Scared, ashamed, bi-curious male's story...

Warning: I am getting all of this out of my system in an anynomous fashion...The following may be offensive, in terms of the amount of detail I go into about my bisexual male fantasies.


Ok, as I'm sure you all know and I've guessed myself...being bi-curious is FARR more comon than society or anyone would ever let on. Supposedly all males think about it at some point.

Well ive thought about it, and am still thinking and fantasizing about it. The problem is I'm very shy, and scared about it. If my friends or family ever found out I would be very embarrassed and ashamed, even disowned by some...lets be honest we live in a macho society, although its becoming more feminine its still "gross, or faggy" to have any thoughts about a man.

Let me describe my situation, my fantasies, and finally the questions I have...

First of all, Ive always been straight and honestly have never had any thoughts or ever been attracted to a man. I LOVE pussy, and have kind of a strange obsession, after looking at so much porn over the years, about finding "pretty" pussies. I have a specific image, or ideal pussy that I like, and when I find it...I'm in love. I have loved one woman so far in my 22 years of existence, but that was awhile ago (highschool sweetheart).

It's been only within the last year or so that I've strangely started enjoying searching for "pretty cocks" while I'm searching for that "pretty pussy". I like my cock, and so does my girlfriend...but sometimes I see others that are even nicer. Mine is circumsized so I'm curious about uncircumsized ones.

I'm ashamed of these new thoughts, they are making me insecure, and I'm DEATHLY affraid of ever telling anyone especially a guy. I have however briefly mentioned it to my current girlfriend. The weirdest part is, she says she likes pussy and has had girlfriends and everything, yet she sort of talks down on gay and bisexual men...how is that fair? So I havent brought it up again, and we both have sort of forgotten it was ever mentioned.

Ive been approached and had the opprotunity to do something about it by gay men before, but they either came on too strong, or...well I dont trust them. I'm a business major, and have high hopes for myself and im very affraid theres a chance someone else knowing I had a bisexual, male on male experience way back in my college days could come back to haunt me some day.

Heres where my fantasy comes in (warning: explicit!)...

I have 0 interest in males being attractive except for one thing: the penis. I like mine, and I want to play with and experiment with another.

I also have very little interest in having sex with a man, although I will admit the thought has entered my mind and my girlfriend has played with my ass some, and I did sort of like it, although I felt like I shouldnt.

I have no interest in a relationship or emotional connection to a man, Ive had best buddies before but never had any sexual attraction to them.

Pretty much the only thing I really want to try is giving head. I dont know why, but I want to see what it feels like to have a big uncircumsized cock in my mouth. I also want to watch a man climax and taste him. Sometimes when I'm very horny(i have a very big sexual appetite and I get these more racy, bizarre fantasies when I'm at the hight of my horniness) I taste myself. I dont necessarily like the taste, but the idea of doing it turns me on, I think the same about trying this with another man.

So because of the fact that I dont think I could ever handle anyone knowing, the solutions or fantasies ive had have involved something like those "glory hole" videos. Where a girl is in a bathroom and theres a hole in the side of the stall and she sucks off a big cock completely anonymous (besides the fact that she's photographed and placed on the net).

If I could ever experience something like that I hope I wouldnt like it, and I would be over this insecurity. Another option I was thinking was, next time i'm in another country like europe..find someone to expirment with and give him a fake name. Sure I'm paranoid, but what If some day it could jepordize my entire life! And lastly is to just live with it and hope it passes.

My final question or statement, and I pretty much know the answer, but I feel like venting/whining anyways...

Why is it females can eat pussy, and recieve absolutely NO FLAK from society, or their boyfriends or friends, yet if a guy even mentions or thinks about sucking a cock he's ostricized and called gay. My BEST FUCKING FRIEND says "theres no such thing as bi...its all gay to me". He's a minor homophobe, but coming from such a good friend I wonder if he's right. Women can be bi and still love men and prefer men, but a man cant even think about experimenting with another man without feeling gay?

HELP! This is starting to bore a hole inside of me, and im worried if i dont do something about it I could be screwy later on. I really really dont want to be gay, so trying it out and not liking it would be ideal haha.

Thanks in advance for any advice, if any of you are in a similar situation or have been before any advice or prior experience would help.

i understand....you've come to the point where you realize you don't fit into your earlier self conceptions...and it appears you have some negative conditioning about same sex encounters...

it sounds like you have decided to go ahead and have an experience....if you are going to experience self reproach afterward, you may be better off with some counseling first...

i too was as curious as you and approached the experience slowly...but i found it liberating to do something so forbidden...and i liked the act too...a lot...a way lot...smile..

Thankyou for the kind words.

I'm not sure if I have decided to have an experience yet, if I could forget it and make it go away I would; I'm just worried that's not possible. But hell if it is, then I'm all for ignoring it as long as it doesnt affect my self confidence which I have other non-sexual issues with.

Counseling doesnt sound like a bad idea, I hopefully will be getting a job soon and when I can afford it I may consider that before I try anything.

I would like to hear what others think, and also am curious what other females think. I know most of you are pretty open on this forum, but why are other girls so against guys experimenting with other guys even girls who have experimented with other girls?

ddddddddddddddd

In that case I better never go near one. The idea of having a threesome, a girl and another guy...and pulling a big cock out of her pussy or ass and sucking on it gets me rock hard.

I never considered myself homophobic. I did once think that BI was a term to label people who were unconsciously uncomfortable calling themselves gay. However, after some events last month I have completely changed my mind and am beginning to think that I am a true "Bi curious".

Tried it

I have tried it, and i am not sure that it was worth it. Different. yes. Exciting, to some extent. But worth getting involved withon a lng term basis, I think not. Would i do it again, yes under some circumstances.

Ashamed Bi

Despite what some people (including right-wing researchers) say, bisexuality is real. Ask anyone who knows that they are bisexual. It's a hard thing for anyone committed to either of the two predominant sides of the sexuality issue to grasp. Totally gay people are proud that they have come to their public acceptance, self-realization, and self-image by fighting off the critics and battling public opinion. Hardcore straight people insist that their way is the only way to be; backed by God and statistics. The truth about human sexuality lies somwhere in between the poles.

There is no great outcry from bisexual people like myself to be recognized and accepted because of resistance on both major sides of the sexuality debate. Gays want to acclaim that bi people are really gay. Straight people want to say that bi people are misguided straight people. Bi people know that both points of view are misguided and that sexual interest in everybody is natural and normal. My contention is that all people are bisexual but naturally lean a little to one side or the other.

There is no reason to be ashamed of your bisexuality once you come to grips with it. There may be social reasons to be afraid of the consequences of exposure because many people may not be able to handle your choices or your point of view or your desires. Unless you have an unnatural will of iron you won't ever be able to escape your bisexual interests once you have encountered them. You will forever be drawn to your needs. Get used to it. Embrace it. Have fun with it. Hide it if you have to.

Women who sleep with other women but still pass judgment on bi guys are locked into outdated social morays and have no imagination. Fuck her with your best bud and see if that doesn't change her mind! LOL If it doesn't, you'll probably never see eye to eye and you'll split up anyway.

Bisexuality is the fairest and most reasonable approach to sexuality. You are there. Consider your life changed.

Your story is very interesting. To me, it seems like you are VERY turned on by the idea. Some people might briefly think about it, but you seem to get turned on.

And I don't believe human sexuality lies between poles. A recent study had gay people, bi people, and straight people watch porn. The straight people were only turned on by the other sex. And the bi people were just as turned on by the same sex as the gay people.

But I think you might be straight. As a 22 year old male I've also got turned on by fantasies of men. But when I really think about it all, it's more of a fad. I am ALWAYS turned on when I look at women. But I think you really need to look inside yourself

Thanks for the thoughtful posts.

I am very curious, but also very affraid. As was said the idea of anyone ever knowing turns me off. I dont think I could deal with that.

Another question is: If looking at cock, and women sucking cock turns me on, and I want to know what it would feel like, is there a CHANCE that I WOULDNT like it? Or am I already done for?

Can you be turned on by images of the penis, and ejaculation and still have a good sex life with the opposite sex? What if I try it and enjoy it, will my sex life with women decline and turn me on less?

I mean I'm at the point now, where when I masturbate it kind of depends on my mood. I'll either look at stills of women by themselves, cumshot action with MF, or other fetishes. Ive looked at gay porn before and didnt like it. I prefer looking at women sucking cock, and just imagine what it would be if it were me, I also get turned on by seeing a nice cock ejaculate on a woman. Also SOME transexuals turn me on...the ones that actually look like women but still have a big rod(which are rare).

Does this have something to do with my ideal penis? Like maybe i'm envious of a big uncut shank and wish I had one to play with?

Your thinking about it in all the wrong way man.
Yeah, it's ok to want to be anonymous, but don't beat yourself up for fucks sake. Whether anyone wants to admit it, any man that enjoys watching a women suck cock, has a fascination or wonder
of what it would be like. If that's gay, then so be it.

Gay is a label, society has placed on people. Nobody or nothing has the right to put any idea in your head, impart any stress upon you. The only one that does that to you, is you. Your are your own person. You have your own fantasies and desires.

We are here to contemplate, wonder, and make known the unknown. To do otherwise, we will rot and our brains become mush. Like it or not, you are not your body. You are a spirit inside a body which is capable of experiencing this dimension. There is nothing wrong with two people making each other feel good. Man/Woman, Woman/Woman, Man/Man. Doesn't matter.

Don't beat yourself up. You have desires, act upon them. Don't let labels and society get you down. If you never act out your dreams and desires you'll always be wondering what it would have been like.

Now let's hook up, caus I want to find out about what all this cum swallowing/sucking cock is all about. Fuck, I might even become an addict. If that makes me gay then fuck it, I'm gay, it's just a word.

G-MAN

Sometimes dangerous to admit it

You're right, there are probably more guys out there who fantasize about certain bisexual activities, but would never admit it because of other people passing judgement on them.

Sucking a cock and eating semen is probably the most universal bi act that I bet most guys, 90% or higher, have fantasized about at one time or another. Sounds like many women get off on the idea of guy doing that also.

It dawned on me one day in my 30's when I was j/o that I know my own cock better than any lady, including my wife, and does that make me bi or gay or whatever? NO, just sexual is the conclusion I came to. All labels aside, the thoughts go through all of our heads at one time or another. Some of us repress it, others embrace it and just enjoy it! Sometimes we can share our desires with others close to us, most of the time it's probably best not to since we live in a very judgemental world.

It would be fascinating to know exactly how many guys have, and how often, think about bisexual activities. Maybe Kinsey has already revealed the answer to that in his studies from way back when?

All I know is that when my *hetero* bare ass is sticking up in the air when wife and I are fucking missionary that there hasn't been a time in recent years that I haven't thought about a guy taking my ass and planting his seed deep inside of me, and another guy gagging my mouth with a load of seed for my mouth and belly. I don't want to be with the guys alone, no emotional attraction either, and kissing isn't something I've fantasized about at all, but getting a royal fucking from a bunch of guys like that while I'm fucking my wife drives me nuts! Go figure! My wife knows about these desires of mine and we enjoy the fantasy together... especially the fantasy of a bunch of guys joining us to fill all of our holes simultaneously while we fuck each other.

Ben

the same

strictlyanon69 said:

In that case I better never go near one. The idea of having a threesome, a girl and another guy...and pulling a big cock out of her pussy or ass and sucking on it gets me rock hard.

Click to expand...

I think that this is how a lot of men feel, and if a woman is involved it dosn't seem so bad

My thoughts are that you might want to see a counselor about your feelings. This is NOT because you are sick or anything, but because this issue is one that is troubling to YOU.

I will say that as you get older, what others think about you become less and less important. I don't know if that is a sign of maturity or just tired of living your life to please others. Nevertheless, you will eventually live your life how YOU want to. If that involves sex with another man, only you can answer that question.

As to the gay/bi/str8 thing. I think there is lots of misconception accross the board. We are all human beings. On the physical level we have hormones, on the mental level we have all sorts of desires. Combine the possible thoughs one can have and the hormonal drive, any permutation of sexuality is possible.

I don't think I understand why so many guys have a cock desire yet want to make sure you know they aren't gay. What exactly does gay mean? Does it mean you'll start to act like the guys on "Queer guys for the Str8 guys"?

I use the label gay because it's a simple label, but in many ways it doesn't fit me. For instances:
1) My house needs lots of work -- I'm not an interior decorator.
2) I don't go to bars (gay or str8), they are boreing and a waste of time.
3) I have no costumes: no dresses, cowboy, leather, uniforms, etc in my house.
4) I don't have any rainbows in my house or car -- not even an air fresherner.
5) I also don't do steriods, or try to change myself to some how compensate and come accross as a super macho being.
6) Most males don't turn me on emotionally or sexually. However, the ones that do, really do. The least thing I'm attracted to on guys is penises.
6) Though I support gay rights, I do that in the privacy of how I spend my money, round my friends who know, fairly anon boards such as this, and in the voting booth. I was never an "in your face" kind of guy regardless of the subject.

I'm not trying to say you are gay or anything. I hope you just understand that there is not a "gay" way or mind-set. The commonality is basically an interest in the same sex at some level. Whether that is sexual, emotional, or even both varies from individual to individual. There are gay guys who live there life in the persuit of sex, and have no desire to emotionally settle down with anyone. There are those also who want the emotional bond, but whether its fear of AIDS, fear of God, etc. They don't really get into the sex. Most of course fall somewhere in between those extremes.

Even within the sexual desires there are great differences. You mention the desire to suck a large uncircumsized penis. I personally do not crave cock. If its uncircumsized, it better be clean and without odor. (NOTE: I'm not saying that uncircumsized guys are all unclean, but I've been with enought that don't keep clean that it can be a turn off.) I was a total virgin until I was about your age (Aug 15, 1981 when I was 21.5 years old). For the first two years, I mainly found guys that wanted j/o, oral, or wanted me to bottom. It was all so unfulfilling. I had spent all my high school/early college years thinking I was probably gay, but for religious reasons I didn't do it. Finally, when the hormones were too strong to ignore, I gave into the desire. Then to find that it was so unenjoyable.

Talk about messed up. I had heard that gays lead misserable lives, at that point in my life I was beginning to believe so from first hand experience with the gay sex. I was beginning to think I must really be straight. Not because I was afraid of burning in hell, but because the sex sucked (literally). I was shy so I didn't have any idea how to approach women. I kept up the gay sex hoping that it was something you grew into -- like learning to like spinich. I also had to get off some how other than just my hands. Back in those days at a minimum, I j/o'ed several times EVERY day.

Finally, one day I met a guy who was a bit more accomodating. He wasn't attractive; rather, he was the first guy who let me be the top. Up to that point, I had bought the BS that you had to be hung to be a top. For the first time in my life, fireworks went off. It was not because he was so hot or good in bed, but because he allowed me to do what I kind of thought I might like a little bit. I had a history of looking at guys' behinds, but never thought I could do anything about it. Well being inside him was Christmas, 4th of July, Thanksgiving, death & birth all going off in my head in one act. I FINALLY found out how great sex could be.

I don't say this to turn you on to anal sex, but to let you know that there is great variety in what turns a guy on -- regardless of gay/bi/str8 labels. I'm not the least bit turned off by women or their bodies. However, nothing turns me on more than penetrating my kind of guy: masculine, muscular, hairy adult man. I want him to be top acting, yet crave me being inside him. I don't ignore his penis. I want him to really enjoy the experience. If I can get him to leak pre-cum from what I'm doing without touching him, it turns me on more. I also like it if the guy can reach orgasm from being fucked without being touched. (This is pretty rare, but it can happen.) For me there is nothing sexually that can compare with being inside a man who turns you on sexually and emotionally and seeing the intensity of the orgasm in his eyes, and feeling that intensity because of the contractions his sphincter are doing to your own member.

If its the desire for love from a guy that makes one gay, then I'm guilty. However, as I stated before, I don't find women a turn-off. I could have had sex more often with women, but I wasn't in those situations. I do know that if I had sex with the same woman enough times, I couldn't imagine wanting just her breasts or vagina and not feeling SOME kind of emotional bond. That isn't to say I am really bi or str8. I just cannot understand how one can be sexually close to anybody: man or woman and not feel something. Sure you don't want to marry someone that was a one night stand. However, I consider myself human that after the initial attraction to body parts, I have to find something I care about at some level in order to have sex with them.

Again, this is just my story. For you as I stated at the top. If its bothering YOU, seek help for your own sake. You don't want this to eat at you till it drives you up the wall. There is bound to be some professional whom you could see, and they are all bound to keep this stuff confidential. Realize that they cannot give you the answers. Their purpose is to help you get the answers from within yourself. A few comments to your story on a board probably won't be enough to help you make the right choices for yourself.

Best of luck.

whats sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander. if it's allright for your girlfriend it's allright for you as well. you should find a g/f with a broader view. if you do pursue this, be very careful of std's.also i've found that other guys who engage in this are always willing to be discreet. they expect the same from you.

You sound like a normal guy to me..

Hi. I've readen your post. And all i can say to you is that you sound like a pretty normal guy. Every one of us has his/her fantasy or fetish. Some people live without having it and some live with it. We cannot put all the people in one group. Everybody has his life, his views, his beliefs and lives with that. So if you don't know and don't want to know how to paint, or you don't want to play a guitar you're not strange. Why don't the people who don't play a guitar or don't write books, make fun out of people who are doing that stuff. If your fetish is of bisexual nature, why wouldn't you try it? Compare that with painting... Or riding a race car... Never mind that primitive, uneducated, self destructing primitives who can't tolerate anything they dislike.. If people want to make fun of someone or judge his beliefs, they'll do it anyhow.. I've got a neighbour who is 40 years old, and he didn't get married. He is teacher in a high school and he devoted himself to that, and he didn't have time nor will to get married. He's definately not gay. He just likes to be alone i guess. But all the other neighbours labeled him as gay, pedophile, and they're saying all the worst about him. And he tolerates it, though he knows how they hate him. He says hi to them everyday, and he would help them if they ask him. He's just a nice, friendly guy in the neighbourhood. But he didn't comply to the social picture of this time, and got this treatment with no reason. So my point is, if you want to have a bisex expirience, do it. Anyway if you do it with some bisex oriented guy, i'm pretty sure that noone will find that out.. Quality of a single day of your life is more important then a lifetime of oppinions and suggestions of nosy people so called your friends.. You have many people you know in your life, few good friends, but one or two true firends who make your life easier as you make their..So don't do anything to another person you wouldn't like another person do to you..And anything else ---you can do it...
Sorry for writing such a big post, but it's interesting subject and i wanted to expres myself fully...
Hope you'll decide what's right for you, best of wishes, momsboy2005!

Thinking Bi and trying if Vicariously...

Look at some pictures involving MmF, MmFM, FfM, etc. Make sure the pictures show cumshots, rimming, assfucking both genders, kissing snowballing, 69, double penetration with two cocks in the same hole and two differnt holes, cum streaming out of a guys asshole. Imagine yourself as any one of the people in the pictures and separate the pictures as the ones you like beast to least. See which ones make you the hardest. If you like the idea of thinking about taking it in the ass from the front and the guy and you making the guy cum in your ass, or the thought of making him cum in your mouth and pleasing him by swallowing his load. Conversely you may get harder thinking about cumming in a guys mouth or ass or in his girlfriends ass or mouth. If you like all of the pictures and positions then think of yourself as bi. If you mailnly get the hardest watching pictures depicting the woman taking it then you are more heterosexual than bisexual. If the pictures of the guy getting the loads is you only turn=on then you are more hetero. Definitely if you like being any one of the people pictured in all different posaitions of giving and receiving then you are bisexual. I like looking at cocks and I am not interested in fallowing in love with another man. However sex with a guy kissing, rimming, fucking and sucking each others cocks to get off is a hardening thought. It is only better when you can suck clit and cock together with the cum swallowing. A bisexual feeling. No I don't feel it is a matter of bein Gay by degree or more or less homosexual. It is just what is hot for you and how you would like to have. A lot of women get turned on by watching two men have sex and then still condemn them as faggots. Religious family training is partly responsible for the disconnect in logic. Or too, they may be like th Tv show Monk just obsessive compulsive about things.

*****

Re: curiousness

have a great day

Consider your feeling, not those of others.

I agree, a lot of people who talk down to or about gays or men who have sex with other men and they are afraid of what they might do if given the opportunity. I was fortunate that I had a friend who was more than curious when I was a young teen. We started off the usual way, masturbating, then mutual masturbating, it finally ended up in giving each other head. This took a couple of weeks to get to the final place. We spent on fantastic summer sucking each other off.

I became afraid someone would discover our secret and find out about my desires, since most of my friends were speaking anti gay ideas. All they were interested in was pussy, like they even knew what it was at that age. I must agree, I love pussy, but I also enjoy men as well. When I was in college, my old friend's opinions no longer mattered. There I discovered a lot of guys attending college were interested in cock, or had some limited experience and were willing to build on that experience.

Now that I'm in my 50's, I look back on a lot of very pleasant and happy sexual relationships I had with both men and women. The people I trusted and enjoyed their pleasures have not revealed my secret. I am really sad for those who judge others who might be more open and liberal in their sexual relationships. I was very lucky to be stationed in Japan while in the service and discovered that male-male sex is not that uncommon and they enjoyed it, a lot. This is a rather uptight society and if you are not following the original puritanical view then you are not conforming. l hope you worry less about what others think and just consider what is important to you. If you and your wife enjoy seeing, or participating in male-male or female-female sex, who cares beyond you and your partners, just enjoy feeling good and keep it to yourself.
Reply With Quote