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Advice from the dating experts please

Xectxny19X

Xectxny19X

The Dark Angel
Joined
Jan 10, 2005
Posts
2,103
Hi everyone, as indicated I need some advice on dating! I'm sorry if this is the wrong MB for this.

Here goes: I had a blind meeting w/ a girl today. We went to the movies. Beforehand, we had e-mailed back and forth roughly 5 times just to make plans. I thought her e-mails were kind of untimely (but then why would you reply ASAP to a person you don't know?) and short (Again, what could you say to someone you don't know?). My e-mails were kind of always immediate (I usually e-mail a reply pretty quickly) and really long. Like her e-mails, she was kind of late to the movie. She seem like this outgoing and nice type girl. I think I was the only soul initiatiating the questions during the previews of the movie though. She barely talked and barely looked at me when she would answer my questions. So, I'm not sure what to think of it? I thanked her for watching the movie w/ me and told her to call me if she wanted to hang out again sometimes. I think she mumbled a yeah w/o looking at me. I'm thinking she really wanted to run home or she could be shy(but doesn't seem the type). So, I know there's two sides to every story. What do you all think? :rose:
 
Xectxny19X said:
Hi everyone, as indicated I need some advice on dating! I'm sorry if this is the wrong MB for this.

Here goes: I had a blind meeting w/ a girl today. We went to the movies. Beforehand, we had e-mailed back and forth roughly 5 times just to make plans. I thought her e-mails were kind of untimely (but then why would you reply ASAP to a person you don't know?) and short (Again, what could you say to someone you don't know?). My e-mails were kind of always immediate (I usually e-mail a reply pretty quickly) and really long. Like her e-mails, she was kind of late to the movie. She seem like this outgoing and nice type girl. I think I was the only soul initiatiating the questions during the previews of the movie though. She barely talked and barely looked at me when she would answer my questions. So, I'm not sure what to think of it? I thanked her for watching the movie w/ me and told her to call me if she wanted to hang out again sometimes. I think she mumbled a yeah w/o looking at me. I'm thinking she really wanted to run home or she could be shy(but doesn't seem the type). So, I know there's two sides to every story. What do you all think? :rose:
Click to expand...

was this her first girl.girl date? that might have something to do with it.

youre a great girl, so i know it cant be you. maybe she was nervous or intimidated.

of course, i do have the perfect solution to all of this, move down here and date the wookster :p

have a good one TaTa
 
I would hesitate to call myself a dating expert but being as you've said this girl is shy and not great about returning calls either way, I think it's probably best that you get in touch with her first. Give her a call and say "Had a great time, wondering if you'd like to join me for a Moccachino(or what have you)" Be direct about it. Either she says yes or she says no and you have your answer.
 
Would agree with Grunge. If this was her first date with a girl, she probably had a LOT going on inside her head.

Some people are completely certain as to their sexual orientation. Other people struggle with it for years.

Don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't do or say anything to make her uncomfortable. You were fine. She was the one that sounded uncomfortable - and more than likely it has to do with struggles that are going on inside her head - it's not a result of anything you said or did.

I like what Weevil suggested. Send her a positive, upbeat note, and see if she wants to meet again. If she does not respond, I would not pursue her. I'd back off and give her some space. More than likely she just needs time to work things out inside her own mind.
 
same sex dating can be a bit weirder than the other kind of dating i think

you never know maybe shes not really sure she is interested in women

also because dating has a lot of weird rules that assume the two people are male and female ... the guy always calls the woman for example ... something as simple as you saying she should call you could confuse her

although a lot of that depends on if shes new to this or not


i would say though there sometimes can be a problem with dating at the movies ... i think if it was me i would feel awkward ... should i look at you or the screen ... should i talk or will you be annoyed

did you do anything else apart from the movies?
 
Thanks everyone for the kind and helpful replies. I really do appreciate it, and I'm not beating myself up over the whole situation as much. *smiles*

It being her first girl-girl date did cross my mind, but she just seem like the confident-outgoing type to me. Though she barely talked much, sometimes you just get that vibe from people or am I just making the wrong assumption? I did receive an apology e-mail from her this morning. She explained that she got home really early in the morning and was sleepy. I'm probably really paranoid. I'm reading the e-mail in two ways:

The meeting sucked, and she just wants to be polite.
She was tired and would like another chance.

We only went to the movies and nothing else. I ended it rather quickly, because I just got the vibe she wanted to end it ASAP. Oh, as for the comment about a meeting at the movies being not so ideal, I agree. I was thinking exactly what you said! Should I look at her or the movie? I didn't look at her the ENTIRE time except at the end. Should I talk to her while watching the movie? I only talked once at the very beginning and during the previews. I had initiated it all the whole time though. *looks sad*

I e-mailed back that my offer to just call or e-mail me to hang out another time still stands. I called her cute, too. Are those two things in the e-mail straightforward enough? I either want her to stop e-mailing me if she doesn't like me or keep e-mailing me if she does.

Again, thanks you guys. *little smile* :rose:

PS: Should I be wondering why she e-mailed me rather than call me?
 
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whos idea was it to go to the movies? maybe be honest with her and tell her that although you enjoyed the movies you'd like to meet up somewhere where you could talk more and get to know each other better (i'm sure you can put it better than i did :))

you could even be more honest and tell her you're sorry the movies didn't work out and tell her you think you found out it's not great for first dates ... it might be something you could both laugh about if she felt same way although if she picked it then you might offend her so might not be a good idea :)

i think dating is a sort of ritual thing ... and some people just aren't good at it ... maybe she's one of those people (i think i am) ... once you get past the ritual part of it though things might turn out to be more natural ... so i wouldn't look too deeply into things like her using email instead of phone


if you like her and want to give it another try i would just think of something you'd like to do and ask her ... don't just say sometime pick a day and ask her if she's free then ... make sure it's where you will feel natural and at ease and some where you feel you can be socialable with her
 
Xectxny19X said:
Thanks everyone for the kind and helpful replies. I really do appreciate it, and I'm not beating myself up over the whole situation as much. *smiles*

It being her first girl-girl date did cross my mind, but she just seem like the confident-outgoing type to me. Though she barely talked much, sometimes you just get that vibe from people or am I just making the wrong assumption? I did receive an apology e-mail from her this morning. She explained that she got home really early in the morning and was sleepy. I'm probably really paranoid. I'm reading the e-mail in two ways:

The meeting sucked, and she just wants to be polite.
She was tired and would like another chance.

We only went to the movies and nothing else. I ended it rather quickly, because I just got the vibe she wanted to end it ASAP. Oh, as for the comment about a meeting at the movies being not so ideal, I agree. I was thinking exactly what you said! Should I look at her or the movie? I didn't look at her the ENTIRE time except at the end. Should I talk to her while watching the movie? I only talked once at the very beginning and during the previews. I had initiated it all the whole time though. *looks sad*

I e-mailed back that my offer to just call or e-mail me to hang out another time still stands. I called her cute, too. Are those two things in the e-mail straightforward enough? I either want her to stop e-mailing me if she doesn't like me or keep e-mailing me if she does.

Again, thanks you guys. *little smile* :rose:

PS: Should I be wondering why she e-mailed me rather than call me?
Click to expand...

Email is easier to handle than a phone call. You can compose and recompose, move stuff around, and say things just the right way. When it comes to the whole dating thing, well it's a lot easier to say what you want in an email than on the phone.

Maybe she's nervous about talking on the phone? I know i am. Next time, suggest a bite to eat, so you 2 can chat. I dont know if it was mentioned, but when 2 people are in a movie together, most people think "date" right away. maybe that had her nervous. 2 people eating in a casual restaurant doesnt make other people think "date". Does that make any sense?

Drop me a line when you can, havent heard from you in a while :(
 
To be really honest, I'm not really bothered by the whole situation anymore. *smiles* I'm so glad that I can post a situation that's bothered me and get such helpful and constructive replies. I could have had a horrible week w/o you all. I know that all sounded really corny, but this girl is so appreciative.

I was at the bus stop today and was talking to this lady. She just sort of randomly started talking to me, and I think it's the right thing to just talk, too. Anyway, after a while, she said I was cute and sweet. So, that cheered me up. I thought maybe (after the blind meeting) I was not sOo attractive personality or look-wise.

As for the girl, I'm just going to give her some time. I'm just not going to e-mail a reply as quickly (I have not checked my e-mail yet and won't until Friday, I would be tempted to e-mail back). Maybe that scares her or something. Beats me. Next time we meet (if there is a next time), I'm going to make sure I'm in a environment that's comfortable for me to talk and express my feelings. Of course, I'm going to think with my head as well as my heart and try to be as polite and have her feel open to talk as well. If I still get the same silent and not looking at me treatment, I'll just have to let go. *looks sad*

I think that's all I have to say. As for the one who said they're not good w/ the whole dating ritual thing, hell, you sound like an EXPERT. Who are you kidding?!! *smiles* I'm teasing, but you do sound like an expert. Wookie, I miss you, too. The Ta-Ta is still REALLY sick. I was trying to stiffle my cough at the movies as well! Thanks again! :rose:
 
Xectxny19X said:
To be really honest, I'm not really bothered by the whole situation anymore. *smiles* I'm so glad that I can post a situation that's bothered me and get such helpful and constructive replies. I could have had a horrible week w/o you all. I know that all sounded really corny, but this girl is so appreciative.

I was at the bus stop today and was talking to this lady. She just sort of randomly started talking to me, and I think it's the right thing to just talk, too. Anyway, after a while, she said I was cute and sweet. So, that cheered me up. I thought maybe (after the blind meeting) I was not sOo attractive personality or look-wise.

As for the girl, I'm just going to give her some time. I'm just not going to e-mail a reply as quickly (I have not checked my e-mail yet and won't until Friday, I would be tempted to e-mail back). Maybe that scares her or something. Beats me. Next time we meet (if there is a next time), I'm going to make sure I'm in a environment that's comfortable for me to talk and express my feelings. Of course, I'm going to think with my head as well as my heart and try to be as polite and have her feel open to talk as well. If I still get the same silent and not looking at me treatment, I'll just have to let go. *looks sad*

I think that's all I have to say. As for the one who said they're not good w/ the whole dating ritual thing, hell, you sound like an EXPERT. Who are you kidding?!! *smiles* I'm teasing, but you do sound like an expert. Wookie, I miss you, too. The Ta-Ta is still REALLY sick. I was trying to stiffle my cough at the movies as well! Thanks again! :rose:
Click to expand...

Sent you a quick email babe, hope you get better soon.

Like i said, i really think her actions are more out of nerves than anything. Maybe shes worried someone that knows her parents or family will see her on a date with another girl. Maybe she's still not sure about which way her sexuality goes. (not everyone kissed a girl in 2nd grade ;) )

Or, she could be intimidated. Everyone tells you how drop-dead goregous you are. Youre really fun to talk to as well. She probably thought you were WAY out of her league.

Her email? Maybe she cant access it everyday. Or could have stuff going on that doesnt allow her to email as often as shed like. (Like a sick family member or friend). I cant see it bothering her that you emailed her right away.

Of course, as i said before, you can always move down here and date the wookie :D

have a good one.
 
Xectxny19X said:
As for the one who said they're not good w/ the whole dating ritual thing, hell, you sound like an EXPERT. Who are you kidding?!! *smiles* I'm teasing, but you do sound like an expert.
Click to expand...

if you were talking about me thank you :)

i don't have much experience with dating though but i have been in a relationship with one girl for a few years now ... and i guess the rest i pick up from listening to my friends dating problems

but still i wouldn't call myself an expert ... i just give advice like i know what i'm talking about :) ... feel free to ignore what i say though or at least if you do listen be wary that i honestly don't have that much experience with this :)


anyway take care and hope things work out
 
Xectxny19X said:
Hi everyone, as indicated I need some advice on dating! I'm sorry if this is the wrong MB for this.
So, I know there's two sides to every story. What do you all think? :rose:
Click to expand...
Has she e-mailed or called you back since? Everyone reacts and responds differently. Although, I think you've given this person more than enough time and slack, now it's your turn to step back and see what this person is all about.



:cool:
 
*sigh*
Girl hasn't contacted me back since my e-mail.
Conclusion: she definitely does not like me!
Thanks for the replies though you guys.
They've cheered me up and prepped me for this.
*smiles*
:rose:
 
Xectxny19X said:
*sigh*
Girl hasn't contacted me back since my e-mail.
Conclusion: she definitely does not like me!
Thanks for the replies though you guys.
They've cheered me up and prepped me for this.
*smiles*
:rose:
Click to expand...

Ah, that sucks kid. Keep your chin up and remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Or, if you don't want to have sex with fish, sometimes there are girls in the sea also.
 
know

I know how you feel.I met a guy after talking for weeks.It seemed to go ok but i never heard back from him. I am still looking for my first M to M.I hope you have better luck next time.Bob
 
*smiles* Thanks for the cheer up. For now, this girl is just going to *plop herself down indian style and meditate* :rose:
 
Disappointing...

Xectxny19X said:
*sigh*
Girl hasn't contacted me back since my e-mail.
Conclusion: she definitely does not like me!
Thanks for the replies though you guys.
They've cheered me up and prepped me for this.
*smiles*
:rose:
Click to expand...

Hmmm, I know you're disappointed. I think dating can alternate between being exhilerating, gut-wrenching, and crazy. I've dated women and it was even wierder than dating men (it's been a long time though, since I was with my girlfriend for 15 years, and she just moved out...).

You sound like an intelligent, sensitive, and interesting woman. I'm sorry, but this woman didn't sound like a fun date! She could have been tired, dealing with internal homophobia, shy, or just plain, boring. Jeez, if you lived near me, I'd go out with you in a heartbeat! ;)
 
awww...you're very sweet.
Thank you for the kind words.
:rose: x12 for you.

I'm still *plopped down indian style and meditating.* Right now, I need to move on from being disappointed just in case I place all these neg. feelings on another girl! *looks sad* By the way, I know there's 2 sides to every story. So, I'll just say we just didn't click well enough for each other. *smiles*
 
I wish I had a shred of pride left in me

I was contacted back you guys, and she said she would be up for anything. So, um, I don't know! I like her, but my head is going 'no.' :rose:
 
Xectxny19X said:
I was contacted back you guys, and she said she would be up for anything. So, um, I don't know! I like her, but my head is going 'no.' :rose:
Click to expand...


Normally I would say "Trust your gut" on stuff like this. But going out for a coffee or something. Somewhere where you can talk and get a real feeling for her might help out a lot. What's the worst that happens - you have coffee with a cute girl who you don't have interest in. I can think of worse ways to spend a few hours ;)
 
*giggles* I don't drink coffee. I'm sort of a raw food vegan and try to stay as natural as possible.

I do have a couple of things to attend to for a week or so. I'm not sure if I should tell her about it or wait until I'm done.

I'm not as sweet and charming as you are BM, so I'd feel a bit awkward around a cute girl for a couple of hours. Heck, I barely know what to say to people online that I can't see! *looks embarassed* The only thing that brings me out of my shyness is that I'm nice and try to make people feel comfortable around me.

I'm so going to stop ranting now. *smiles* Hopefully, this time around...she jumps out of whatever predicament she was in from the first time we went out. :rose:
 
I don't drink coffee either - can't get over the taste and smell ;) but it was an example - perhaps tea? (Now that is my favourite way to wake up).

X - You don't give yourself enough credit! You are one of the most charming and sweet women I have ever met - on or offline. I think it is that charm that has most people hooked on you with in the first couple of minutes.

I deffinatly know what it's like to hit that shy moment when you first meet someone cute, funny and nice. Best thing is to just be yourself, and if you happen to be a little shy and quiet - it's ok. If she likes you, she'll talk, and in a few minutes (well maybe longer if she's really cute ;) ), you'll come out of your shell and have a great time.

On the other hand, if the awkwardness continues - and you both sit there looking blankly at eachother, than it's not right for either of you. You shake hands and part ways. Sucks when things don't work out, but you'll both feel better.

My 2 cents anyway.
 
just a little update:

It's been months, and we're still very awkward w/ each other. So I guess I'm just going to stay out of the dating scene for a while...VACATION time! :rose:
 
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