I need to stop fucking drinking!

Okay, so I've been getting STC crunk (wasted beyond belief) a lot lately and I was just reflecting upon some of the things I've done in just the past two weeks.

First off, two weeks ago I was in a club down here and got crunk ass and danced with a midget. Little did I know she was Bridget the midget. http://www.pure-talent.com/bridget_powerz_credits.htm

That girl has some power moves on the dance floor. For real!

Also, peed in front of undercover police in a club parking lot after parking there totally shitfaced and talked them into letting us go. I used my dark jedi mind powers for that one. Thank God for Silent Bob!

Last week my buddies and I went to El Paso to a strip club which is byob and once again crunkness ensued. I'm kinda fuzzy on this one but I now have a dancer from that club staying with me. It's cool though as on Thursday another friend of hers came over and we went through a fifth of rum and a fifth of vodka. The girls got it on while one of them was wearing my pimp suit. I fell into my own blinds and somehow broke one of my fingers.

Which brings me to last night. Three clubs were involved. I began the crunk at club #1 where I proceeded to tell the hottest blonde bartender in town that the tattoo on my forearm says "loves the cock" in japanese kanji. I also propositioned a hot female bodybuilder. She has a dimple in her cheek.

Club #2, Met the girl that is staying with me and her friend there and had more drinks. The club owner gave me carte blanche to shoot shows and events there, photography rocks! I didn't do anything stupid there.

Club #3, crunkfest. After spending about a hundred bucks on liquor for myself I managed to take some other guys girlfriend away from him right at one of the bars and made her dance with me. Then I danced with a bunch of hot married chicks. Then I danced with everyfuckingbody else in the club till they closed and kicked us out. No midget dancing. Then we stumbled across the street to Denny's for breakfast and shared a table with two Mexican girls. The hotter one didn't speak any English so I macked on her in German and French.

That last one has to be some kind of record for me. Crunk in Las Cruces New Mexico macking on a chick that doesn't speak English in German and French. It's a record because I don't speak either German or French. I lived there as a kid and must have pulled that shit right out of my ass. Or ancestral memory. Anyhow, she is an optemetrist down in Juarez.


I think I should quit drinking before something bad happens.

badger man, you drink too much
eat figs!

I like figs.

sounds like a couple of fun nights out on the town to me, no harm in that til someone gets castrated by a peeved bf/husband

But I think my liver is going to fall off.

Betticus said:

But I think my liver is going to fall off.

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i think i might start nagging you...then you'll be sorry.

oh, and cheer me up damnit!

Betticus said:

But I think my liver is going to fall off.

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how can a liver fall off?

I'm no medical expert, but the last time I checked a person's liver was not an external appendage...

If you're worried enough to ask about it (even here), then it's time to do something about it.

dolf said:

i think i might start nagging you...then you'll be sorry.

oh, and cheer me up damnit!

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I want to spank and lick you, then lick and spank you, then just lick you. Then I want to furiously fuck you up against a wall, then lick you some more!

TheCaptain said:

how can a liver fall off?

I'm no medical expert, but the last time I checked a person's liver was not an external appendage...

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I just didn't want to say that I think I'm gonna poop out my liver. It seemed so tacky.

Betticus said:

I want to spank and lick you, then lick and spank you, then just lick you. Then I want to furiously fuck you up against a wall, then lick you some more!

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i have a headache {for real...too much crying over a dead puppy}

First: kotori's right.

TheCaptain said:

how can a liver fall off?

I'm no medical expert, but the last time I checked a person's liver was not an external appendage...

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That is what makes it so very, very problematic, both as a symptom and as a condition.

Betticus said:

I just didn't want to say that I think I'm gonna poop out my liver. It seemed so tacky.

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yet factual... *how the hell would I know?

mate in all honesty, I go out on the town with my friends at least once every three to four weeks... we can only it manage that much cause we all work, and its hard to plan around other committments. but i see no reason in having a good time that often.... if, like me, to fully enjoy your evening you perfer to ingest copious amont of alcohol beverages, then I see little harm in that, just as long as it isnt every night but once every few weeks!

if you're going to go down for anything, and lets face it its everyone's time to die sooner or later, wouldnt you rather say you went out without regrets, having as much of a good time along the way as possible?

TheCaptain said:

yet factual... *how the hell would I know?

mate in all honesty, I go out on the town with my friends at least once every three to four weeks... we can only it manage that much cause we all work, and its hard to plan around other committments. but i see no reason in having a good time that often.... if, like me, to fully enjoy your evening you perfer to ingest copious a copious amont of alcoholic beverages, then I see little harm in that, just as long as it isnt every night but once every few weeks!

if you're going to go down for anything, and lets face it its everyone's time to die sooner or later, wouldnt you rather say you went out without regrets, having as much of a good time along the way as possible?

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A good time is a good time but I don't think I'd want to be remembered as having died in a pool of my own alcohol thinned blood and maybe worse after having done some of the incredibly silly stuff I've been up to.

People would snigger at my funeral and point at the midget bites!

dolf said:

i have a headache {for real...too much crying over a dead puppy}

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I want to cuddle you and give you a nice full body massage with lit candles, lightly scented potpourri and a glass of wine. And pet you a whole lot!

Betticus said:

I want to cuddle you and give you a nice full body massage with lit candles, lightly scented potpourri and a glass of wine. And pet you a whole lot!

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but no figs, 'k.

Betticus said:

A good time is a good time but I don't think I'd want to be remembered as having died in a pool of my own alcohol thinned blood and maybe worse after having done some of the incredibly silly stuff I've been up to.

People would snigger at my funeral and point at the midget bites!

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tru, but remember... I'm sure to many a ppl having a midget take chunks out of your naked flesh is a fun way to cap off a successful evening out?

dolf said:

but no figs, 'k.

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Deal but I'm bringing my pet badger with me. He likes honey. Give him a saucer with some honey on it and a small box to hide in and he's all happy.

TheCaptain said:

tru, but remember... I'm sure to many a ppl having a midget take chunks out of your naked flesh is a fun way to cap off a successful evening out?

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For some reason my better judgement flies out the window when I drink too much.

Betticus said:

Deal but I'm bringing my pet badger with me. He likes honey. Give him a saucer with some honey on it and a small box to hide in and he's all happy.

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you're such a pervert! quit making me giggle when i'm trying to be sad

Betticus said:

For some reason my better judgement flies out the window when I drink too much.

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well well i keep mine, i only loose my ability to walk properly which i can compensate for... maybe you should disregard above suggestions and just stay home and knit yourself a sweater

i kidds, i kidds

dolf said:

you're such a pervert! quit making me giggle when i'm trying to be sad

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Oh, that did sound kind of suggestive didn't it? If you were the honey and I were the badger gazing longingly at a couple of well ripened figs.

TheCaptain said:

well well i keep mine, i only loose my ability to walk properly which i can compensate for... maybe you should disregard above suggestions and just stay home and knit yourself a sweater

i kidds, i kidds

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I'd get bored and do bad things with the knitting needles. Probably stab myself in the liver.

Betticus said:

Oh, that did sound kind of suggestive didn't it? If you were the honey and I were the badger gazing longingly at a couple of well ripened figs.

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you could talk about crockery and make it seem lewd

Betticus said:

I'd get bored and do bad things with the knitting needles. Probably stab myself in the liver.

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likez us the pain, do we? *smirk