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Hallie_Jazz said:
Hello,
I'm Hallie.
I'm an average Joe mum from the UK.
Have floated around this forum for years admiring and enjoying but not posting anything.
Someone tell me some jokes. The weirder the better.
Click to expand...

"What did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved."
 
Hallie_Jazz said:
Happy Friday everyone. Hope you have an amazing day and stay safe.
Xxx
Click to expand...

It’s certainly is a happy Friday. Great shot. Gtfo with your “average”!

All my jokes are visual. You’ll find them in the sexy mens thread, lol.
 
Nice pictures!

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
 
Hallie_Jazz said:
I should probably make an index in the OP.
In the meantime, here's me in a PVC dress.
Click to expand...
Very tempted to see how low I can get that zipper to go using only my teeth. :devil:

Hallie_Jazz said:
Happy Friday everyone. Hope you have an amazing day and stay safe.
Xxx
Click to expand...
A very enticing view, with a lovely line-up of toys on the head board behind you to take care of what you're showing.

Hallie_Jazz said:
Bent over in front of the mirror
Xxx
Click to expand...
In front of a mirror.. A kitchen counter... Dining room table... I could look at you bent over anywhere.


Husband: “Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

Wife: “Your dick is much bigger than your brother’s.”
 
Hallie_Jazz said:
Bent over in front of the mirror
Xxx
Click to expand...

A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her sex life.
Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.

She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"

He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."

Then she says, "And the sex life?"

He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"


By the way looks delicious!!!
 
Hallie_Jazz said:
Bent over in front of the mirror
Xxx
Click to expand...

Great photo - lower back tats are one of my kinks.

A minister, a rabbit and a priest walk into a bat.

The bartender looks at the rabbit and says "What'll you have"

The rabbit says, "How the hell should I know, I'm only here because of autocorrect"
 
Thanks for all the kind comments and jokes.
Hope you all have a great Saturday.
A special Saturday picture is on its way.
Stay safe xxx

SmartIsSexy64 said:
Great photo - lower back tats are one of my kinks.

A minister, a rabbit and a priest walk into a bat.

The bartender looks at the rabbit and says "What'll you have"

The rabbit says, "How the hell should I know, I'm only here because of autocorrect"
Click to expand...

That made me snort with laughter, nice one.

Rt127 said:
A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her sex life.
Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.

She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"

He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."

Then she says, "And the sex life?"

He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"


By the way looks delicious!!!
Click to expand...

Haha cheeky.
I'll have to remember that one.
And thanks xx

johnny_b992 said:
Very tempted to see how low I can get that zipper to go using only my teeth. :devil:


A very enticing view, with a lovely line-up of toys on the head board behind you to take care of what you're showing.


In front of a mirror.. A kitchen counter... Dining room table... I could look at you bent over anywhere.


Husband: “Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

Wife: “Your dick is much bigger than your brother’s.”
Click to expand...

Haha brutal.

And I love the zip being undone in an enticing way.
 
Hallie_Jazz said:
Happy Friday everyone. Hope you have an amazing day and stay safe.
Xxx
Click to expand...

That picture is so uplifting, especially on a Saturday morning.

A beautiful women loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.

She asks her neighbour, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

He says, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbour asks, "How did it go? Did your tomatoes turn red?

"No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
 
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