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Bi-sexuality a license to cheat?

I would add that in my years of experience, I have had sex with married guys. I don't know which ones would have referred to themselves as gays that got married or bi. All I know is they liked sex with guys.

I'm not a sexual researcher, but I did always try to get to know the people I was with even if it was a park. I would say especially as the guys got older, the sex with another guy wasn't a matter of just getting their rocks off but the need to be with another guy. For some of them (perhaps this was the difference between leaning gay and leaning str8) they relied on reliving these encounters in order to get it up and off with their wife/girlfriend.

I don't know what percentage told their SO what they were up to. I didn't see them as cheating or protecting their image as much as they didn't want to hurt the person they really loved. I don't think most of them got married with the idea they would do this on the side from time to time. I think it tended to be more of a need that over time was just too overwhelming to keep shut off. Perhaps it still wasn't right, but I guess in my own way I understood. As long as they were being careful (desease) wise, I think they weren't hurting anybody. Perhaps I excused them because their partner was the opposite sex and they were seeking another male. We live in a world where societies see the sexes as physically, spiritually, and emotionally different.

I do have less respect for gay relationships where they still do this. I've had so many gay men tell me that monogamy is unnatural, or that over time you just have to start having the variety again. I find condoms more unnatural than monogamy. I think a man can be whatever he chooses to be -- including monogamous. Sure I have strong sex urges -- otherwise I wouldn't be on literotica.com. However, I love my partner. I cannot imagine saying the words "i love you" if I then turn around (with or without his knowledge) and put my privates up another guys behind. To still say the words "I love you" after that would make me feel like it was just an expression like "Have a nice day". Turning them into words with little feeling behind it.

I argued with a guy who buys into this typical gay male ideal. He was pissed that I didn't agree. He wanted me to respect his position. I simply told him I "accept" his position and let him live his life as he wishes, but I don't "respect" his position.
 
none2_none2 said:
I would add that in my years of experience, I have had sex with married guys. I don't know which ones would have referred to themselves as gays that got married or bi. All I know is they liked sex with guys.

I'm not a sexual researcher, but I did always try to get to know the people I was with even if it was a park. I would say especially as the guys got older, the sex with another guy wasn't a matter of just getting their rocks off but the need to be with another guy. For some of them (perhaps this was the difference between leaning gay and leaning str8) they relied on reliving these encounters in order to get it up and off with their wife/girlfriend.

I don't know what percentage told their SO what they were up to. I didn't see them as cheating or protecting their image as much as they didn't want to hurt the person they really loved. I don't think most of them got married with the idea they would do this on the side from time to time. I think it tended to be more of a need that over time was just too overwhelming to keep shut off. Perhaps it still wasn't right, but I guess in my own way I understood. As long as they were being careful (desease) wise, I think they weren't hurting anybody. Perhaps I excused them because their partner was the opposite sex and they were seeking another male. We live in a world where societies see the sexes as physically, spiritually, and emotionally different.

I do have less respect for gay relationships where they still do this. I've had so many gay men tell me that monogamy is unnatural, or that over time you just have to start having the variety again. I find condoms more unnatural than monogamy. I think a man can be whatever he chooses to be -- including monogamous. Sure I have strong sex urges -- otherwise I wouldn't be on literotica.com. However, I love my partner. I cannot imagine saying the words "i love you" if I then turn around (with or without his knowledge) and put my privates up another guys behind. To still say the words "I love you" after that would make me feel like it was just an expression like "Have a nice day". Turning them into words with little feeling behind it.

I argued with a guy who buys into this typical gay male ideal. He was pissed that I didn't agree. He wanted me to respect his position. I simply told him I "accept" his position and let him live his life as he wishes, but I don't "respect" his position.
Click to expand...

Those are some really good positions. to be honest i hadn't considered that need that develops over time to explore their sexuality again after accepting the choice they had made. i guess it depends on how you view monogamous relationships, whether it is an acceptable moral choice you take when entering a commited relationship or if its just a restriction of human nature that has evolved.
I think where I get a little confused is where two people have commited themselves to each other and then bring a third person into that relationship, or 4 or 5 depending how far you want to go lol. are the feelings for those otehr people just the same or equally as intense or is it just a physical need for release? is it something more?
 
Well, if i shall explore my bisexuality. I will do it with my female partner, since other than that, i would consider it cheating.Since I am a very monogamous man.And that mean as follows. if I fall in love with a man. I will be with him. and make our relationship spicy and exiting with all that matters, but I WON`T cheat on the man.

But right now I am thinking of a woman I really like and care about.And I hope everything will work out.
And I will not cheat on her or for that matter be unfaithful, since my conscience can´t stand the feeling of hurting another person.And I did something stupid, she knows about.And I really feel bad, about it.And that is why can´t and won´t cheat on the person I love.
To make it clear I feel actually double worse, doing something (like cheating) than actually the cheating in itself.

An extra edit.

And to make it even more clear the only thing I did with the person was holding her hand, so really I just feel bad trying to hit on a girl when I was stoned. So to the dear lovely and beautyful woman I met here, that is the truth.

And again I don´t see bisexuality as a license to cheat. That does make it hurt more in me, if somebody cheated on me.

Be honest with the one you love and care about, and don´t tell stories and lies about the truth.
 
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I'm a bi man and I can't seem to find another man that's interested in developing a serious / committed relationship.
I've tried a few personal ads, but the only replies I've gotten are from married men wanting a secret fling or gay men wanting a frivolous one night stand. It's beginning to make me wonder why there's such an uproar about "gay marriage".
Where are these commitment minded gay men hiding ?? {somebody please tell me....quick! :D }
 
Cheating hearts

I will have sex with another bi male while my wife is present or approves, since other than that, i would consider it cheating. She has made the same arrangement with me, she will play with a female friend, but I will know and approve, or be there to watch.
 
I think the most important thing is to establish rules before something could ever happen.

For instance: if we were to have a 3some (either with another male or female) neither of us may kiss another member of the opposite sex on the mouth or have sexual intercourse with another person (it's mostly an oral or anal thing).
When it comes to "exploring" my bisexuality he would like to be a part of it in some way, shape, or form; whether he gets to join in, or simply sits and watches.

It's not cheating if we are all aware of and okay with what is going on, and, most importantly, if we follow the rules we have set up. If we find that those rules aren't working or a jealousy issue develops, we'll change the rules, or cut it out all together. Why? Because we love and care for each other but sometimes you've gotta bring a lil extra excitement into the bedroom.
 
DallasWantsPink said:
I think the most important thing is to establish rules before something could ever happen.

For instance: if we were to have a 3some (either with another male or female) neither of us may kiss another member of the opposite sex on the mouth or have sexual intercourse with another person (it's mostly an oral or anal thing).
When it comes to "exploring" my bisexuality he would like to be a part of it in some way, shape, or form; whether he gets to join in, or simply sits and watches.

It's not cheating if we are all aware of and okay with what is going on, and, most importantly, if we follow the rules we have set up. If we find that those rules aren't working or a jealousy issue develops, we'll change the rules, or cut it out all together. Why? Because we love and care for each other but sometimes you've gotta bring a lil extra excitement into the bedroom.
Click to expand...

Thats fair enough. its what a few people have said that as long as there is consent between each other its not cheating. one thing that kinda made me wonder is what you said about the jealousy issue. if it came up or began to come an issue, wouldn't the seeds have been sown for like deeper problems? ie. using it to attack each other at a later date? if that makes any sense at all.
 
that makes sense. but i would think that there would be some understanding that it was consented to and using it to start a fight doesn't make sense...but you know how a heated arguement can get...

funny thing is...in the 5 years I've been with my fiance, we've never once had a super serious fight. We've had our tiffs, and when something serious comes up we are able to talk it through until we're both happy. So if it ever came up (the jealousy issue that is) i think we could work through it just fine.
 
Wolfman1982 said:
Well, if i shall explore my bisexuality. I will do it with my female partner, since other than that, i would consider it cheating.Since I am a very monogamous man.And that mean as follows. if I fall in love with a man. I will be with him. and make our relationship spicy and exiting with all that matters, but I WON`T cheat on the man.

But right now I am thinking of a woman I really like and care about.And I hope everything will work out.
And I will not cheat on her or for that matter be unfaithful, since my conscience can´t stand the feeling of hurting another person.And I did something stupid, she knows about.And I really feel bad, about it.And that is why can´t and won´t cheat on the person I love.
To make it clear I feel actually double worse, doing something (like cheating) than actually the cheating in itself.

An extra edit.

And to make it even more clear the only thing I did with the person was holding her hand, so really I just feel bad trying to hit on a girl when I was stoned. So to the dear lovely and beautyful woman I met here, that is the truth.

And again I don´t see bisexuality as a license to cheat. That does make it hurt more in me, if somebody cheated on me.

Be honest with the one you love and care about, and don´t tell stories and lies about the truth.
Click to expand...



Most interesting thin I've read all day, Wolfman !
 
I have to answer with a no- the last man I dated was bi and we shared experiences together- the more serious we became the less it included others- and when he told me he loved me he told me it included being faithfull and being with me and only me. I don't know anyone who was invloved with someone who was bi who cheated or felt it was a ticket to do as they pleased.
 
my personal feelings on the debate i try to make ery clear to anyone that contacts me. personally i am of the opnion that you should stay with only one person at a time if you are in a loving relationship. that doesn't include group activities. for example; even given consent from my SO i wouldn't do anything with somone else unless she was there. even exploring my bi side won't happen unless it's in a group session with her. this is because i want her to be comfortable enough with what i do to do it herself, if she wont i wont either.
 
I would never want to get involved with a woman who is married or in a serious relationship with someone else. Part of what is exciting and rewarding about becoming intimate with someone else is the exclusivity of it. To get inside someone's head and be the center of that person's attention. If my role in a partner's life is to be the dyke that she fucks and then drives home to her hubby and kids and have dinner, then I'd rather not be in that person's life at all. I realize that quite a few happily married bisexual women feel like they want to explore their interest in women. I just don't understand why bisexual people should get some sort of "special dispensation" to have sex with other people just because those other people are of the same sex as themselves. Married straight people are faced with attractive people other than their spouses all the time, they don't seem to have a problem keeping their pants zipped (well, alright...some do, but you get my point). It's not always easy staying faithful but if you're a decent person you simply restrain your impulsive urges. And this is regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

Poly-whatever has always seemed like a pipe dream to me. A lot of idealistic talk about free love, but you almost never hear about anyone who's had positive experiences with it. Someone always seems to ends up unfullfilled and bitter when there's more than two people involved. Because with three people in the equation, the chances that all three like/love each other equally are very slim. So one person will undoubtedly end up on the outside when the two others click with each other and concentrate their attentions on each other. That, my friends, is an emotional time bomb just waiting to go off.
 
cocktan said:
my personal feelings on the debate i try to make ery clear to anyone that contacts me. personally i am of the opnion that you should stay with only one person at a time if you are in a loving relationship. that doesn't include group activities. for example; even given consent from my SO i wouldn't do anything with somone else unless she was there. even exploring my bi side won't happen unless it's in a group session with her. this is because i want her to be comfortable enough with what i do to do it herself, if she wont i wont either.
Click to expand...
I understand you believe group activities are excluded from the "you should stay with one person at a time if you are in a loving relationship" rule, but it still seems contradictory to me. If you're intimate with others, you're not monogamous, whether your SO is there or not.

And what if your girlfriend was perfectly comfortable with you going out on your own? What if she said, "Cocktan, bi male sex just doesn't interest me, but I really want you to be your true self and explore your sexuality with another man. That would make me very happy"?
 
Harrowborg said:
After reading a few threads and posts it seems that anyone who is exploring their bi side when their married is seeking permission to basically cheat. i myself am bi, i've been out with a guy pretty seroiusly before meeting my current gf but I wouldn't even think about cheating on her even with her 'consent' to explore my bi side further. I would have thought if you had married someone, chosen to spend your life with them, be it a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, why is there a further need to explore your sexuality with other people?
Click to expand...

I have explored plenty but when I love someone I become utterly monogamous. There is no effort to this. I simply do not desire someone else. For me bisexuality is not the need to have both genders as sexual partners at all times: rather it elimintates the issue of genitals as primary to whether or not I will love a soul: to seek one focus with my two eyes.
 
A_Kefka said:
in My opinion, whether you are gay, bi or straight you need to talk with anyone you are involved with and see if their expectations match yours. If you committed to a monogamous relationship, you should stick with it or or end the relationship. But if you both agree that it should be more open, then talk about things and go ahead. This isn't just about exploring bi-sexual desires, but having an affair or even a 3sum, be it with your own sex or the opposite. Its all about what you both think the relationship should be like, and not betraying the others trust.
Click to expand...

Well said!
 
cherries_on_snow said:
I have explored plenty but when I love someone I become utterly monogamous. There is no effort to this. I simply do not desire someone else. For me bisexuality is not the need to have both genders as sexual partners at all times: rather it elimintates the issue of genitals as primary to whether or not I will love a soul: to seek one focus with my two eyes.
Click to expand...

Thats fine, super, what should happen. :) What I originally posted the thread about and what continues to happen, here espeically, where a lot of married couples where one partner professes to be 'bi' or have 'bi' tendencies then wonders if it is ok to sleep with a member of the same sex. i loved what you said about, eliminating the issue of genitals as primary to whether you loved them or not. i feel, a person can be bi-sexual and faithful to the one they love. it just seems wrong to me though when a person wants to explore their bi-sexuality at the expense of the person they say they love. im probably repeating myself here so i'll stop and let others comment.
 
Harrowborg said:
Thats fine, super, what should happen. :) What I originally posted the thread about and what continues to happen, here espeically, where a lot of married couples where one partner professes to be 'bi' or have 'bi' tendencies then wonders if it is ok to sleep with a member of the same sex. i loved what you said about, eliminating the issue of genitals as primary to whether you loved them or not. i feel, a person can be bi-sexual and faithful to the one they love. it just seems wrong to me though when a person wants to explore their bi-sexuality at the expense of the person they say they love. im probably repeating myself here so i'll stop and let others comment.
Click to expand...
I don't think anything is a license to cheat.

However, it seems like you and others are imposing your view of committed relationships on everyone by basically saying relationships should be monogamous and exploring sexuality outside the primary relationship is harmful/wrong.

There's no rule that states marriages must be monogamous, or even that monogamy is superior. Each couple creates their own definitions and vows for their relationship. My husband and I, for example, vowed to love, respect, do what's best for each other, do everything we can to better our relationship and be partners in life. We put each other and our relationship first (i.e. we're very faithful), which can and does happen without constant monogamy.

He knew I was interest in exploring with women before we got married, and has actively supported and encouraged me because he believes doing so is in our best interests. Exploring and having other relationships has increased our happiness and strengthened our marriage. Not limiting ourselves to monogamy has been very good for us and many other couples, so I'll never be convinced doing otherwise is a better choice for everyone.
 
SweetErika said:
I don't think anything is a license to cheat.

However, it seems like you and others are imposing your view of committed relationships on everyone by basically saying relationships should be monogamous and exploring sexuality outside the primary relationship is harmful/wrong.

There's no rule that states marriages must be monogamous, or even that monogamy is superior. Each couple creates their own definitions and vows for their relationship. My husband and I, for example, vowed to love, respect, do what's best for each other, do everything we can to better our relationship and be partners in life. We put each other and our relationship first (i.e. we're very faithful), which can and does happen without constant monogamy.

He knew I was interest in exploring with women before we got married, and has actively supported and encouraged me because he believes doing so is in our best interests. Exploring and having other relationships has increased our happiness and strengthened our marriage. Not limiting ourselves to monogamy has been very good for us and many other couples, so I'll never be convinced doing otherwise is a better choice for everyone.
Click to expand...

I didn't once say relationships should be monogamous :) for the simple fact that I'm not trying to 'impose' my views on people. The point I was making there and believe I made earlier in that thread was that there is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality in any way shape or form but if you've chosen to be in a relationship with someone, then surely your being with them?
its good to no your partner supports you and your time with other women and maybe it does work out for couples. however this all has deviated from the original theme of the thread of 'happily married couple' where one partner comes onto a board such as this wondering if it is ok to cheat with a member of the same sex. which I thought wasn't ok.
 
Exploring my bi side

I, fortunately, have a husband who has no problem with my desire to be with a woman, or even another man for that mater. I have found that sex with a woman is by far the most exciting part of my sexuality. I would never have guessed that the taste of a woman could be so intoxicating. We have even had threesomes with another female and always I am the aggressor. My husband on occasion has sex with our partner but mostly he has intercourse with me while I go down on her or just watches. I have never kept it secret from him and if he wanted to try bi I would be all for it. I could never give up my desire for the sweetnes of a woman even at the cost of my marriage!
 
Harrowborg said:
I'm not judging anyones individual relationships merely stating that once you developed and explored your sexuality, and then commiting yourself to that one person why the need to then go and further explore your sexuality with members of hte same or opposite sex? and not to be naive but if theres three of you concenting, thats a threesome I would have thought.
Click to expand...


nice thread, I think?? I will say that any particular way another couple chooses to live their life is really none of your business and you are wasting your time telling them how to live be it in a direct manner or a round about way. I notice in a lot of threads that are some are so negative but the person that keys it in is really looking for a way to justify their bi behavior...you don't need to justify all you need to do is swallow....lol...just kidding...

I am comfortable in my bi times....my wife knows everything I do ...she has been with me in threesomes and moresomes. We always communicate..we do not live a lie nor do we hide our feelings be it her with a woman or I with a man.....other than that, where was I...lol :nana:
 
BitterIchor said:
Poly-whatever has always seemed like a pipe dream to me. A lot of idealistic talk about free love, but you almost never hear about anyone who's had positive experiences with it. Someone always seems to ends up unfullfilled and bitter when there's more than two people involved. Because with three people in the equation, the chances that all three like/love each other equally are very slim. So one person will undoubtedly end up on the outside when the two others click with each other and concentrate their attentions on each other. That, my friends, is an emotional time bomb just waiting to go off.
Click to expand...
Actually, I know several polyamorous relationships that work quite well. It's rare that it's a truly equal triad - most poly relationships involve primary and secondary partners - but polyamory is definitely not a pipe dream. I won't go into it further just in case your mind is closed about this, but if you're interested in continuing this discussion I can do that too, in public or via PM.
 
robbie_boy1 said:
nice thread, I think?? I will say that any particular way another couple chooses to live their life is really none of your business and you are wasting your time telling them how to live be it in a direct manner or a round about way. I notice in a lot of threads that are some are so negative but the person that keys it in is really looking for a way to justify their bi behavior...you don't need to justify all you need to do is swallow....lol...just kidding...

I am comfortable in my bi times....my wife knows everything I do ...she has been with me in threesomes and moresomes. We always communicate..we do not live a lie nor do we hide our feelings be it her with a woman or I with a man.....other than that, where was I...lol :nana:
Click to expand...

lol fair enough. as I said above I'm not trying to impose my views on people or tell people how to live. If I had wanted to do that from the start, I would have called this the 'if your bi your a cheating b*****d/b***h'. I was merely, observing that at the time when I created this thread there seemed to be a lot of married people coming on say 'im happily married but recently i've been wanting to 'suck cock/lick pussy' in not so many words.

even now there are thread on this board section like 'first gay experience' and 'i want to suck a cock' which are again just marred people wanting to cheat or find acceptance for them to do their things. if a relationship is open like yours seems to be then alls good in the world, there are no false expectations which an be seen in some relationships. but when you see so many 'im married but wanna suck cock/lick pussy' threads, you do start to wonder if being 'bi' is a license to cheat.

that was my jerry springer sounding thought of hte morning.
 
Harrowborg said:
even now there are thread on this board section like 'first gay experience' and 'i want to suck a cock' which are again just marred people wanting to cheat or find acceptance for them to do cheat.
Click to expand...
Yup yup yup. You hit the nail on the head. I try to point out "same-sex cheating is still cheating," and sometimes they say "hmm, I guess you're right, I should talk with my (husband/wife)" but sometimes they get indignant or ignore me.
 
I'm a bisexual Black man in a monogamous relationship with another black man. I haven't cheated on my guy with anyone, man or woman.
Yes, I meet some bootylicious ladies and muscular hunks and sometimes check them out and hell, maybe even flirt a bit but I know who I love and it's him, not them. Capisce ? :cool:
 
My boyfriend and I go to gay clubs together and I love watching dance with hunks and twinks. Guys just don't make me jealous, it's all fun and games.
 
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