Lootequiette: Pmann's Totally Original/Unaffiliated Thread

[aussiegeekygal]

Trust me, as someone who had too many public break ups, both parties will look ridiculous for all to see and you can't erase people's memories.

 

[Endless_Night]

That's actually what I'm worried about.
He's a good egg. Misunderstood by many. I know I'll miss him

I was so sorry to see his thread gone. He'd talked many of walking away, but it surprised me when actually did.

Absolutely did not know him well, but I was sorry to see him go. I hope he's okay.

 

[TigerLilly4U]

You know her side, you are biased due to the fact, she is your best friend. You were not there for all the conversations, believe me, you don't know everything. If his friends takes his word, they might feel she is in the wrong.

Trust me, as someone who had too many public break ups, both parties will look ridiculous for all to see and you can't erase people's memories.

No shit. I'm aware...and I don't trust anyone, long before I ever read your user name so feel free not to take credit.
And if you don't want to take part in this whole messy situation don't insert yourself.
I said what I wanted to say because it is how I feel. If you don't much care for how I feel in response to someone being a complete wanker...that's your problem that you can deal with privately or out in public on this very not private forum, it's how the interweb works.
Bless your heart for being so concerned about everyone. Perhaps if I try really hard I can be a better person like you.

 

[Donotrustanybody]

No shit. I'm aware...and I don't trust anyone, long before I ever read your user name so feel free not to take credit.
And if you don't want to take part in this whole messy situation don't insert yourself.
I said what I wanted to say because it is how I feel. If you don't much care for how I feel in response to someone being a complete wanker...that's your problem that you can deal with privately or out in public on this very not private forum, it's how the interweb works.
Bless your heart for being so concerned about everyone. Perhaps if I try really hard I can be a better person like you.

You can try to be a better person, but no one is better than me, you can shoot for 2nd at best.

 

[ydahecnot]

That's actually what I'm worried about.
He's a good egg. Misunderstood by many. I know I'll miss him

In all fairness, though, I know from a friend’s account and his posting history that he could be emotionally manipulative too

 

[aussiegeekygal]

In all fairness, though, I know from a friend’s account and his posting history that he could be emotionally manipulative too

I don't doubt that.
There was a lot of pain there.

 

[ydahecnot]

Now that the contretemps is being rehashed, let me say why I think what Pmann did was wrong. It violated the social contract of Lit, that what is exchanged in PMs and in real life doesn’t get aired, to be used as a weapon or a means of shaming. What was done was the equivalent of responding to a peashooter with a flamethrower.

For the record, I was told it wasn’t against the rules, as long as it wasn’t a screenshot of a PM. Still…

 

[aussiegeekygal]

For the record, I was told it wasn’t against the rules, as long as it wasn’t a screenshot of a PM. Still…

There's rules and then there's culture

This violated the latter.

It's a harsh reminder that we all interact with each other very differently.

I didn't actually catch this in real time as I was traveling and not keeping up with everything. I went back and read it from start to finish

It sucks from here because I can see exactly how this happened and how hard it must have been. I love both parties involved dearly and I'm just sorry this all happened. It's hard fucking stuff.

People here can be mistakes. We all just kinda hope they were the right mistakes...

 

[ydahecnot]

There's rules and then there's culture

This violated the latter.

It's a harsh reminder that we all interact with each other very differently.

I didn't actually catch this in real time as I was traveling and not keeping up with everything. I went back and read it from start to finish

It sucks from here because I can see exactly how this happened and how hard it must have been. I love both parties involved dearly and I'm just sorry this all happened. It's hard fucking stuff.

People here can be mistakes. We all just kinda hope they were the right mistakes...

Or, to quote Sheryl Crow, favorite mistakes

 

[Endless_Night]

I don't doubt that.
There was a lot of pain there.

Agreed. Struggling with mental illness is an ordeal.

 

[Mr_bogey]

All of this bs is none of our business, the 2 parties need to handle this privately and move on. No one else should be chimming in, we do not know everything that happened between them.

You don't know what people know.
You are correct, it should have been handled privately but one person decided to break that and you can't put it back in the box.
If you think people should stay quiet, why don't you lead by example.

 

[Donotrustanybody]

You don't know what people know.
You are correct, it should have been handled privately but one person decided to break that and you can't put it back in the box.
If you think people should stay quiet, why don't you lead by example.

I should have known you would get all emotional, it's over. Go enjoy your night

 

[Mr_bogey]

I should have known you would get all emotional, it's over. Go enjoy your night

Where did I get emotional? My night has been great, thanks. Again, maybe take your own advice.

 

[Donotrustanybody]

Where did I get emotional? My night has been great, thanks. Again, maybe take your own advice.

I will


Have a goodnight

 

[Lord Pmann]

Well this turned out to be a hopping thread last night.

Now that the contretemps is being rehashed, let me say why I think what Pmann did was wrong. It violated the social contract of Lit, that what is exchanged in PMs and in real life doesn’t get aired, to be used as a weapon or a means of shaming. What was done was the equivalent of responding to a peashooter with a flamethrower.

For the record, I was told it wasn’t against the rules, as long as it wasn’t a screenshot of a PM. Still…

I'll address this because I think this is quite a fair point. I completely understand why people feel what I did was wrong. I'm not foolish to think it was going to win me any brownie points. I'm also not defending it. Y's post is very well-said and his feelings probably represent most.

There is something I want to clarify. People aren't actually mad that I posted the information. This information was already posted on the board in some form or another. What people are actually mad at is the fact that I consolidated it and gave it context. Virtually everything (except for a couple of tertiary comments or details) was already mentioned on the forum in multiple posts. I specifically only mentioned things that were already said in the open.

People enjoy seeing the record set straight when it suits their needs, supports their beliefs, confirms their biases or helps their group of friends. It is uncomfortbale ifbit does not meet those criteria. This particular post was more thorough than most and gave context for numerous comments, which probably leads to the extra cringe factor. But as I said, every single event listed was something already mentioned on the forum in a post, either text or a board voice message. There were varying levels of anonymity, as well, ranging from covert to not at all covert. Lit is a small world and the reality is, one can claim to hide behind a post not directly mentioning a specific person, but let's be realistic.

To Tig's point, there is his story, her story and the truth. I'm not dumb enough to think I get everything right or that I didn't do/say something wrong. The truth is always somewhere in between.

So for today's question... how do you think the unwritten rules of culture should be followed here? They are unwritten. There is a culture here and many people feel like I broke it. Do you think there is ever a time to do so? Have you ever? If so, what were the consequences?

 

[ydahecnot]

Well this turned out to be a hopping thread last night.



I'll address this because I think this is quite a fair point. I completely understand why people feel what I did was wrong. I'm not foolish to think it was going to win me any brownie points. I'm also not defending it. Y's post is very well-said and his feelings probably represent most.

There is something I want to clarify. People aren't actually mad that I posted the information. This information was already posted on the board in some form or another. What people are actually mad at is the fact that I consolidated it and gave it context. Virtually everything (except for a couple of tertiary comments or details) was already mentioned on the forum in multiple posts. I specifically only mentioned things that were already said in the open.

People enjoy seeing the record set straight when it suits their needs, supports their beliefs, confirms their biases or helps their group of friends. It is uncomfortbale ifbit does not meet those criteria. This particular post was more thorough than most and gave context for numerous comments, which probably leads to the extra cringe factor. But as I said, every single event listed was something already mentioned on the forum in a post, either text or a board voice message. There were varying levels of anonymity, as well, ranging from covert to not at all covert. Lit is a small world and the reality is, one can claim to hide behind a post not directly mentioning a specific person, but let's be realistic.

To Tig's point, there is his story, her story and the truth. I'm not dumb enough to think I get everything right or that I didn't do/say something wrong. The truth is always somewhere in between.

So for today's question... how do you think the unwritten rules of culture should be followed here? They are unwritten. There is a culture here and many people feel like I broke it. Do you think there is ever a time to do so? Have you ever? If so, what were the consequences?

To clarify, I am mad you posted the information. The vast majority of the the postertariat had no idea of the existence of the fragments of As the Pmann-Tigo Turns. When you put together the fragments into a coherent picture, just because she was perhaps passively-aggressively poking at you, you did wrong. You could have passively-aggressively poked right back or taken it to PMs. What you did set a precedent that could begin to tear at the bonhomie of the board, introducing the concept that if one engages in a Litlationship, the details could someday be thrown back in one’s face publicly.

To answer your question: the only time PM info should be tied to a person and aired is if it is threatening: But still, reporting to a moddy is probably the better course

 

[Donotrustanybody]

Well this turned out to be a hopping thread last night.



I'll address this because I think this is quite a fair point. I completely understand why people feel what I did was wrong. I'm not foolish to think it was going to win me any brownie points. I'm also not defending it. Y's post is very well-said and his feelings probably represent most.

There is something I want to clarify. People aren't actually mad that I posted the information. This information was already posted on the board in some form or another. What people are actually mad at is the fact that I consolidated it and gave it context. Virtually everything (except for a couple of tertiary comments or details) was already mentioned on the forum in multiple posts. I specifically only mentioned things that were already said in the open.

People enjoy seeing the record set straight when it suits their needs, supports their beliefs, confirms their biases or helps their group of friends. It is uncomfortbale ifbit does not meet those criteria. This particular post was more thorough than most and gave context for numerous comments, which probably leads to the extra cringe factor. But as I said, every single event listed was something already mentioned on the forum in a post, either text or a board voice message. There were varying levels of anonymity, as well, ranging from covert to not at all covert. Lit is a small world and the reality is, one can claim to hide behind a post not directly mentioning a specific person, but let's be realistic.

To Tig's point, there is his story, her story and the truth. I'm not dumb enough to think I get everything right or that I didn't do/say something wrong. The truth is always somewhere in between.

So for today's question... how do you think the unwritten rules of culture should be followed here? They are unwritten. There is a culture here and many people feel like I broke it. Do you think there is ever a time to do so? Have you ever? If so, what were the consequences?

I have been in similair situations and it turned out horribly, but after looking back, I would have let her vent and leave it alone. When you ignore it, you look like the bigger person and the one posting publicly makes themselves looks bad. You both fucked up, should have all been handled privately, by both parties.


It is always inappropiate for both parties to do so, you guys did not ask for public opinion to get into a relationship, so we should not be privy to the wreckage.



Have I ever ? Yes, too many times


Consequences ? I made myself look like an ass, less people dealt with me romantically and sexually.



I Have been guilty of this, so I understand fully. I just know from experience, it is wrong and looks bad.

 

[Wand3rlust]

So for today's question... how do you think the unwritten rules of culture should be followed here?
They are unwritten. There is a culture here and many people feel like I broke it. Do you think there is ever a time to do so? Have you ever? If so, what were the consequences?

Lit works like life. There are hard and fast rules that breaking will see punishment. Sometimes, swift, sometimes taking ages.

There are people who walk to the line of what the 'majority' consider to be acceptable. And those who routinely call them out.

There are those who post spewing angst and heartbreak all over the boards. Some may know who it is aimed at, others may not. Like the best tabloids we all profess to tut and shake our heads at how uncouth it all is, while devouring every line and thanking God that this time it isn't us.

I have posted angst on these boards. Mainly at people who don't post here and never have. Sometimes at those who are very much here and happily posting away. I tend to intersperse mine with stupid comments, and making people laugh. Only a few would know what was real and what was me fucking around.

I am glad I haven't been the target of such comments. But I have seen them. Over and over and digging and digging. And while that person may maintain an aura of higher ground and respectability, in time, the targets of it will lose their patience.
It happened recently in the cock talk thread, involving different people. And has happened many times before and will again.

Nothing is secret on Lit. The only way to keep it so is to not talk about things at all. And I think everyone should go into a litlationship full in the knowledge that if it goes sideways, as it so invariably does, then the shit will and may hit the fan.

Someone said to me the other day everyone on Lit is damaged in some way. And we all deal with that the best we can. Dignified silence is always the best way, but that can be so hard to maintain, when you feel you are being dug out over and over.

I don't know what happened in the matters in this thread. Nor do I want to. But I hope that everyone involved has someone to support them, and I also hope that all involved manage to find the closure they need to let it go and move on.

Pile ons are never pleasant. Even those that are well deserved. And the only people who know the entirety of what happened have differing views, and somewhere in between is the truth. Jumping in to confirm your opinion of someone without knowledge of this actually doesn't help. The people involved or the rest of us.

I truly hope that tempers fade, and that if people can't get on then they avoid each other.

It can be hard to deal with things privately. Believe me. The last couple of weeks have shown me that. But. The only person that gets hurt by dragging it all out into the open is me. Short term satisfaction is not worth the long term damage. In my opinion.

Anyway. My 2 cents. Tuppence. Whatever.

 

[Endless_Night]

Truly excellent post^, @Wand3rlust.

So for today's question... how do you think the unwritten rules of culture should be followed here? They are unwritten. There is a culture here and many people feel like I broke it. Do you think there is ever a time to do so? Have you ever? If so, what were the consequences?

Culture often devolves into minority rule, with like-minded people who like to wrangle taking the fore. That's never my favorite environment. One of the reasons I like Lit and the question threads is that I enjoy polite diversity of opinion, whether or not I agree.

The meltdowns from ended litships are not fun to watch. The jabby ones always get ugly. I've only seen one where the jabbed did not respond, and honestly, in that particular situation, I do not know how they managed.

The others culminate in different ways, from trying to deal in PMs and eventual blocking, to both parties starting in on the passive aggressive comments, to one party leaving the board, to some form of public showdown.

Silence is probably best, if possible. However everyone has a different approach and I certainly understand people getting fed up.

*
Have I ever? I've acted against prevailing culture on occasion, but it's rare. The personal drama is not something I like. I use Lit as a relaxant, whether that be question threads or light banter with familiar posters.

*
As an aside to the question, while I very much dislike the stabby breakup situations and resulting public fallout, it's the end of relationship grief meltdowns that really get me. It's like they're bleeding out on the board. Sometimes it goes on for what seems like forever.

It is just so painful to watch.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I think the best way to act on a sex site is to be as dramatic, hateful and mean spirited as possible.
Why else are any of us here?

I usually miss the drama on Lit, I seem to be (for the most part) completely oblivious to it. The one week I wasn’t here is when (my completely awesome thread) Cock Talk turned to shit. I was and am aware that it happened, but I still don’t know exactly what happened or why it happened and I have no intention to go back and find out.

It bores me.

I find the drama boring.

So I have no answers to the questions other than to say you can’t follow unwritten rules. Also written rules are stupid. You do what you do and people will go with it or they won’t.

And the world keeps spinning one way or the other, so let’s just get naked and have fun before we die.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I think the best way to act on a sex site is to be naked and have fun before we die.

FYP YW!

 

[ydahecnot]

FYP YW!

Best. tl;dr. Ever.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I'm too autistic to answer today's question.

I agree with HW; it's impossible to follow unwritten rules and the written ones are usually stupid

 

[StillRain]

Perplexed how ZERO wanker nominations have occurred from this thread.

Holy fucking Moley.

 

[Photog1rl]

Perplexed how ZERO wanker nominations have occurred from this thread.

Holy fucking Moley.

Everyone lost all their humor.