Is Femdom Real?

[wifes_fag]

I am cucked and my wife is my femdom. Had my ears pierced which is kind of unusual for men around here in this rural area. Has me wear ear rings when I am with her. I have kept my legs smooth since jr high. Now she makes me wear the womens denim shorts with about a 4 in inseam. They look like regular denim shorts except the wide hem. I went in to pay the water bill the other day and Jeanne said well you are looking good. Most people don't notice it but some people like her do. She got me womens brown back strap sandals to wear with my blue jeans. During hot weather most people don't pay them any attention but a lot of women know what they are. Subtle things. We travel more now. Away from here she may have me wear more pronounced womens shorts, the sandals, and womens tees with the shorter sleeves. To top it off I may wear short dangling ear rings. I have found not many people pay a whole lot of attention but I know eventually i will run into some people I know. Then I don't know.

 

[emme8]

Some of us like to dominate men, but not always with the common fantasy that are on pornhub.

I enjoy denying my boys orgasm. I like to tease and ruin some of the orgasms I do let them achieve.

I enjoy cucking my hubby. But that is under my own rules not the what "femdom" says is the right way.

 

[TheF1x3r]

mmm.... it's like this

Most of the Femdom porn is a young actress being told by some guy with a mullet and a moustache to act out a script he doesn't understand

the script was written by someone with the fetish or by someone who has read about the fetish

The end result is usually someone awkwardly spanking a middle aged man and saying the same phrase (i.e. "you like that you dirty pervert loser") over and over again for about 10 minutes

Femdom in real life is nothing like that, and there's plenty of people above who can lay that out

 

[NancyPan]

Yes, there are real-life Femdom relationships. I am in an FLR. My wife is in charge of this house, my orgasms, and decides if/when we have sex. She gives me chores that I happily do for her. My mission is to please her.

I have two online friends who are in similar relationships. Both of them are in chastity. Their wives are definitely Dominant.

I can’t speak for how common it is that there are women who use physical discipline. In our relationship, displeasing her generally results in orgasm denial and withholding of the privilege of pussy worship. My wife is actually ore inclined to use rewards rather than punishments.

 

[TheF1x3r]

Yes, there are real-life Femdom relationships. I am in an FLR. My wife is in charge of this house, my orgasms, and decides if/when we have sex. She gives me chores that I happily do for her. My mission is to please her.

I have two online friends who are in similar relationships. Both of them are in chastity. Their wives are definitely Dominant.

I can’t speak for how common it is that there are women who use physical discipline. In our relationship, displeasing her generally results in orgasm denial and withholding of the privilege of pussy worship. My wife is actually ore inclined to use rewards than punishments.

Sorry I'm going to take us on a total tangent... You know red pill alpha male guys?

The describe the "beta schlub" as someone who's wife controls them using sex. (that's a very very short summary)

It's funny that their dystopia is the inverse of your utopia. Although I do wonder if those guys describe their fantasy and, due to internal resistance or a sense of disgust, then project that it is in fact something they would hate.

 

[TheF1x3r]

I am cucked and my wife is my femdom. Had my ears pierced which is kind of unusual for men around here in this rural area. Has me wear ear rings when I am with her. I have kept my legs smooth since jr high. Now she makes me wear the womens denim shorts with about a 4 in inseam. They look like regular denim shorts except the wide hem. I went in to pay the water bill the other day and Jeanne said well you are looking good. Most people don't notice it but some people like her do. She got me womens brown back strap sandals to wear with my blue jeans. During hot weather most people don't pay them any attention but a lot of women know what they are. Subtle things. We travel more now. Away from here she may have me wear more pronounced womens shorts, the sandals, and womens tees with the shorter sleeves. To top it off I may wear short dangling ear rings. I have found not many people pay a whole lot of attention but I know eventually i will run into some people I know. Then I don't know.

I'm going to be looking out for this now - that's hardcore!

 

[NancyPan]

Sorry I'm going to take us on a total tangent... You know red pill alpha male guys?

The describe the "beta schlub" as someone who's wife controls them using sex. (that's a very very short summary)

It's funny that their dystopia is the inverse of your utopia. Although I do wonder if those guys describe their fantasy and, due to internal resistance or a sense of disgust, then project that it is in fact something they would hate.

Perhaps. Hard for me to relate to the so-called “alpha” guy, or the guy who wants to control women (particularly without her consent). Femdom, of course, is a consensual power exchange. I have asked my wife to control our sex life (and my orgasms). She has accommodated, we have learned together, and our marriage is stronger, and our lives better because of it.

If there is a submissive woman who gets off on being dominated by her man, and grants him permission to do so, then, yes, I guess that is the inverse. The key being that these relationships, to be healthy, must be consensual and benefit both parties.

 

[emme8]

I think the fantasy is that it is less consensual, but the reality is consensual exchange of power, at least in the healthy marriages. (Domestic violence can go both ways)

I'm very submissive. My ultimate fantasy would be for hubby to use me, to discipline me to me his perfect wife.
However I think hubby's ultimate fantasy is the exact opposite. With me controlling him.

So what is the current solution. He runs the household (for me) and I control his all orgasms. I get to have sex with a Dom to meet my submissive needs for the bdsm and hubby gets the treat of taking pictures and video.

I am so spoiled

 

[TheF1x3r]

(particularly without her consent)

I think that's a whole different psychology; like a dom and a sub both know, on some level, that they're playing a game (or acting a role) regardless of genders.

When you start getting into true non-consensual (or you know... the r word) then we're in a different universe, and I don't think it's even close to femdom/mendom (I don't know what that's called... men domination?)

I don't think the red pill identity seek non-con either, honestly I think they just try to create that dominant masculine persona because they think that all women like that. To their credit, it is popular but I wouldn't say it's even close to all women.

If there is a submissive woman who gets off on being dominated by her man, and grants him permission to do so, then, yes, I guess that is the inverse.

Yeah that seems about right. I wonder which is more common

 

[NancyPan]

I think there is little question that male fantasies about Femdom are more common (than female fantasies about being dominated). Many women like an assertive, strong man, but not so many have the desire to be sexually dominated or humiliated. In fact, one barrier my wife and I had to overcome is that she does prefer me to be assertive in social situations, business dealings, etc. She does not want me to appear to be a “wimp” to others even though I wear panties, am pussy-whipped, and wear a frilly apron at home to do my chores.

I think, since women have historically fought oppression and often been victimized, the psychology is wholly different!

 

[emme8]

There's a difference between an asshole male and an alpha male. Just like there's a difference between an alpha female and a "Karen".

My hubby (who happens to be relatively submissive to me in the bedroom) is as close to alpha in the rest of world.

He cares about and protects his "pack".
Which happens to be the sports teams he managed. He will bounce out the problem parent, defend the refs, get mad as hell when a player gets hurt by dirty moves.
He's the guy that will speak up in line when someone is being a jerk to the store employee. He is the one the single mom calls to help her go pick up her runaway kid from the streets. He made his own child help the janitors clean up after a food fight that child was involved in.

He is very strong and wise and he uses his strength to protect those who need defending. So a pack has formed around him.

Does he always want to be the pack leader? No way.
At least for the sports teams he's been attempting to pass off the role for years.
But when the assholes decide to be assholes just for the asshole's sake. He shows up quietly, calmly, and directly calls them out and gets the asshole to back down. And some assholes may require a subtle threat of violence, but he hasn't had to throw a punch since high school.

 

[TheF1x3r]

I think there is little question that male fantasies about Femdom are more common (than female fantasies about being dominated). Many women like an assertive, strong man, but not so many have the desire to be sexually dominated or humiliated. In fact, one barrier my wife and I had to overcome is that she does prefer me to be assertive in social situations, business dealings, etc. She does not want me to appear to be a “wimp” to others even though I wear panties, am pussy-whipped, and wear a frilly apron at home to do my chores.

I had often wondered about that actually - the difference between the sexual and the social. Thanks for sharing that insight.

I think, since women have historically fought oppression and often been victimized, the psychology is wholly different!

I'd say that's more of a characterisation rather than a historical fact, but that's just a technical consideration. How a person perceives something shapes their reality, so in sense you've got a good point there.

I think with relationships there's always one person giving the direction and the other supporting it. I suppose similarly sexually, you'd probably be uncomfortable with the roles reversed.

And some assholes may require a subtle threat of violence, but he hasn't had to throw a punch since high school.

There's no "may" about it, if a man carries no threat of violence then the assholes will not respect him.

 

[NancyPan]

I had often wondered about that actually - the difference between the sexual and the social. Thanks for sharing that insight.



I'd say that's more of a characterisation rather than a historical fact, but that's just a technical consideration. How a person perceives something shapes their reality, so in sense you've got a good point there.

I think with relationships there's always one person giving the direction and the other supporting it. I suppose similarly sexually, you'd probably be uncomfortable with the roles reversed.



There's no "may" about it, if a man carries no threat of violence then the assholes will not respect him.

Wait a second, you doubt that it is a historical fact that women were oppressed? When did women get the right to vote? When did it become commonplace for women to be admitted to prestigious universities, law schools, and medical schools, even skilled apprenticeship programs? Women couldn’t even compete in most athletic events (truly compete) until Title IX. I could go on and on. And you don’t think women are more frequently sexually assaulted and abused?

To your other point, because a guy likes to be dominated sexually, by a woman, it doesn’t mean he is incompetent or can’t be assertive. I’ve had a successful professional career. When we need to hire contractors or negotiate purchases, my wife prefers that I handle it because I am better at it.

As to dealing with assholes with violence, resolving conflict with violence only legitimizes violence and fuels hate. Violence, unless self defense, is rarely the best choice (IMO).

 

[emme8]

There's no "may" about it, if a man carries no threat of violence then the assholes will not respect him.

Men can be respected by assholes without a threat of physical violence.

Money works. As does social standings and exposure to social scrutiny.

 

[TheF1x3r]

Men can be respected by assholes without a threat of physical violence.

Money works. As does social standings and exposure to social scrutiny.

Ohhh emme8 I could talk about this until I'm blue in the face, you can observe the effect "the threat of physical confrontation" in all levels of society regardless of wealth or status.

It's the most remarkable thing, despite our technological advances, you can see our primitive ancestry displayed if you watch closely enough.

 

[TheF1x3r]

Wait a second, you doubt that it is a historical fact that women were oppressed? When did women get the right to vote? When did it become commonplace for women to be admitted to prestigious universities, law schools, and medical schools, even skilled apprenticeship programs? Women couldn’t even compete in most athletic events (truly compete) until Title IX. I could go on and on. And you don’t think women are more frequently sexually assaulted and abused?

Where? Just going by your reference to Title IX, I can tell you that there's a house in my town that's older than your country.

 

[RainyDayPen]

I am female and write and enjoying femdom stories. In real life I'm a switch. I think you could say I'm a fetishist overall. It's like it almost doesn't matter to me what genders are involved as long as certain kinks in the BDSM arena are involved. Spanking? I'm fine with literally any pairing, any dom, any sub, gay or straight or whatever.

When I write femdom as a woman I relate to the sub and the dom, even when the sub is male and has a totally different anatomy than me. I still relate to his feelings about it all and that side of things.

Truthfully I'm not sure if that's because I'm a switch or because OP was right that there's not many women PURELY in femdom to domme alone and focus on that aspect.

I do know though that most of my life with my partner is like anyone else's life. Boring and commonplace. Sex makes up a small part of our life, but when we engage in these fun activities, it's fun to act out BDSM and femdom (or maledom) scenarios. So one aspect that I'm positive is fictional, in my stories too, are any concept of complete TPE (total power exchange) that lasts 24/7 and that's all they do.

 

[emme8]

One aspect that I'm positive is fictional, in my stories too, are any concept of complete TPE (total power exchange) that lasts 24/7 and that's all they do.

Absolutely.

 

[NancyPan]

Where?

Everywhere. Fail to see any humor in this!

Just going by your reference to Title IX, I can tell you that there's a house in my town that's older than your country.

I am, of course, only talking about the U.S. because that is what I am most familiar with — but there are many, many other places in the world where oppression of women has an even longer and more brutal history.

 

[TheF1x3r]

Everywhere. Fail to see any humor in this!

You've said an absurd thing, that's why there is humorous.

I don't mean that in a condescending way; people over here actually know US history better than our own. It leads to absurd things like recently there were big protest marches about the Atlantic slave trade.... that this country ended.... That would be like a protest in Washington over America's involvement in the British empire....

Women got the vote at around the same time as working class men here: 1918.

Brutality and oppression is and was generally meted our fairly evenly, but from when crime rates started being (reliably) recorded it became clear that, here, men are more likely to be the victim of violent crimes.

Women were more likely to be a victim of domestic violence than men, or so it was believed until far more recently when it was recorded that the most likely victims of domestic abuse (most likely to least likely):

Lesbian woman
Straight man
Straight woman
Gay man

I will understand if the above is hard to believe, these figures are relatively new though so take them with a pinch of salt.

I am, of course, only talking about the U.S. because that is what I am most familiar with — but there are many, many other places in the world where oppression of women has an even longer and more brutal history.

I love the USA, but you guys do have some figuring out to do.... but you believe yourself and your history far worse than it is a lot of the time.

You are absolutely right though, West of you, East of Sweden, South of Italy... things get pretty bad pretty quick, for almost all of time and especially for women.

 

[RainyDayPen]

Women were more likely to be a victim of domestic violence than men, or so it was believed until far more recently when it was recorded that the most likely victims of domestic abuse (most likely to least likely):

Lesbian woman
Straight man
Straight woman
Gay man

I will understand if the above is hard to believe, these figures are relatively new though so take them with a pinch of salt.

You'll want to source that statistic. It goes against every other sociological study thus far.

 

[Erosfan]

I think the fantasy is that it is less consensual, but the reality is consensual exchange of power, at least in the healthy marriages. (Domestic violence can go both ways)

I'm very submissive. My ultimate fantasy would be for hubby to use me, to discipline me to me his perfect wife.
However I think hubby's ultimate fantasy is the exact opposite. With me controlling him.

So what is the current solution. He runs the household (for me) and I control his all orgasms. I get to have sex with a Dom to meet my submissive needs for the bdsm and hubby gets the treat of taking pictures and video.

I am so spoiled

I like the way you think. My late wife and I enjoyed both sides of this mindset. I was in charge of most things in our world and she liked it that way.
I am into CFNM and she understood that. She was not keen to letting her friends see my submissive side so most of what we did was just between us. She knew I was hers to do with as she pleased. We had some wonderful experiences and we both enjoyed each other. Neither side of this was set in stone. We played how we wanted, when we wanted.

 

[TheF1x3r]

You'll want to source that statistic. It goes against every other sociological study thus far.

Yeah I'll bet, I had to do a double take myself.

I'll delve into my history folder and post it up if I manage to find the article again, it was recent I am sure

 

[NancyPan]

Brutality and oppression is and was generally meted our fairly evenly,

Statistics can be misleading. Brutality, as you are correlating it with violence, is not the same as oppression (although certainly is an aspect of oppression). Of course men have historically been more likely to be victims of brutality. They are, and have been, more likely to be in violent or potentially violent situations, from crimes, gangs, law enforcement, military, etc.

Oppression, although sometimes quite overt like denial of the right to vote, is often far more subtle, like promotional bias, wage suppression, and of course verbal and emotional abuse.

but from when crime rates started being (reliably) recorded it became clear that, here, men are more likely to be the victim of violent crimes.

As I note above, this has little to do with oppression, and much more to do with the fact that men are much more often the perpetrators of violent crime.

Women were more likely to be a victim of domestic violence than men, or so it was believed until far more recently when it was recorded that the most likely victims of domestic abuse (most likely to least likely):

Lesbian woman
Straight man
Straight woman
Gay man

I will understand if the above is hard to believe, these figures are relatively new though so take them with a pinch of salt.

I don’t find this hard to believe at all, but abuse is only one aspect of oppression.

I love the USA, but you guys do have some figuring out to do.... but you believe yourself and your history far worse than it is a lot of the time.

You guys … Oh my! That’s a bit broad, I would say….

You are absolutely right though, West of you, East of Sweden, South of Italy... things get pretty bad pretty quick, for almost all of time and especially for women.

Glad we agree on this point!

 

[TheF1x3r]

You guys … Oh my! That’s a bit broad, I would say….

Ahh cultural thing - guys doesn't have a gender in the UK (or round these parts, anyway). Singularly it does, but plurally it doesn't. No, I don't know why. This is the country where "the dogs bollocks" means "it's/that's really good".

Well! Anyway, let's stop dominating the thread - thanks for the chat