three miles into the forest.

Deer ran three miles back.

Deer wasn’t even out of breath.

“There. Wasn’t that strength?" Deer asked.

The animals agreed. “Strength! Strength! Strength! Strength! That was STRENGTH!”

“Well …Deer, SIT DOWN. Who’s next?" Asked Elephant.

Leopard leaped up.

Leopard drew out long claws.

He began to scrape the earth.

Scrung … scrung …scrung …scrung …

That dirt just flew!

The animals were frightened from the huge deep ruts and the flying dirt.

“Aaah! Wasn’t that strength?” Asked Leopard.

“Strength! Strength! Strength! Strength! That was STRENGTH!” The animals agreed.

“Well...Leopard, SIT DOWN. Who’s next?" Elephant said.

Bushbuck was next.

Bushbuck lowered his huge horns.

A cane field was there.

Bushbuck began to plow through that cane field.

Shuuu … shuuu … shuuu … shuuu …

His horns just made a ROAD right through that field.

Bushbuck turned around.

Shuuu … shuuu … shuuu … shuuu …

He plowed a road right back.

“Wasn’t THAT strength?” He asked.

The animals were impressed. “Strength! Strength! Strength! Strength!
That was STRENGTH!” They agreed.

“Well …Bushbuck, SIT DOWN. Who’s next? I will be next.” Said Elephant.

Now came Elephant.

Many trees were there.

They were growing close together.

Elephant leaned his huge should against those trees.

Eennhh …eeennhh … eeennhh …kangplong!

Those trees just fell right over.

“STRENGTH! Was THAT strength?!” Elephant asked.

“Strength! Strength! Strength! Strength! That was STRENGTH!”

“Well …Elephant, SIT DOWN." The animals said. ''Who’s next?”

"It was Man’s turn.

Man ran to the middle of their circle.

Man started whirling around.

He turned somersaults.

He turned cartwheels

He did handsprings.

That man was twirling all over the place.

Man stopped.”

“Strength! Strength! Wasn’t that STRENGTH?!” Man asked.

The animals looked at one another. “Well … that was exciting,” said one.

“But … was it strength?” asked another.

“Not really …” several mumured shaking their heads.

"Is that all you can do?” They asked.

“Man was insulted.”

*Val passes a hand in front of her face to indicate a flushed countenance. *

“Well then...watch THIS!” He yelled.

Man climbed to the top of a palm tree

So fast! So fast!

He threw down palm nuts.

He climbed back down again.

“Strength! Strength! Was that Strength?!” He demanded.

“The animals looked at him.”

*V looks thoughtful and puzzled for a moment, then looks around as if talking to another animal. *

“Would you call that strength?”

*She changes her voice some and answers*

“He just climbed a tree.”

That’s not really strength.”

"Is there anything else …?" Asked Elephant.

Man was ANGRY.”

“Strength? I’ll show you STRENGTH!”

“Man ran into the bush.

He grabbed his gun.

He ran back again.

Man pointed his gun at Elephant.

Ting …

He pulled the trigger.

Kangalang!

Elephant fell over.

Dead.

Dead.

Man was jumping around and bragging.”

“Strength! Strength! Wasn’t THAT strength?!” He crowed. “Strength …”

“Man looked around.

The animals were gone.

They had fled into the forest.”

“Strength! …” He said again looking down at Elephant.

“There was no one left to hear him brag.

Man was alone.

In the forest the animals huddled together and talked.”

“Did you see that?”

“Was that strength?”

“No. That was DEATH.”

“That was DEATH.”

“Since that day the animals will not walk with Man.

When Man enters the forest he has to walk by himself.

The animals still talk of Man …”

“That creature Man …

He is the one who cannot tell the difference

between strength

and death.”

pauses


“We saw it,

that is how it happened

and now this tale is done.”

*Valdis claps her hands together once sharply. Then She smiles and goes quiet.*

Now to casting...

Occ:

I need a very special writer to play Rutledge. He is not a black or white character. He is a very flawed but loving character. At first he is spoiled and arrogant but to Valdis he is charming and caring not to mention hot as hell. He is a visionary with a cause too.

Later he is dead and feels betrayed by Valdis. He is very angry at her and yet she is his anchor to this world.

Imagine watching your woman turn into a monster and drink blood. Would you feel lied to?

Imagine watching her seduce men to drink from them, would that make you angry?

Would it twist your soul to see these things? Would it make you learn to hate her even when you loved her?

If she could find a way to make you flesh again after 200 years of this, when you were both convinced, wrongly, that your death was her fault, what would you do?

Which is stronger? Love or hate?

Because you do love her. You can't help it. She is childlike at times. Tough as nails other times. Each night she bleeds for you as a gift that keeps her weaker than she has to be. She takes your verbal abuse. Is it because she has to? Or because she loves you that much? Maybe it's simply that you are right and she is wrong?

Who thinks they can play this complex man?

We will start with the meeting on the river boat.

We will play out their happy days, their struggle and Rutledge's death. Then we will play out him coming to her, watching her, talking to her and how very much she wishes she could touch him.

There will be times they work together and times they are at odds.

PM me if you think you are up for the challenge.

Thanks,

Fury