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Stefani

Really Experienced
Joined
Mar 20, 2005
Posts
245
The clock radio ticks loud as
a time bomb, outside the neighbor's dog
yaps at a cat, while down the street

a policeman flips on his siren.
My book has slipped from my hand,
but it doesn’t make a sound, because

my thoughts are with you, daydreaming
about last night, you lay right here
beside me, your warm body curled

up next to mine, your strong legs
entwined with mine, your sweet lips
so warm so inviting. I love

the touch of your hand,
the nape of your neck,
the dimple of your back,

the emotions sparkling in your dark eyes.

Last night I was not aware of exploding
clocks, dancing dogs, or speeding
patrol cars. All I heard was the sound

of your breath upon my cheek
and the clean sheets as they rustled
as our feet rubbed together warming

themselves, your toes were cold from having
tip-toed across the hard floor. As your
arms encircled my waist, my fingers

toyed with your hair, rolling it into little curls,
and then used the wisps as a brush to
caress your forehead, cheeks, and lashes.

Your eyes closed and you sighed,
One of your little ‘melting sounds,’
Like a woman on the verge of ecstacy.

In the darkness I studied your beauty
Like an eager student, when you open and
Blinked your eyes in them I saw

a shooting star. "Look at the time,"
you squeezed me tight, one last hug,
before squeezing into your jeans and leaving.

The radiator clangs like a ghost rattling
its chains, while outside the chimes on the front porch
ting with the wind like Aeolus’ harpsichord.

Slipping from my bed I close the window
Then grope my way back in the dark.
It’s suddenly cold, throw on another blanket.

Slipping between the sheets suddenly
the bed seems very large and very empty
Sleeping is not the same without you

by my side. I hug a lifeless pillow, breath
in your scent, bury my face in the bed,
I can't get you out of my head.
 
Okay I understand "poetic license" but the license you took out in structure is more annoying than helpful. It made the whole poem far harder than it should be to read and not a one bit better.
 
Sins666 said:
Okay I understand "poetic license" but the license you took out in structure is more annoying than helpful. It made the whole poem far harder than it should be to read and not a one bit better.

Could you be any nicer to help a person grow and learn about poetry? :rolleyes:
 
Sins666 said:
Okay I understand "poetic license" but the license you took out in structure is more annoying than helpful. It made the whole poem far harder than it should be to read and not a one bit better.


I think you should put that in your sigline
which , by the way, has the same qualities you accuse her poem of.
 
Tathagata said:
I think you should put that in your sigline
which , by the way, has the same qualities you accuse her poem of.
There's nothing wrong with offering constructive feedback. But we need to give it the poetry board treatment:

Okay I understand "poetic license" but the license you took out in structure of your lovely :rose: poem is a tad annoying. :) It made the whole poem (wonderful poem :rose: ) just a smidgeon harder than it should be to read :eek: and not as good as it could be. :heart: :kiss: But we all love you here. :cathappy:
 
WickedEve said:
There's nothing wrong with offering constructive feedback. But we need to give it the poetry board treatment:

Okay I understand "poetic license" but the license you took out in structure of your lovely poem is a tad annoying. :) It made the whole poem (wonderful poem ) just a smidgeon harder than it should be to read :eek: and not as good as it could be. :heart: :kiss: But we all love you here. :cathappy:

Well I looked to see if Mr Sin had any poems or stories but he didn't..so all I had to go by was his sigline.

Ok how's this..

That a great sigline, very interesting :rose:
Some people think that large ostentatious displays of any kind indicate a compensation for small genitals. :cool:
How do you feel about that?
:D
We all love you anyway
:kiss:


Better??
 
Tathagata said:
Well I looked to see if Mr Sin had any poems or stories but he didn't..so all I had to go by was his sigline.

Ok how's this..

That a great sigline, very interesting :rose:
Some people think that large ostentatious displays of any kind indicate a compensation for small genitals. :cool:
How do you feel about that?
:D
We all love you anyway
:kiss:


Better??


Wise ass




it's all good
 
saldne said:
Wise ass




it's all good


Guilty


Yes but not everyone realizes that.

I didn't want Stefani to assume that Mister Sin's response was typical of the poetry board.
 
Tathagata said:
I didn't want Stefani to assume that Mister Sin's response was typical of the poetry board.


no, it wasn't.

nor was the quality of the response, since structure is the least of the problems with the poem.

i think structurally, it's pretty well done.

good afternoon, mr. red sox. ;)
 
Tathagata said:
hopefully it's the last time for both
I feel no need to mention your wisdom but the ass is another matter. I feel an urge to talk about it. :) First, do you have a picture of the ass?
 
PatCarrington said:
no, it wasn't.

nor was the quality of the response, since structure is the least of the problems with the poem.

i think structurally, it's pretty well done.

good afternoon, mr. red sox. ;)
I agree. The structure isn't bad at all.
 
WickedEve said:
I feel no need to mention your wisdom but the ass is another matter. I feel an urge to talk about it. :) First, do you have a picture of the ass?

Let's hope it's not a monkey's ass ;)
 
PatCarrington said:
no, it wasn't.

nor was the quality of the response, since structure is the least of the problems with the poem.

i think structurally, it's pretty well done.

good afternoon, mr. red sox. ;)


Good afternoon Mr New York
I'm assuming you wont be watching the ring ceremony at 2:00??

by the way..would you like David Wells back at a discount?
:rolleyes:
 
WickedEve said:
I feel no need to mention your wisdom but the ass is another matter. I feel an urge to talk about it. :) First, do you have a picture of the ass?

You still scare me in an almost hypnotic way....
 
Tathagata said:
Good afternoon Mr New York
I'm assuming you wont be watching the ring ceremony at 2:00??

by the way..would you like David Wells back at a discount?
:rolleyes:

of course i'll watch. you won, fair and square.

nah, keep 'im.

i knew there was something awry when i heard a press conference where he was questioned about his weight, and his answer was,

"i don't have to run the ball up to the plate." :)
 
Stefani said:
The clock radio ticks loud as
a time bomb, outside the neighbor's dog
yaps at a cat, while down the street

a policeman flips on his siren.
My book has slipped from my hand,
but it doesn’t make a sound, because

my thoughts are with you, daydreaming
about last night, you lay right here
beside me, your warm body curled

up next to mine, your strong legs
entwined with mine, your sweet lips
so warm so inviting. I love

the touch of your hand,
the nape of your neck,
the dimple of your back,

the emotions sparkling in your dark eyes.

Last night I was not aware of exploding
clocks, dancing dogs, or speeding
patrol cars. All I heard was the sound

of your breath upon my cheek
and the clean sheets as they rustled
as our feet rubbed together warming

themselves, your toes were cold from having
tip-toed across the hard floor. As your
arms encircled my waist, my fingers

toyed with your hair, rolling it into little curls,
and then used the wisps as a brush to
caress your forehead, cheeks, and lashes.

Your eyes closed and you sighed,
One of your little ‘melting sounds,’
Like a woman on the verge of ecstacy.

In the darkness I studied your beauty
Like an eager student, when you open and
Blinked your eyes in them I saw

a shooting star. "Look at the time,"
you squeezed me tight, one last hug,
before squeezing into your jeans and leaving.

The radiator clangs like a ghost rattling
its chains, while outside the chimes on the front porch
ting with the wind like Aeolus’ harpsichord.

Slipping from my bed I close the window
Then grope my way back in the dark.
It’s suddenly cold, throw on another blanket.

Slipping between the sheets suddenly
the bed seems very large and very empty
Sleeping is not the same without you

by my side. I hug a lifeless pillow, breath
in your scent, bury my face in the bed,
I can't get you out of my head.


Welcome to the poetry forum. New Hope is wonderful. I lived about ten miles from there for many years--used to picnic on Buckingham Mountain. :)

:rose:
 
Tathagata said:
Good afternoon Mr New York
I'm assuming you wont be watching the ring ceremony at 2:00??

by the way..would you like David Wells back at a discount?
:rolleyes:

I don't think we'll to have worry about David Wells too much longer--not after that performance with Toronto. :D
 
Angeline said:
Welcome to the poetry forum. New Hope is wonderful. I lived about ten miles from there for many years--used to picnic on Buckingham Mountain. :)

:rose:


That's cool! I feel like I have a lot of neighbors here.

And Stefani, I apologize for not saying welcome last night so welcome :)
I was a bit frustated over the comment you recieved regarding your poem. I hope you come back so we can read more.
 
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