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Female sub looking for dominant male

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maybenicegirl

Experienced
Joined
Apr 28, 2007
Posts
96
I am well educated (currently at the graduate level), physically fit, and am looking for a dominant man between ages 25-40 for a real relationship. We would have to be mutually attracted before any domination would occur though.

While I would like to find someone who is also interested in BDSM and generally kinky stuff, experience in that area is not the central focus for me. What's more important is life experience, being educated, having a successful career, traveling, being well-read, having a similar sense of humor as me, general compatibility, and common sense.

I don't smoke, drink, or use drugs and would prefer someone who doesn't do those things either except maybe minimal alcohol use.

Someone who has a graduate degree and/or a successful career and is physically fit would interest me!

I'll be updating this regularly...
 
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Well..still could be her mentor. Advise her on finding a proper Dom, rather then fall for so many fake ones out there. Good luck on your search and drop a hello if you care to chat.
 
Enji said:
Well..still could be her mentor. Advise her on finding a proper Dom, rather then fall for so many fake ones out there. Good luck on your search and drop a hello if you care to chat.
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Well, if you can tell me a way to know what is a "fake" dom and what is a "real" one I would be glad to know. It seems like that would be pretty hard to tell unless you meet.
 
There is no simple rule. However, if a man can't command your respect online, he sure won't do it in person.

We had one man who posted numerous times on this forum. Each one boasted of his prowess as a Dom, but he never responded to any replies. Fake.

Another broke into a sub's thread and challenged her submissiveness. (Proper etiquette would have been to resolve any issues via PMs.) When challenged, he got very irate and began calling names. Fake.

A real Dominant feels responsible for His sub. He therefore must be big enough to look out for both Himself and for his submissive. A fake Dominant will focus only on his needs. A real Dominant knows that a submissive's nature is to serve, and He doesn't need to demand it, just respect it.

NOTE: The above is my opinion. Others here may have somewhat differing opinions.
 
maybenicegirl said:
Well, if you can tell me a way to know what is a "fake" dom and what is a "real" one I would be glad to know. It seems like that would be pretty hard to tell unless you meet.
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If someone expects you to submit instantly, they are most likely a horney net geek (HNG).

If someone expects cyber-sex right away, they are most likely a HNG.

If someone isn't willing to discuss common interests, or talk about experience/limits/etc, they are most likely a HGN.

If someone isn't respectful of your comfort levels, they are most likely a HNG (although comfort levels do have a tendency to shift, as people get to know one another).

If someone sounds like they more knowledgeable with the writings of Penthouse, than basic common sense logical aspects of BDSM, they might be a HNG. ("I'm gonna bind your breasts, clamp your nipples, and watch you suffer for hours; I bet you'd like that you little slut!" versus "I enjoy breast torture, but the clamps won't ever be in place more than 20 minutes at a time, to avoid tissue/nerve damage.")

*Personal opinion* If a person can't be bothered to spell out complete words, or form a proper sentence (UR hawt!), they might be a HNG.
 
Do you know what you are looking for really?

My name is Xander and I am looking for a sub, my disappointment is that you do not disclose at any level what your are looking for other than just a man, and a dom.

I myself am 35 and am a trained Master, the comments made by the others are totally right. Most men are just horny assholes, thinking they know the truth about what a slave should be or not be. Everyone is different and any relationship is based on trust, common interest and so on.

Very few times does domination have to do with sex, however we have made it a fantasy of sexual prowess, or dominating someone so that one person recieves all pleasure. The pleasure must be mutual.

If you are intersted contact me on here privatly, and I will be glad to discuss this further with you.

X.
 
Hello

I am rather new to this myself, so I am still learning my limits. I would be glad to get to know you better, just as a friend for now. If nothing else, I am good for a great conversation.
 
In addition to what I posted above, a fake Dom will be concerned only with doing things to your body. A real Dom will be aware that true D/s takes place between a submissive's ears, and will try to Dominate your mind and feelings.
 
DarkSteven said:
In addition to what I posted above, a fake Dom will be concerned only with doing things to your body. A real Dom will be aware that true D/s takes place between a submissive's ears, and will try to Dominate your mind and feelings.
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I believe this to be true, sadly some sub or ones just getting into into the lifestyle don't have the patience to learn, or get to know a Dom.
Oh one more thing to look out for, a Dom knows the difference between Dom and dom. :p and why sub is typed sub not Sub.
 
Look for consistency. If he's way up here ^ one day, and way down there v the next... over there ===> one day and then zooming <==== that way another, he may just be spouting off whatever sounds good...

Ask for references. If someone claims they are an experienced PYL (Pick Your Label - shorthand for Dominant/Master/Mistress/Owner/Top/Sadist etc...) they should be able to provide contacts that will vouche for their character.

Get involved with your local BDSM/Leather community. To find local Munches, email groups, and events in your area, try:

SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html
Caryl's Page - http://www.drkdesyre.com/
The BDSM Events Page - http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/ which has links to both organizations AND events.

Best of luck!
 
DarkSteven said:
There is no simple rule. However, if a man can't command your respect online, he sure won't do it in person.

We had one man who posted numerous times on this forum. Each one boasted of his prowess as a Dom, but he never responded to any replies. Fake.

Another broke into a sub's thread and challenged her submissiveness. (Proper etiquette would have been to resolve any issues via PMs.) When challenged, he got very irate and began calling names. Fake.

A real Dominant feels responsible for His sub. He therefore must be big enough to look out for both Himself and for his submissive. A fake Dominant will focus only on his needs. A real Dominant knows that a submissive's nature is to serve, and He doesn't need to demand it, just respect it.

NOTE: The above is my opinion. Others here may have somewhat differing opinions.
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Yeah, it sounds kind of hopeless finding any dom that I would like online. Finding one in person is also pretty tough. I had a short term one recently but he dropped me as soon as I questioned him about anything. That is definitely not what I want. I'm not a blow-up doll.
 
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DarkSteven said:
In addition to what I posted above, a fake Dom will be concerned only with doing things to your body. A real Dom will be aware that true D/s takes place between a submissive's ears, and will try to Dominate your mind and feelings.
Click to expand...

I'm not really that concerned with the D/S "lifestyle." My main concern is finding a man that I love and want to live forever with. The thing is, I want him to be dominant. I want a man who will be everything to me.

Domination of my mind and feelings is what I would love and what I am drawn to. After the short term D/s relationship I had I know I can never be fulfilled with a regular relationship. Having a man to dominate me is like something I never imagined existed. My feelings for that type of thing are deeper than I could have ever imagined.
 
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I can only reiterate what Evil_Geoff said really. Here in London, the local munches are often a bit of a sausage fest (a lot of guys, many of whom aren't remotely dominant but try to make out they are in the vain hope that they might just get laid) but will be preferable to finding someone online because you tend to be able to spot/avoid the fakers immediately.

I'm sure there'll be a BDSM community near to you, good luck in this.
 
maybenicegirl said:
Yeah, it sounds kind of hopeless finding any dom that I would like online. Finding one in person is also pretty tough. I had a short term one recently but he dropped me as soon as I questioned him about anything. That is definitely not what I want. I'm not a blow-up doll.
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It's not at all hopeless, but you can't expect to find what you want instantly.

Good idea, questioning. Anyone who can't explain what they're doing is not worthy to be called a Dom.

Since you evidently want an in-person relationship, I suggest you give your general location.
 
Enji said:
Oh one more thing to look out for, a Dom knows the difference between Dom and dom. :p and why sub is typed sub not Sub.
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I find the ability to comprehend the difference between "I am a dominant man" and "I am a dominate man", to be a much better indicator than worrying about capitalization...

;)
 
CutieMouse said:
I find the ability to comprehend the difference between "I am a dominant man" and "I am a dominate man", to be a much better indicator than worrying about capitalization...

;)
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Yeah, guys who are anal about capitalization need not apply here.
 
maybenicegirl said:
Yeah, guys who are anal about capitalization need not apply here.
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Lol, I offer some advice and I get bit.
I'm not really anal about spelling or grammer, but the capitalization does mean something in the bdsm sense.
I thought you where looking something more along the lines of bdsm and offered some friendly advice, if you care to look up what it means maybe it will shed some light on why Dom's/Domme's are capatalized and why it applied.
However your not looking for a Dom, just a dominant male.
I wish you the best of luck, to find someone worthy of your heart, trust and find the happyness you seek.
 
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Enji said:
I'm not really anal about spelling or grammer, but the capitalization does mean something in the bdsm sense.
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Ummmm... I'm not 100% sure on this, but I've always thought it "meant something" mainly only in the BDSM chat rooms.
 
Enji said:
Lol, I offer some advice and I get bit.
I'm not really anal about spelling or grammer, but the capitalization does mean something in the bdsm sense.
I thought you where looking something more along the lines of bdsm and offered some friendly advice, if you care to look up what it means maybe it will shed some light on why Dom's/Domme's are capatalized and why it applied.
However your not looking for a Dom, just a dominant male.
I wish you the best of luck, to find someone worthy of your heart, trust and find the happyness you seek.
Click to expand...

Mmmm... yes and no... Is Evil_Geoff any less of a Dom if I fail to capitalise the word "dom" in reference to him? Does he feels less respected if I interact with him on threads in a polite, courtious, friendly manner, but fail to capitalize the word "dom"?

Attention to capitalization is an easy identifier for a lot of people, as those who pay attention to details tend to pay attention to a lot of important things; however, *I* don't consider it to be as important as some, and really do find the dominant/dominate to be a better indicator of a potential partner's grasp of BDSM. LOL (Although I do generally attempt to attend to such details, out of consideration for others. :) )

I do concur with your thought, Enji, that there might be more an interest here in general dominance, than BDSM.

The OP might wander the BDSM forums (Talk & Chat) a bit, and get a feel for what she's interested in... there is a bit (universe-worth) of difference between wanting a dominating partner who will take charge, and a BDSM relationship... the whole "knowing yourself and what you want" as a starting point, and all that... ;)
 
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