Hugs and random non-sex chat aka Our Court aka Hoes and Bros who empower each other

[Boat1]

I think the thing that set your hot-tempered Alchemist off was the description in the title - "...random men calling you slut."

Random? Oh hell no. That would unleash a storm of angry womanhood.

Absolutely!

 

[TXRafe]

I think the thing that set your hot-tempered Alchemist off was the description in the title - "...random men calling you slut."

Random? Oh hell no. That would unleash a storm of angry womanhood.

oh no, i completely understand. i wouldn't use that word with anyone i wasn't friends with or more...like i said, i have never used it negatively but i know many people have...absolutely nothing wrong with a strong woman who is open and free with her sexuality. in fact i prefer them.

 

[Boat1]

My remedy for a random guy calling a lady that, might sound too harsh, so forgive me in advance, but a good kick to the nuts, followed by the question "Who's on their knees like a slut now!?" would be real justice, IMHO.

 

[HollyS]

Whew, home from the lab!

Maybe we ought to talk about more peaceful things to calm us for the night.

 

[Boat1]

Whew, home from the lab!

Maybe we ought to talk about more peaceful things to calm us for the night.

I concur!
I'm glad you're home!

 

[HollyS]

I concur!
I'm glad you're home!

Me too! Now I need to think about my area of expertise...

 

[Boat1]

Me too! Now I need to think about my area of expertise...

I'm sure you've got several to choose from!

 

[Boat1]

 

[Boat1]

I got a kick out of this! ^^

 

[HollyS]

Okay, I'm going to take a stab at @MiaBabe23 's challenge to offer advice on something we're experts in.

While I must demure from the title expert, I did think of a couple of things. One - if you aren't already saving for retirement, do it NOW! A Roth IRA lets your money grow, and as long as you wait the required amount of time, the earnings are tax free when you take them out. As an example, if you put $5000 for two years into a Roth IRA when you are a teen, and invest those funds into a decent moderate risk fund, you'd be a millionaire when you retire, tax free. And that's without any additional contributions, ever.

I know most people can't do that when they're a teen, but it gives you an idea of the potential. (No, I'm not a financial advisor, but my job provides me with some level of expertise. )

The other advice is totally mundane. If you like to use stainless or cast iron cookware, and you have trouble with food sticking, try this. Heat your skillet completely before you add any oil. I have an olive oil sprayer, so it takes hardly any at all, and my omelets, pancakes, etc come out of my iron skillet perfectly. No sticking at all. Most instructions tell you to heat the oil in the pan, but I guarantee you, doing it my way will reduce stuck-on food.

(The care of cast iron is easy, but it's a whole other subject!)

 

[Boat1]

Okay, I'm going to take a stab at @MiaBabe23 's challenge to offer advice on something we're experts in.

While I must demure from the title expert, I did think of a couple of things. One - if you aren't already saving for retirement, do it NOW! A Roth IRA lets your money grow, and as long as you wait the required amount of time, the earnings are tax free when you take them out. As an example, if you put $5000 for two years into a Roth IRA when you are a teen, and invest those funds into a decent moderate risk fund, you'd be a millionaire when you retire, tax free. And that's without any additional contributions, ever.

I know most people can't do that when they're a teen, but it gives you an idea of the potential. (No, I'm not a financial advisor, but my job provides me with some level of expertise. )

The other advice is totally mundane. If you like to use stainless or cast iron cookware, and you have trouble with food sticking, try this. Heat your skillet completely before you add any oil. I have an olive oil sprayer, so it takes hardly any at all, and my omelets, pancakes, etc come out of my iron skillet perfectly. No sticking at all. Most instructions tell you to heat the oil in the pan, but I guarantee you, doing it my way will reduce stuck-on food.

(The care of cast iron is easy, but it's a whole other subject!)

EXCELLENT!!!
Thank you for your expert advice!
If only I had a time machine for the retirement....
...and you're spot-on about the cast iron.
I have an old cast iron skillet that is better nonstick than Teflon, when used properly!

 

[HollyS]

EXCELLENT!!!
Thank you for your expert advice!
If only I had a time machine for the retirement....
...and you're spot-on about the cast iron.
I have an old cast iron skillet that is better nonstick than Teflon, when used properly!

Even without a time machine, a Roth can save you taxes. There's no upper age limit on contributions, and as long as you can leave it five years, (provided you're at least 59.5 when you withdraw) no taxes on earnings. So even if you just put a little into a Roth certificate, for example, it'll save you in taxes on the earnings.

 

[Boat1]

Even without a time machine, a Roth can save you taxes. There's no upper age limit, and as long as you can leave it five years, no taxes on earnings. So even if you just put a little into a Roth certificate, for example, it'll save you in taxes on the earnings.

Thank you for that info as well!
I wish I could've hired you as a money manager 25 years ago!

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Morning Court, hope everyone is well
Today/ this week, I ask you eloquent courtiers to provide some advice in something you’re expert in for us all
Don’t underestimate yourself, you’re probably expert in tens of areas
And feel free to share advice even if it’s of tangential relevance, sometimes it can be satisfying to learn about something very random

I'm an expert in a great many things, but the work I find most fulfilling is in being with the dying and counseling families through grief. I've sat with children, spouses, parents, brothers and sisters, who have gone through some of the most traumatic life events imaginable (and some I'd previously thought unimaginable). And while every relationship is different, and every expression of grief is different, there's some advice that I think holds true across the board.

After the loss of a close loved one, allow yourself time to process that grief. As much as you can, take time off work, put down unnecessary tasks, and let yourself sit in the loss. Some folks find that keeping busy with work or hobbies keeps their mind from dwelling, and that's fine - but make sure you're finding time to really process what you're going through.

Recognize that there is no "correct" way to grieve and there is no timeline. Not everyone who grieves is going to spend every minute of every day crying. People simply aren't built to do that. We grieve in tears and laughter, in community and in solitude, in continuing our routines and in abandoning them altogether. And while there's no "getting over" a significant loss (especially of a spouse or a child), there is healing that happens. In some people it happens quicker than others. There's no timetable that at X months you should be feeling this, at Y months you should be feeling that, at Z months you're all better and back to normal. It just doesn't work like that.

People will often be well-intentioned, but have no idea what to do or say to you. Be ready to hear any number of platitudes, cliches, and hollow words that just aren't helpful. For most people, death is something we only think about when we're forced to. We're not good at talking about it, and so we often lean on things we may have heard along the way, just to have something to say. There's not much to be done since we can't control other peoples' words, but just know that it's coming, even from people who truly do mean well.

Identify your support people. Who are your family and friends that you can call when you're going through the long dark night of the soul? Who will pick up the phone at 3am, or run your errands, or check in on you, or do all the little things that WILL slip through the cracks while you're grieving? Who can you count on to be there after the first month, when the initial wave of sympathy cards and calls and trays of casseroles and lasagnas from friends and neighbors aren't coming anymore? Who will listen to you tell the same story for the 20th time, not because you think they haven't heard it, but just because you need to tell it. The stronger your support system, the better off you'll be.

Seek help. There's no shame in looking for a support group, therapy, or even medication. Grief takes as much of a physical toll on us as a mental and emotional toll. It's exhausting and can absolutely devastate our ability to simply function in our day-to-day lives. Even simple things like getting out of bed, taking a shower, and having breakfast can seem like monumental tasks. There are professionals who can help. There are people who have been through what you're going through. It may feel like you're totally alone, but I promise you, there are people out there willing to help see you through the toughest times. Give them a chance.

There's a lot more, but I think this covers the major points.

I also know a lot about Dungeons & Dragons, European church history, and how to make maple syrup (spoiler: you take maple sap and boil it).

 

[Boat1]

Boattrash health food!

 

[Boat1]

I'm an expert in a great many things, but the work I find most fulfilling is in being with the dying and counseling families through grief. I've sat with children, spouses, parents, brothers and sisters, who have gone through some of the most traumatic life events imaginable (and some I'd previously thought unimaginable). And while every relationship is different, and every expression of grief is different, there's some advice that I think holds true across the board.

After the loss of a close loved one, allow yourself time to process that grief. As much as you can, take time off work, put down unnecessary tasks, and let yourself sit in the loss. Some folks find that keeping busy with work or hobbies keeps their mind from dwelling, and that's fine - but make sure you're finding time to really process what you're going through.

Recognize that there is no "correct" way to grieve and there is no timeline. Not everyone who grieves is going to spend every minute of every day crying. People simply aren't built to do that. We grieve in tears and laughter, in community and in solitude, in continuing our routines and in abandoning them altogether. And while there's no "getting over" a significant loss (especially of a spouse or a child), there is healing that happens. In some people it happens quicker than others. There's no timetable that at X months you should be feeling this, at Y months you should be feeling that, at Z months you're all better and back to normal. It just doesn't work like that.

People will often be well-intentioned, but have no idea what to do or say to you. Be ready to hear any number of platitudes, cliches, and hollow words that just aren't helpful. For most people, death is something we only think about when we're forced to. We're not good at talking about it, and so we often lean on things we may have heard along the way, just to have something to say. There's not much to be done since we can't control other peoples' words, but just know that it's coming, even from people who truly do mean well.

Identify your support people. Who are your family and friends that you can call when you're going through the long dark night of the soul? Who will pick up the phone at 3am, or run your errands, or check in on you, or do all the little things that WILL slip through the cracks while you're grieving? Who can you count on to be there after the first month, when the initial wave of sympathy cards and calls and trays of casseroles and lasagnas from friends and neighbors aren't coming anymore? Who will listen to you tell the same story for the 20th time, not because you think they haven't heard it, but just because you need to tell it. The stronger your support system, the better off you'll be.

Seek help. There's no shame in looking for a support group, therapy, or even medication. Grief takes as much of a physical toll on us as a mental and emotional toll. It's exhausting and can absolutely devastate our ability to simply function in our day-to-day lives. Even simple things like getting out of bed, taking a shower, and having breakfast can seem like monumental tasks. There are professionals who can help. There are people who have been through what you're going through. It may feel like you're totally alone, but I promise you, there are people out there willing to help see you through the toughest times. Give them a chance.

There's a lot more, but I think this covers the major points.

I also know a lot about Dungeons & Dragons, European church history, and how to make maple syrup (spoiler: you take maple sap and boil it).

WOW! Just F'ng WOW!
Bookmarked... and Thank You for that, more than you know!

 

[Boat1]

@Whiskeyjack
I wish I could give you a thousand "loves" for that, but if you tap em twice, it just erases them...

 

[HollyS]

I'm an expert in a great many things, but the work I find most fulfilling is in being with the dying and counseling families through grief. I've sat with children, spouses, parents, brothers and sisters, who have gone through some of the most traumatic life events imaginable (and some I'd previously thought unimaginable). And while every relationship is different, and every expression of grief is different, there's some advice that I think holds true across the board.

After the loss of a close loved one, allow yourself time to process that grief. As much as you can, take time off work, put down unnecessary tasks, and let yourself sit in the loss. Some folks find that keeping busy with work or hobbies keeps their mind from dwelling, and that's fine - but make sure you're finding time to really process what you're going through.

Recognize that there is no "correct" way to grieve and there is no timeline. Not everyone who grieves is going to spend every minute of every day crying. People simply aren't built to do that. We grieve in tears and laughter, in community and in solitude, in continuing our routines and in abandoning them altogether. And while there's no "getting over" a significant loss (especially of a spouse or a child), there is healing that happens. In some people it happens quicker than others. There's no timetable that at X months you should be feeling this, at Y months you should be feeling that, at Z months you're all better and back to normal. It just doesn't work like that.

People will often be well-intentioned, but have no idea what to do or say to you. Be ready to hear any number of platitudes, cliches, and hollow words that just aren't helpful. For most people, death is something we only think about when we're forced to. We're not good at talking about it, and so we often lean on things we may have heard along the way, just to have something to say. There's not much to be done since we can't control other peoples' words, but just know that it's coming, even from people who truly do mean well.

Identify your support people. Who are your family and friends that you can call when you're going through the long dark night of the soul? Who will pick up the phone at 3am, or run your errands, or check in on you, or do all the little things that WILL slip through the cracks while you're grieving? Who can you count on to be there after the first month, when the initial wave of sympathy cards and calls and trays of casseroles and lasagnas from friends and neighbors aren't coming anymore? Who will listen to you tell the same story for the 20th time, not because you think they haven't heard it, but just because you need to tell it. The stronger your support system, the better off you'll be.

Seek help. There's no shame in looking for a support group, therapy, or even medication. Grief takes as much of a physical toll on us as a mental and emotional toll. It's exhausting and can absolutely devastate our ability to simply function in our day-to-day lives. Even simple things like getting out of bed, taking a shower, and having breakfast can seem like monumental tasks. There are professionals who can help. There are people who have been through what you're going through. It may feel like you're totally alone, but I promise you, there are people out there willing to help see you through the toughest times. Give them a chance.

There's a lot more, but I think this covers the major points.

I also know a lot about Dungeons & Dragons, European church history, and how to make maple syrup (spoiler: you take maple sap and boil it).

Jack, that's amazing and wonderful advice. I admire that you are able to do that kind of work. It can be difficult to be empathetic with someone in a great deal of pain, and not take too much of it onto yourself.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

@Whiskeyjack
I wish I could give you a thousand "loves" for that, but if you tap em twice, it just erases them...

I appreciate that!
There's very little that holds true across the board for everyone, but those few things seem be pretty universal.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Jack, that's amazing and wonderful advice. I admire that you able to that kind of work. It can be difficult to be empathetic with someone in a great deal of pain, and not take too much of it onto yourself.

Well, let's not go canonizing me just yet. I do take a lot of the emotional baggage home with me. It's unavoidable. I run my group 4 months on, 2 months off, 4 months on, 2 months off. I need those large breaks just to keep my own sanity.

 

[HollyS]

Well, let's not go canonizing me just yet. I do take a lot of the emotional baggage home with me. It's unavoidable. I run my group 4 months on, 2 months off, 4 months on, 2 months off. I need those large breaks just to keep my own sanity.

I'm sure. It's good you are aware you need to take care of your own mental health, too.

 

[Boat1]

Well, let's not go canonizing me just yet. I do take a lot of the emotional baggage home with me. It's unavoidable. I run my group 4 months on, 2 months off, 4 months on, 2 months off. I need those large breaks just to keep my own sanity.

I can only imagine!
Kudos, and thank you for your work!

 

[Dirtygirlndeer]

So much truth in this. Very well said.

I'm an expert in a great many things, but the work I find most fulfilling is in being with the dying and counseling families through grief. I've sat with children, spouses, parents, brothers and sisters, who have gone through some of the most traumatic life events imaginable (and some I'd previously thought unimaginable). And while every relationship is different, and every expression of grief is different, there's some advice that I think holds true across the board.

After the loss of a close loved one, allow yourself time to process that grief. As much as you can, take time off work, put down unnecessary tasks, and let yourself sit in the loss. Some folks find that keeping busy with work or hobbies keeps their mind from dwelling, and that's fine - but make sure you're finding time to really process what you're going through.

Recognize that there is no "correct" way to grieve and there is no timeline. Not everyone who grieves is going to spend every minute of every day crying. People simply aren't built to do that. We grieve in tears and laughter, in community and in solitude, in continuing our routines and in abandoning them altogether. And while there's no "getting over" a significant loss (especially of a spouse or a child), there is healing that happens. In some people it happens quicker than others. There's no timetable that at X months you should be feeling this, at Y months you should be feeling that, at Z months you're all better and back to normal. It just doesn't work like that.

People will often be well-intentioned, but have no idea what to do or say to you. Be ready to hear any number of platitudes, cliches, and hollow words that just aren't helpful. For most people, death is something we only think about when we're forced to. We're not good at talking about it, and so we often lean on things we may have heard along the way, just to have something to say. There's not much to be done since we can't control other peoples' words, but just know that it's coming, even from people who truly do mean well.

Identify your support people. Who are your family and friends that you can call when you're going through the long dark night of the soul? Who will pick up the phone at 3am, or run your errands, or check in on you, or do all the little things that WILL slip through the cracks while you're grieving? Who can you count on to be there after the first month, when the initial wave of sympathy cards and calls and trays of casseroles and lasagnas from friends and neighbors aren't coming anymore? Who will listen to you tell the same story for the 20th time, not because you think they haven't heard it, but just because you need to tell it. The stronger your support system, the better off you'll be.

Seek help. There's no shame in looking for a support group, therapy, or even medication. Grief takes as much of a physical toll on us as a mental and emotional toll. It's exhausting and can absolutely devastate our ability to simply function in our day-to-day lives. Even simple things like getting out of bed, taking a shower, and having breakfast can seem like monumental tasks. There are professionals who can help. There are people who have been through what you're going through. It may feel like you're totally alone, but I promise you, there are people out there willing to help see you through the toughest times. Give them a chance.

There's a lot more, but I think this covers the major points.

I also know a lot about Dungeons & Dragons, European church history, and how to make maple syrup (spoiler: you take maple sap and boil it).

 

[HollyS]

Good morning! Happy Tuesday to everyone - all the lovely ladies and gentlemen of the court. May my message find you well.

I hope you all have a good day! I'll be busy turning whine to gold, as usual!

Okay, maybe turning whine to dollars, but still.

 

[HollyS]

And, just because I could watch all day, here is a woman chopping wood! (Get your minds out of the gutter, pervs. It's a woman chopping wood!)

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