Long time listener, first time caller

Hallie_Jazz · Jan 21, 2022

Hello,
I'm Hallie.
I'm an average Joe mum from the UK.
Have floated around this forum for years admiring and enjoying but not posting anything.
Someone tell me some jokes. The weirder the better.

Willingtoshare · Jan 21, 2022

Welcome, glad you took the plunge. Looking great and hope you have a great time here too.

Joxlrg · Jan 21, 2022

I would say that you are well above average
Very sexy !!

Joxlrg · Jan 21, 2022

What do you call a person who never farts in public?????

A private Tutor....

RustyIron · Jan 21, 2022

Welcome to lit, Love the pic, looking great Halli.
I'm thinking your inbox is about to explode with pics like that.

Oh yeah, never hold in your farts,
They travel all the way up your spine to your Brain,
That's where shitty ideas come from.

Hallie_Jazz · Jan 21, 2022

Thanks very much. I'm nervous about it but it seems fun.

Thank you. Very kind.

Ha Nice. Sounds like a joke my kids would say.

LOL nice.
And I may just turn off private messages. If that's something possible to do.

tbearatl · Jan 21, 2022

I think you are very much more than the average Joe my dear. Welcome and enjoy.

Inspirinious · Jan 21, 2022

Welcome to Lit AmPics. Great pic of a sensual lady.

Here's an old joke.

Two poets are in a contest and must create a poem using the word "Timbuktu".

The first poet takes the stage and recited his poem:

"In a far and distant land,
I came across a caravan.
Camels walking two by two,
Destination Timbuktu."

Then the second poet took the stage and recited his poem:

"Tim and I a hunting went.
Spied three maidens in a tent.
They being three and we being two,
I bucked one and Timbuktu."

theeonanist · Jan 21, 2022

Oh my. Beautiful. Thanks for posting.

sexyprof1967 · Jan 21, 2022

I can never come up with jokes on command! Love your pic though!

Wld1936 · Jan 21, 2022

Welcome! Wow you look beautiful!

golfernut · Jan 21, 2022

Great start. I hope you will share more pics with us

GTO_Racer · Jan 21, 2022

Very Beautiful.

The second grade teacher was teaching her class vocabulary.

"OK, class." She began. "Today's word is 'dough'. Can you give me a sentence with the word 'dough' in it?"

Little Mary was first. She stood up and said, "Last summer, we went to Italy and made pizza using a special dough."

"Very good." the teacher replied. "Anyone else?"

Little Timmy was next.

"For Christmas, I got a whole set of Playdough." He stated.

"That's another good one." The teacher responded.

At the back of the class, Little Johnny was frantically waving his hand. The teacher was concerned because Little Johnny was a bit troubled. He had a bad habit of saying very inappropriate things, so the teacher needed to be very careful when she called on him. She thought very carefully about this, but simply couldn't think of anything inappropriate about the word 'dough'. Being a conscientious teacher, she decided to let him participate in this discussion. She called on him.

Little Johnny proudly stood up and began speaking. "I heard my mommy talking to her sister on the telephone last night. Mommy said that daddy was basically useless in bed, so she got herself a Dill Dough."

Todger65 · Jan 21, 2022

Hi Callie,

Looking good, hope that now you have taken the plunge you will post regularly.

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got this problem doctor. Every time we're in bed my husband climaxes, he let's out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.". "The problem," she complains, " is that it wakes me up."

DaddyforhisKitten · Jan 21, 2022

You've certainly left a fine impression with your entrance. Welcome

MrMikelobe1952 · Jan 21, 2022

Ted's business was doing poorly. He had two long time employees, Hallie and Jack. He tried desperately to keep them both fully employed, but he finally concluded that he could not afford to keep both of them.

On Friday, he called Hallie, who had been out partying the night before, into his office.

Ted: "I've held off as long as I could, but I can't wait any longer. I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Hallie: "I've got a splitting headache. Can you just just jackoff?"

Photographer95 · Jan 21, 2022

You definitely do not look like an average mum, more like a mum I definitely want in my bed :heart:

OColderM · Jan 21, 2022

Beautiful picture Callie, happy that you decided to post you sexy self.

Man goes into a bakery
"Do you have Hovis?"
"Sorry we only have brown bread"
"Thats ok, I have my bike outside"

Hallie_Jazz · Jan 21, 2022

Thanks for all of the kind messages and the jokes. Please keep them coming.
I just realised my OP says I'm called Callie, that's a typo. It's Hallie.

Anyway, happy Friday night. Here's one for the weekend.
Hope you're all well xxx

tbearatl · Jan 21, 2022

My goodness aren't you the sexy one. Have a good weekend gorgeous.

RKK · Jan 21, 2022

Sure wish Ms Hallie would turn on her PMS

Massive Grooves · Jan 21, 2022

Have fun here.

It’s a good community, but you probably already know that.

I’d tell a joke, but I’m not funny

RVB_1 · Jan 21, 2022

A very sexy start to Friday, damn...

theeonanist · Jan 21, 2022

That wasn’t the only typo in your first post. You also called yourself an average joe mum. There’s nothing average about your beautiful bod. Gorgeous.

Greetings from London.

knowhow7890 · Jan 21, 2022

Welcome

Long time listener, first time caller

Virgin

Moi

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Seeking Inspiration

Unusually yours

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Usually Horny

Bit of a pervert

Closet Exhibitionist

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Apple Eater

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