Female-Led Relationships

[Kitschshaman]

A bump here for Lady J...thank you for this string.

The ideas expressed here are manifestly beautiful, the sharing of a FLR, with no coercion, with open sharing and true caring from both sides. A beautiful thing if two people are lucky enough to have met and open enough to have shared and been supported in their heart's desires...

xoxo

 

[Kitschshaman]

Another bump for the dear lady and a question for all...

have you seen this?

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/femaleleduniversity

Interesting course load, shall we say...

 

[serve4her]

Another bump for the dear lady and a question for all...

have you seen this?

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/femaleleduniversity

Interesting course load, shall we say...

Hey Kitschshaman, glad you bumped this back into the mix. Tis a favorite subject of mine, and I appreciate Lady J having put this out there. Hadn't seen the course work you linked to, but I feel sure a few classes could do me some good.

 

[Scareltt]

This is fascinating..

Another bump for the dear lady and a question for all...

have you seen this?

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/femaleleduniversity

Interesting course load, shall we say...

This is an interesting read. I admire someone so brave, and smart. I also can’t imagine how painful that process would be.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Thanks to all who continue to visit the thread and comment/PM. It's appreciated

 

[Scareltt]

Question...

During Covid times I find my getting board. I end up giving my husband projects, he built a corner sofa for our deck. I also have him working with a landscaper once a week to become better at taking care of our lawn.

Myself, I’ve been busy with reading biographies. I’m also starting to prepare for the upcoming virtual schooling that’s coming up..

I’m also drinking too much wine, and vodka. Overeating and having to do extra walking or workouts..

What’s everyone else doing to ease the boredom?

 

[serve4her]

Boredom

During Covid times I find my getting board. I end up giving my husband projects, he built a corner sofa for our deck. I also have him working with a landscaper once a week to become better at taking care of our lawn.

Myself, I’ve been busy with reading biographies. I’m also starting to prepare for the upcoming virtual schooling that’s coming up..

I’m also drinking too much wine, and vodka. Overeating and having to do extra walking or workouts..

What’s everyone else doing to ease the boredom?

The idea of working with a professional once a week to improve a certain skill set will amuse my wife. I will be sure to pass that along, but I worry about what skills she might decide I need to work on.

I have a list of tasks that we have turned into a dice game. My wife rolls to designate the task for the day. I am supposed to finish the task by the end of the day. Some tasks take much less than a day, but some take more. Some repeat, such as the workout routine I have been assigned.

She is a big fan of randomizing, so along with generating a task list that met her approval, I also was assigned to generate a set of penalties that she can select from with a die roll if I don't complete or make a sufficient effort towards the assigned task. They had to have multiple tiers, from being mostly a mild tease to a fairly harsh deterrent. Her evaluation of the effort and quality of my work determined the tier used.

There are more details to this "game" but creating the game entertained us both for a while. Just generating the list of penalties caused a considerable amount of nerves and arousal both on my part. Insuring they were harsh enough to be accepted but not so harsh I would run screaming into the night created a delicious internal struggle. Of course she has the option to change or modify any rolled result if she feels it is warranted.

She has taken the time to dive into a project of her own that she had been wanting to get at before, and with just the two of us around, we both seem to be enjoying the fact that she keeps me "appropriately" attired depending on the task and her mood. I have more than enough tasks to keep me busy when combined with the other household chores, and have no problem finding things to do with any spare time I do have.

Reading Michael Lewis, Malcom Gladwell, Robert Crais the newspaper and of course some time for Literotica take up most of that free time.

Oh, and did I mention...we do like to sit down with a glass of whisky or wine at the end of the evening. That's what the workouts are for, right?

 

[Jennygurlluvs2play]

So seeking a strong woman!!! PM'd you too lady_jennaxx

 

[Kitschshaman]

During Covid times I find my getting board. I end up giving my husband projects, he built a corner sofa for our deck. I also have him working with a landscaper once a week to become better at taking care of our lawn.

Myself, I’ve been busy with reading biographies. I’m also starting to prepare for the upcoming virtual schooling that’s coming up..

I’m also drinking too much wine, and vodka. Overeating and having to do extra walking or workouts..

What’s everyone else doing to ease the boredom?

I assume you mean other than spending entirely too much time here?...I've been working my boats, working on my writing and swimming laps to burn off the excess energy when I can't stand it any longer.
xoxo

 

[Kitschshaman]

Thanks to all who continue to visit the thread and comment/PM. It's appreciated

And we thank you for an avenue in which to walk amoungst our dreams...

 

[lady_jennaxx]

And we thank you for an avenue in which to walk amoungst our dreams...

If you have a heartbeat, there's still time for your dreams

 

[Kitschshaman]

If you have a heartbeat, there's still time for your dreams

Lady, that idea needs to be repeated:

It's never too late
It's never too late
It's never too late


G

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Lady, that idea needs to be repeated:

It's never too late
It's never too late
It's never too late


G

Thank you Kitschshaman for your kind words

 

[naughtymind]

I have thought about this one a bit, and felt that I should really post a better answer about what is appealing (to me) about a FLR. Your thread caused me to re-examine some of my feelings on the topic, as I have to admit, they were a bit contradictory. Why would I be excited at the idea of “letting” a woman be in charge? What is it that excites me? I certainly don’t want to give up my share of pleasure, and I don’t really get off on being humiliated or anything like that. I’m quite comfortable and confident with my masculinity and sexual prowess. I certainly don’t feel the “need” to be led around like a lovesick puppy.

What it really comes down to, for me personally, is that I find confidence in women EXTREMELY SEXY! I also do not feel the need to live by any societal norms that do not fit our own relationship dynamics. I’m not threatened by the idea of an assertive woman being firm on certain things (not all), or making authoritative decisions when and where needed or appropriate. I would still do so too, if and when there was a reason. I am more than happy to follow a strong leader when she wants to lead, but I do not feel any less of a man for doing so. It’s not that I’m incapable of leading too, I’m actually quite a talented leader in many of my real life roles (if I do say so myself). I just find it extremely appealing to be in a relationship with a woman who has that same level of confidence and assertiveness as me, and more is even better.

I find it rather amusing that some people are so linear minded that they cannot see past the concept of “Big strong man want small delicate woman” and “Pretty little woman need big strong man”. To paraphrase other, smarter people: “it takes strength to learn from others” and “the smartest ones ask the most questions”. So for me, I find that more powerful, confident, assertive women offer both the challenge to “man up” as well as the opportunity to learn and grow as a person. My preferences are obviously just my own, and are not a judgement on others who look for something different.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

I have thought about this one a bit, and felt that I should really post a better answer about what is appealing (to me) about a FLR. Your thread caused me to re-examine some of my feelings on the topic, as I have to admit, they were a bit contradictory. Why would I be excited at the idea of “letting” a woman be in charge? What is it that excites me? I certainly don’t want to give up my share of pleasure, and I don’t really get off on being humiliated or anything like that. I’m quite comfortable and confident with my masculinity and sexual prowess. I certainly don’t feel the “need” to be led around like a lovesick puppy.

What it really comes down to, for me personally, is that I find confidence in women EXTREMELY SEXY! I also do not feel the need to live by any societal norms that do not fit our own relationship dynamics. I’m not threatened by the idea of an assertive woman being firm on certain things (not all), or making authoritative decisions when and where needed or appropriate. I would still do so too, if and when there was a reason. I am more than happy to follow a strong leader when she wants to lead, but I do not feel any less of a man for doing so. It’s not that I’m incapable of leading too, I’m actually quite a talented leader in many of my real life roles (if I do say so myself). I just find it extremely appealing to be in a relationship with a woman who has that same level of confidence and assertiveness as me, and more is even better.

I find it rather amusing that some people are so linear minded that they cannot see past the concept of “Big strong man want small delicate woman” and “Pretty little woman need big strong man”. To paraphrase other, smarter people: “it takes strength to learn from others” and “the smartest ones ask the most questions”. So for me, I find that more powerful, confident, assertive women offer both the challenge to “man up” as well as the opportunity to learn and grow as a person. My preferences are obviously just my own, and are not a judgement on others who look for something different.

This! So perfectly stated and much appreciated naughtymind

 

[littlecordelera]

I find it rather amusing that some people are so linear minded that they cannot see past the concept of “Big strong man want small delicate woman” and “Pretty little woman need big strong man”.

I like big strong men. I don't think that makes me "linear minded." It's just what I like.

 

[naughtymind]

I like big strong men. I don't think that makes me "linear minded." It's just what I like.

That’s great for you, nothing wrong with that from my perspective. Myself; I’m not really that into big strong men, but that’s just me I never insinuated that your personal preferences equates to being linear minded. I think if you read it again from the context that I was challenging overly broad societal assumptions and norms you will get that this wasn’t in any way aimed as being critical of other people’s attractions or preferences. Quite the opposite in fact!

The two descriptive lines were given as crude examples of overly simplistic assumptions. For example, your personal preference for “big strong men” does not automatically imply a lack of strength on your part, nor does it automatically mean that you would be submissive in nature. I went further to suggest that we also have faulty logic at times with our very definitions of qualities such as strength, intelligence, or even in terms of what is masculine or feminine. Does being a good cook make me more feminine? Does being in an a position of authority in a woman’s career make her more masculine, or mean that she is a more dominant person?

My point of being linear minded was that some people do see such things in overly simple terms. Honestly, that’s fine too; as long as they don’t make the mistake of assuming that everyone else needs to think like them and see things the same way. Who they like, and what their relationship dynamics are like aren’t my business.

 

[littlecordelera]

That’s great for you, nothing wrong with that from my perspective. Myself; I’m not really that into big strong men, but that’s just me I never insinuated that your personal preferences equates to being linear minded. I think if you read it again from the context that I was challenging overly broad societal assumptions and norms you will get that this wasn’t in any way aimed as being critical of other people’s attractions or preferences. Quite the opposite in fact!

The two descriptive lines were given as crude examples of overly simplistic assumptions. For example, your personal preference for “big strong men” does not automatically imply a lack of strength on your part, nor does it automatically mean that you would be submissive in nature. I went further to suggest that we also have faulty logic at times with our very definitions of qualities such as strength, intelligence, or even in terms of what is masculine or feminine. Does being a good cook make me more feminine? Does being in an a position of authority in a woman’s career make her more masculine, or mean that she is a more dominant person?

My point of being linear minded was that some people do see such things in overly simple terms. Honestly, that’s fine too; as long as they don’t make the mistake of assuming that everyone else needs to think like them and see things the same way. Who they like, and what their relationship dynamics are like aren’t my business.

I see what you mean, and I apologize for the misunderstanding.

However, I have to disagree about one thing. I think a preference for big, strong men does imply a lack of strength and a tendency toward submissiveness when in his presence. That's the whole reason for the preference. In the presence of a big, strong man, the physical differences in size and strength between he and I are obvious. I do have a lack of strength in that situation. If he chose to overpower me, there would be little I could do to stop him. It creates a dominant-submissive status by default. Of course, a couple can choose to act in a manner that defies the physical disparity, but the preference for size, I think, implies a desire to surrender control to the one who is more physically powerful.

 

[naughtymind]

I see what you mean, and I apologize for the misunderstanding.

However, I have to disagree about one thing. I think a preference for big, strong men does imply a lack of strength and a tendency toward submissiveness when in his presence. That's the whole reason for the preference. In the presence of a big, strong man, the physical differences in size and strength between he and I are obvious. I do have a lack of strength in that situation. If he chose to overpower me, there would be little I could do to stop him. It creates a dominant-submissive status by default. Of course, a couple can choose to act in a manner that defies the physical disparity, but the preference for size, I think, implies a desire to surrender control to the one who is more physically powerful.

No worries, and again I think it’s great that you found what you like. I don’t really agree with your choice of words in the last two lines though. They kind of exemplify what I mean by making stereotypical assumptions. I have no doubt that very dynamic you describe works in similar ways for many people (kind of obvious), or even most people. The danger comes where we assume that a particular quality implies any given dynamic by default. We might be right some of the time, but we set ourselves up to be quite wrong sometimes as well. Pretty certain there are plenty of “big strong men” who prefer to be submissive, petite women who enjoy being dominant, etc.

By not judging a book by its cover, I think we are much more open to seeing and learning things about others; the more presumptions we make, the more often will be incorrect, and the less we will really know about others. I do think that our predilection for categorizing, and fitting people into appropriate boxes, has been a major factor in issues discrimination of race, gender, sexuality, etc. Perhaps we might be a lot better off if we didn’t have such a propensity to label or define others; otherwise we can either try to fit people into categories that don’t quite fit, or create a much more complicated set of categories and subcategories to define each other. Food for thought...

 

[littlecordelera]

No worries, and again I think it’s great that you found what you like. I don’t really agree with your choice of words in the last two lines though. They kind of exemplify what I mean by making stereotypical assumptions. I have no doubt that very dynamic you describe works in similar ways for many people (kind of obvious), or even most people. The danger comes where we assume that a particular quality implies any given dynamic by default. We might be right some of the time, but we set ourselves up to be quite wrong sometimes as well. Pretty certain there are plenty of “big strong men” who prefer to be submissive, petite women who enjoy being dominant, etc.

By not judging a book by its cover, I think we are much more open to seeing and learning things about others; the more presumptions we make, the more often will be incorrect, and the less we will really know about others. I do think that our predilection for categorizing, and fitting people into appropriate boxes, has been a major factor in issues discrimination of race, gender, sexuality, etc. Perhaps we might be a lot better off if we didn’t have such a propensity to label or define others; otherwise we can either try to fit people into categories that don’t quite fit, or create a much more complicated set of categories and subcategories to define each other. Food for thought...

If you had to fight a guy, would you rather fight a guy who was six feet six, and a solid 260 lb, or a guy who was five feet six and a average build of 140 lb?

 

[serve4her]

The harder they fall...but for whom?

If you had to fight a guy, would you rather fight a guy who was six feet six, and a solid 260 lb, or a guy who was five feet six and a average build of 140 lb?

Had to chuckle at this one littlecordelera.

Thinking that's an easy choice for many people, but I would also suggest that it's possible to desire the bigger opponent, especially for someone strongly driven to dominate. This goes back to the old wisdom of (and I only paraphrase here) we are judged by the quality of our enemies. Defeating the larger opponent would certainly provide greater "glory" and proof of the victors competence.

However I don't disagree with the point you make littlecordelera, that the tendency probably follows the physical patterning. To naughtymind's point, this might well be why so many presuppositions are so hard to eliminate. Many stereotypes exist for a reason based in fact. While there are many that aren't as well, our brain wants "simple answers" simply for the efficiency of it. This makes us vulnerable to presupposing, even when the stereotype is based in myth and fiction.

 

[SissySalina]

If you had to fight a guy, would you rather fight a guy who was six feet six, and a solid 260 lb, or a guy who was five feet six and a average build of 140 lb?

There is the other side of the story where if you have an idea of what you are doing the bigger is better does not always work out. They tend to be overconfident and easier to topple.

 

[naughtymind]

If you had to fight a guy, would you rather fight a guy who was six feet six, and a solid 260 lb, or a guy who was five feet six and a average build of 140 lb?

My personal interests on the topic at hand are completely unrelated to fighting. Not really relevant to my responses, which were about the fact that not all of our desires fit into cookie cutter molds. I’ll past some of my original comments here again with some added emphasis to a couple points:

I have thought about this one a bit, and felt that I should really post a better answer about what is appealing (to me) about a FLR.

What it really comes down to, for me personally,

I also do not feel the need to live by any societal norms that do not fit our own relationship dynamics.
I just find it extremely appealing to be in a relationship with a woman who has that same level of confidence and assertiveness as me, and more is even better.

So for me, I find that more powerful, confident, assertive women offer both the challenge to “man up” as well as the opportunity to learn and grow as a person. My preferences are obviously just my own, and are not a judgement on others who look for something different.

I had tried to make abundantly clear that I wasn’t making any statements to define any other person’s sexuality at all; but stating that there are many stereotypes and cliches that do not accurately define my own. I’m not debating why you feel one way or another; that’s your thing, but it is not mine. Maybe for you (and others), the fight analogy has relevance on your relationship dynamics, but it definitely is not something that really plays any role in mine one way or another.

 

[eroticspank]

I see what you mean, and I apologize for the misunderstanding.

However, I have to disagree about one thing. I think a preference for big, strong men does imply a lack of strength and a tendency toward submissiveness when in his presence. That's the whole reason for the preference. In the presence of a big, strong man, the physical differences in size and strength between he and I are obvious. I do have a lack of strength in that situation. If he chose to overpower me, there would be little I could do to stop him. It creates a dominant-submissive status by default. Of course, a couple can choose to act in a manner that defies the physical disparity, but the preference for size, I think, implies a desire to surrender control to the one who is more physically powerful.

I think I should add my comments to this discussion, and I really like what both of you are saying.

I am a big, strong man. I always have been. As a result, many women in my past relationships assumed that I was dominant. I became the Dom in the bedroom because it was assumed I was so I did learn to be a Dom. I am more into being a sub, so when my turn came to be the sub or I met a women that was strictly a Domme, I found I really enjoyed it. I do enjoy some aspects of being a Dom and I would consider myself good--not great--at it. That is why I say I am a Switch.

The rest of this discussion is about how society see things between the physically strong man and not so strong woman. There is a Dominant/Submissive status by default...like mentioned above. It is not always in reality true but it is this societal belief--in general. That is exactly why I am turned on by the assertive, dominant woman that may or may not be physically strong. It makes it more erotic that she gets into my head and has me doing things I could easily refuse to do. I could over power her at any moment but she has me under her spell, and I find I will do whatever I can just to please her. It is her words, how she says them, how she acts, personality.

ES

 

[littlecordelera]

To give full disclosure, I am only five feet tall, and I have only met a handful of guys to whom I am willing to honestly (sometimes I pretend) surrender. And I am in this thread because it interests me. We are an FLR, full tilt, no holes barred, couple because that is the make up of our personalities. In addition, in our swing circles, I have toyed with my fair share of pussy boys, and they were not all small guys.

With that said, it probably seems that I have been playing devils advocate, but no. All I am saying is that stereotypes exist for a reason - as eroticspank pointed out, much better than I did.

And I agree that you should not always judge a book by its cover, but oftentimes, that is the prudent thing to do.

Now if you all will excuse me, I think I will go indulge the privileges of my authority.