Moochie’s Mementos (and a pic or two)

There is a numbness that comes
After the pain

Like seeing someone else
Living for me
Watching things happen
Watching life occur
And being unable to touch it

No grasp on the things that should matter

And I know this should be upsetting,
But instead
I feel the twinge of thankfulness
When the desensitized feeling starts
Prickling at the corners of my circular mind
And then filling out from them
To cover all of me

It means I’m less likely to hurt
When the inevitable
Needs doing.

I simply wish
That I knew

Rather than having to guess
Rather than wanting so desperately
To ask over and over
Rather than grasping
In my trapped mind
Through this curtain of tears
Which make everything
These apathetic eyes see
Seem more removed

Yes,
I simply wish
That I knew the truth
At the heart of the question
Which holds me here

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Lovely Moochie...you express your pain, your angst, so eloquently and with such rawness, that it is hard not to be moved. :rose::rose::rose:
 
*hugs*
Every ending is a beginning.
I do like to see how the next chapter turns out. :)
 
I can’t get warm
No matter what I try
It is like I’m full of holes
Poked through me
Letting all my heat out
And as it oozes
I try to sop it up
With anything that may help,
Wrapping myself in weighted blankets
And flannels
And sweaters
To no avail.
I am a sieve of comfort
Losing every bit
To spaces further
Spreading out
Falling down
Nothing keeping me together
Collapsing when there is nothing left
Crawling across rooms
Curling into a ball
And letting the tears come.
 
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I can’t get warm
No matter what I try
It is like I’m full of holes
Poked through me
Letting all my heat out
And as it oozes
I try to sop it up
With anything that may help,
Wrapping myself in weighted blankets
And flannels
And sweaters
To no avail.
I am a sieve of comfort
Losing every bit
To spaces further
Spreading out
Falling down
Nothing keeping me together
Collapsing when there is nothing left
Crawling across rooms
Curling into a ball
And letting the tears come.

attachment.php

Deep inside you likely knew this day would come,
Someday,
But you had held hope that someday was far away.

Losing something you loved so much, Hurts, Terribly.
But you need to grieve.
Its time to let the tears flow.
Releasing the pain.
Let it all out.
It will clean your soul.

And the sun will rise again tomorrow.

:kiss::rose::kiss:
 
I want so much.
Maybe too much?
I need too much.

This internal inventory,
The overthinking…
Too much.

It’s dark tonight
Inside and out.

The only cutting beams
Are from streetlights
Obscured by a film
Of misting rain -
The kind that isn’t
But is
And makes you so angry
That it won’t just pour
But instead spits.

Trying to be good to myself,
But that is easier to say
Than to do.
 
I want so much.
Maybe too much?
I need too much.

This internal inventory,
The overthinking…
Too much.

It’s dark tonight
Inside and out.

The only cutting beams
Are from streetlights
Obscured by a film
Of misting rain -
The kind that isn’t
But is
And makes you so angry
That it won’t just pour
But instead spits.

Trying to be good to myself,
But that is easier to say
Than to do.


I sense;

uncertainty,
insecurity,
dark and lonely place,
unable to cry any more,
a desire to heal​

Your words are far better than mine.

and still, the sun will rise again tomorrow.

:kiss::rose::kiss:
 
I want so much.
Maybe too much?
I need too much.

This internal inventory,
The overthinking…
Too much.

It’s dark tonight
Inside and out.

The only cutting beams
Are from streetlights
Obscured by a film
Of misting rain -
The kind that isn’t
But is
And makes you so angry
That it won’t just pour
But instead spits.

Trying to be good to myself,
But that is easier to say
Than to do.

I love this. And know the feeling intimately.
 
I’m twisted up
Nothing feels natural
Nothing feels like it did
Nothing is the same
As the before

My head may explode
My heart may burst

I’ve been alone in them before
But to have to find the pieces?
Again?
Is too much
Too much right now

That’s for future me.

Right now
I’m trying everything I can
To make the numbness go away
And to feel something more
Than this edge of shattering
That snuck up
And was always there.
 
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I’m twisted up
Nothing feels natural
Nothing feels like it did
Nothing is the same
As the before

My head may explode
My heart may burst

I’ve been alone in them before
But to have to find the pieces?
Again?
Is too much
Too much right now

That’s for future me.

Right now
I’m trying everything I can
To make the numbness go away
And to feel something more
Than this edge of shattering
That snuck up
And was always there.

attachment.php
Gorgeous! And some wonderful rope work.
 
I’m twisted up
Nothing feels natural
Nothing feels like it did
Nothing is the same
As the before

My head may explode
My heart may burst

I’ve been alone in them before
But to have to find the pieces?
Again?
Is too much
Too much right now

That’s for future me.

Right now
I’m trying everything I can
To make the numbness go away
And to feel something more
Than this edge of shattering
That snuck up
And was always there.

attachment.php

Oooof....fire girl...
The bold....hugs...♥️
 
*hugs*
You'll find the pieces.
You're gonna heal quite nicely.
There may be a scar, but that's for remembering later
When you look back on how far you've come.
*hugs again*
 
I’m twisted up
Nothing feels natural
Nothing feels like it did
Nothing is the same
As the before

My head may explode
My heart may burst

I’ve been alone in them before
But to have to find the pieces?
Again?
Is too much
Too much right now

That’s for future me.

Right now
I’m trying everything I can
To make the numbness go away
And to feel something more
Than this edge of shattering
That snuck up
And was always there.

attachment.php

I agree with Azuldrgon,

You will find the pieces,
You will heal,

We know you feel lost and in pain.
We wish your recovery could be faster,
but what you have lost was deep in your core being.

It will take time. It will be painful. You will recover.

and the sun will rise again tomorrow.

:kiss::rose::kiss:
 
Thank you
To everyone.

I likely don’t deserve the kindness
You show in your comments
And your messages
And your words

So thank you all.

I hope to never find you
In the place I am now,
But if I do
And I know about it,
I’ll be there for you.
 
Thank you
To everyone.

I likely don’t deserve the kindness
You show in your comments
And your messages
And your words

So thank you all.

I hope to never find you
In the place I am now,
But if I do
And I know about it,
I’ll be there for you.
I did not realize you were going through a difficult time. I hope that everything improves for you soon.
 
I have not forgotten
Where I am
Or who

It rather feels more
Like turning a page -
A new chapter starting

Without ever closing a book.

I will always leave it open
Cannot end something
Or someone
That means the world to me…

So I feel like the hypodermic
Half in
Half out
Until the end hits
And I yank

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O M G !!!! That is insane! 😲
 
Thank you
To everyone.

I likely don’t deserve the kindness
You show in your comments
And your messages
And your words

So thank you all.

I hope to never find you
In the place I am now,
But if I do
And I know about it,
I’ll be there for you.
*hugs*
You already have been.
:)

And you deserve more than kindness.
Never forget how wonderful you are.
:rose:
 
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