Litiquette VII

[Trekka]

Happy Monday everyone. I have a two part question - today and tomorrow.

How much information in your RL to you share with no one, where its never put to paper or voice, only thoughts in your head?
Is there ever a point where you say “screw it, I gotta say/tell someone?”
And why or how do you decide to keep what you keep inside stashed away safe?

Like 99.999% of real actual me has been shared and/or over-shared. For better or worse! But I try to share when and where appropriate, and no one person knows everything.

Like, I dont share hard, I share smart. Lol. Or I try, at least. The people here who have received some recent brain dumps from me— I can hear them laughing through the screen as I type this! But I promise you guys it could be worse. You should meet my mom.

I’m hard pressed to think of what that other 0.001% of my never before shared info is... but I’m sure there’s something.

Ok. There’s one thing I can think of. Not sharing it!

The second part of my question deals with vulnerability. Putting yourself out there for the world to see.

I love this Ted Talk and have watched it lots of times over the years.

What is your relationship like with vulnerability? How often do you let your guard down to really been seen, to share feelings and ideas freely? Does it scare you to death to be yourself in your entirety or you a cool cat with it all?

I like to think I’m tough as nails so I can get pissed when I am confronted with glaring proof that, dontcha know, I’m still just human.

But I have safe places where I’m willing to be vulnerable. If I keep it all inside, it makes me sick. Have buckets of proof of that fact.

For me, it’s pretty typical that the simple act of letting a thought slip out of my lips, giving voice to it, letting it move through the air, and into the ears of a sympathetic listener, kills all the power the thought has over me.

And being on the receiving end of that can be pretty powerful too.

 

[QuietCanadian]

For me, it’s pretty typical that the simple act of letting a thought slip out of my lips, giving voice to it, letting it move through the air, and into the ears of a sympathetic listener, kills all the power the thought has over me.

A problem shared is a problem halved.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Like I said before, I don’t let my guard down with just anyone. It’s not that I’m afraid of being vulnerable. It’s that I’m a private person. I share and let myself be vulnerable with people I really care about. I guess there are levels of friendship I maintain. It’s not really a conscious thing, though. I don’t plan it out. It just happens over time.

I think being a private person and allowing oneself to be vulnerable are two different idea and practices. I get what you’re saying, I’m private too.
When I think of myself and vulnerability, I don’t use Lit Fantasy Fuckland or even think about it as relevant to my RL.

More so, how do you feel about vulnerability when it comes to your career?
Opening up to your SO about let’s say a kink or let’s try this in the bedroom?
Exploring a hobby and being the noob. Failing and failing. The time and effort it requires before its “enjoyable?”

Vulnerability isn’t always a negative thing. To be vulnerable means to put yourself out there and be open to possibilities and opportunities.
Always the fear exists of being judged, but not allowing those emotions to hold you back from new opportunities or experiences.

******
If feel vulnerability and I are best friends forever.
I’ve failed, slipped, wiped out like a mofo. Shined, struggled and learned in front of people closest to my heart and others that were an unknowing bystander.
Is/was it hard, hell yes in the beginning. Still at times can be.
But I’ve learned how to silence the inner critic that can be a real bitch sometimes.
Redirect my thinking that’s not so harsh on my spirit and allow myself the room to grow and learn.
Not opening up vulnerable opportunities in my life feels very smoothening and claustrophobic. The same, always the same day after day terrifies me more then rejection and failure.

I’ll let my guard down and think just maybe.
Hello hardware store, I’m here for milk and trying my hardest not to get upset when you don’t have it. Never have they stocked milk so why in the hell do I think just this one time they’re gonna have it?!
Nope.
Note to self: DeWalt does not own, raise or milk cows.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Who’s getting restless for warm weather, or maybe it’s send the kids away and enjoy a quiet house.

So, a week Vacation or Staycation, what are you in the mood for today?
Set the scene for me pretty please.
And links are good in helping with the visuals.

 

[Trixxii]

I’ll let my guard down and think just maybe.
Hello hardware store, I’m here for milk and trying my hardest not to get upset when you don’t have it. Never have they stocked milk so why in the hell do I think just this one time they’re gonna have it?!
Nope.
Note to self: DeWalt does not own, raise or milk cows.

Made me think of a little hardware store in a podunk town that indeed sells milk.
Putting yourself out there is hard. Scary, painful, sometimes. When I've been brave enough, and I'm not always, being vulnerable has led to some unexpected surprises.

Who’s getting restless for warm weather, or maybe it’s send the kids away and enjoy a quiet house.

So, a week Vacation or Staycation, what are you in the mood for today?
Set the scene for me pretty please.
And links are good in helping with the visuals.

It's been nice and all, using the inventive wheels to make the most out of pandemic life, but I'm done, at my limit. Usually my choice is a coastal town or the mountains of Maine, but I'm in desperate need of sun. Serious sun and heat. Salty hair, sandy toes, the smell of tanning oil, beachy drinks, magnificent sunsets .... the works. Maybe even throw in a cabana boy.

ETA: And no kids. Love them to pieces ..but no.

 

[QuietCanadian]

Who’s getting restless for warm weather, or maybe it’s send the kids away and enjoy a quiet house.

So, a week Vacation or Staycation, what are you in the mood for today?
Set the scene for me pretty please.
And links are good in helping with the visuals.

Europe, it seems. I kind of want to ski. I don't ski, I've never skied. So let's do cross country. Out in nature, surrounded by lovely scenes. I think the valley though, not up on the side. It's warm for winter, right around zero, maybe slightly above. But you don't need to be super bundled to do some outdoor activity. I might stop and make a snow angel. A chalet, fire at night, maybe even some form of secluded outdoor fireplace. Yes. Please.

Anyone want to come?

 

[tnman03]

Who’s getting restless for warm weather, or maybe it’s send the kids away and enjoy a quiet house.

So, a week Vacation or Staycation, what are you in the mood for today?
Set the scene for me pretty please.
And links are good in helping with the visuals.

I am for sure. I'm looking forward to getting the Covid vaccinations behind me and doing some traveling this summer. Trips to Alabama, Florida, and Missouri are penciled in with some additional side trips as well. For sure is going to be some time in St. Agustine, I've never been there and it's not only historic but it's also not big on the college crowds.

But if I were picking something for right now with the warming weather it would be tent camping in a state park, taking my bicycle with me, a backpack, some hiking clothes, a GPS, compass, topo map, and a good pair of boots.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I'm so ready to charter a sailboat in the Caribbean and head out to anchor off a deserted island in the Grenadines and just stay there for a month.

https://www.epicyachtcharters.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/highlights_grenadines_0003_layer-4.jpg

Or maybe a little bungalow right on the water on Moorea in French Polynesia

https://www.traveller.com.au/content/dam/images/h/0/2/l/s/g/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gzbok4.png/1513572615176.jpg

I'm so ready to be a stowaway on said sailboat!!

 

[Trixxii]

Europe, it seems. I kind of want to ski. I don't ski, I've never skied. So let's do cross country. Out in nature, surrounded by lovely scenes. I think the valley though, not up on the side. It's warm for winter, right around zero, maybe slightly above. But you don't need to be super bundled to do some outdoor activity. I might stop and make a snow angel. A chalet, fire at night, maybe even some form of secluded outdoor fireplace. Yes. Please.

Anyone want to come?

Snow angels! Don't forget the luxury hot tub!

Or maybe a little bungalow right on the water on Moorea in French Polynesia

French Polynesia. Vacation porn.

But if I were picking something for right now with the warming weather it would be tent camping in a state park, taking my bicycle with me, a backpack, some hiking clothes, a GPS, compass, topo map, and a good pair of boots.

If not for sun deficiency. This. ^^ Love backpacking. It does a mind and body good.

 

[QuietCanadian]

Snow angels! Don't forget the luxury hot tub!

Good point, this is why planning is better in teams.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Europe, it seems. I kind of want to ski. I don't ski, I've never skied. So let's do cross country. Out in nature, surrounded by lovely scenes. I think the valley though, not up on the side. It's warm for winter, right around zero, maybe slightly above. But you don't need to be super bundled to do some outdoor activity. I might stop and make a snow angel. A chalet, fire at night, maybe even some form of secluded outdoor fireplace. Yes. Please.

Anyone want to come?

Hold up.
Gives you a smile.
I think you’re trying to woo me or something here.
Get in my panties.
Make me squirm.
Yeah yeah, I see it.
We talkin Swiss Alps here?
⛷🏔

Oh my.
Yeah I’ll come!
Hell yes I’ll come.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

I’m going with Staycation.

This corset to start off the week.
A few toys from nJoy.
We’ll eat and drink like kings.
Sushi, steak, the best Bourbon and beer.
Chocolates.
No alarm clocks or lists of things to do.
Spontaneous outings.
A massage.
Hot tub shenanigans.
Sex.
My giggles, his hand wrapped tight around me.
We’ll be good, I’m absolutely certain.

 

[QuietCanadian]

Hold up.
Gives you a smile.
I think you’re trying to woo me or something here.
Get in my panties.
Make me squirm.
Yeah yeah, I see it.
We talkin Swiss Alps here?
⛷🏔

Oh my.
Yeah I’ll come!
Hell yes I’ll come.

Maaaayyyybeee I am... I mean, I'll get the tickets. Switzerland sounds perfect.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Maaaayyyybeee I am... I mean, I'll get the tickets. Switzerland sounds perfect.

Score!
I’m in. Game. Friday sounds like a plan.
One suitcase inside another.
I foresee some shopping.
Maybe a new coat, puffer jacks snag pretty easy when pressed up against trees.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

Who’s getting restless for warm weather, or maybe it’s send the kids away and enjoy a quiet house.

So, a week Vacation or Staycation, what are you in the mood for today?
Set the scene for me pretty please.
And links are good in helping with the visuals.

I want a getaway with someone.. a weekend of exploring someplace new. I don't even care if it's a park in some out-of-the-way small town.
I miss the freedom of finding something new.. taking off..
I miss spontaneity

That's what I want as a vacation.. the details don't really matter as much

 

[Trekka]

I want a getaway with someone.. a weekend of exploring someplace new. I don't even care if it's a park in some out-of-the-way small town.
I miss the freedom of finding something new.. taking off..
I miss spontaneity

That's what I want as a vacation.. the details don't really matter as much

Oh, you said it perfectly...
I miss the carefree “let’s just take off and go” vibe too.
Like, a lot.
I could go 12 miles east and 12 more miles south and be a perfectly happy camper.
I could also go swimming with manta rays in the Maldives.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Good morning. Kinda gonna get deep and reflect today.

Making a difference in the words that come out of our mouth. What we choose to say, whether it be to a loved one or a stranger.

A quick story I read from a women that survived Auschwitz.

She was taken at the age of fifteen and her brother eight, their parents lost in the shuffle. They were on the train and she looked down and saw her brothers shoes were missing.
“Why are you so stupid you can’t keep your things together for goodness’s sake?”
Spoken the way an elder sister might talk to a younger sibling.
Unfortunately that was the last thing she ever said to him. He didn’t survive.
So when she left the camp, and back into life she made a vow.

“I will never say anything that couldn’t stand as the last thing I ever say.”

Now, can we do that, most of probably can’t. But it’s something to want to live in to, yes?
Discuss.

 

[QuietCanadian]

Can we? Likely. Do we? Likely not. I try to be kind and try to take a second to think before i let my emotion control my reactions, but it can be really difficult sometimes. I think it's incredibly important to be non judgmental (of self, emotions, and others) and that can go a long way to checking yourself/your words. But it's also incredibly easy to let your limbic system take over.

I'd think in this woman's situation, it would've been incredibly hard to not have your emotional response come out. To say that they were going through a lot seems a large understatement. I've had far worse emotional responses to things that are minuscule in comparison.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

A quick story I read from a women that survived Auschwitz.

She was taken at the age of fifteen and her brother eight, their parents lost in the shuffle. They were on the train and she looked down and saw her brothers shoes were missing.
“Why are you so stupid you can’t keep your things together for goodness’s sake?”
Spoken the way an elder sister might talk to a younger sibling.
Unfortunately that was the last thing she ever said to him. He didn’t survive.
So when she left the camp, and back into life she made a vow.

“I will never say anything that couldn’t stand as the last thing I ever say.”

Now, can we do that, most of probably can’t. But it’s something to want to live in to, yes?
Discuss.

When I was in high school, I needed to take a bus to a job. Typically, I drove; but my car needed repair and so..
On the bus ride, I was seated with a friend of mine and one of her co-workers (same strip mall, different store). I was going on and on.. complaining about my mom.. silly teenage things.. we actually had a great relationship.. but it was 'stuff'

My friend's co-worker looked at me and said, "my mom's dead." It hit hard..
but not as hard as that weekend, when my own mother passed away..
and when I went back to school, she was the only one I needed a hug from.
I knew she knew.

This story you've shared is important to me for two reasons -
first, you're right. we should be mindful of what we say.. but also
we should be brave enough to embrace our own challenges with that struggle. If we're brave enough to be vulnerable, to hear others when they respond to our mindless chatter, we will find people who are willing to be present with us while we figure it out.

 

[Acktion]

Good morning. Kinda gonna get deep and reflect today.

Making a difference in the words that come out of our mouth. What we choose to say, whether it be to a loved one or a stranger.

A quick story I read from a women that survived Auschwitz.

She was taken at the age of fifteen and her brother eight, their parents lost in the shuffle. They were on the train and she looked down and saw her brothers shoes were missing.
“Why are you so stupid you can’t keep your things together for goodness’s sake?”
Spoken the way an elder sister might talk to a younger sibling.
Unfortunately that was the last thing she ever said to him. He didn’t survive.
So when she left the camp, and back into life she made a vow.

“I will never say anything that couldn’t stand as the last thing I ever say.”

Now, can we do that, most of probably can’t. But it’s something to want to live in to, yes?
Discuss.

A decade ago, I was given a life expectancy of five years. And I started giving this exact question a whole lot of thought. How DID I want to be remembered?

At the time, my mother and father were both alive. As was my wife.

We lost my mother that same year.

One night three years and four months ago, I laid down next to my wife. She didn't wake up.

Twenty-two days later, my father's wife collapsed and was dead before she hit the floor.

Eight months later, on Father's Day, my father died.

And, yet... somehow, inexplicably, I am still here. Still lying down to sleep at night with the knowledge that it was a day I was not supposed to have. Knowing that I might not wake up again.

Yet, these others... Okay, so Mom had been fighting lymphatic cancer for a decade and spent her last days in a hospital on pain management. But, the rest?

My wife had just logged off World of Warcraft where she'd managed to successfully run all of her characters through Darkmoon Faire for the freebie profession points. And had been making plans for what we would do together the next day. We were supposed to have the next day.

My step-mother had left my father in front of the television to go get ready for bed. He was supposed to join her in bed in a few more minutes. They were supposed to have those few more minutes.

My sister and I had just left from visiting my father. We'd been talking about what we would do, when we would see each other again. The next time I would see him would be in a coffin.

I said that I'd been given a short life expectancy, and I had. I said it had made me think about how I'd wanted to be remembered, and it had. Oh, I'd pretty much always lived my life out loud as "what you see is what you get." And I hadn't really very many regrets. But, it made me pay a little more attention.

And I'm glad it did.

My last moments with my mother, I assured her that I would be okay. And when she commented to me that I looked better than she did right then, I smiled and told her she was still my beautiful mother, and the first woman I'd ever loved.

My last moments with my wife, I kissed her softly and told her I loved her, and that I was so incredibly glad she'd come into my life.

My last moments with my step-mother... She and I didn't see eye to eye on a great many things. But, I focused on the one thing that had always made me happy; that she made my father the happiest I'd ever known him to be. And, as always, when we ended our conversation, I told her that I was happy that she was with us, and that my father was a lucky man to have a wife who made him so happy.

My father... our relationship was... complicated. And, yet, he was my father. And had taught me how to be a man. Sadly, by not following his footprints more so than I have. I wished him a Happy Father's Day, told him I loved him, and that I was lucky to have him for my father.

I don't remember any of their last words to me. All I do remember is my last words to them. And the soft, gentle smiles they wore when I said them.

And the irony that I supposedly had less of a life expectancy than any of them save Mom. Yet, here I am going on without them.

Since then, I've tried. From time to time, I've tried to encourage people not to wait, 'cause then it might be too late.

Live like you're dying.

Apologize when someone feels wronged.

Kindness takes just as much time as rudeness.

And love the people you do like there is no tomorrow. Because when you get right down to it... there isn't.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

A decade ago, I was given a life expectancy of five years. And I started giving this exact question a whole lot of thought. How DID I want to be remembered?

Thank you for sharing your story

 

[Trekka]

My brother was a douche the other day
Screamed at me and my kid and my mom
F bombs and all that - was pretty foul!
Later he apologized - claimed he was just hungry - I dunno, kinda felt like that was a cop out excuse
I haven’t replied to him yet
Dont really want to at the moment
I don’t want to say anything mean
I don’t wanna reignite an argument
But the silent treatment, I realize, isn’t very nice either
At some point I gotta talk to the guy.
Let it go? Tell him it wasn’t cool? Keep quiet?
This question kicking around ^up there makes me ponder my response to him a bit further
Or lack of response
But
I know I can’t feel pressure to be nice all the time, just because I don’t know what’s coming next
I honestly don’t know what to say to him...

 

[Dribble]

My brother was a douche the other day
Screamed at me and my kid and my mom
F bombs and all that - was pretty foul!
Later he apologized - claimed he was just hungry - I dunno, kinda felt like that was a cop out excuse
I haven’t replied to him yet
Dont really want to at the moment
I don’t want to say anything mean
I don’t wanna reignite an argument
But the silent treatment, I realize, isn’t very nice either
At some point I gotta talk to the guy.
Let it go? Tell him it wasn’t cool? Keep quiet?
This question kicking around ^up there makes me ponder my response to him a bit further
Or lack of response
But
I know I can’t feel pressure to be nice all the time, just because I don’t know what’s coming next
I honestly don’t know what to say to him...

Just tell him not in front of kids...and let it go

 

[tnman03]

My brother was a douche the other day
Screamed at me and my kid and my mom
F bombs and all that - was pretty foul!
Later he apologized - claimed he was just hungry - I dunno, kinda felt like that was a cop out excuse
I haven’t replied to him yet
Dont really want to at the moment
I don’t want to say anything mean
I don’t wanna reignite an argument
But the silent treatment, I realize, isn’t very nice either
At some point I gotta talk to the guy.
Let it go? Tell him it wasn’t cool? Keep quiet?
This question kicking around ^up there makes me ponder my response to him a bit further
Or lack of response
But
I know I can’t feel pressure to be nice all the time, just because I don’t know what’s coming next
I honestly don’t know what to say to him...

It's not being mean or argumentative to tell him that you didn't appreciate him screaming, cursing, and overall being ugly to all of you but particularly in front of your daughter. And yes, him saying sorry, I was hungry and that makes it all right is a half-baked excuse.

 

[SassySheDevil]

My brother was a douche the other day
Screamed at me and my kid and my mom
F bombs and all that - was pretty foul!
Later he apologized - claimed he was just hungry - I dunno, kinda felt like that was a cop out excuse
I haven’t replied to him yet
Dont really want to at the moment
I don’t want to say anything mean
I don’t wanna reignite an argument
But the silent treatment, I realize, isn’t very nice either
At some point I gotta talk to the guy.
Let it go? Tell him it wasn’t cool? Keep quiet?
This question kicking around ^up there makes me ponder my response to him a bit further
Or lack of response
But
I know I can’t feel pressure to be nice all the time, just because I don’t know what’s coming next
I honestly don’t know what to say to him...

Your family (and closest friends) are always the ones to be honest with.
Sometimes it causes waves, but as we age, we tend to learn which battles are worth picking. Shitty behavior in front of family is usually one that I always think is worth it.
If my brother did that. I would say something. Possibly as colorfully as he did. But I would say it.
With some people. I've learned. Yes. Let it cool down. Come back to it when you wont say things you'll regret, or when you know you can be calmer.

I've also learned in getting older. I'm not as tolerant of shitty behavior as I used to be.
My husbands sister rubs me wrong more often then she makes me want to hug her. Now when she's a cunt. I'll just tell her to stop being a miserable cunt. I used to keep peace and bite my tongue. I wanted to keep peace in the family since I grew up an only child and didn't want to cause problems with my husband and his siblings. But now, my kids are adults, so they can judge her behavior themselves, and my husband knows that he either say something nice. Sooner. Or we wait until it all blows up and I come out fighting. My husband and his youngest sister are both very passive people who hate any kind of confrontation. Her husband and I are both mouthy. So we always try and let them handle problems first. But if it doesn't work. Our big mouthes have no problem speaking up.


Long way around saying.. I'd say something. Tell him how it made you feel. Tell him that was a bullshit excuse and he needs to at the very least, respect your Mom and kid.
Women are really good about wanting to talk about the things that upset them. Where as men often can just let it go and move on. So the longer you wait, the more it moves to the back of his head and he's forgotten it. (disclaimer because I know this doesn't apply to all men or women. Sometimes it is different)