Female-Led Relationships

[Justplatonic]

I don’t know that I could do an FLR in everyday life. Definitely in the bedroom. It’s one of my biggest fantasies. That being said, although I don’t know if I could, I know my personality and definitely would haha

You know traditional polygamous marriages where one man has like multiple wives and he's in charge of the whole family?

Female-Led relationships for me take their ultimate form when you have one wife with say, two husbands.

Both men work and bring in the money. She however, makes the decisions. Logistical, sexual, vacations, having kids and when each of them will have kids with her, where they kids will go to school, where they'll live. They obviously are partners with each other and with her, but she is the decision maker. She hears them out, works with them, tries to make sure they are both happy and fulfilled and content. But she decides.

They would both make love to her regularly, sometimes alternating nights, but sometimes both of them together, DPing her, sloppy seconds, whatever she wants.

She wants one of them to make her breakfast while the other eats her pussy at the table, that's what happens.

She wants them to suck each other for her pleasure, that's what happens.

She wants them to take turns fucking her until she can't fuck anymore, that's what happens.

She does no manual labor and the only physical effort she exerts is sex and exercise for her own well-being. The two men handle everything around the house, often in various states of undress.

My wife and I right now have a pretty traditional marriage but I have a long-standing fantasy of sharing her with her brother who lives in Seattle. If I could have this kind of relationship with him as part of it, I'd take it in a heartbeat.

It'd be cool if one husband leaves/arrives home late, and the other one earlier. She sends pics of what she's doing with one husband to the one who isn't there, whetting his appetite for the next time they see each other.

She would also keep the peace between them if they ever have issues. Ideally they are best friends but if they ever disagreed, she decides how to help them settle their differences. If one of them is in the wrong, she punishes him often with different kinds of humiliation and domination. Maybe for a few days, instead of having sex with her, the husband who was wrong only gets to eat the other husband's creampies out of her pussy, maybe in a cockcage until his punishment is over.

It would totally relieve the burden on the guys making decisions and hand all the power to her. They just get to work at jobs they like, make love to their wife, and because they have a partner in taking care of her needs, can each spend time with their friends more often. Win, win, win.

Just weighing in... I'm on the same fantasy train, chucking along... Reality is significantly different, though. Like a vanilla relationship, it's about give and take, two way. It's still an investment in mutual romance, and sentiment, and if you're lucky FLR and BDSM in the mix.

While She may have other followers/lovers, She returns to Her husband. That is the relationship from which a Woman draws Her strength/Leadership. So while our fantasies draw Women as sexual obsessions (and not much else), they are significantly much, much more...

 

[policywank]

I must admit that I have never understood how this^ above can make me into an obedient boy. By being in that kind of relationship I am the sub and obedience is what I do and enjoy doing for my lady. The thought of disobedience is not on my mind.

Typically punishment involves some kind of action that is given to the subject so they will have a bad memory of the result of their actions so they will not do that again. In the case above, I get the feeling that a lot of guys like that kind of torture and the eventual release. So the incentive not to do X or "Bad thing Y" is not really there.

If I am not allowed to orgasm while my partner has many, that is something I get used to and it is still pleasurable that my partner or Domme does cum or enjoy herself.

I say all of this but I have talked to someone who did explain it to me and how it works. It is not easy to explain--that is why I brought it up--but I would describe it this way. It is more about control than obedience. I think the emphasis is on control. The direct control of her sub's genitals. The teasing, touching, and denial of release are part of that direct control. A big reminder of his status. Since men think about sex 99% of the time, this keeps the control part always on our minds. IF there was no teasing or that kind of play for weeks, I imagine it would seep out of our minds. And eventually, that kind of control would not work.

Just my two cents.

ES

I view the cock cage as a symbol of my authority as well as a useful tool.

In its role as a tool I use it to control a man but I do believe that many people inaccurately assume that the primary objective is denial. The frequency with which I allow my man to ejaculate is sort of beside the point. The point is that he hands that decision over to me. This serves several objectives. He enjoys being obedient so simply ceding control gives him an opportunity to do that. But more importantly, by putting him on a schedule or choosing when he may cum I provide clarity and remove the prospect that he may importune or otherwise seek sexual gratification himself - he knows he will get it so he isn't left wanting but he also knows that seeking and pursuing it is futile so he doesn't invest himself in that but rather focusses on being obedient. Also by compelling him to wait I can heighten his sexual stimulation and immerse him in a slow burn of sexual arousal which complements and enhances the eventual ejaculation release.

But that last application does - in my view - have its limits. At some point it is too long and the denial ceases to be part of a larger dynamic and just becomes denial for its own sake. Would a man want me to decide that he will never again in his lifetime have sexual pleasure? Maybe, but I can't quite relate to that and absent that extreme scenario we are just talking about how long is too long. And for me that is determined by that which ultimately optimizes his pleasure and mine. Might I make him wait a little longer than is optimal for him because it pleases me? Sure, but that has its limits as well. I won't lead solely to serve my own whim without regard to the impact on him.

Finally the cock cage and ejaculation denial may be used as punishment. But as with any punishment the goal is to send a message, teach a lesson then return to balance between my leadership and his obedience. By definition there must be a limit to the punishment. And as you have noted if I am to lead a man his desire must be to obey not to disobey so that he may be punished.

 

[Justplatonic]

I view the cock cage as a symbol of my authority as well as a useful tool.

In its role as a tool I use it to control a man but I do believe that many people inaccurately assume that the primary objective is denial. The frequency with which I allow my man to ejaculate is sort of beside the point. The point is that he hands that decision over to me. This serves several objectives. He enjoys being obedient so simply ceding control gives him an opportunity to do that. But more importantly, by putting him on a schedule or choosing when he may cum I provide clarity and remove the prospect that he may importune or otherwise seek sexual gratification himself - he knows he will get it so he isn't left wanting but he also knows that seeking and pursuing it is futile so he doesn't invest himself in that but rather focusses on being obedient. Also by compelling him to wait I can heighten his sexual stimulation and immerse him in a slow burn of sexual arousal which complements and enhances the eventual ejaculation release.

But that last application does - in my view - have its limits. At some point it is too long and the denial ceases to be part of a larger dynamic and just becomes denial for its own sake. Would a man want me to decide that he will never again in his lifetime have sexual pleasure? Maybe, but I can't quite relate to that and absent that extreme scenario we are just talking about how long is too long. And for me that is determined by that which ultimately optimizes his pleasure and mine. Might I make him wait a little longer than is optimal for him because it pleases me? Sure, but that has its limits as well. I won't lead solely to serve my own whim without regard to the impact on him.

Finally the cock cage and ejaculation denial may be used as punishment. But as with any punishment the goal is to send a message, teach a lesson then return to balance between my leadership and his obedience. By definition there must be a limit to the punishment. And as you have noted if I am to lead a man his desire must be to obey not to disobey so that he may be punished.

^^^^ This, gentlemen, is policywank at her best... Arguably her norm I'd say... But always a balanced approach, in moderation. This is what's key... Whether it's a cock cage, a leash, or anything else for that matter, these are tools to be used in discretion. Not to be solely relied upon in a binary way, but always as a part of the bigger picture.

Certainly, policywank's more nuanced approach is preferable. IMHO, it should be in a notable FLR manual/publication of some description for everyone to read. It'd make the world a happier place that's for sure...

 

[littlecordelera]

I must admit that I am always glad to see new posts in this thread. It is the one thread in which I feel I can add some real value. I could also add value to the threads about the cuckold lifestyle, but so many of those threads get into details that are a little too graphic to read without being "warmed up" first.

But even though I feel like I can contribute to this thread, what I like is reading about other people's likes and dislikes and experiences. I learn so much, and so many of your comments give me things to consider that I probably would not have thought about, and sometimes they just remind me of ideas I have used but forgotten. I have used many of the ideas that have come to me because of reading this thread. This thread also helps me keep things in balance. You know, it is easy to go through life focused on job responsibilities and forgetting about the people around you.

I also like being able to correspond with people who "get it." For a subject matter of this sort, that is a rare find! But it is deeper than that. We live in a society that seems to be obsessed with the macho, alpha male image, but in here it is understood that maleness comes in varying degrees, and that's OK. A guy doesn't have to be the master of the household, and he may not be all that great in bed. Neither of those change his devotion to his wife or girlfriend, and I can promise you that she appreciates that.

Sorry to be rambling. I just thought I should mention those things.

 

[gregy70]

I love hearing your ramblings littlecordelera.
Makes me feel at home.

Both you and policywank bring so much to making cuckold and female led cravings seem a natural and comfortable place we can all enjoy.

I’m very appreciative

 

[Justplatonic]

I must admit that I am always glad to see new posts in this thread. It is the one thread in which I feel I can add some real value. I could also add value to the threads about the cuckold lifestyle, but so many of those threads get into details that are a little too graphic to read without being "warmed up" first.

But even though I feel like I can contribute to this thread, what I like is reading about other people's likes and dislikes and experiences. I learn so much, and so many of your comments give me things to consider that I probably would not have thought about, and sometimes they just remind me of ideas I have used but forgotten. I have used many of the ideas that have come to me because of reading this thread. This thread also helps me keep things in balance. You know, it is easy to go through life focused on job responsibilities and forgetting about the people around you.

I also like being able to correspond with people who "get it." For a subject matter of this sort, that is a rare find! But it is deeper than that. We live in a society that seems to be obsessed with the macho, alpha male image, but in here it is understood that maleness comes in varying degrees, and that's OK. A guy doesn't have to be the master of the household, and he may not be all that great in bed. Neither of those change his devotion to his wife or girlfriend, and I can promise you that she appreciates that.

Sorry to be rambling. I just thought I should mention those things.

I found your post really interesting littlecordelera... Balance is underrated (especially moderation) in the modern world we live in. So it has merit to be mentioned here a multitude of times, and other threads on Lit. With true balance comes a deeper understanding of who we are, and what we're able to accomplish.

I'd also like to echo similar sentiments to you littlecordelera. In many ways, this thread more than any other, has broadened my mind. Not just a deeper understanding, adoration, and love of intelligent/leading Women... But why my previous narrow mind could not comprehend the sheer brilliance of you all. I originally saw you at the fringes of society... Now I see you as trailblazers... Leading the way for all Women, and men who'd want to follow wholeheartedly.

By the way, what makes this thread so special are the posts from you littlecordelera, policywank, and other Women. Without you, we men (I hope the guys don’t mind me speaking on their behalf) would be truly lost…

 

[littlecordelera]

Part of a response to a PM...

But it's really just how I talk. When I am with Jason, I refer to his penis as his "little sprout." I haven't used "baby gherkin" in a while, because "sprout" is more fitting. When Jason gets an erection, it points straight at the ceiling since it doesn't have much weight. It looks like a little sprout standing alone in the forest with its little mushroom head. It's cute.

 

[irishblade]

Part of a response to a PM...

But it's really just how I talk. When I am with Jason, I refer to his penis as his "little sprout." I haven't used "baby gherkin" in a while, because "sprout" is more fitting. When Jason gets an erection, it points straight at the ceiling since it doesn't have much weight. It looks like a little sprout standing alone in the forest with its little mushroom head. It's cute.

Have you ever told him it was big? My wife calls mine big when talking dirty but it’s more as how you describe Jason’s. And I’ve told her as much but I think it freaks her out to call me small even though it’s the truth because she thinks it will hurt my feelings.

 

[littlecordelera]

Have you ever told him it was big?

No, of course not. That would not be true, and it's not what he wants.

 

[gregy70]

My wife use to refer to me as big all the time. Deep down I always felt she was built to take bigger.
These days she knows I much rather know the truth and she refers to me as small and openly has told other men she wants bigger.
She has toys and we both know she can take and enjoy much bigger.
It’s liberating for me to be able to be myself and I’m sure it is for her too

 

[Justplatonic]

No, of course not. That would not be true, and it's not what he wants.

I'm not saying all fellas don't know this; but littlecordelera's little comment is a gem... In two short sentences, She's highlighted what a lot of guys simply don't understand. I feel Leading Women do get a bad rap out there, in the big bad world. Truth is, they're honest, and always have the best interests of their husband/lovers at heart... It doesn't get much better than that...

 

[Justplatonic]

My wife use to refer to me as big all the time. Deep down I always felt she was built to take bigger.
These days she knows I much rather know the truth and she refers to me as small and openly has told other men she wants bigger.
She has toys and we both know she can take and enjoy much bigger.
It’s liberating for me to be able to be myself and I’m sure it is for her too

That sounds really cathartic for you... Brilliant! It's great you're both on the same page...

 

[policywank]

I think that the male propensity to indulge in delusions about themselves and their female partners's sexuality is a source of a lot of challenges. When those delusions run up against reality it can create insecurity, jealousy and even hostility.

A man cannot easily fool himself about something as objectively quantifiable as cock size if he is on the smaller side. But he can go to great lengths to convince himself that size doesn't matter which can lead to hostility towards any woman that openly states her preference for a larger cock. Some men would rather disparage a woman than face their own truth. Likewise many men will complain endlessly of their wife's lack of interest in sex without ever even considering the possibility that the issue isn't her lack of interest in sex.....it is her lack of interest in sex with him.

In a hot wife/cuckold relationship a more realistic understanding of both partners' sexuality is more or less unavoidable. In an FLR the wife may choose to indulge her husband's delusions or not, but at least the decision is entirely hers.

In my view, conventional relationships would benefit from similar clarity and honesty. Too often the view is that since the wife plans to remain monogamous why stir the pot? Let the husband believe what he wants. We treat it as a harmless obfuscation to avoid sensitive topics or hurting his feelings. But I think that on balance it stands in the way of resolving negative emotions and intimacy.

If a man is insecure because he has a small cock he will keep coming back to that insecurity. No matter how many different ways he convinces his wife to tell him it doesn't matter or how many ways he tries to find favourable comparisons to other men the insecurity won't be resolved. It will fester along with uncertainty about the implications because his wife can't address the implications until she acknowledges the fact that he does have a small cock. If he thinks that she will cheat or leave him for another man or that their sex life is unsatisfying to her, she cannot address those things and address his insecurity until she first acknowledges the reality. As long as she isn't honest he can't truly know what is truth and will always cycle back through that insecurity frequently assuming the worst.

The truth - even hard truths - can be very liberating. A wife should not be compelled to live a lie so that her husband can avoid facing his own reality (and vice versa).

 

[vaguitarguy]

If a man is insecure he will keep coming back to that insecurity. No matter how many different ways he convinces his wife to tell him it doesn't matter or how many ways he tries to find favourable comparisons to other men the insecurity won't be resolved. It will fester along with uncertainty about the implications because his wife can't address the implications until she acknowledges the fact of it. If he thinks that she will cheat or leave him for another man or that their sex life is unsatisfying to her, she cannot address those things and address his insecurity until she first acknowledges the reality. As long as she isn't honest he can't truly know what is truth and will always cycle back through that insecurity frequently assuming the worst.

The truth - even hard truths - can be very liberating. A wife should not be compelled to live a lie so that her husband can avoid facing his own reality (and vice versa).

Pure gold!

 

[eroticspank]

It probably would not turn you into an obedient boy, ES. But you and Jason are two different people, and what I stated works quite well on Jason. Whether it is control or obedience, I really don't care. We do what we enjoy. It keeps the spark alive in our marriage, and creates a very strong bond between us. Every relationship is different. Please don't judge mine based on your own personal preferences.

Lots of good posts on here, I have been gone too long!

I agree with you completely, everyone is different. It is important to do what works for you. As far as my comments go, I would not say I was judging, it was more about misinformation. I like this thread because we can talk to real ladies about this stuff, you, policywank, and others and we get the real deal.

My comments were more like, "Wait, how does that work?" But I probably did not do a good job of the wording because I was trying to express a lack of understanding of the past and that now, years later, I do understand. I have talked to policywank and others about it and the explanation makes complete sense--my explanation not so good.

That is why I am here to look at things differently from different angles and learn things from more perspectives than my own. When I look at it differently, I do see how maybe that could work on me.

ES

 

[Justplatonic]

I think that the male propensity to indulge in delusions about themselves and their female partners's sexuality is a source of a lot of challenges. When those delusions run up against reality it can create insecurity, jealousy and even hostility.

A man cannot easily fool himself about something as objectively quantifiable as cock size if he is on the smaller side. But he can go to great lengths to convince himself that size doesn't matter which can lead to hostility towards any woman that openly states her preference for a larger cock. Some men would rather disparage a woman than face their own truth. Likewise many men will complain endlessly of their wife's lack of interest in sex without ever even considering the possibility that the issue isn't her lack of interest in sex.....it is her lack of interest in sex with him.

In a hot wife/cuckold relationship a more realistic understanding of both partners' sexuality is more or less unavoidable. In an FLR the wife may choose to indulge her husband's delusions or not, but at least the decision is entirely hers.

In my view, conventional relationships would benefit from similar clarity and honesty. Too often the view is that since the wife plans to remain monogamous why stir the pot? Let the husband believe what he wants. We treat it as a harmless obfuscation to avoid sensitive topics or hurting his feelings. But I think that on balance it stands in the way of resolving negative emotions and intimacy.

If a man is insecure because he has a small cock he will keep coming back to that insecurity. No matter how many different ways he convinces his wife to tell him it doesn't matter or how many ways he tries to find favourable comparisons to other men the insecurity won't be resolved. It will fester along with uncertainty about the implications because his wife can't address the implications until she acknowledges the fact that he does have a small cock. If he thinks that she will cheat or leave him for another man or that their sex life is unsatisfying to her, she cannot address those things and address his insecurity until she first acknowledges the reality. As long as she isn't honest he can't truly know what is truth and will always cycle back through that insecurity frequently assuming the worst.

The truth - even hard truths - can be very liberating. A wife should not be compelled to live a lie so that her husband can avoid facing his own reality (and vice versa).

Thank you policywank... I agree with vaguitarguy and eroticspank... A supremely brilliant, logical, beautiful post... Truly...

Frank honesty which I'd prefer any time, of any day of the week, is way better than avoidance, suppression (of the truth and/or desires), or dishonesty. Given the current state of my mind, if my Wife had the desire to seek out other guys, I'd support that 100%... Rather than Her suppressing that desire for so many years, tearing away at Her soul. I would never want Her to suffer that way...

 

[littlecordelera]

Lots of good posts on here, I have been gone too long!

I agree with you completely, everyone is different. It is important to do what works for you. As far as my comments go, I would not say I was judging, it was more about misinformation. I like this thread because we can talk to real ladies about this stuff, you, policywank, and others and we get the real deal.

My comments were more like, "Wait, how does that work?" But I probably did not do a good job of the wording because I was trying to express a lack of understanding of the past and that now, years later, I do understand. I have talked to policywank and others about it and the explanation makes complete sense--my explanation not so good.

That is why I am here to look at things differently from different angles and learn things from more perspectives than my own. When I look at it differently, I do see how maybe that could work on me.

ES

Thank you, ES. I apologize for the misunderstanding.

 

[littlecordelera]

Would any of you be interested in creating an email group? I don't like to discuss my experiences out here. If you are interested, please send me a PM.

 

[eroticspank]

^^^^ This, gentlemen, is policywank at her best... Arguably her norm I'd say... But always a balanced approach, in moderation. This is what's key... Whether it's a cock cage, a leash, or anything else for that matter, these are tools to be used in discretion. Not to be solely relied upon in a binary way, but always as a part of the bigger picture.

Certainly, policywank's more nuanced approach is preferable. IMHO, it should be in a notable FLR manual/publication of some description for everyone to read. It'd make the world a happier place that's for sure...

Well said. It is about perspective and seeing how it is done.

ES

 

[gregy70]

I got no where else to share this but here.
The cravings I have to commit to a female led relationship are getting more and more.
Maybe in part it’s just cause I’m achy and can’t touch and the wife’s been away for weeks.
I’ll admit sharing my struggles here and knowing female leaders may appreciate it gives me something.
A fantasy for me now is my wife corresponds with other woman who give her inspiration to enjoy the empowerment

 

[Justplatonic]

Well said. It is about perspective and seeing how it is done.

ES

Cheers, eroticspank... But as you know, I cannot take the credit... I'm merely riffing on policywank's sumptuous guitar strings...

 

[littlecordelera]

I got no where else to share this but here.
The cravings I have to commit to a female led relationship are getting more and more.
Maybe in part it’s just cause I’m achy and can’t touch and the wife’s been away for weeks.
I’ll admit sharing my struggles here and knowing female leaders may appreciate it gives me something.
A fantasy for me now is my wife corresponds with other woman who give her inspiration to enjoy the empowerment

gregy, your signature says that your wife has interest in finding a boyfriend. Has she expressed any interest in an FLR?

 

[gregy70]

gregy, your signature says that your wife has interest in finding a boyfriend. Has she expressed any interest in an FLR?

Not in the true sense. Only today she asked me what FLR meant.
She does like that I don’t touch or cum unless allowed but that was my idea to start with… she just sees the benefits now lol

 

[irishblade]

Not in the true sense. Only today she asked me what FLR meant.
She does like that I don’t touch or cum unless allowed but that was my idea.

That’s awesome! I’m getting there, albeit very slowly, with my wife. Only once so far (after winning a bet) did she have me watch while she masturbated without me being able to touch either of us.

 

[littlecordelera]

It's amazing how much information there is in the sound of footsteps.

It is about 8:00 AM where we live right now. It is dark and overcast outside. We had a fair amount of rain earlier, but it is very still and quiet at this moment. Usually at this time my office is bathed in morning sunlight, but I have the lamps on in order to see my work.

Just a few minutes ago, Jason was leaving our master bedroom and headed downstairs. That meant he would have to pass by my office, and as he did, I told him to take the step stool downstairs and put it away. It is a metal step stool, and it's kind of heavy. I used it yesterday, and I left it leaning against the railing next to the stairs, but I had decided I would have Jason return it to its rightful place since it's so heavy.

When Jason passed my office, he did not stop moving as I called out to him. I heard his footsteps begin down the stairs, and I could tell he did not stop to grab the step stool.

"Don't forget the step stool!" I called out as he bounded down the stairs. He stopped, and I could hear the gears turning in his head. He was wondering, "How much trouble am I going to get into if I don't get that step stool right now." I continued my work in the quiet of our house, making a list on paper of things I needed to get done today. Jason's pause lasted a good few seconds, and then I could practically hear him roll his eyes. He trudged back up the stairs, grabbed the step stool, and headed back down the stairs.

I called out, "Thank you!"