About pain

I've been struggling with the issue of pain and how to deal with Sir's version of tender loving care. He's a heavy sadist and I want to be able to play at His level some day. This weekend at a public party, I witnessed a scene that inspired an ephiphany and I wanted to share a piece of the essay Sir had me write about my first experience at a dungeon:

"******'s scene was my favorite, though. It showed me that the pain was okay, and accepting it and finding an outlet for it was okay. She screamed and stomped and jumped around and totally lost herself in the sensations; And seemed totally happy with everything when it was over. It was very primal. I can only relate it to the way I dance when I give myself over to the music and it just flows through me, making my body move without my mind controlling anything. I wanted to put this into practice and test my new discoveries… see if I could make friends with the pain and accept it for what it is instead of trying to figure out how the hell to make the pain feel good. God, no wonder I thought I could never be a masochist. I thought I had to somehow convince my body that the pain was pleasure. It’s not that at all… it’s finding the pleasure in the pain… it’s a release for all that pent up anxiety and frustration, fear and anger, stress and depression. Just like dancing, only the music is a little different."

I didn't have to wait long to check out this method for myself... When we got home, Sir got out a cane and started off gently until I was asking for more. He hit a little harder and gave me a chance to feel the pain. It hurt for a few seconds and instead of trying to just be brave and take it like a good lil' subbie (like I usually do), I let it hurt. I allowed my voice and my body to express how much it hurt. Then the hurt settled into a pleasant, stinging afterglow and it felt good. He hit me again and it hurt. Same process. I didn't think I was anywhere near finished riding the waves of pain, release and pleasure when He stopped and told me to go look at my ass. I guess it'll be a few days before I'm able to try that again, but I sure can't wait to dance again!

I apologize if this is not news for anyone else here but it sure was a revelation for me.

This is exactly what I love to see here!

I thank you profoundly to have shared this information with us. Those words are lovely and so vividly describe what it is like for some of us ... and they do, in a splendidly clear way pull off any veil that may be covering the fact that pain still being pain and not something alltogether mystical is ok, that it hurts in a way even though it is a craved sensation.

It is lovely to see someone voice those newfound, exciting knowledges, first-hand expereinces that are so hard to relate in words, and even more difficult in typed words on a screen.

It is wonderfull to see how you are testing different approaches to please and deal with the sensations, and then the "Ahhaaa" moment when it became clear.

An absolute nicely conveyed piece of truth Red Menace, again, thanks for sharing ... and even though it may not be new to all of us it sure is great to see those delicious little "extras" that make our lifestyle so eloquently described.

Compliments - for expanding your horizons and for your eloquent phrasing of same.

Hecate

From a Domme point of view I very much enjoyed your sincere attempt of coming to terms with something you hadn't found the right approach to and now are finding a new door poening for you - admireable! I hope your Dominant is proud of you as he should be *smiles*

Do Not Apologize, Red Menace

Honesty about one's feelings are always appreciated by Me. Pain is an issue that many Dom/mes and subs wrestle with on a daily basis.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It was unique and informative.

Ebony

Red Menace - it was so good to read your post here today.

This is an issue I struggle with constantly and your post helped me to see that maybe I do not need to understand it so much as to just "feel" it.

thank you,
kristy

Red Menace, I just want to thank you for sharing. I'm still coming to grips with painful sensations myself, so your description of what you witnessed and what you experienced was very helpful. I'm still amazed when I find myself becoming aroused from these sensations. We're on an interesting journey, don't you think?

Red Menace, that post was wonderful. Thank you for sharing it.

~don't ya just love masochists!~

I don't fully understand it yet, but . . .

I need it. I know I do.

My man and I have had a busy couple of weeks with work, family, etc. We haven't had the chance for a truly terrific session lately. I just don't feel myself - I don't feel right.

He feels it too - and says he has plans this evening to take care of all that. At this moment I find myself squirming in delightful anticipation of my discipline (even though my ass will be tender and it will be difficult to sit tomorrow at work).

It used to concern me that I craved this - now I smile and think how lucky I am, and how no one else could possibly be as happy!

Thanks for letting me share!

Hecate - It is becoming a craved sensation now. I think Sir is kind of proud of me... and very glad that He'll be able to have a safe place to satisfy His sadist. What a wonderful way to be able to serve.

Des - it is indeed an interesting journey. Ride the rollercoaster...

Thank you all for your responses and not thinking I'm silly for not realizing this sooner. (Or at least being kind enough not to say so. )

From a non-masochist... Can you learn to be a masochist? Can you learn to enjoy the pain? To crave it?

PBW "You wanna use that where???"

P. B. Walker said:

From a non-masochist... Can you learn to be a masochist? Can you learn to enjoy the pain? To crave it?

PBW "You wanna use that where???"

Click to expand...

To a certain extent, I think you can. Particularly if the desire to explore is there. Do you ever ride your bike so fast or so far that you push your body? Make it struggle, ache in a satisfying way... kind of like "runner's high"? It develops in stages like this.

Or... have you ever enjoyed tension (when sexually playing with someone else or by yourself)? Examples of tension: the possibility of being caught; only having a certain amount of time to satisfy yourself, maybe even something as simple as having an itch on your arm or leg while trying to get off. This kind of "tension", as well as erotic pain, can be the delicious edge that really sends one over the top.

The first time you feel sensations that you normally relate to "bad pain or discomfort" can be a unnerving - dealing with an immediate, conditioned response. And sometimes even when experienced, it simply hurts before you find or are driven into that space beyond simple pain.

The first time I was flogged with a heavier, thuddy flogger on my back, it didn't hurt but I was surprised - being a small woman, it felt alot like being shoved or impacted (almost tackled) hard enough to nearly knock the air out of me, which would normally not be pleasant for me at all. It was a very new sensation, and outside of this context would be negative.

Masochists also have amazingly varied responses, or tolerances and intolerances, to different kinds of sensations. Someone may love a heavy caning (which many would consider extreme), but can tolerate only the slightest nipple play (which many would consider mild) - there is no logical explanation often.

I would assume that some people are more pre-disposed to "enjoy pain" or the idea of it more than others, but I believe a certain amount of pushing past "normal" conditioning, and developing new erotic conditioning is part of it for all - perception. I am sexual masochist (or Pavlov's dog take your pick). At this stage, I can even be thinking owwww - that stings! Oh, not another so soon!!! and I will still be developing all the physical signs of arousal, within consensual, erotic play. And yes, one can begin to crave it. I would find it *much* harder to have a satisfying sexual experience without any erotic pain at all. That is the "tension" that really does it for me sexually. However, I would also find it much less satisying without the D/s aspect. For me, they go hand in hand.

Of course there are many people, sub, switch or Dom/me, who don't like the idea of pain at all, and have no desire to explore it - there is plenty of room in D/s for that as well.

Adding a PS about the psychological struggles that Ebonyfire and others mentioned. Coming to terms with sadistic or masochistic tendencies, outside of sensation, is another interesting aspect that can impact both parties.

Interesting point

P. B. Walker said:

From a non-masochist... Can you learn to be a masochist? Can you learn to enjoy the pain? To crave it?

PBW "You wanna use that where???"

Click to expand...

I think that probably most people have a sensation threshold where something that is kinda painful can become pleasurble.

It that point can be found, I am thinking it can be expanded upon over time.

However, like most things, there are exceptions.

Eb

P. B. Walker said:

From a non-masochist... Can you learn to be a masochist? Can you learn to enjoy the pain? To crave it?

PBW "You wanna use that where???"

Click to expand...

I sure hope so. I wouldn't have considered myself a masochist and I'm learning to like it. Of course, it helps to have reason to want to go there... it's something I want to be able to give to Sir.

learning to love it?

*smiles*

i am not so sure that Y/you learn to love or crave pain, as much as Y/your perception and acceptance of it change. When i first tiptoed into the lifestyle, i had a very hard line that i was NOT going to like pain, i didn't want it inflicted upon me and i didn't even want to watch it happening to someone else.

After slow exploration, self understanding and alot of trust, my perception about pain has changed and most in my real life circles would consider me a full blown pain-slut.

To each their own, limits are Y/yours to set, explore and expand.

*waving*

basque