I just needed to vent

Every single love song
reminds me of a love
gone wrong

I wasn’t strong enough to change
the rage
written on every page of my life
and I was to weak to admit
that I needed more help
than love could give
and it’s a shame to admit the things that went on in the cover of darkness
the pain I gave wasn’t mine to give
and I don’t know if anyone can understand all the wrongs I did

I couldn’t help myself
and I couldn’t be helped
I didn’t want to see that hurt in your eyes
and I wanted to disguise everything
behind so many lies
and I wanted you to love me
because I didn’t love myself
and the pain that I dealt
was a reflection of the pain that I felt
fighting you
and
fighting myself
fighting what I’d become
fighting everyone else


I am the love child of rage and abuse
and like a tree I always go back to my roots
and no that’s not an excuse
so don’t ever excuse me

Just listen when I tell you

It was never your fault
I know that to be true
you did all you could do
and even more than that
no one can change me
except for me
and that’s not your responsibility
it’s mine
 
Renza, honey, email me, PM me, IM me, something. You know how to reach me. I'm worried about you, worried like hell.

:heart: :heart:
 
Two-thirty here and I've only just properly awoke. Depression comes in huge waves, despite 40 milligrams per day of assorted prescriptions. In such a case as this, I feel as though I should be keeping my emotions in check, when my baby has far more to deal with than I do, or so it seems. She sleeps all day, thus, I try to do the same, never wanting to feel separate from her. She calls me every now and then, seeing as I can never get ahold of her. Because she sleeps constantly, her phone remains unanswered, and it's gotten to the point where she'll go nearly 48 hours without answering her phone. At this point, nothing matters anymore. We can't make each other feel well, and we can't cure each other. I know as soon as this is read, I'll receive various messages, telling me to hang in there and buck up, and others informing me that things really aren't as bad as they seem, but they are, and I don't know how to explain my innerworkings and emotions without sounding silly, so I will not even attempt to put you all in my shoes. Just know that I'm hanging on, by a thread, and the Lord knows I hope I'll be awakened one morning to the sound of her voice, telling me she woke up feeling refreshed, new, different. Until then it's dreams and tears.
 
for SIMA: :rose: :heart: :rose:

my vent for the moment: I'm so fucking sick and tired of people who should know better holding old, worn out stereotypes so close in their minds that they can't see anything else.

Jeezus fucking christ, people!
 
Lime said:
I just finished a rush job for one of my customers, busting ass to get it done for today. They just called, "Could you hold off shipping on that. They might want to change the color." Fucking fashion business!

AARRRGHHH!

Fashion
David Bowie
Changes Bowie

There's a brand new dance
But I don't know it's name
That people from bad homes
Do again and again
It's big and it's bland
Full tension and fear
They do it over there
But we don't do it here

Fashion - Turn to the left
Fashion - Turn to the right
We are the goon squad
And we're coming to town
Beep-beep - Beep-beep

Listen to me - Don't listen to me
Talk to me - Don't talk to me
Dance with me - Don't dance with me
No - Beep-beep - Beep-beep

There's a brand new talk
But it's not very clear
That people from good homes
Are talking this year
It's loud and it's tasteless
I've not heard it before
Shout it while you're dancing
On the -er dance floor

Fashion - Turn to the left
Fashion - Turn to the right
We are the goon squad
And we're coming to town
Beep-beep - Beep-beep

Listen to me - Don't listen to me
Talk to me - Don't talk to me
Dance with me - Don't dance with me
No - Beep-beep - Beep-beep

Oop bop - do do do do do do do do
Fa fa fa fa fashion

a little pick me up for ya babe. *grin*
 
This is for my mother, who sat in kitchen on a cold winter afternoon and told her 8 year old daughter to write.

She is the woman who I've modeled myself after ,
everything I am or will be. The woman who became the template for every other female in my life.

She sang to me until I slept
held my hand when I was sick
healed secret hurts with a hug
and kissed scraped knees until the pain was forgotten

She is a sometimes Queen
Who made me a once in a while princess
and when I felt worthless
she called me priceless

She put all this pride behind these brown eyes
and quoted ain't I a woman until I had the line memorized.

She mad it okay to cry and the times when the tears wouldn't come she showed me how to weep through this pen
to put my sould to the page
just to get past the primal rage
I felt.


I didn't want to hear the truth but she kept on bringing it
because I was too full of shit to see it for myself

She was

and

She is

Who I want to be.
 
destinie21 said:
This is for my mother, who sat in kitchen on a cold winter afternoon and told her 8 year old daughter to write.

She is the woman who I've modeled myself after ,
everything I am or will be. The woman who became the template for every other female in my life.

She sang to me until I slept
held my hand when I was sick
healed secret hurts with a hug
and kissed scraped knees until the pain was forgotten

She is a sometimes Queen
Who made me a once in a while princess
and when I felt worthless
she called me priceless

She put all this pride behind these brown eyes
and quoted ain't I a woman until I had the line memorized.

She mad it okay to cry and the times when the tears wouldn't come she showed me how to weep through this pen
to put my sould to the page
just to get past the primal rage
I felt.


I didn't want to hear the truth but she kept on bringing it
because I was too full of shit to see it for myself

She was

and

She is

Who I want to be.

One of the best poems of yours that I have read.
 
Hey beautiful Destinie, I'm glad to see you back.
Love the poem too.

-FF
 
There was this hit and run
and my world came undone
spun of f of it’s axis
and I was hurtled into the emptiness of the atmosphere
and the answers I need are unclear
and I’m barely holding on to the end of this rope
but it’s more than enough to hang myself with
and it’s more than enough to bind me
why won’t amazing grace just find me
and why does every moment I breathe remind me
of what was lost

38.02 seconds into the seventh hour and forty-sixth minute of the 27 of July
the cradle fell with no lullaby
now I’m giving birth to this anguish
and it’s clinging to me tearing up my insides while I try to push it out
and I can’t find peace because I’ve got all this doubt
like the light can’t reach me
and Jah forgot to preach to me
locked in my head I just need to break free
because this morning she was here
and tonight she’s just a memory
 
Destinie, this is a fearful thing. My heart goes out. I know we were never close; we know each other enough to recognize and we have a mutual respect. But this! Please know that my sympathies are with you.

with love

cantdog
 
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