Ok so I have a problem, I'm 18 years old and a virgin I might add. But I think my first time is coming soon but I'm a little afraid of it because I....let go..too soon. I stay hard, I can do it again, but I can't last 5 minutes (at least with myself). Granted, condoms are my friends...don't need any rugrats running around yet, but it would be kind of obvious that a guy did that. My question is is there any way to build up I guess ejaculation stamina and not do it too early? It may not seem like a problem but after twice I'm out and my penis is turning off the lights and going to bed for a while. 10 minutes just seems to be not much, I'm not very well endowed down there as it is. I'm a modest 5 and a half.
A little embarassed.
- Thread starter Ahala09
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silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
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ahala:
first, welcome!
second: sex w/ someone else is much different from flying solo. remember that you don't wanna just get your nut off. if you think you're getting close, back away, do something else. vary your speed and style. sex feels good: if you're doing it right, you could get off faster with the real thing, so don't worry about it. it isn't just about the in and out: if it were, sex would be kinda boring, IMHO. :>
third: you're young, so that means that once you do shoot your load, you probably are good for another one after a while. keep that in mind, don't let things stop just b/c you've already cum once. :>
ed
first, welcome!
second: sex w/ someone else is much different from flying solo. remember that you don't wanna just get your nut off. if you think you're getting close, back away, do something else. vary your speed and style. sex feels good: if you're doing it right, you could get off faster with the real thing, so don't worry about it. it isn't just about the in and out: if it were, sex would be kinda boring, IMHO. :>
third: you're young, so that means that once you do shoot your load, you probably are good for another one after a while. keep that in mind, don't let things stop just b/c you've already cum once. :>
ed
tumbledown
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You can also practise stopping before you get to the point of no return, then start again. Stop yourself, let the feelings calm a little, then start again. See how many times you can do that before you lose control. Not only is it fun but it makes your orgasm stronger when you finally do let go.
Besides, your partner probably isn't going to expect that you penetrate them and go full steam ahead for a half hour. You can stop... or just slow down... or even do something different for a while, switch from penetration to oral stimulation, or whatever. There's lots more fun things to do than just penetration so don't worry if you need to stop I'm sure you can find some other way to play for a few minutes.
And let your partner know where you're at, it's better to communicate and say, "If I don't stop for a minute I'll cum!" than to surprise them with an early ending.
Besides, your partner probably isn't going to expect that you penetrate them and go full steam ahead for a half hour. You can stop... or just slow down... or even do something different for a while, switch from penetration to oral stimulation, or whatever. There's lots more fun things to do than just penetration so don't worry if you need to stop I'm sure you can find some other way to play for a few minutes.
And let your partner know where you're at, it's better to communicate and say, "If I don't stop for a minute I'll cum!" than to surprise them with an early ending.
brighteyed
Experienced
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tumbledown said:
Plus that can be a kind of ego booster for your partner. ex. "Baby, this is so hot I've got to stop a sec or I'm gonna lose it."
I get a kind of wicked pleasure out of getting my partner so worked up he has to pause.
EJFan
Absolute Genius
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of course, there's the old standby of rubbing one out before you get together with your partner.
in any event, if you can stay hard and/or have a short refractory period, don't worry about blowing your load... back off or stop if you can, but if the moment passes, don't worry about it. your partner isn't expecting super-human actions from you. just be sure to remove the condom and start fresh after you cum.
in any event, if you can stay hard and/or have a short refractory period, don't worry about blowing your load... back off or stop if you can, but if the moment passes, don't worry about it. your partner isn't expecting super-human actions from you. just be sure to remove the condom and start fresh after you cum.
bronzeage
I am a river to my people
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Take a deep breath
Ahala,
Take a deep breath and relax. It looks like a big deal right now, but everything will work out fine. It always does. Eighteen years without sex is a long time but you have plenty of time to catch up.
My best advice is to slow down and pay attention to your partner. This will take your mind off your performance and fear of coming too soon. Most women prefer it slower than the man anyway, so this is an easy way to be a better lover and last longer. Keep your eyes open and watch her face. A little light helps. Her face will reveal everything. If your partner is more experienced than you, ask her what she likes. If she is not, then that is more reason to pay close attention to her. Its easy to loose focus and leave her feeling like you didn't know she was there.
Good luck and have fun. There will not be a test later.
Ahala,
Take a deep breath and relax. It looks like a big deal right now, but everything will work out fine. It always does. Eighteen years without sex is a long time but you have plenty of time to catch up.
My best advice is to slow down and pay attention to your partner. This will take your mind off your performance and fear of coming too soon. Most women prefer it slower than the man anyway, so this is an easy way to be a better lover and last longer. Keep your eyes open and watch her face. A little light helps. Her face will reveal everything. If your partner is more experienced than you, ask her what she likes. If she is not, then that is more reason to pay close attention to her. Its easy to loose focus and leave her feeling like you didn't know she was there.
Good luck and have fun. There will not be a test later.
Eilan
Absent(ish)
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You've gotten some good advice already.
I'm not a guy, obviously, but from what I understand, your issue isn't all that uncommon for guys your age. Being anxious about it certainly won't help matters.
Good luck.
I'm not a guy, obviously, but from what I understand, your issue isn't all that uncommon for guys your age. Being anxious about it certainly won't help matters.
Not to hijack this thread or open a can of worms or anything, but you might be interested in this post in the How-To FAQ sticky:Ahala09 said:
Keep in mind that one study/survey isn't necessarily THE absolute authority on this issue, but it may help you put things into perspective.phoenix1224 said:
Good luck.
Last edited:
bronzeage
I am a river to my people
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Take a deep breath
Ahala,
Take a deep breath and relax. It looks like a big deal right now, but everything will work out fine. It always does. Eighteen years without sex is a long time but you have plenty of time to catch up.
My best advice is to slow down and pay attention to your partner. This will take your mind off your performance and fear of coming too soon. Most women prefer it slower than the man anyway, so this is an easy way to be a better lover and last longer. Keep your eyes open and watch her face. A little light helps. Her face will reveal everything. If your partner is more experienced than you, ask her what she likes. If she is not, then that is more reason to pay close attention to her. Its easy to loose focus and leave her feeling like you didn't know she was there.
Good luck and have fun. There will not be a test later.
Ahala,
Take a deep breath and relax. It looks like a big deal right now, but everything will work out fine. It always does. Eighteen years without sex is a long time but you have plenty of time to catch up.
My best advice is to slow down and pay attention to your partner. This will take your mind off your performance and fear of coming too soon. Most women prefer it slower than the man anyway, so this is an easy way to be a better lover and last longer. Keep your eyes open and watch her face. A little light helps. Her face will reveal everything. If your partner is more experienced than you, ask her what she likes. If she is not, then that is more reason to pay close attention to her. Its easy to loose focus and leave her feeling like you didn't know she was there.
Good luck and have fun. There will not be a test later.
dollface007
Literotica Guru
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Nobody is going to expect you to be Casanova on your first try. Be honest about your concerns, give her a good long session of oral and until she's completely satisfied, then you won't have to worry about how long you'll last.
fgarvb1
We are in for it now.
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Listen until I was eighteen I thought it was a bone.
Hey, if you stay hard as I did...don't stop. Just that simple.
I remember thinking...alrighty! now I can get down and do some serious fucking!
The second, third, fourth times you will last much longer.
note: Make sure she still wants you to keep going after the first couple of times.
When I was young I had a girlfriend who insisted on giving me ( well, OK anyone) a blow job first, because she knew men under the age of thirty were not likely to last a long time the first go around.
Relax enjoy and have fun.
Hey, if you stay hard as I did...don't stop. Just that simple.
I remember thinking...alrighty! now I can get down and do some serious fucking!
The second, third, fourth times you will last much longer.
note: Make sure she still wants you to keep going after the first couple of times.
When I was young I had a girlfriend who insisted on giving me ( well, OK anyone) a blow job first, because she knew men under the age of thirty were not likely to last a long time the first go around.
Relax enjoy and have fun.
Quoll
Area 25
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A few snippets......
"The average time for a man is 3-6 minutes of actual sexual intercourse. some men can last much longer for ejaculation especially, if they have been with a woman for a long period of time."
"Compromise, communication, experimentation, and practice are all important virtues when it comes to sexual pleasure that satisfies both the male and female partner."
"The average time for a man is 3-6 minutes of actual sexual intercourse. some men can last much longer for ejaculation especially, if they have been with a woman for a long period of time."
"Compromise, communication, experimentation, and practice are all important virtues when it comes to sexual pleasure that satisfies both the male and female partner."
it has been said a lot in this thread so I will only beat the dead horse a little. Go slow, do other things, you are faster with your self, and the second time is longer. I was wondering is this her/his first time as well? If it is a he I can't help there, but if it is a her, and I can't enfisise this enough, GO SLOW THINK OF HER FIRST!!! If i wasn't clear GO SLOW YOU ASSHOLE AND THINK OF HER FIRST!!!! I can not tell you how many times I have heard from young women that they hate sex only to find out that they had a neanderthal for a first time that was only thinking of themself and getting off with a real person. DON'T BE THAT GUY! The first time you get to be some what selfish but you realy need to put her first. As for some more advise learn to give a massage.
rant over
rant over
BrokenWings
Virgin
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- May 13, 2003
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...and if all else fails man, go to the bathroom and beat off before you have sex, then do lots of foreplay until youre hard again and bingo bango! you can go as long as you want.
Tele2047
Really Experienced
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I don't know how your girlfriend is, but I was like you. I lost my viriginity a few months ago at the age of 18, and initially had the same concerns as you. Whether or not it's normal, I had quite the opposite experience, with the first time having actual intercourse lasting over 30 minutes before we gave up. I suppose that was a psychological thing on my side.
If she's as understanding as mine, I wouldn't worry. Besides, I hear that many women don't enjoy actual intercourse as much as oral at that age in any case. Just go down on her first
edit: If she's not a virgin then she's probably experienced the same thing you're going through right now with other guys
If she's as understanding as mine, I wouldn't worry. Besides, I hear that many women don't enjoy actual intercourse as much as oral at that age in any case. Just go down on her first
edit: If she's not a virgin then she's probably experienced the same thing you're going through right now with other guys
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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I can't recall ever having a partner that lasted a very long time, and not only do I not mind if we've done a lot of fore- or plan on afterplay, I consider it a compliment. Even after close to seven years, my husband's not a marathon man, and I think, 'Jeez...after this long, he's still so turned on by me and the sex is so good that he can't help but cum quickly!'
Frankly, I wouldn't want a partner to try to hold back or think about anything but me or how incredible it feels. I want him to get lost in the moment and enjoy himself as much as possible. So, yes, you can try to last longer, but is that really doing a service to your partner when you can go again after a few minutes anyway?
Apart from masturbating or sex a few times, my husband will often cum first through a blowjob or some other kind of play, then we'll concentrate on me while he settles down, and then have sex. It's the best of both worlds.
So maybe that could be a way to prolong the actual sex for you as well, without thinking about something else.
Frankly, I wouldn't want a partner to try to hold back or think about anything but me or how incredible it feels. I want him to get lost in the moment and enjoy himself as much as possible. So, yes, you can try to last longer, but is that really doing a service to your partner when you can go again after a few minutes anyway?
Apart from masturbating or sex a few times, my husband will often cum first through a blowjob or some other kind of play, then we'll concentrate on me while he settles down, and then have sex. It's the best of both worlds.
So maybe that could be a way to prolong the actual sex for you as well, without thinking about something else.
leanoir
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I don't really have a whole lot to add, because this has all been good advice. The only thing I can expand upon is the whole slow down, do other things, bit. YES! Change the speed, pull out completely and just tease her for a while, the whole time saying things like "You make me so hot, I just need to calm down. You make me crazy, you make me need to cum," etc. etc. I know it drives me nuts to know that I have that affect on my boyfriend.
And relax! Don't worry so much about performance. Have fun. Sex is amazing, but that doesn't mean it will be right away
And relax! Don't worry so much about performance. Have fun. Sex is amazing, but that doesn't mean it will be right away
Tele2047
Really Experienced
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I just want to make a note on pulling out during intercourse (and yes I understand they're not using it as a birth control method). I don't know if it was the condoms we used or just something weird but while using Trojan ultra thins, I pulled out (to tease and such) but didn't notice the condom coming off (and she isn't on the pill). We're fine, it was only 3 days after her period and we got the morning after pill anyway but I'm kinda paranoid about it now.
