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Bi-sexuality a license to cheat?

Harrowborg

Harrowborg

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 23, 2002
Posts
5,204
After reading a few threads and posts it seems that anyone who is exploring their bi side when their married is seeking permission to basically cheat. i myself am bi, i've been out with a guy pretty seroiusly before meeting my current gf but I wouldn't even think about cheating on her even with her 'consent' to explore my bi side further. I would have thought if you had married someone, chosen to spend your life with them, be it a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, why is there a further need to explore your sexuality with other people?
 
I was hoping there would be some agreement. some of these threads are just really bugging me like, 'help me become gay' or 'help my wife become gay', just something seriously in a situation like that.
 
Harrowborg said:
After reading a few threads and posts it seems that anyone who is exploring their bi side when their married is seeking permission to basically cheat. i myself am bi, i've been out with a guy pretty seroiusly before meeting my current gf but I wouldn't even think about cheating on her even with her 'consent' to explore my bi side further. I would have thought if you had married someone, chosen to spend your life with them, be it a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, why is there a further need to explore your sexuality with other people?
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Not everyone conforms to the idea that monogamy is best.

And I have a question: How is it cheating if the SO gives consent?
 
My opinion is that I have no problem with it as long as you talk with your significant other about it and you both agree it is ok. Now I see threads in here about people exploring thier bi side behind thier SO's back and I DO NOT agree with that. That is cheating, plain and simple.
 
I would never cheat on my husband with another woman even though I've always wanted to know what it is like and am very attracted to women. I love him too much to ruin our marriage. I'm totally in love with him and always will be.

We've discussed having a 3-some, but I'm not the type for casual sex with no emotional involvement, and I certainly don't want my love to be divided. Also, I think I would be a little jealous. ;)

Regardless, cheating is cheating. If you're doing it behind your SO's back, it doesn't matter if they're the same sex or not.
 
That bothers me.

I suppose I understand if the husband and wife work out something that makes them both comfortable...but, I hate that bisexuality seems to mean to many people that monogamy isn't an option.
 
My bi feelings were around long before I got with my wife, though I never really acted on them. ( I had told many friends) I am lucky to have a wife that I can talk to about anything and we love each other as much as two people can. As long as we are on the same page, I don' t think it is for anyone else to judge what we do or don't do.
 
in My opinion, whether you are gay, bi or straight you need to talk with anyone you are involved with and see if their expectations match yours. If you committed to a monogamous relationship, you should stick with it or or end the relationship. But if you both agree that it should be more open, then talk about things and go ahead. This isn't just about exploring bi-sexual desires, but having an affair or even a 3sum, be it with your own sex or the opposite. Its all about what you both think the relationship should be like, and not betraying the others trust.
 
Theres nothing wrong with experimenting and I wouldn't sit here and judge anyones relationships, as I said at the start though, once you've chosen to be with someone, be it a same sex relationship or a heterosexual relationshp, you've commited yourself to someone, regardless of sexual orientation so trying to 'pursuade a wife to explore her bi side' or other topics along that line seem like cheating.
 
Harrowborg said:
Theres nothing wrong with experimenting and I wouldn't sit here and judge anyones relationships, as I said at the start though, once you've chosen to be with someone, be it a same sex relationship or a heterosexual relationshp, you've commited yourself to someone, regardless of sexual orientation so trying to 'pursuade a wife to explore her bi side' or other topics along that line seem like cheating.
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You're assuming 'committed yourself' implies exclusivity. That's not always the case. Everyone doesn't adhere to monogamy. The answer to your question is....not everyone thinks like you.
 
i'm bisexual. my Husband is straight. The possibility of my having bisexual interactions with others during the marriage is something that was discussed and agreed upon prior to our being married. If at any time He felt threatened by that agreement, the bisexual interactions would cease, period, end of story.
why is there a further need to explore your sexuality with other people?
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Because we BOTH enjoy those explorations TOGETHER (no we are not swingers, and don't do 'threesomes' ... and He enjoys observing His wife being pleasured by as well as pleasuring another woman).

3 concenting adults + a very erotic sexual exchange = 3 happy people. No harm done. Not anyone else's business to judge . ;)
 
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Yes, this is something I see in many threads here, and also elsewhere. I first encountered the idea with a college friend whose long-term boyfriend was okay with her sleeping with women. I wasn't really aware of polyamory at the time, but it just seemed odd to me that this was considered acceptable. Now I do realize that if he consented to it, then it's her right...but I do see a lot of people looking to fool around on the side without informing their spouse. It's sick and I'll go so far as to say it disgusts me. If somebody needs to explore their sexuality, that's fine - but they absolutely must tell their spouse.

My feelings boil down to this: same-sex cheating is still cheating.
 
sinn0cent1 said:
i'm bisexual. my Husband is straight. The possibility of my having bisexual interactions with others during the marriage is something that was discussed and agreed upon prior to our being married. If at any time He felt threatened by that agreement, the bisexual interactions would cease, period, end of story.
Because we BOTH enjoy those explorations TOGETHER (no we are not swingers, and don't do 'threesomes' ... and He enjoys observing His wife being pleasured by as well as pleasuring another woman).

3 concenting adults + a very erotic sexual exchange = 3 happy people. No harm done. Not anyone else's business to judge . ;)
Click to expand...

I'm not judging anyones individual relationships merely stating that once you developed and explored your sexuality, and then commiting yourself to that one person why the need to then go and further explore your sexuality with members of hte same or opposite sex? and not to be naive but if theres three of you concenting, thats a threesome I would have thought.
 
Harrowborg said:
I'm not judging anyones individual relationships merely stating that once you developed and explored your sexuality, and then commiting yourself to that one person why the need to then go and further explore your sexuality with members of hte same or opposite sex? and not to be naive but if theres three of you concenting, thats a threesome I would have thought.
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I think you totally missed what wicked woman said:

wicked woman said:
You're assuming 'committed yourself' implies exclusivity. That's not always the case. Everyone doesn't adhere to monogamy. The answer to your question is....not everyone thinks like you.
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levels of commitment

I'm not judging anyones individual relationships merely stating that once you developed and explored your sexuality, and then commiting yourself to that one person why the need to then go and further explore your sexuality with members of hte same or opposite sex? and not to be naive but if theres three of you concenting, thats a threesome I would have thought.
Click to expand...

You are making the asumption that everyone views commitment in the same manner as yourself. There are many levels of commitment. From the most strict (no porn, dont look at anyone, dont even think about anyone) to the opposite side of the spectrum (tell me all about your date, oo they are a cute couple lets flirt with them etc.) There are many layers in between.

What works in one relationship may not work in another. For you, your relationship may have issues if your S.O. or yourself were to go outside the relatioinship. In that case it could be the worst thing for you. I have met many people for whom this is not an issue as long as communication remains open.

All that being said you are not going to find the black and white line you seem to be seeking. Relationships and people in general are many shades of gray. Do what makes you and your S.O. happy. In the end thats what counts and not what others may think of your relationship.
 
Harrowborg said:
... not to be naive but if theres three of you concenting, thats a threesome I would have thought.
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For us, we define a threesome as 'three people having sex together'.

i said, "Because we BOTH enjoy those explorations TOGETHER".
Three people concenting, does not always equal three people having sex together. Unless, simply 'watching' is now concidered as being a sexual act.

In order for an act to be defined as sex, wouldn't some form of contact with at least one other person takes place? By our definition, for us, ... it does.
 
I agree with "threesome" being defined as a sexual encounter between three people. Polyamory, though - AKA open relationship or non-monogamy - requires all parties are aware of and approving of the relationship structure, but doesn't require them all to be sexually involved with each other. Hell, I'm in a long-term poly triad and we almost never have a "threesome" with all of us together.
 
Life isn't a nice neat obvious package of moral certainty.

I think it's wrong to engage in sex without your spouse/partner consenting.

I also think it's wrong to go a lifetime without fulfillment or curiosity sated or being able to be oneself. I think almost everyone knows what the right thing to do is, I just argue that it's not always that easy to do it.

It's not always clear cut and easy, yes same-sex cheating is cheating. And people have been cheating as long as they have been marrying.
 
Great observation, which has led to an interesting thread!

harrowborg -- What an interesting debate you've sparked! Kudos.

I typically think of myself as bisexual (with a strong preference for men), but I do not believe it's a license to cheat. That being said, I can certainly understand how, having read through many of the posts of a -- shall we call it -- 'exploratory'? nature, you would arrive at such a conclusion. I don't think it's an unfounded observation.

Furthermore, that the bulk (and no, I've not run the numbers -- just speaking from the tip-top of my head) of these exploratory posts argue that because one's partner isn't "cool" or "forward-thinking" or "relaxed" enough to let one play with another that one therefore somehow deserves or is owed a bit of sexual (and moral) leeway is (in my mind) reprehensible. Or, at the very least tragic. Committed relationships are typically partnerships built on trust. To me, folding, spindling, and mutilating that trust is an ugly, ugly thing.

But..."Love makes you do the wacky."* Or summat.

QG

*Willow Rosenberg, BtVS
 
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Harrowborg said:
After reading a few threads and posts it seems that anyone who is exploring their bi side when their married is seeking permission to basically cheat. i myself am bi, i've been out with a guy pretty seroiusly before meeting my current gf but I wouldn't even think about cheating on her even with her 'consent' to explore my bi side further. I would have thought if you had married someone, chosen to spend your life with them, be it a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, why is there a further need to explore your sexuality with other people?
Click to expand...

In our case, and we've been together for 12 years now, the commitment we made was to each other. We have chosen to spend our lives together, and there's a little more to it than just the sex.

As it happens, we're both bi, and we play with couples from time to time, and the girls and boys play with the girls and boys.

With regards to your specific question about "need", the answer is that there is no need. It's just pleasure. Sheer hedonism.

Why do we do it? Because we can.

We're happy. Our playmates are happy.

From our point of view, not taking the opportunity would be "cheating" ourselves.
 
I think its great to explore your bi side in general, what I was trying to say at the start is that exploration is great, do it to your hearts content, spend years exploring but once you've made the decision to marry to that one special person, to then continue exploring your 'bi side' or trying to pursuade your significant other into exploring there bi side, it does seem like cheating.
 
Harrowborg said:
I think its great to explore your bi side in general, what I was trying to say at the start is that exploration is great, do it to your hearts content, spend years exploring but once you've made the decision to marry to that one special person, to then continue exploring your 'bi side' or trying to pursuade your significant other into exploring there bi side, it does seem like cheating.
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Harrowborg, I think most people agree with you regaring monogamous relationships. The point I have seen emphasized in this thread, thougghm is that not all relationships are monogamous. Polyamory, open marriages, and even "I don't care if you do it, just tell/don't tell me about it" are all real and valid options. So yes, for monogamous relationships, same-sex cheating is still cheating. But not everybody practices monogamy as a matter of course.
 
Etoile said:
Harrowborg, I think most people agree with you regaring monogamous relationships. The point I have seen emphasized in this thread, thougghm is that not all relationships are monogamous. Polyamory, open marriages, and even "I don't care if you do it, just tell/don't tell me about it" are all real and valid options. So yes, for monogamous relationships, same-sex cheating is still cheating. But not everybody practices monogamy as a matter of course.
Click to expand...


Agreed...shall we say it one more time...

If your SO doesn't know and agree...it's cheating regardless of what sex they do it with.

BUT

some people think because it's the same sex, it's different, so are more likely to consent...

and others may commit to a person but not believe in monogamy so having sex with another is not cheating as long as the terms (e.g. telling the SO) are agreed to.

Not sure what the difficult part of this question is...other than the fact that it's not what you believe is right for you.
 
fair enough, glad not everyone has the same mind set as me, that would be one scary world.
 
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