Sexless Marriages

[pikmin1388]

I thought id post as i wss in a sexless relationship, but it was bad in lots of other ways too
It can have an enormous impact on you and you dont realise how bad until you leave , you accept things as normal you really should not , im still affected 16 months after escaping,
Im so lucky to have found an amazing guy who is helping me to recover and find out how amazing intimacy can be
I understand ladies hit the menopause and have medical conditions that affect them but you should still work together to find a compromise,
One thing ive noticed on here and other forums and personally is sex being used to control their partner , getttiing them to do chores , tasks in the hope they get sex , choreplay ,r occasionally throwing them a few scraps just to keep them from leaving , my advice is to take away the power , do things for you only make yourself happy , these games played are very damaging
Communication is vital , tell your partner how you feel ,
But i think sometimes its beyond repair and you either accept it as it is or leave to find happiness elsewhere

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I thought id post as i wss in a sexless relationship, but it was bad in lots of other ways too
It can have an enormous impact on you and you dont realise how bad until you leave , you accept things as normal you really should not , im still affected 16 months after escaping,
Im so lucky to have found an amazing guy who is helping me to recover and find out how amazing intimacy can be
I understand ladies hit the menopause and have medical conditions that affect them but you should still work together to find a compromise,
One thing ive noticed on here and other forums and personally is sex being used to control their partner , getttiing them to do chores , tasks in the hope they get sex , choreplay ,r occasionally throwing them a few scraps just to keep them from leaving , my advice is to take away the power , do things for you only make yourself happy , these games played are very damaging
Communication is vital , tell your partner how you feel ,
But i think sometimes its beyond repair and you either accept it as it is or leave to find happiness elsewhere

Thanks for sharing! You touch on some very real issues, when the lack of sex is something more, when it becomes part of a pattern of abuse. So glad you were able to escape and make new beginnings. Hope you find the peace and solace you need to overcome the lingering negativity!

 

[pikmin1388]

Thanks for sharing! You touch on some very real issues, when the lack of sex is something more, when it becomes part of a pattern of abuse. So glad you were able to escape and make new beginnings. Hope you find the peace and solace you need to overcome the lingering negativity!

Youre welcome , i know how bad it can get so if i can help i will do
I do get told off for being negative lol but im so much happier now
Hope you find a solution but i know all too well how hard it can be to find one

 

[ccs29745]

That's torture on her part. Do you ever wank openly after she does that and use her pj-ed arse to mop it up? Just an idea .

I do every few days, but not in her pj's. I love my wife, I hate how she does this, and i just don't have an urge to cheat on her. It would be easy to do so, but i have no desire to. She knows i look at a couple sites, but doesn't say anything about it.

 

[Suzie85]

If your partner has lost all interest in sex with you for whatever reason, what's worse, that they let you touch them for a few minutes, but stop you before you get too far, or that they shut you down from the start? One could be construed as not very nice teasing, and the other not compromising to show even a little intimacy. Genuine question as I got both opinions from this thread, though admittedly, probably erroneously.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

If your partner has lost all interest in sex with you for whatever reason, what's worse, that they let you touch them for a few minutes, but stop you before you get too far, or that they shut you down from the start? One could be construed as not very nice teasing, and the other not compromising to show even a little intimacy. Genuine question as I got both opinions from this thread, though admittedly erroneously.

Difficult question to answer actually. I'm not in that position, fortunately, so can only answer based on reflection rather than personal experience. both suck of course, but the idea of a little intimacy now and then can go both ways - on one hand it at least shows some level of care, on another though, it can be a means of abuse and control. If it is manipulative, then it is worse than no intimacy whatsoever. the question is, how do you know if you are being strung along or being offered a compromise on their part to show some intimacy???

 

[Polranny]

If your partner has lost all interest in sex with you for whatever reason, what's worse, that they let you touch them for a few minutes, but stop you before you get too far, or that they shut you down from the start? One could be construed as not very nice teasing, and the other not compromising to show even a little intimacy. Genuine question as I got both opinions from this thread, though admittedly erroneously.

Personally, 'sex ' is a very broad area, touching, spooning, masturbating and foreplay all being component parts. Once it became clear that she wanted sexless then , by definition, foreplay went too. It then comes down to whether there should even be cuddles if they're not fully reciprocated.
I have to accept sexless status, away from the bedroom our relationship has stood the test of time, we do most things together and I suspect that no one would ever know. I m still lonely , frustrated but she never wants to talk, counselling was disastrous, so I just keep myself entertained with memories, fantasies, Lit and friends

 

[IASFPWTF]

Personally, 'sex ' is a very broad area, touching, spooning, masturbating and foreplay all being component parts. Once it became clear that she wanted sexless then , by definition, foreplay went too. It then comes down to whether there should even be cuddles if they're not fully reciprocated.
I have to accept sexless status, away from the bedroom our relationship has stood the test of time, we do most things together and I suspect that no one would ever know. I m still lonely , frustrated but she never wants to talk, counselling was disastrous, so I just keep myself entertained with memories, fantasies, Lit and friends

I am in the very same position. I would really like to find someone close in similar situation for stress and frustration relief

 

[ccs29745]

I have to accept sexless status, away from the bedroom our relationship has stood the test of time, we do most things together and I suspect that no one would ever know. I m still lonely , frustrated but she never wants to talk, counselling was disastrous, so I just keep myself entertained with memories, fantasies, Lit and friends[/QUOTE]

Memories and friends. The best thing going!

 

[Lou1955]

I just want to say I empathize with all of you, and it's nice to know others share your emotional pain.

My own story is rather cliche. In the early stages of the marriage it happened reasonably frequently. i never needed or expected it all the time, but appreciated that it was fairly steady. Then the kids came, one of whom is a huge challenge. And she got down that her body wasn't the same as it used to be, despite my constant comments to her that I think she still looks great.

Now she just views intimacy as another chore and demand on her time, one which is first on the chopping block whenever it seems like there is just too much going on.

And when I do try to initiate, I feel like I have to navigate such a minefield of potential traps and arguments that it ceases to be worth the effort, despite me still yearning to connect with her in that way.

Sadly, I think I masturbate more at 40 than I did as a pent up teen.

And it's not just the lack of sex that's such a downer, it's the existential isolation that comes as a byproduct from that lack of intimacy.

I'm sorry for you all. I feel for you.

Still out there alone? Very touched by your story. If you would like to talk , I’d love to chat. You should not shrivel on the vine.

 

[DADDYLOVER3]

Still out there alone? Very touched by your story. If you would like to talk , I’d love to chat. You should not shrivel on the vine.

have you thought about tied her up to the bed and take her and then use all toys in all holes with no mercy?

 

[seeler0087]

there is much more of this around than I thought or expected to see. I have been dealing with a sexless marriage for years now as well - so many things I could say, about my scenario but most has already been said. I fell for all in this situation and understand the frustration and complications associated. Might get time to be more detailed on the situation and how I have dealt with it later tonight.

 

[AdelineL]

I hope its ok for me to reply here...

We still have sex, but its only about once a week, or maybe two-three times per month. It sucks because we're still young, and he masturbates like once a day. We've talked about it and apparently I'm just "too horny" and its not attractive that I beg for sex so often. We both work a lot, and he's tired when he comes home so its "less effort" for him to just jack off apparently.

I guess I secretly know I can't compare to lesbian internet porn.

 

[DADDYLOVER3]

I hope its ok for me to reply here...

We still have sex, but its only about once a week, or maybe two-three times per month. It sucks because we're still young, and he masturbates like once a day. We've talked about it and apparently I'm just "too horny" and its not attractive that I beg for sex so often. We both work a lot, and he's tired when he comes home so its "less effort" for him to just jack off apparently.

I guess I secretly know I can't compare to lesbian internet porn.

where is your location? I be happy to fuck you in front of husband as he masturbate if you want to?/truth

 

[UKMind]

I thought id post as i wss in a sexless relationship, but it was bad in lots of other ways too
It can have an enormous impact on you and you dont realise how bad until you leave , you accept things as normal you really should not , im still affected 16 months after escaping,
Im so lucky to have found an amazing guy who is helping me to recover and find out how amazing intimacy can be
I understand ladies hit the menopause and have medical conditions that affect them but you should still work together to find a compromise,
One thing ive noticed on here and other forums and personally is sex being used to control their partner , getttiing them to do chores , tasks in the hope they get sex , choreplay ,r occasionally throwing them a few scraps just to keep them from leaving , my advice is to take away the power , do things for you only make yourself happy , these games played are very damaging
Communication is vital , tell your partner how you feel ,
But i think sometimes its beyond repair and you either accept it as it is or leave to find happiness elsewhere

Incredibly wise words.

Congratulations on finding your happy too

 

[ccs29745]

I hope its ok for me to reply here...

We still have sex, but its only about once a week, or maybe two-three times per month. It sucks because we're still young, and he masturbates like once a day. We've talked about it and apparently I'm just "too horny" and its not attractive that I beg for sex so often. We both work a lot, and he's tired when he comes home so its "less effort" for him to just jack off apparently.

I guess I secretly know I can't compare to lesbian internet porn.

Would he get upset if you got him hard while he slept and started to slow rise him. He'll think it's one hell odd a dream hopefully and you get to curve your horniness a little. Or would he be mad and throw you off?

 

[AdelineL]

Would he get upset if you got him hard while he slept and started to slow rise him. He'll think it's one hell odd a dream hopefully and you get to curve your horniness a little. Or would he be mad and throw you off?

hahaha, he would be confused and annoyed that I woke him up He always gives me a kiss goodnight though, so I guess I can't complain.

I break out the lingerie whenever I think I've got a shot, but usually in the evenings he's too stressed or tired/busy.

I'm thinking of forcing him to take a vacation, then just handcuffing him to the hotel bed and having my way who would convict me?

 

[seeler0087]

hahaha, he would be confused and annoyed that I woke him up He always gives me a kiss goodnight though, so I guess I can't complain.

I break out the lingerie whenever I think I've got a shot, but usually in the evenings he's too stressed or tired/busy.

I'm thinking of forcing him to take a vacation, then just handcuffing him to the hotel bed and having my way who would convict me?

now that is something I wish my wife would do for - I mean to me...

 

[Dandum1570]

hahaha, he would be confused and annoyed that I woke him up He always gives me a kiss goodnight though, so I guess I can't complain.

I break out the lingerie whenever I think I've got a shot, but usually in the evenings he's too stressed or tired/busy.

I'm thinking of forcing him to take a vacation, then just handcuffing him to the hotel bed and having my way who would convict me?

I always thought a great way to de-stress was with some vigorous love making. He must have forgotten that...

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I hope its ok for me to reply here...

We still have sex, but its only about once a week, or maybe two-three times per month. It sucks because we're still young, and he masturbates like once a day. We've talked about it and apparently I'm just "too horny" and its not attractive that I beg for sex so often. We both work a lot, and he's tired when he comes home so its "less effort" for him to just jack off apparently.

I guess I secretly know I can't compare to lesbian internet porn.

I'm sure you can compare - the problem is him, not you! Maybe he has a porn addiction??? What about watching porn together? or reading some Lit stories together? why not go down on him while he is watching porn? or jerk him off? maybe that will translate into some reciprocation... Trying to make his sexual practices (jerking off to porn) inclusive rather than exclusive might be a good first step.

Good luck!

 

[AdelineL]

Would he get upset if you got him hard while he slept and started to slow rise him. He'll think it's one hell odd a dream hopefully and you get to curve your horniness a little. Or would he be mad and throw you off?

I'm sure you can compare - the problem is him, not you! Maybe he has a porn addiction??? What about watching porn together? or reading some Lit stories together? why not go down on him while he is watching porn? or jerk him off? maybe that will translate into some reciprocation... Trying to make his sexual practices (jerking off to porn) inclusive rather than exclusive might be a good first step.

Good luck!

I usually offer to help! But if I "Catch" him he mostly acts embarrassed - despite my enthusiasm and willingness to participate.

I really should introduce him to literotica - most video/online porn I find unsatisfying: its not really realistic as in what would satisfy a woman, in my personal opinion. And there are such wonderful authors here!

 

[ccs29745]

hahaha, he would be confused and annoyed that I woke him up He always gives me a kiss goodnight though, so I guess I can't complain.

I break out the lingerie whenever I think I've got a shot, but usually in the evenings he's too stressed or tired/busy.

I'm thinking of forcing him to take a vacation, then just handcuffing him to the hotel bed and having my way who would convict me?

Damn, wish mine do that

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I usually offer to help! But if I "Catch" him he mostly acts embarrassed - despite my enthusiasm and willingness to participate.

I really should introduce him to literotica - most video/online porn I find unsatisfying: its not really realistic as in what would satisfy a woman, in my personal opinion. And there are such wonderful authors here!

It's intriguing, and troubling, how so many men find watching porn somehow a lone activity, shutting out their partners/lovers/spouses. Though I can somewhat relate, sometimes just some lone time is important, allowing one's own imagination to run wild. But being able to open up that imagination to include you seems strategic for a healthy and long lasting relationship. Allowing him to go completely solo seems like a slow death to your relationship.

 

[ccs29745]

It's intriguing, and troubling, how so many men find watching porn somehow a lone activity, shutting out their partners/lovers/spouses. Though I can somewhat relate, sometimes just some lone time is important, allowing one's own imagination to run wild. But being able to open up that imagination to include you seems strategic for a healthy and long lasting relationship. Allowing him to go completely solo seems like a slow death to your relationship.

Wife has hacked my stuff a few times and asked about my porn. I told her I was trying learn new techniques top pleasures her. Tried a few and she liked them, then just shut down.

 

[Hockeydude1985]

Last week

Well, I was finally allowed to have sex last week. I thought she actually wanted it after 8 months but I found out she just felt bad so she gave in. Kind of almost wish it wouldn't have happened then.

I'm just tired of things. There will be a couple days where she will slip my tongue when she leaves before work and want to cuddle at night. Then the next week it's disgusting to her. It's a WTF situation.....