FLR v Femdom

[eroticspank]

Femdom to me is basically the woman controlling the sex, if there is sex, what acts, how often, and whether the man achieves orgasm or not. In porn, written and visual, femdom is characterized as women doing just what men want them to do, torturing the man or "making" him come, and being "forced" to satisfy her the way he actually desires. The relationship may or may not involve BDSM, pain and punishment, etc. but that would be decided by the woman.

FLR would be the woman controlling basically everything, i.e. sex, financial decisions and control, etc. but it doesn't necessarily mean that the man has to be feminized, degraded or humiliated as part of the relationship. And if either of them is into the pain and punishment, spanking, etc., that reverts to a BDSM lifestyle.

This is also a good description. I would add that when the woman is in charge in the bedroom(Femdom) that some men are surprised at what direction she takes, especially if it is not in alignment with their fantasies. But that is Femdom and submitting to her desires and direction is what you do as the sub.

In a FLR it does not mean the woman has to make the most money or work at all. It just means she runs the overall show.
ES

 

[Dearelliot]

I think a FLR would work, it already does in many marriages. My wife wants me to do this and that and I do it...and she isn't lazy so she is also busy. Unfortunately, she isn't a domme. but if she was it would seem perfect.

 

[Showmewhatchugot84]

My wife is not necessarily a dominant woman. We have been exploring the FLR lifestyle. I think it's different for everyone but ours is mostly based around orgasm control. My cock is caged 24/7 and only gets released when she says. In the few short weeks of exploring I have become more helpful around the house. Taking on chores such as laundry, which she has always done for the 20 yrs we've been together. She still helps from time to time with cooking and cleaning but if she tells me to do something I do it. Usually I'm doing it before she asks. We have both also became much more affectionate towards each other. We make out pretty much daily which hasn't been much part of our life for many years. We are communicating better than ever. And of course her pleasure always comes first. We are still fairly new(coming up on a month) in the lifestyle and still trying new things and adapting to what fits our(her) needs the best.

 

[eroticspank]

My wife is not necessarily a dominant woman. We have been exploring the FLR lifestyle. I think it's different for everyone but ours is mostly based around orgasm control. My cock is caged 24/7 and only gets released when she says. In the few short weeks of exploring I have become more helpful around the house. Taking on chores such as laundry, which she has always done for the 20 yrs we've been together. She still helps from time to time with cooking and cleaning but if she tells me to do something I do it. Usually I'm doing it before she asks. We have both also became much more affectionate towards each other. We make out pretty much daily which hasn't been much part of our life for many years. We are communicating better than ever. And of course her pleasure always comes first. We are still fairly new(coming up on a month) in the lifestyle and still trying new things and adapting to what fits our(her) needs the best.

I am very happy for you both. It is wonderful that she has taken on that role for you and enjoyed it. You are living out your fantasies.

I do think because of the sex and sex play you have become closer and more intimate. I believe that is true for most couples. Regular sex is helpful for a couple's physical and emotional health. In my opinion, that can be any kind of sex, including plain vanilla. It's what works for you as a couple.
ES

 

[wifes_fag]

Watching a cockold humiliation video in which husband is allowed to be in bed and masturbate while wife and her lover make love. My wife let me watch but not touch her or her lover. I couldn't help but run my penis and cum. After they finished she would invariably demand I put my penis into her wet cum filled pussy. I do wanted to do that for her but after rubbing and draining my fluid plus the loss of my self esteem I could do anything with my limp little clitty. Often it barely show it's head and she then verbally humiliated me and told me I was not worthy of thinking myself a man. This as her friend lay beside her. I would give up and rub like a girl as they watched. I miss those sexually active days with her and now just rub.
Oh how I loved seeing her flowing with two or three cum loads and his cock and balls covered in their cum, anticipating a chance to perhaps taste them. Any one else enjoy tasting

I love eating other mens cum out of my wife. I jack off and catch it in a shot glass and eat my own cum too because I know other men can fuck her so much better than me.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I love eating other mens cum out of my wife. I jack off and catch it in a shot glass and eat my own cum too because I know other men can fuck her so much better than me.

It's so sexy and I always think of doing it if it's interracial.

 

[Lotus_Kitty]

Can there be a FLR that has mutual respect and just an alternative lifestyle or is it always BDSM?

Can't speak specifically to FLR. Would like to point out that BDSM in general should have mutual respect or someone could get very hurt. BDSM without mutual respect quickly becomes harassment and abuse.

Any play or way of living that has power exchange would fall under the BDSM umbrella, no whips, chains, leather, pain, etc. required. It's a big umbrella!

 

[rockynook]

We have a FLR marriage for 35+ years. She is 100% in control of everything,and I know my place.

 

[Boat1]

Can't speak specifically to FLR. Would like to point out that BDSM in general should have mutual respect or someone could get very hurt. BDSM without mutual respect quickly becomes harassment and abuse.

Any play or way of living that has power exchange would fall under the BDSM umbrella, no whips, chains, leather, pain, etc. required. It's a big umbrella!

I think you are a VERY wise lady!
KUDOS and Hat-Tip to you!

 

[Erosfan]

In my opinion, Femdom is a female-dominant in the bedroom. She calls the shots in the bedroom. It does not have to include any kind of BDSM or role-playing. It can be completely vanilla sex but with the woman directing the scene. This does work well with D/s and BDSM play and that is probably why many dominant women in the bedroom end up going that route. And it is the stuff of many men's fantasies.

A FLR is a relationship run by a woman. The relationship is much more than just the bedroom, it involves everything in the lives of the couple. Mainly she is in charge of safety, security, emotional and physical happiness. I find it hard to describe at this moment but when I think about it, the woman is usually involved in the relationship part in most marriages because that is the most important part to her. Many couples out there are FLRs because the woman eventually takes over anyway, to ensure their relationship stays solid and the husband obeys. In some cases, the woman sees sex as a way to keep their man in line and it is used accordingly. The man gets sex and the woman gets security, emotional, and physical satisfaction.

My point is that women and men look at sex differently. Once the woman figures this out, and she is the type to take control, she uses this knowledge to the benefit of them both.

A FLR can be with a Femdom woman as I mentioned above or not.

ES

I love your take on this. This is "the stuff of many men's fantasies", including mine. Sexually, I was hers to do with as she wished, when she wished and where she wished. Yes, I derived a great deal of pleasure from our relationship. Moreover, we shared this pleasure!

 

[Will527]

Lotus Kitty is right - in a FLR or any BDSM relationship, there has to be trust and equal participation. My personal take on FLR is that the woman controls the sex at all times, and may or may not choose to deny his release. It's more of a domme/sub situation, maybe a female worship, and it doesn't extend beyond the bedroom.

 

[Dearelliot]

My daughter has an excellent job where she makes big money, a very demanding job, no room for error or excuses, and she works long hours. Her husband is well educated and bright, but any job he had was just okay money wise. When they had children, they opted for him to be Mr Mom, and take care of the kids and the home. Not something I'd want to do, but they have managed to make it work. She makes the decisions, and he listens. I have no idea how they live their sex lives.

 

[artslut86]

Lotus Kitty is right - in a FLR or any BDSM relationship, there has to be trust and equal participation. My personal take on FLR is that the woman controls the sex at all times, and may or may not choose to deny his release. It's more of a domme/sub situation, maybe a female worship, and it doesn't extend beyond the bedroom.

My D/s is not equal.
I may have 'agency' and my needs wants are considered and catered to after a fashion. Never as I expect. It is often in fact way better.
But the rules are simple.
I must do as I'm told. Whining, push back, making choices about my sexual activities will end poorly.

I'm currently being reminded of that. I edged or touched without permission 2nd week in a row [ I'm stupid like that but 5 -6 weeks no orgasm is killing me...and all the edging tasks are insane to stop when I'm supposed to. Sigh ]
So...at this very moment I'm wearing pantyhose, slapping my balls and thighs multiple times a day through them while I'm caged 24/7 for next 2 weeks. I've lost all my edging and play and anal privileges. I have to request to do every single task. No exceptions. There is one boss

 

[Heartfeltman]

Is there such a thing as a healthy FLR relationship that isn’t Femdom or the sub topping from the bottom?
Can there be a FLR that has mutual respect and just an alternative lifestyle or is it always BDSM?
I question because posts about FLR always seem to involve some sort of punishment casuals by an action of the sub that is totally avoidable or acting like a baby. And when that happens it appears to be topping from the bottom for attention.
In other words I want this sort of dynamic from my wife so I “break the rules” when I choose to and am “punished” in the way I like to be.
Example, “oh I was crabby so mistress put me back in chastity, I was soooooo humiliating when I heard the lock click and I had to give her a back massage.”
I’m not being critical I’m just questioning FLR as anything more than occasional role playing fun, which is fine, but is it a true 24/7 lifestyle?

Some would bicker over what constitutes "healthy", but the answer is yes.

For example, we divorced and reconciled after more than twenty years. She's the primary breadwinner and owns the home and car. I drive her wherever she needs to go, run errands, cook the meals and provide emotional support. She is undeniably the last word on 95% of all our decisions. Her anger is the punishment. Sometimes it's just enough for her displeasure to send me scrambling.

I love her and I fear her and we've been together for more than 40 years. She is vanilla. We divorced because I'd sought out Femdom relationships on the side.

The irony of it all isn't lost on me.

 

[Mrs_and_mr]

In my opinion, Femdom is a female-dominant in the bedroom. She calls the shots in the bedroom. It does not have to include any kind of BDSM or role-playing. It can be completely vanilla sex but with the woman directing the scene. This does work well with D/s and BDSM play and that is probably why many dominant women in the bedroom end up going that route. And it is the stuff of many men's fantasies.

A FLR is a relationship run by a woman. The relationship is much more than just the bedroom, it involves everything in the lives of the couple. Mainly she is in charge of safety, security, emotional and physical happiness. I find it hard to describe at this moment but when I think about it, the woman is usually involved in the relationship part in most marriages because that is the most important part to her. Many couples out there are FLRs because the woman eventually takes over anyway, to ensure their relationship stays solid and the husband obeys. In some cases, the woman sees sex as a way to keep their man in line and it is used accordingly. The man gets sex and the woman gets security, emotional, and physical satisfaction.

My point is that women and men look at sex differently. Once the woman figures this out, and she is the type to take control, she uses this knowledge to the benefit of them both.

A FLR can be with a Femdom woman as I mentioned above or not.

ES

This is probably a textbook definition. I have seen many relationships that I’d say were FLR. But there’s no real kink in it, maybe the only control the lady excerpts over sex is if it happens. But there are always exceptions. If I was in a relationship with a controlling partner who had a high sex drive, but the sex was pretty vanilla. I wouldn’t call it a femdom.

 

[OddLove]

I've also seen lots of Female Led Relationships that have nothing to do with sexuality, fetish, kink, or roleplaying. It's usually when a woman is career focused, and the 'bread winner' and the husband makes much less money, or no money, but he's very supportive and loving like how traditionalists think a 'Trad Wife' should be.

But FLR in the kink world is just people roleplaying a some level of Femdom D/s dynamics because it's fun and exciting to them.

And there's lots of real FLR's that roleplay the opposite. Where the woman has desires that don't match her lifestyle and personality, but stepping into the role of being a submissive in her personal life and submitting to her 'Trad wife' husband is what makes her tick, and the stay at home husband could have a lot of fun stepping out of his mellow, go with the flow, 'I'm here to help' type personality and have a ton of fun playing the role of a Dom for his wife.

And there's a million different levels to practicing and playing roles in Kink... like how much, how little, how extreme, how mild, etc.

Then you add personalities and compatibility with each other, and it get's infinitely more complex.

So at the end of the day, how we like to practice our FLR kink is the 'right' way for us. And there's not a proper or improper way to do it.

There might be people in the kink community who insist you must check a certain amount of boxes on their made up list of 'How to have a REAL Female led relationship', but they should honestly just be laughed at for taking themselves to serious.

It's just about finding what works best for you and those involved, and trying to have fun with it.

 

[kneelingmatt]

A FLR can take many forms. For me being service oriented it is not all about the kinks or the fetishes, while I do have them it is about about pleasing. For me the lady is in control and i do what I can to please. I would happlily serve her coffee, do her laundry, cook her meals, get her bath ready, ect. There is more to the relationship and every relationship is different.

 

[HarleyQuim]

Is there such a thing as a healthy FLR relationship that isn’t Femdom or the sub topping from the bottom?
Can there be a FLR that has mutual respect and just an alternative lifestyle or is it always BDSM?
I question because posts about FLR always seem to involve some sort of punishment casuals by an action of the sub that is totally avoidable or acting like a baby. And when that happens it appears to be topping from the bottom for attention.
In other words I want this sort of dynamic from my wife so I “break the rules” when I choose to and am “punished” in the way I like to be.
Example, “oh I was crabby so mistress put me back in chastity, I was soooooo humiliating when I heard the lock click and I had to give her a back massage.”
I’m not being critical I’m just questioning FLR as anything more than occasional role playing fun, which is fine, but is it a true 24/7 lifestyle?

I don’t completely understand the question either but if it’s a true FLR, it’s whatever she wants it to be within agreed upon limits. By definition, the male doesn’t get to define the terms once he consents to be lead by her.

 

[LinusLattimore]

I don’t completely understand the question either but if it’s a true FLR, it’s whatever she wants it to be within agreed upon limits. By definition, the male doesn’t get to define the terms once he consents to be lead by her.

Well said...though I don't think the word "true" applies here. It implies some sort of dogmatic understanding of FLR exists up there above the clouds. FLR happens, as does any human interaction, on many levels of the mind. Or, maybe many levels of two overlapping minds. For us, it has developed over the years into one of the "rooms in our relationship mansion" that we visit together on occasion. It is one of many rooms. Once we enter it, consensually, it is under the control of the Missus (that is, I have no say) until she decides it's time to leave. It usually lasts about a week. Once it was about two months. We are just too multi-dimensional to make FLR our single focus. She is very imaginative, and I'm very lucky. Going on fifty years.